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PersonalEnigma

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  1. Thanks for listening. Life is so confusing... Everything has settled and smoothed over like nothing happened. We have not talked about it. Not sure where I am at. But life goes on - status quo. Still numb. Not splitting makes things less complicated... but it also means I'm still in this difficult situation. Just living one day at a time for the moment. It's all I can do.
  2. I think my relationship just ended this afternoon. I kinda hope it did. I can't deal with this again. I hurt, but I am relieved. He told me to wash his laundry so he can pack. I packed all the clean laundry and washed the dirty. We have not talked since. The tension is so high in the air. I hurt. But so numb. This is for the better, but it will make life very complicated for a while. And what will I do with his stuff that he can't take right away? How do I sort the stuff that is mutual? Once things are sorted, it will be better. But I'm scared. Five and a half years. He didn't l
  3. Thanks guys. That's what I was leaning towards. At least we can hopefully rule out any physical issues. I have talked to her about getting anxiety sick, but she keeps insisting that it isn't, this time. I think she believes that feeling sick because of feelings is less valid than feeling sick because of a physical cause. Things with her dad are... difficult... to say the least. He wants her to be with him, paints me as a demon who only wants his money... The poor kid gets stuck in the middle a lot and hears lots from his end she should never hear. I try to keep things positive at my end,
  4. My daughter, now 12, has high anxiety, ADHD, and past episodes of depression. She is at the edge of puberty. My own (serious) problems started when I hit puberty (though I probably had issues before that, it wasn't until puberty that I went out of control). Anyway, I worry a lot about my daughter. We have very good, open communication, but she is clearly struggling. My daughter feels sick every night at bedtime. Recently it has moved earlier and earlier until at this point she barely eats dinner because she feels sick. She's hypersensitive to any physical injury (has always been sensitiv
  5. To answer your question, this is what having an instable identity felt/feels like to me (I am not nearly as bad now, though some of the issues still exist, I see it more as being pulled contrary to who I am/want to be). For me, I would essentially get pulled into the gravity of anyone around me. For example, whenever I am with an emotional significant other, everything I do or think becomes focused on them - how they might react, what they want, who they expect me to be. My marriage was very difficult, for many reasons... He worked away, so he was only home on weekends and occasionally an
  6. I agree that so many "symptoms" are merely degrees of normal. Hard to say how accurate my diagnosis is/was. I've changed, a lot. It took a ton of work. I used to be emotionally out of control. I self harmed regularly and uncontrolledly - I wasn't aware I was going to do it until I had already done it. I verbally abused myself and tore myself down as far as I could go. I tried to make myself "break" but some core inside me wouldn't allow it. I was never promiscuous, but I certainly engaged in high risk behaviours. I drank quite a bit (particularly due to the crowd I was in at the time), though
  7. Hope you don't mind, but I trimmed the quote to show which parts of your post I am addressing. I can't figure out how to insert my responses between sections of your post quote, so I am doing it this way. First, your symptoms are a lot like mine, though I have experienced some of your non-experienced symptoms. But, I perhaps interpret them differently. I think that, like all mental health challenges, BPD comes in varying degrees. Mine is mild compared to some, though it is also reasonably well controlled after years of hard work. Anyway... here goes. As to the non-experienced symptom
  8. Thanks Browri. Sorry for the slow reply. That's some pretty interesting information. I do take the generic bupropion. I took it once, several years back, in combination with Paxil, and didn't have these side effects, but the tremors and tinnitus started after addung it this time around, so could very well be caused by bupropion alone rather than a drug interaction. An update. For now, my pdoc has suggested that I wean off the sodium divalproex. I'm dropping by 250 mg per week until I am off, then touching base to see how it is going. He's also asked for a bunch of blood tests to double c
  9. Not BP. My moods swing far too erratically. I'm not as bad as I used to be. When I was younger, my mood could fully flip as many as 10 times in a day. These days it tends to last a couple days at a time, but is highly connected to circumstances. I don't get manic. I have wondered about hypomania, but not sure. I do get the odd highly productive period where I feel quite good, but they tend to be very brief (rarely last beyond a day, usually less). I tend to think of those as periods of normal energy levels, though, since I am exhausted 90% of the time. They aren't followed by lows, just t
  10. I'm on the SR version. I'll mention that to my pdoc. My family doc didn't want to raise it as she felt I was maxed on it. Thanks.
  11. So, right now I am taking 750 mg of sodium divalproex (250 in am, 500 in pm) and 300 of bupropion. The divalproex essentially stabilizes my mood so the peaks are not as severe. The bupropion act to raise my baseline (which stays below "ok" without it). They have worked ok in terms of my mood, though the effectiveness of the bupropion seems to have dropped (or my depression is just more than it can handle). Anyway, I'm talking to my pdoc about changing things because my side effects are interfering with my life. I have serious brain fog. I can't focus and am easily distracted. My memory is
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