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wavesontheshore

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About wavesontheshore

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  1. I just can’t be normal guys, all I do is obsess over the little things, obsess over how I let him emotionally abuse me, how I’ll never stop stressing over the future. I don’t know guys, feel like life is empty and meaningless
  2. You have completely nailed how I feel about being empty. Most of the time I can’t describe how I feel, I just know it’s not good. It’s like I’m voiceless. I feel like I keep having consecutive bad weeks, it’s like when it’s been raining for a long period of time. The rain stops one day sure. Sunshine comes, but only lasts for such a short period of time and the rain just comes back. My mum doesn’t want me to take depression tablets cause of the side effects and my friend who dealt with depression thinks the tablets are not good to take. And with my ex-boyfriend. When I allowed him to touch me, it was when we were in love and I trusted him. And then he changed and became all cold and distant, not the same person I loved anymore. I’m so stupid for allowing him to touch me so quickly, I trusted him because we were friends for so long 2 years, and I really thought we’d get married. I feel so stupid and used. I guess looking at my scars I feel a little regret about cutting. I’ve had to make sure this week my arms were covered so no one would ask questions. But once I remember I’m doing it to be clean of him it makes it worth cutting. I cut so I can be clean of his touch and I can whole heartedly say that after cutting I truly honestly felt clean
  3. Do you feel like you’re happy now ? I feel like I’ll never be happy again, I’m chasing a chimera.
  4. Thank you guys for understanding and not judging me I don’t think my other posts are sending on the board, hence why I’ll repeat my self. I feel like my ex boyfriend used me and I can’t get over the fact I allowed him to touch me. Cutting allowed me to get rid of his touch, and I did feel better. I don’t know how long this feeling will last or what I’ll do next time. I feel disgusted with myself when I remember I allowed him to touch me. I really wish I could undo that mistake
  5. I’ll try those techniques, my therapists suggests similar techniques too. I feel like I struggle a lot with being lonely, I can be alone sure but I always feel lonely. Even in a room full of my friends I’ll feel so empty. To make my self feel better I’ve been distracting my self, like reading or watching a movie. For those couple of hours I’ll feel better and I won’t feel so horrible. I want to try medication cause I feel like I can’t live like this anymore. I’ll relapse so often now and I can’t handle it anymore. Everytime I get better I know I’ll just relapse again which is why I can’t fully enjoy when I’m better How do I get over feeling used ? I feel like my ex boyfriend used me and I allowed him to touch me and there’s something in my mind that can’t let it go. When I cut I felt better, I felt like I was getting rid of his touch, but I don’t know if this feeling will last and what will happen next time I feel like his touch is there. I feel so disgusted with my skin when I think of his touch. I really really really just want to get over the fact that I feel like he used me. I hate myself for allowing him to touch, I feel like sometimes his touch just lingers on my body. It’s so disgusting.
  6. I keep thinking about the grand scheme of things, and all I want to see is the bigger picture. I feel like I’ve been sad for so long and nothing has changed. I feel like my ex boyfriend emotionally abused me and used me and I can’t get over it. All I want is to rid myself of his touch and to stop feeling so empty. I feel so used, like a used old toy, no matter how hard I try I can’t get rid of that feeling. I feel like no one else will ever want me. I don’t see my therapist for another few days, but last session I was so fine and now I’ve had a relapse. I don’t want to upset her. My therapist is amazing and super nice, but I feel like I upset everyone around me. If I tell her I cut myself, I feel like I’ll disappoint her. All I want to do is get rid of these scars he left on me. Having someone understand me is all I desperately want. I have great friends who care but I feel truly deeply they won’t understand. I don’t want to feel used forever, I feel broken and unclean. It seems obsessive I know, but I can’t get over the fact that I allowed him to touch me. It makes my skin crawl. No matter how hard I wash myself I can’t get rid of the dirt.
  7. If I may ask, what kind of effect did the medication have ? I suffer with depression and I haven’t took any depression tablets but I’ve been considering them
  8. All I feel right now is self disgust with my self for allowing him to touch me. No on understands how I feel and I wish there was at least one person. I feel his touch lingering on my body and I hate it, I disgust myself so much. This is my first time cutting and I don’t know if it will be my last. All I know is I felt better after doing it, I can see traces of his touch disappearing. All I know is after I cut today, I felt better. I felt disgusted with myself for so long for allowing him to touch me, it made my skin crawl. I feel like when I cut I can get rid of the traces of his touch, I hate myself so much because I feel like I’ll never be able to get rid of his touch. I feel like broken glass, you’ll always see the cracks
  9. This is my first time cutting, I am in therapy and I’ve been going for a long time ( it’s coming up to 2 and a half months ) and I feel like today I couldn’t handle it anymore. I feel like broken glass. My skin is broken glass. I can still feel his touch and I hate it, when I say his touch I mean my ex boyfriends touch. I feel used and disgusted with myself. When I cut today I finally felt clean, I can’t feel his touch anymore. I know this isn’t a healthy mechanism for dealing with my emotions but nothing else works I have a therapist but I haven’t told her I’ve cut, this is actually my first time cutting. I don’t want to tell her because I don’t know if she’s going to put me in a hospital or something if I tell her I cut myself
  10. This is my first cutting and honestly I can say I feel so much better
  11. I’m finally clean, the cuts I make get rid of his touch. New skin will grow and the old me will finally disappear.
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