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Alpha

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  1. Some of this sounds familiar. I have always been somewhat sensitive and have some feelings of inadequacy. I’m sure stem from childhood and having alcoholic father. Mom and I could never be good enough. I know most everything I have attempted I have done pretty well at. Last 3 years of my alcoholism was pretty bad. Treatment centers dui’s etc. I am sober over 26 yrs now, continue to be active in the 1/2 way house I attended. The issue now is my wife and I are slowing down and retirement is nearing (whenever we’re ready). I have a feeling something bad is going to happen, question any major decisions, fear I’ve done something wrong or said something wrong. I am questioning what my wife is doing whether I say it or not. This is not reality, things are good. I continue to help and work with others. My m.d. had me on lexapro for awhile,didn’t like it. Now I have been on Wellbutrin XL 300mg for probably 6mo. I have also seen a counselor. Issues are better but still not as good as I had hoped, of course I understand about recovery. I know I should be relaxed and enjoying this part of my life. I’m new to meds. Am I on the right track? Thanks
  2. I see you’re on the east coast, I’m from Kansas. If I wanted to go somewhere on the east coast I could fly or drive a fairly direct way BUT I could also get there by way of Utah,Texas or both. Which one is the wrong way or, are there many ways. I finally got sober but it was not the faster or easier way. I was fortunate to be able to use my knowledge of AA as a solid basis. If you are sober and happy who can say you did it the wrong way. Every sober alcoholic I know became sober somewhat differently. Some use the 12 steps more than others, some believe in God some don’t. Of course there were things I would do differently if I had the ability looking back. I believe it took everything I did wrong to get me to where I am today. The important part is getting there and hopefully Learning from others on the way .
  3. Don’t complicate things to much. I spent way to much time being special, unique and different. Finally asked asked a man that had a story similar to mine. Told him some of my unique problems. (Lol) He said oh yeah we are all pretty much alike when we get here. He gave me good ongoing suggestions for yrs. After we would talk Charley would say now go ask a few others you trust, they will tell you the same thing differently. Take what you want leave the rest. I try to pass that on now, Charley’s has passed. No ego, no ownership or judgement. He would say “you know the right thing to do” I became so appreciative and thankful of all I felt he did for me. He would tell me “ you’re the one accountable for your sobriety or drunkenness” not me! He was just sharing his experience, strength and hope. I asked what I could ever do to repay him. It was, just help another alcoholic. I don’t view sponsorship as being exclusive. ( it takes a village). Like Charley I want to see people in recovery use whatever resources available to them. I learn from others everyday. Sometimes what I want, some times what I don’t want. Everyone’s recovery will be different. Enjoy the ride.
  4. I was in 4 inpatient alcohol treatment centers. The consequences of my drinking finally were so bad I became teachable in a 1/2 way house. Everyone has a different bottom. I never had a great desire to get sober, unbelievably I finally tied all the bad shit in my life to alcohol. I’ve been sober along time with no desire to drink. I visit the 1/2 way house fairly often to freely give back what was freely given to me. ( by alumni that visited with multiple years of sobriety)
  5. Sober 26 yrs after 4 inpatients 2 dui’s. Went to 1/2 way house for chronic alcoholics after 4th treatment. Most drank vodka straight out of the bottle from when they came to until they passed out, just like me. I hid my drinking after 1st treatment. Tried to keep up the facade, led me to sincere suicide attempt where they called in Chaplin for last rites. At 1/2 way house the sober guys were laughing joking with each other and giving new guys shit, tough love. They would say, why don’t you go drink mike, you just can’t drink here. You’re a grown man living in a 1/2 way house, having other adults take care of you, you don’t even have a drivers license. Obviously your a success and drinking works for you. If I wasn’t low enough they took me lower, but they were always there to catch me. Told me their story and they were just drunks that weren’t drinking. I saw for the first time people like me that didn’t drink anymore and we’re having a blast. Of course it is AA based, but many were treatment wise, or for sure knew all basics or had heard them. A newcomer would leave immediately. There were also groups of mostly guys, doing activities just for fun. (Fishing, bowling, golf,camping, shooting and more). Just drunks not drinking one day at a time. Most don’t get sober but for Gods sake look how bad we are when we get to that point. Someone mentioned AA and going to different meetings to find one you like. We have open meetings every night. Don’t rule out going to more low bottom meetings. It’s possible you may fit or at least see where your drinking maybe taking you.
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