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About GrannyG81

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  1. Greetings from England Folks, Hope everyone is keeping safe during these troubling times I'm currently perscribed 5mg Abilify to take alongside 30mg mirtazapine...I have a fear of medication..I've done a Topic about it Called "Pharmacophobia"..Its a really irrational fear of medication...In my case antipsychotic medication...I've heard a lot of people say Abilify is very stimulating..Is it stimulating to the point of anxiety or stimulating as in Feeling confident,Motivated etc..When i think of stimulating i think of things like amphetamines etc..I remember been on clomipramine some years ago and once got hypomania from it which i didnt like..Felt good at first but then turned into panic...Maybe this fear has come from there? Prozac gave me anxiety and a general nervous energy..Is abilify like that??? My depression tends to be more on the anxious/irritated side..The last thing i want is something that will aggrivate that..My nxt appointment with PDoc is 16th of april..I think he wants me to trial this med before looking at other avenues..This is a New Pdoc..So has anyone got any positive stories about abilify?? A lot of what i read is horror stories how it turned them into gamblers,Nervous wrecks..Almost like the medication induced mental illness!! Of course my OCD picks up on this and makes things worse..I know that the only way to know is to take it but please bear with me here ..This fear is genuine....Its not just a slight bit of nerves or apprehension...Its a full on blanket of fear almost to the point of terror when i'm faced with taking them..Anyone whos used to high anxiety attacks its just like that feeling...Ultimatly this does come down to me but i'm using this as a safe space to vent my frustrations (With myself) with like minded people and to gain some insight which may hopefully help me in taking them...Many Thanks and Keep Safe folks Jamie
  2. The Fear is More around the side effects...I've been on so many meds Including anti psychotics in the past i dont know were its come from.....Its a case of once i've swallowed it theres no turning back..I even tried to get one and just hold it in my hand..Couldnt do that as started thinking it will seep through my skin...Its completley irrational...I wouldnt mind if it was just some general nerves which i'd imagine most folks get but its like a blanket of sheer terror that comes over me...I remember getting Hypomania off clomipramine some years ago and i liked it at first but then it got to a point were i was getting to full blown panic..I dont know if that somehow plays in the back of my mind?? I dont know...OCD tends to just be completley irrational..I even developed a fear that i'm allergic to peanuts out of nowere...Thats now spread to fish !! So i've stopped eating salmon and Scampy both two foods i like...Ultimately it comes down to me..I have to take charge of this...I have some Valium the Pdoc gave me incase i get any anxiety from the Abilify...I just need to take one and if i get side effects deal with them accordingly...
  3. Anyone know how medications (Antidepressents/Antipsychotics) are made? I know its all about chemistry/Molecules etc But do they have any natural underpinnings? Are they derived from any natural substance..Like St Johns Wart comes from a flower. Are Synthetic medications the same? Also how are they tested? How do they know a certain medication reaches a certain receptor? Are they displays on a monitor that show animal brains lighting up? I know these might sound like stupid questions but the geek in me has always wondered this and found very little online..Hoping someone who knows can break it down into simplistic terms...Cheers
  4. Its a weird symptom to describe ..I've had it in the past were i've felt really good in mood..Infact what you could call "Happy" yet inside i felt completly empty and disatisfied ..Like something is out of whack...I think its because of the way i think..I'm very black/White in how i think so If i'm not depressed like i was 5-6 years ago then i'm not depressed at all...I know depression does not behave like that,its just the way i think about things..I always have a baseline level of anxiety/depression but some days its relativley easy to ignore..Maybe thats the black/white aspect of my thinking style...If i'm not freaking out with depersoanlization etc then i'm not anxious...When again anxiety like depression works along a continuum...Today i feel quite flat..I'm not low in mood and i'm not happy..I'm just kinda flat...Its the motivation thing for me..I've just no motivation for anything...I just have no interest..Like you both say thats the anhedonia...Its just like going along doing the same mundane routine every day trying to make time go as quick as i can so that night time hurries up and i can get some relief via sleep...I've tried to sleep thorugh the day when i get like this but my mind is just too active..I'm the deppressive type who gets agitated/Anxious rather than wanting to sleep all the time...
  5. Hi Folks, is it possible to have symptoms of depression like..No interest in things,No motivation etc Yet have a "Good" mood...Its a symptom (If thats what it is) I've struggled to explain..I tried to explain it as been "Chemically" Happy yet disatisfied with life..Like today for example..I'm not low in mood..I have hardly any if any anxiety...My mood is some what good yet i'm just not interested in anything...I've lost my interest for the gym..I've lost interest in my job..I'm not cleaning like i normally do..I dont have any ambition or goal setting as i'm just not interested but from a mood perspective i'm reasonably happy..I've had it before in the past were i've felt actually very very good in mood yet empty inside..Like a "is that it" kind of feeling....I once mentioned this to a Pdoc and asked him if this make senses and he said yes..And tapped his head and said "Brain" and Tapped His chest were the heart is and said "Mind" I kind of understand what he means but thats going more into the relm of Spirituality...It is almost like my brain is producing loads of happy chemicals yet my soul is broken..Its a really hard thing to describe..I'm hoping someone can relate to what i'm saying or disect what i'm saying and explain it in a much better way..Is it a part of depression or is it even just part of been human and i'm over thinking it?? Thanks Jamie
  6. Just to add...Do you think 5mg abilify would work on stabilising mood and clearing up in Irrational thoughts/Bizzare thoughts...I've read mixed results from people saying 5mg and below is simply anti depressant and i've read others who say it had a calming mood stabilising property at 5mg...The Pdoc who perscribed me abilify those 5 years ago wanted me to start at 10mg...The new pdoc i'm seeing is a advance nurse practioner...hes very very cautious about anti psychotics but hes ok with abilify due to its side effect profile..He normally wants ecg before he perscibes AAPs...I did have that done a few weeks ago along with a general medical and it came back ok...Mild Tackicardia? But according to the cardiologist who read the results said that its possible it was picking up anxiety...This new Pdoc suggested Quietapine but wanted a ECG before he would perscribe that..The script for abilify was made before the ECG so the plan was to give it a try and if not successfull then could look at other options like quietiapine..I see him again on the 16th of april..
  7. Cheers Pal...I'm gonna have a good read through it....Jamie
  8. When i got servery depressed 5-6 years i got really paranoid...Not the extent of full blown delusions..For example i started thinking The terminator could be looking for me..I'd look out of my spy hole in the door and even though i wasnt 100% delusional and had "Some" degree of insight the over whelming nature of it was terrifying...Also thought i could hear low level voices around me when i laid in bed..Sleeping with the light on..Thought i could feel presences in the room etc..lots of bizzare weird stuff going on..And my moods were really changing,..Sad to angry to rage to irritable all happening within minutes of each other....Feeling Deeply sad yet happy at the same time..Really chaotic mood shifts...The Pdoc at the Time said Extreme Anxiety/Depression can cause a Mixed state..Thankfully my depression is not at that level..I'm currently on the slope down so to speak..Little things like from going from a obsessively clean house to just hoovering a bit here and there..losing interest in stuff..and life generally losing its colour..I feel reasonable today...Although my mind is very busy my mood state feels resonable..Or what i consider reasonable...I'm very black/white in thinking...If i'm not suicidally depressed i'm not depressed but as we know depression does not work like that..Thats just my thinking style..I think i need something that calms me down..Stabilises my mood and at the same time gives me some degree of motivation to get back into the swing of life..Abilify does sound like it could fit that bill but yet i'm just terrified of it..Thanks for the reply I really appreciate it.. PS on one of the letters from the psychiatrist to the drs ( I've got all my mental health notes) One Psychiatrist had wrote "Evidence of acute psychotic Features).....What does that mean ? Is it tied to any particular disorder or is it just a vague term? I have other terms in my notes like "Obsessive Ruminations" And "paranoid beliefs that are obsessive" but to me they just seem like Vague meaningless terms???
  9. Hi mate Yes i'm currently on 30mg Mirtazapine...Been on it about 7 years now..I find it doesnt do much but i still get some sedative from it so i havent asked to change it...I've been in and out of mental health services a long time now..My last major bout of depression was about 5-6 years ago and lasted about 8 months..The Psychiatrist back then wanted me to try venlafaxine+ Mirtazapine..I refused..he offered risperidone..I refused..he offered Abilify i got the script but didnt take them..I saw a different Pdoc Who perscribed olanzapine..Again i got the script but didnt take them..I explained my extreme fear of medications and he asked me to consider Depot injection..Zuclopentixol..i refused so ended up getting discharged..During that time i got back to work and things got functional again(even though i always have a baseline level of mental health especially anxiety/depression).I managed to get through...I'm back at mental health services again and Abilify has been offered again..5mg...I have the perscription but am terrified of them..The Pdoc even gave me a script of Valium for any anxiety i get from the abilify...I dont know were this fear comes from..I'm just terrified of taking them..The side effects worry me...Especially the anxiety and stimulating effects...Clomipramine gave me hyper mania and even though it felt good at first it went to a full blown panic...Also i've heard it causes impulsive behaviours like gambling etc...That worries me as i've had addictive behaviour in the past so i'm in a way vunerable to addiction and the idea a medication could cause addiction scares me too..
  10. Hi folks, Diagnosed with OCPD and Also OCD..I believe I have OCD with Traits of OCPD as my main issue is more intrusive thoughts etc Anyhow.. Going back over the years my thoughts with regards OCD have all had a Bizzre/Paranoid content with them a few examples include (when i first got quite ill many many years ago) been afraid to touch electrical items/Cds as feared electricity could seep into my bloodstream and cause a chemical imbalance in my brain and thus make me Psychotic...Had this with static Electric from the TV also...Feared leaving any cups of tea or drink un attended as fears of ghosts getting into them and then into me...Fears of going Schizophrenic ..Fears of walking on grass over fears of stepping onto magic mushrooms and thus getting in my bloodstream and causing a chemical imbalance etc and a personal favourite that raised a drs Eyebrow...Feared Combusting in the bath !! (yeh crazy i know) When asked how this could be possible i gave this theory that doesnt make sense about cold atoms from the air colliding with hot atoms of the water creating a reaction in me and thus causing my atoms to collide and then causing me to combust !! I have to laugh at myself sometimes (In a good way)..The Dr just looked at me and said "I dont think thats Possible" lol A lot of these types of thoughts go back years and i dont really have "Those " ones now and of course over the years i've had checking compulsions/Washing and all the what would be called "Typical" ocd behaviours...Just wondering if anyone else has had bizzare Content within there ocd ?? I've met loads of people with OCD either Via group Therapy or real life OCD groups and i've yet to meet anyone who had bizzare/paranoid content..Most were of what would be described Typical OCD..Handwashers/Checkers etc....Anyone out there relate?? I'm new to this board....Thanks Jamie
  11. I'll give this a good read...Thanks Very much👍
  12. Hows it Going Redhead, I find that when i'm slipping into depression i lose interest in things in general..I was going to the gym up untill about 4 weeks ago...I did try go when i first felt myself getting depressed and i didnt enjoy it...Infact im sure i left after 10 minutes..I develop a "Whats the point attitude"..Life seems to lose its colour and i find myself just not caring anymore....I find that things like going to the gym,Walking etc for me are what i call "wellness tools" ..They work for me when i'm well and functional...When i'm depressed i'm just not interested...I think a pharmalogical intervention is what i need...But as you can see from my other post i'm struggling with that..I can feel myself been backed into a corner from my mind now so maybe i'm hopefull that i may just snap and take the tablets in desperation..
  13. Hi Folks, I made a thread on the Antipsychotic forum regards "Pharmacophobia"..An extreme fear of medications...I currrently have it at the moment and wondered if anyone has /had it and can reccomend some ways to over come it...Thanks Jamie
  14. Good Morning Folks, Just to add regarding Antipyschotic medication. My Themes Over the years regards OCD have all had A bizzare content to them...For example I used to have a fear of touching anything electrical as i feared that electricity could somehow seep into my blood stream and cause my brain to imbalance..I feared walking on grass and stepping on magic mushrooms because, same again ,seeping into my bloodstream and imbalancing the chemicals in my brain..I had lots of other scenerios i created that all had a bizzare element to them like the ones mentioned..I said to the Pdoc that although they arnt what you would call "Typical" ocd thoughts as we know it they all share a common underlying theme of "Contamination"..He agreed...Thats what i believe my underlying OCD theme is "Contamination" ..I've often said to different Pdocs that some of my thoughts have what u would call "delusional" content ..(I'e i've had thoughts cameras were in rooms monitoring me etc) They are not delusional in Nature as i still have a grasp of reality and dont 100% Believe them....Maybe this is another reason why PDocs believe i need antipsychotics as my thought process although not delusional it does have a paranoid "flavour" to it...Who knows i'm just getting out what i've come to believe over the years..
  15. Hi folks, I find that when i'm hitting a depression phase i go through the day just finding ways to pass time as quickly as i can, looking forward to evening/night time knowing that i will be able to get some sleep and temporary relief from the depression..It becomes a mundane routine of waking up and just going through the same routine of going into town,Gambling away money in the book makers and just walking around and around passing away time and waiting for nightime to come..i'd say nightime is probably the only thing i look forward to in the day knowing i'll get atleast "some" relief during sleep...Then i wake up and realise i have to do the same thing over again..I've tried to sleep through the day but i cant do it...My brains far to active to let it happen....Anyone else have similar?? Jamie
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