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About GrannyG81

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  1. @Wonderful.Cheese I dont know which type hes perscribed as i've not got the script yet..I've to collect it tommorow in the afternoon... Hes gunna review me in 2weeks see how i'm getting on etc...He feels its the right med for me..I tend to have a lot of mood swings aswell as my OCD symptoms..When i get depressed (Which thankfully i've not had a major episode in a few years now) i get really paranoid and my thoughts tend to look delusional on the surface with the content..I just dont believe them 100% for them to be Psychotic..It does say in my notes evidence of "Acute Psychotic features"..This was back when i had my last major episode..My depression is very mixed and although i'm not "Serverly Depressed" at the moment it does affect my day to day life...I think in very black/White Terms..If i'm not depressed like i was 5 years ago then i'm not depressed is how i think ..I dont look at it as continuum..Its either i'm depressed or i'm not..Its quite a blunt way of looking at things and is not a very helpfull way of looking at my problems..Its become such an ingrained way of my thinking style i dont know if i can change it?? I was diagnosed with a personality disorder OCPD and its a trait of that...Ohh the joys of mental health....Thanks for the feedback its very much welcomed...
  2. Thanks @Iceberg Yeah he says i'm too hard on myself..I told him i feel like a burden on the mental health services etc And he says thats not true at all.. I think its because taking meds i'd imagine for most people is something that not much thought goes into...I can imagine some mild apprehension when starting new meds for most people but this fear i have of them is well well out of context...It kind of makes you feel like a failure..Which is more the depression talking... I feel like a broken record sometimes on here repeating the same thing in terms of this fear so your feedback is very much appreciated ...
  3. So i had a phone appointment with the Pdoc today I explained that i havent tried the abilify..He knows about my fear of meds...I explained i dont want to to take something with a risk of it been too activating/stimulating..Anyways he talked about quetiapine and that it would be his first choice for me... However at the time i'd not had a ECG which i've wrote about on these boards..Hes now happy to perscribe some quetiapine...Because of my fear of meds (Which is quite extreme) I've asked to start on the lowest possible dose which is 25mg..Hes ok with that..I have to collect the perscription tommorow afternoon from the mental health team..Hes doing me 2weeks worth which we will review and it can be increased etc if needed..I tried quetiapine many years ago and gave up after about 2 days because of how groggy i felt...Hes told me to stick with it and that the grogginess will ease.. I also take Mirtazapine 30mg (Been on that about 7 years) and my logical approach to this stupid fear of meds is that I take my Mirtazapine 30mg at night which has some calming qualities to it and if i'm in a more calmer rational state then i'm at more chance of taking the quetiapine....He agreed it was a good way to look at it.. I know folks in here are on much higher amounts but from personal experiences what can i expect from such a small dose? Will it still be calming etc Will it have a spill over effect so that i'm calm less agitated the day after etc....I imagine if i get success from the med i will go up in dose as its not just anxiety i'm getting treated for i have depression/ocd and paranoid beliefs etc but due to my irrational fear i'm starting at the lowest dose...Anyways thanks for listening and if anyone wants to chime in feel free...
  4. @mikl_pls I actually have Hypochondirasis down in my diagnosis notes...My very early ones going back to 2004.. I've since heard it called Health Anxiety...I never believed OCD (Which makes up one of my Diagnosis) to be an anxiety disorder...I always had this lurking doubt in the back of my mind about anxiety been the cause of ocd .. You seem Very knowledgable regards MH and Medications...Have u ever worked in the field or is it more just a personal interest? You have a very good way of explaining things..Especially how medication works in a nice easy way for folks to understand.. i actually have my Pdoc phone appointment today..I got the dates muddled up and thought it was the other week..I havent tried the abilify simply because i'm gravitating towards the negative stories of it been stimulating etc and have scared myself stupid of it !! I'm gunna ask about potentially Quetiapine today..I think he should be ok with that...Even Risperidone popped into my head as i've read it has the clearest evidence regards ocd....Which would you personally prefer given the option?? I've heard pros and cons of both of them...Essentially i'm looking for something that gives me a sense of calm whilst slowing my brain down...I've heard quetiapine is more of a knock u out AAP and risperidone a more Calming gentle AAp...I was actually on Risperidone many years ago with paroxetine but didnt take to it...I was drinking heavy back then so maybe that influenced things..I know that regardless of Which AAP side effects are likely (Mainly weight Gain) and this is something i just have to come to terms with.
  5. Hes due to ring me Next week the 27th...I actually got the dates wrong and thought it was the 16th last week so depending on how long the call is i might bring it up...Medication is my main priority of the call.. I just find and i dont know if you agree that when you get diagnosed with anxiety/ocd related issues then everything you bring up seems to get tarred with the diagnosis.. when i've brought things up OCD tends to get the blame for pretty much everything... It dont help when i read through my notes and see things like "Evidence of acute Psychotic features" "Ideas of reference" and other stuff like that...It gets my mind going and yes its totally possible i could be reading too much into things i just think at times theres more going on...The lockdown dont help were i get to spend a lot more time thinking about stuff. .When i'm at work i dont tend to think into it too much...And when i have i'm not usually to bothered by wanting to follow it up.. I also remember a psychiatrist because of my non complience with medication suggested going on the depot injection..Which got me thinking when did they give those out for OCD/Anxiety?? I know OCD has an insight factor from good insight to even Delusional so perhaps when i'm "Ill" I fall somewere on the poorer insight..My Thoughts do tend to get paranoid when i'm slipping and they do have a bizzare/Delusional theme to them..I just dont 100% believe them so i've always thought thats the reason for antipsychotic medication recomendations... Perhaps its just a case of yes OCD is whats fueling my symptoms and maybe Its a much more highly complex illness than i give it credit?? I think it could be common for obsessives in general to look to much into things..Anyways thanks for allowing me a platform to vent...Sometimes just having a place to air my thoughts however jumbled they are helps..I've tended to avoid a lot of forums in the past but i do like it in here..
  6. @saintalto What bothers me the most is the mornings.... I've often said to Pdocs/Normal Drs that i've probably had more internal conversations with myself after waking up than what most people probably have in a day...Its quite exhausting and i find it hard to accept that this is all a result of anxiety...But maybe it is and i'm looking for something that doesn't exist?? I dont like self diagnosing myself but i've often thought that when that Pdoc sees you He/She only sees you on that given day...They dont see you any other time and its that other time were symptoms could show up but by the time the Next Pdoc appointment comes round you could of forgot about them or just thought they are irrelevant?? I think what i need to start doing is writing down when i have bad days and especially what thoughts/Feelings i have on those bad days so atleast when i see the Pdoc i can remember and pin point back rather than forgetting..I'm gonna get the app on my phone also were it tracks your mood as i feel that it would be better to show the pdoc my mood history and patterns rather than me trying to explain my moods in general...
  7. @pmd Can you relate to a lot of what i'm saying? For me its first thing in the morning thats the worst..My mind is like a hyperactive mine field..It really is...Its what i call brain chatter...That running commentary of thoughts in the mind...Plus i always have a song playing in my head...It feels like my brain stores all this pointless energy of thoughts and ideas whilst i'm asleep then decides to just offload it onto me the minute my eyes open lol I've been told that i dont have Bipolar..One Psychiatrist on meeting me the first time thought i did because of how fast i was talking...That was later ruled anxiety..I sometimes feel that once you have a diagnosis then every last symptom you bring up just gets brushed under what ever diagnosis you have..I feel that Anxiety whilst it does explain a LOT of my symptoms it dont explain everything..Mind you i can read into stuff a bit too much like a lot of people with Obsessive/Complusive traits.. Yeah i can have multiple things on the go at once....I will be listening to something on youtube whilst having the TV on the background and at the same time reading up things on the net..Its a very chaotic way of living mentally.. I find with reading i'm rushing it like its a task to be done rather than something to enjoy which can take some pleasure out of it if that makes sense?? It can feel like if i'm solely just reading then i could be missing out on something that might of just been uploaded to youtube..Or missing out on something on FBook so it makes it quite hard to focus on doing just one thing....Its the same with films..I find it hard to sit and just watch a film as my mind just wanders and wants to be doing other things...So i rather opt to have all things happening at once.. I find things hard to explain sometimes and feel that i dont always convey what i'm trying to say online that good so if it comes across a bit muddled up here and there apologies for that..(I can be my own worst critic) Thanks for the feedback i appreciate it..
  8. Hello from the Uk Folks, I'm diagnosed with OCD/OCPD but i've always thought that these diagnosis only say so much about my overall symptoms..I dont want to go down the whole self diagnosis path but would appreciate some feedback from folks who have ADHD.... Ok so my mind is always busy...When i say busy i mean always busy..Constant chatter/Dialogue going on....(Not voices like psychosis) I find it very hard to focus on one task...My mind always wanders off..The only time i can focus to a degree is at work..I'm a bricklayer so at work i'm in a really fast paced enviroment so this gives me perfect distraction..Plus i enjoy my job..But as a rule i cant focus on one thing..I'll have FB open Youtube on the Go and the TV going on all at once whilst i'll be researching things online and going back n forth between all of it... In the Morning is the worst..My mind is so active in the morning to the point of racing...This morning for example i woke early which has become kind of normal now and my mind will flutter between different topics with internal background chatter going on and there is always been a song in my head when i wake up..This has gone on for aslong as i can remember..I've tried to focus on my breathing as a way to relax when my head is like this but will last literally seconds and before i know my mind is going off into different directions..Its like its been pulled in different directions by pointless brain chatter...I hope i'm making sense here as its quite hard to describe.... Now i've been told off various Professionals that i dont have Bipolar Disorder...My Diagnosis has always been Mixed Depression/Anxiety......I've never had any discussion as to possible ADHD neither...Dont get me wrong Anxiety plays a HUGE part of my mental health issues but i cant accept that all the activity in my brain can ALL be placed under Anxiety...That to me seems like a convenient umberella to sweep all my issues under... I dont want to go too far down the rabbit hole with this and dont like to self diagnose but have wondered if its worth bringing it up with the Pdoc.. Does anyone relate to what i'm saying here?? Does it sound more like anxiety than anything else..Even the morning hyperactivity??
  9. I quit smoking back in october 2019...My reasons were my blood pressure reading was high at the Drs...I decided to quit that night cold turkey...Anyways an appointment was made to have a 24 hour bp monitor..My Bp came back normal and my initial high reading is what they call "white coat syndrome" My first thought was i might go back smoking lol I was about 2 weeks quit by that point so i just carried on...I've now been quit about 6 months..No patches no nothing..I do however love the smell of second hand smoke..I've been told that its quite normal..How long that lasts i dont know as i havent ever quit this long before..I did go through a phase of eating mints all the time...I do still crave them more so when i'm stressed but as it stands i've no intention of smoking..
  10. I went to the chemist the other day and walked rather than use the car..This will be the first time in about 3 weeks or so i've really walked anywhere..I walked as it was nice weather and thought a walk would do me good...It didn't....I didn't like been outside..It didn't feel right at all...It felt as though i shouldn't be doing it...Lots of fear involved...I've got to the point were i'm actually feeling more comfortable inside even though i've had some bad anxiety attacks..I dont like the idea of going outside at all...This is all alien to me as i love my freedom..I'm a person who will walk miles and miles just for the sake of walking..Just for the sake of getting out..The only time i didnt really go out was when i was a alcoholic...Which is another story....It makes me wonder if this could be the start of some kind of agoraphobia...Or at the very least could it develop into agoraphobia...I cant recall a time were the thought of going outside frighted me.. I cant remember a time when been outside caused me so much anxiety like it did the other day...Its not just the thought of coming into contact with people its the idea of been outside full stop..I've become comfortable just staying behind four walls....The idea of just been outside scares me.....Anyone else??
  11. Would you say Hypochondria (Health Anxiety) Is part of the OCD family or General anxiety?
  12. Thanks for the Reply @Wonderful.Cheese I'm gunna discuss it on thursday with the Pdoc and see what he says...I was originally perscribed Abilify..This Pdoc is New and have only had 2 appointments with him..He Did say to me that Quetiapine would be good for someone like me when we first met but because i'd not had a ECG he wouldnt perscribe it and instead opted for abilify as he was ok with abilfy without a ECG because of its side effect profile...I think the idea was to try abilify and by that time i would of had my ECG etc plus of given abilify a fair trial and if it didnt work look at quetiapine..I missed one of my ECG appointments by mistake so at my next pdoc appointment i'd still not had it..I've talked myself out of trying abilify because of what i've read..I dont like the idea of anything activating..Like you i need meds that calm my brain not excite it...My ECG has been done now so i dont think the Pdoc will have any issue with Quetiapine especially as he was the first to suggest it....I'll mention both versions to him and see what he thinks is best..i'd imagine i'll start off on a low dose and see from there..I will keep everyone on this post updated...I really do appreciate the feedback ..Thanks
  13. Anybody get these? I've had them since my 20s..Got diagnosed by a neurologist about 6 years ago..I'm episodic and my cycles are normally for 4-5 weeks once a year..I used highflow oxygen and it works 99% of the time but have had a few instances were it didnt
  14. Might be off topic Slightly its a book about alcoholism and its called "through a glass Brightly" By a Guy called Nick charles..A true account of his experiences...A really graphic account of alcoholism...Accademic wise a Book By a psychiatrist called "Depressive illness the curse of the strong" By Tim Cantopher is a very good read..Also "Brain lock " By Jeffrey M. Schwartz i found a good book for OCD...A couple of films if its ok to add.." A beautifull Mind" and another good one with Diana Ross about Schizophrenia is Called "Out of darkness" which is a very good film...The full film used to be on youtube but am not sure now??
  15. Appreciate the Feedback @fantod @saintalto and @Gearhead...I'm willing to give it a go and see..I just need something that helps to quiet my mind down and help with the anxiety/obsessive thoughts and i'm pretty sure the Pdoc will be ok ...He originally perscribed me abilify but i'm not taking it..I dont want anything that stimulates me..Those type of meds dont agree with me..I need more sedative type medication...I'll update when i've spoke to him on thursday..Cheers
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