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Spiny

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    escaping my neural net

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  1. Some days it's harder to try than others. Feels like my life got stolen from me. I know genetic vulnerability is a thing, but... some adults really pushed things over the edge. I'm wary of resentment and rumination - bad for me, an alcoholic - but sometimes can't seem to get out of it. I can validate the Angry One - hey, it's valid - but life is still hard. Seems to me it's pretty much a crock the way society claims to care about kids, but once one is an adult child - it can feel like, dang, they don't even pretend to care now. Sigh. K back to work from bed

    1. saintalto

      saintalto

      No one helped me as a child. I really needed it, and I suppose I could have gotten some help if I asked for it, but I didn’t know how to ask because it never occurred to me that what I experienced was abnormal. It was all I knew and most my friends had shitty home lives too so I didn’t have any healthy examples of family to contrast my situation with.

      As an adult I have found people are willing to help you if you seek help out, but now you have to pay for it.  

    2. Spiny

      Spiny

      Thanks for relating. It helps to hear the voices of others.

      Quote

      It was all I knew and most my friends had shitty home lives too so I didn’t have any healthy examples of family to contrast my situation with.

      I really relate to that. In my case I wonder if I met a person who wasn't an abused child or someone who had been abused before I was 18. I think maybe one person. Honestly I think the most damaging thing was the lack of contrast. If I had had some other family to contrast my family's bullsh*t with, I would have known I wasn't delusional. I'm don't suffer from delusions, but I have trauma from literal decades of thinking I was not seeing reality. 

      Quote

      As an adult I have found people are willing to help you if you seek help out, but now you have to pay for it.

      The propensity of my society to just throw away anyone without healthy-enough family privilege makes me grind my teeth every day.

      For me I will say Adult Children of Alcoholics & Family Dysfunction has helped. The primary issue in my home wasn't alcoholism although that was a thing... but the dysfunction was really real. Those groups have been the only place I've received real, deep validation in a setting with more than one other person.

      Anyway thank you for replying, and I'm so sorry it was so shitty and that you got neglected.

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