I totally understand. Grew up with a woman who began fat-shaming me when I was a toddler; my first memory is when I turned 4 and couldn't fit into a favorite summer outfit from the year before. Her response was to tell me to not eat cookies. Fortunately, her best friend was there and I remember her stooping so we could be eye-to-eye, and her telling me that I was growing, and getting bigger and that was why the outfit didn't fit. Then she went upstairs with me to find something else. First. Memory. Needless to say, food is the focal point of my life and is an emotional bomb. I go through phases when I can deal with it, and then I cannot. Currently, anxiety is pushing me closer to over the edge than before. Good times. What seems to be working (for now) is cooking at home and not focusing on what diet/program I should be adhering to. As for talking to someone - meh. The people I have found suck.