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About Waxwingblooming

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  1. I'm only on Prozac at the moment. It has helped for my anxiety to a degree - my social anxiety has gotten loads better, I ruminate less - but I still have painful bouts throughout the day of these obsessive thought loops. Every time I bring these up in particular to a professional, I'm told this is anxiety and I need to get my anxiety under control. I kinda think I'm reacting to them as stress control - but also bc they are objectively speaking super horrible.... me too re: sexually intrusive thoughts 😧 My brain is like "What is the most taboo subject we can think and worry about? Oh yes let's go there"
  2. I meant, my current med regimen is not fully addressing all my issues.
  3. Hey there, thank you for replying. Funny enough - I dreamt that I had replied to this thread in depth. But I hadn't. Hah. This is the type of Prozac vivid dreams I now have. What you wrote is so validating to read. I posted this not because I am interested in getting another diagnosis. But I found - when trying to convey to professionals - the kind of anguish I would feel in replaying these thoughts, reacting to these thoughts, self harming in anticipation of these thoughts..."anxiety" didn't really cut it and I also feel like the meds that are chosen aren't fully addressing the issue either. You're right I don't fear a direct consequence, but I do fear in not reacting to my thoughts - I'm trying to let myself off easy, that I should be guilt ridding myself? Does that make sense? 😵
  4. Hello. Apologies if this sort of thread is annoying. But so far I haven't gotten really gotten any insight into this from professionals. They file this behavior under anxiety. Something I find incredibly painful are my circular thought loops, which I then counter in a self harming way. Where I will replay painful events or fears of doing something shameful, and then I will have to either hit myself on the head, bang my head against the wall or utter some kind of insult to myself. Now from what I gathered OCD prompts are not about actual past scenarios that were objectively shitty? and my counters feel ...compulsive but I do think I can control them...somehow???? I just find it incredibly hard to do so.
  5. I'm sorry. I had to laugh reading this. I relate so hard. I ask something along the lines of "am I depressed or just lazy?" every single time I see my therapist. SAD, normal depression, corona depression, so much time. Idleness really is the root of all evil. To be honest, I think it's the self-flagellating part of me that negates the fact I even have mental illness, has completely internalized late capitalism and says I'm just being a lazy, worthless worm. "Bootstraps! Pull yourself together! You can shower and feed yourself you can't be that depressed. PRODUCTIVITY EQUALS SELF WORTH" ...which, yes, partially true. I have been more depressed. It could be worse. Being productive does make me feel better... But this state of ennui and dread is also incredibly painful. Everything lacks meaning. It's the state I would often relapse and self-medicate to get myself going. To feel anything, to have motivation and joy. It's borderline anhedonia. Or at least comes very close to it. Things I've personally, found helpful: Forcing myself to wake up early (5-6am) with my light alarm clock. Sitting in front of my light box. Taking things incredibly slowly. Writing a to-do list the night before. Pomodori 25minute technique. Not laying in bed ever. ....and going to a 12 step meeting of any kind in the evening where I then sit feeling like a shell of a human being, but - surprise - I perk up at certain stories, shares, it gets me going somehow....oh, and volunteering tbh. something, anything to get outside of myself and in contact with others (which now ofc is impossible). this seems to help against the SADs somewhat Reading doomer political theory about laziness also helps....like how could I not feel the way I feel? *I'M* the sane one here. It's a very tight rope dance between cutting myself some slack, showing compassion and also taking responsibility for myself... Which atm is also the ever eternal quest for the right meds 😧
  6. Yes, I see. Back in the day, when I used to visit drug forums (hey benzo buddies hey), I always used to scoff at people's long ass signatures listing all their meds. Now I totally get it. Makes so much sense. I'm also amazed at how many meds I've now had to try in such a short time 😧 The one MAOI that has repeatedly been suggested to me, is a weak reversible one...Moclobemide? I don't think it's available in the US though. I'm in Europe...But it seems to not be that heavy handed from what I read. No diet adjustments.
  7. 29, trying meds for the first time, realizing I had pretty bad mental health issues and self-medicated all this time.... it blows my mind that antidepressants can create this """space""" in my mind to free things up...going to just keep on hoping I find the right meds/combo.
  8. Thank you for your reply. Ikr!!! Now the intrusive, anxiety inducing thoughts have faded but I feel super mega lethargic. It's as if I'm walking through some type of fog until the afternoon. My psychiatrist is acting pissy because now that we have finally found something that helps me, I want to switch things up again - but I simply can't take feeling like a sloth...it's as you said, the physiological response worsens my depression. I can't get anything done. and yes, I figured lowering my dose might help. Good to hear. I found some studies on the therapeutic dose for GAD and panic disorders starting at 5mg, 10mg. I'll first try that and see how it goes. Then maybe Trintellix....I searched the forums and someone described it as Prozac-lite - which admittedly at this point sounds really good to me. I wish I could take stims - the robot feeling is one thing but it triggers this cold, scary rage as well. weird suicidal ideation. don't know how I consumed so much speed back in the day as an active addict 😧 I tried one SNRI, duloxetine and the sexual dysfunction was absolute. I couldn't feel a thing.
  9. Hey, I'm super grateful to have found this place and the wealth of information already on here. I know meds are a highly individual case by case thing and there will always be *some* kind of tradeoff and sacrifice, but I'm hoping someone might help me out here...I want to be well equipped with information and research next time I see my psychiatrist. I've been on 20mg Prozac for over 7 months. While I love the way my rumination and passive suicidal ideation have finally stopped, the side effects of fatigue and sleepiness have sadly never worn off, it's only gotten way worse. ..it feels like I have swallowed a whole bottle of allergy medicine the night before kind of grogginess. I now take the Prozac at night and I've tried supplementing it with bupropion/wellbutrin (made me feel like a robot, heavy depersonalization; in fact all ADHD meds like Ritalin, Modafinil, Adderall have made me feel that way...), I am working out, great sleep hygiene, looking after myself diet wise...but nothing seems to help. Citalopram, Escitalopram made me even sleepier. As I understood it, Prozac is supposed to be the most activating SSRI? But it puts me to sleep. :// Now I'm asking myself....Would lowering the dose help offset the sleepiness while still having any effect on anxiety/depression? Is there any other med combo that might work? Has anyone had similar experience w Prozac and is now on something else? Trintellix and a reversible MAOI have been suggested to me. Thank u. 💔🙏
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