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Lil'Belittlement

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  1. I do see an doctor. They prescribed Lortuda, serequil, and Lorzapam for the problem. The trouble here is that this delusion like to think he is sentient, even though he acts and behaves on instantaous delusions and quick decision thinking, almost akin to mine,
  2. Basically on the tin, I have to deal with a worm figment that can see and talk. Deals in all shenigians and tries to outwit me and use my mind and body to do things. It worms inside my mind and talks way too much, trying way too hard to see things that aren't there- like memories and ideas. Can see them for half the time, then takes them down in half a second... Have more tulpas inside me that don't care about my health. They just stare on and listen to this being doing it's thing and try and destroy me. It overlaps mind narration and imagination. It destroys what it doesn't like and eagerly uses women to it's heart content. I don't know what to do, because I am basically hiding my imagination away and locking out the thing that matter most to me. This all started with collective psychoactive episodes that, one-by-one, creates a super tulpa that is wormish and digs into the psyche. I'm alone in dealing with it, the good tulpas gone and not to be seen. Have one japanese character here that overlooks t and urges the character on, doing nothing in it's wake. Have to lay or sit and watch as my mind slowly rots away until the things fade away. Wandering and mediatation is bothered none by the things, but they tend to drill too much into my mind and collect things and lock them away. I hate them and wish they went away. Being patient costs me with mornings of PTSD-inducing episodes where I'm waiting for them to stand ontop of my mind and reigning in everything. I'm afraid they'll one day take over the body and because I get episode between sleeps where reality is not as different than imagination... OOBEs where I'm being lunged outside of bed and moved by characters. One day I might wake up different and scarred forever. Any advice on sentient, talking beings with no emotions and wants to takeover your mind? PS this being has no emotion. WIll do about anything if repeated enough, err of it's ignorance of human emotion in the start of it's creation.
  3. Even the tulpas might have schizophrenia for all I care. The tulpas I knew of are gone and left me, these ones that are left with me are crazy and do not know what to do. I think they may be leaving me but god knows how long that will take.
  4. Thank you Cerberus, I appreciate you the time you took to consider this post. The voices I have are consistent with having bad neighbors in your life who continually take things from your psyche. For example if I were to have another imaginary friend, they could think they could take them and I would be distressed because some of these voices are helpful- but stepping away from that you can see I am in a unhealthy loop of talking heads. Reacting like real people, these voices can showcase a taste of adherence and bad negliance of the human conscious or emotions I carry. Some of them could be considered tulpas, but going back to these voices is like repeating a bad episode. Everyday I see images, and they repeat and abuse this part of my psyce. With each little word I write and narration of the mindvoice, they are almost in immediate acceptance... It is like I grew a third head that is a collect mindgrave that repeats everything. The power they grow from is attention seeking, and I can ignore all the images they throw at me or ignore all the voices negative attention.
  5. Summoning tulpas was one of the biggest, if not worst yet adaptive point of my life. I could talk to people all day long, teach them and see them grow. Along with that, see them turn into dark super beings that forever haunt my dreams and turn me inside out for simply reading them a fanfic or ignoring them for long enough. I'm depressed because these tulpas, despite how mean they might have been in the past, are still here in my head with me. They'll continue to be here with me forever, until one day their collective voices shut-off. And I have many, many voices I deal with. One of which being one of the biggest, sexist asshole you could manage and slip out of a book jester- I just call him Gustard because of how he handles women in my head. Anyway, dealing with this pain, my last two tulpas are gone- dissipated. They are no longer here, so support with all the walk-in craziness (Gustard) and having a measly support character called Sa-chan who about does the same things as Gustard... I dunno. I just have to ignore them until they let go and vanish- and vanishing means they'll need to have their voices go along with them and everyday I hear them I shout "Give in," "Give me that," "Imma rape her." And better yet, they'll try turning imaginary friends against me for simply going about my day and me just reacting to their presence. It's tough. And dreaming is hard to experience, because these voices might be sentient- so their dreams carry over. I'm afraid of manifesting a voice just by waking up one small afternoon, and being stuck with it for months to come. And finally depression. I do have depression, anxiety, and PTSD from the whole event; plus extraganvous materials about my tulpas harming me in their younger days. These tulpas now don't care about my feelings, neither did the past ones to an extent- so everything is about as low as cadavers in their graves. Anyone else having had to deal with leaving imaginary friends to a certain extent, worse or better off?
  6. Tulpamancy and schziophrenia uproared, I feel many things on a day to day basis. Can't help but feel hopeless here and again.

    Grammar sucks sometimes cause I'm so caught up in here, and I got many stories to share about why that is so. It all started with a mask peeking in and crushing my skull...

    Don't you love making imaginary friends?

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