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About ineedtodie

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  1. @Antecedent, thanks. I don't know what is going on with me in these last few weeks. I am generally in a very plain or low mood but for some reason I have been feeling seriously upset, nervous, restless. I am supposing it has to do with being on a deadline about some family and personal issues and the fact that in less than a month, it will have been two full years of hours wasted wondering: "would I have been killed? Did I violate that commandment?" I thank you for pointing me to Jesus. It is sincerely what everyone does, not only in my case but in those of similar circumstanc
  2. A lot of what you said makes sense, @Antecedent. Despite having found so many answers and having imagined nearly all possible scenarios of how punishment would be meted out on me, it is not so much stemming from a sheer need of reassurance as a need to find the true answer. As someone religious, we are taught that no matter what branch of Christianity you follow, there are bound to be both right and wrong doctrines in your cult. A Protestant/Catholic/Orthodox or even a Jew or Muslim, Abrahamic religions, can be right in many precepts and yet err on contested subjects like predestination,
  3. I thank everyone for all the kind words. It has been a tough year thus far. I have been on new medication but it hasn't improved stuff by far. All I want to know is if my act would have been one worthy of death if Biblical law were still applied today. I feel I would ascertain the gravity of my act, and if I would ever be able to forgive myself, if I knew for sure how grave my act was. "If a man mates with an animal, he shall surely be put to death, and you shall kill the animal. If a woman approaches any animal and mates with it, you shall kill the woman and the animal. They s
  4. I don't know what to do anymore. I am at my wits' end. Life feels absolutely over knowing what I did back then. When I was 12, I was a lot into sexual stuff and would only talk sex with my schoolmates. Jokes, stories, anything. Often felt horny when alone in my bedroom. Had been watching porn since I was 10 and for some reason I don't know, I had an inherent interest in sex since very young, despite no outside influence leading me to act like that, despite my religious upbringing. I was 12, maybe 5 or 6 months before I would turn 13, can't even remember if I had discovered masturbation a
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