Daisy's LONG and BORING Story!!!
I'm Daisy. (My favorite flower!)
This is actually my full biography. I talk some about my MIs, but if you want to know who Daisy really is, this is the place to come! (I include more information than anybody could ever care about.)
The first thing you should know about me is that I'm an optimist. I was just born that way; no matter how much depression I've faced, my optimism and hope have kept me going. I, of course, feel hopeless sometimes... but I guess I just believe that there's always something worth fighting for, even if I don't know what it is. Tomorrow is a new day.
Unfortunately, I deal with very severe, indigenous, and treatment-resistant recurrent atypical Major Depressive Disorder that started at age five. (Yeah, that is a long diagnosis... whatever.) I was recently diagnosed with Bipolar II which mainly focuses on the depression that I just struck out. I also deal with General Anxiety Disorder, Panic Disorder, ADHD (Inattentive Type), mild OCD, mild agoraphobia, "some sort of eating disorder," Body Dysmorphic Disorder, and crazy-ass insomnia. MDD, anxiety issues, insomnia, and ADHD run in my family, but my depression likely started so early because I lost two sisters who both died at birth. One died when I was three and the other died when I was five. Though I never saw them in person, their deaths still affect me to this day, and even though it may not make sense, I miss them greatly.
I'm currently on Lamictal (400 mg), Geodon (160 mg), bupropion (300 mg), venlafaxine ER (300 mg), Topamax (200 mg), Armour Thyroid (60 mg), naltrexone (50 mg), Adderall XR (30 mg), Adderall (30 mg BID), clonazepam (3 mg TID), Saphris (10 mg), alprazolam (1 mg PRN), and Diet Dr Pepper (BID).
I started taking anti-depressants when I was ten and am still looking for what works for me. As for previous medications (for all of my mental issues), I've tried Abilify, Adderall, Adderall XR, Ambien, Ambien CR, Aplenzin, Concerta, Deplin, Effexor, Forfivo, Latuda, Lexapro, Lithium, Lunesta, Parnate, Paxil, Pristiq, Prozac, Remeron, Ritalin, Seroquel, Sonata, temazepam, Topamax, Trazodone, Vyvanse, Wellbutrin SR, Wellbutrin XL, and Zoloft. Basically, I still have A LOT left to try, even though it sounds like a lot. Luckily, I'm an optimist; I believe that I'll find the right combination one day and that I'll be able to live my life without these awful diseases. I will get better one day... sometimes things just take time.
I had 15 unilateral ECT treatments from August 5, 2011 to September 29, 2011. I felt normal for the first time in my life... I don't remember ever feeling that way. However, the effects only lasted about a month. I had 13 bilateral treatments during my second round which lasted from November 2, 2011 to December 16, 2011. The second round had no effect on my depression and the doctors stopped because they were afraid of long-term cognitive problems. I'm very lucky that I had NO side effects at all -- not even memory loss -- during ECT except for headaches right after my treatments! I wish I was in the majority of people who respond to ECT, but I guess it's just not for me!!! Still, I would do it all over again and would encourage anybody to try it. Please ask me ANY questions about it if you are thinking about it.
And now, you get to learn about ME! Lucky you...
(Actually, if you read all of this, you're probably a masochist.)
I live in the great state of Texas. (Never ask a girl where she's from. If she's from Texas, she WILL tell you. If not, there's no need to embarrass her!) I'm 30-years-old and graduated college from SMU in May 2009. (I wish I could have stayed forever, though!) I graduated with degrees in Psychology and English with a Specialization in Creative Writing and a Minor in Women's Studies. I actually wanted to have a sextuple major and get a BA in Philosophy, Sociology, Anthropology, and Spanish also. And I wanted two more minors -- Minority Studies and Religious Studies. However, I kinda didn't have the time to do that... obviously! Needless to say, I LOVE school and LOVE to learn. Why does college cost money???
I also kind of majored in extra-curricular activities in college. Being on the executive board of my sorority took the most amount of time, but I couldn't even name the rest of my activities if I tried... it was more hours than a full-time job. Some weeks I spent 60+ hours on extra-curricular activities! Plus, I actually had a part time job at a restaurant! (I wasn't as rich as the other people who went to my school... it's known for having very wealthy students and I, unfortunately, am not one of them!) I was pretty busy!!! Until my last semester of school, I only dealt with mild to moderate depression (with a couple of short severe episodes thrown in there), and I think one reason I got so involved was to distract myself from my depression. I also knew that my involvement could help it... and it really did! (That is, it helped until things got so bad during my last semester.) I did the exact same thing in high school... in both in high school and college, you could name an extra-curricular, and I'd be a member, if not part of the board! Having hypomanic episodes probably helped me through some of this. I would get a lot done!
I'm a VERY PROUD alumna of Alpha Chi Omega, and my sisters have been the best support system I could EVER ask for, besides my family. My sorority's values and ritual mean the world to me, even though I'm no longer a collegiate member. I'm a stronger woman because of my sorority. Needless to say, it changed me for the better, and I'm proud to be a part of such a wonderful organization. In high school, I always said I'd die before joining a sorority; I was very anti-greek. I thought it was all about looks, parties, conformity, and paying for your friends. I ended up trying it to see what it was like, and ended up LOVING it. Believe it or not, greek life isn't how it looks from the outside. Greeks tend to have a stigma from those who didn't participate in greek life, which is very unfortunate, as most people who didn't participate in greek life only hear the stereotypes and don't know much about it, which isn't their fault at all. All I can say is that joining my sorority is the best decision I have ever made in my entire life. And unfortunately, we don't pay for our friends. If we did, I'd be hella rich because I'm a damn good friend.
I'm OBSESSED with my cat, Penny Lane. She is the most adorable cat in the world. She's so loving, sweet, smart, curious, playful, beautiful, and fun! She is the PERFECT CAT! I talk about her so much that I'm beginning to think I'm a crazy cat lady.
I am currently on medical disability due to my depression, but I want to go back to work more than anything. Unfortunately, I'm not exactly functioning... at all... so until I can... I don't really have another option. I don't want to be on disability at all -- not because I think it's wrong, but simply because I want to function like a "normal" person. Plus, I love working. However, I've finally given into what I should have given into long ago, and am doing the best I can to get better so I can work. I want to start living my life again. (I'm not sure staying in my bed watching TV reruns counts for much living, but it's all I can do for right now.)
I am thinking about going into real estate once I'm ready to have a full time job.
I'm the luckiest girl in the world because I have a great support system. I have my parents, my grandmothers, an aunt, and an uncle. (That's all of my family... unless you count my cousin, who is an ass!) Of course, I have some family that isn't related by blood. My best friend is a sister to me; she and I have been best friends for twenty-four years. I also have three guy friends that I have been friends with for ten years that I call my brothers. I'm the luckiest person in the world.
I'm incredibly liberal, but I try to be open-minded to everybody's views even when I disagree. (Well, I'm open-minded unless they are INSANELY IGNORANT views, that is!) I believe in a higher power, but do not belong to an organized religion because I believe there is some truth to nearly all of them. Besides, most teach the same values, mainly to love one another, which I try to do to the best of my ability. I enjoy learning about religions, though. I also love having conversations (not arguments) with people about their political and religious viewpoints because I often learn something new, or think of something in a way I never thought about it before. (It's surprising to hear how obsessed with Texas I am when you find out those things about me!!! Needless to say, in those aspects, I don't quite fit in here.)
I love to read, particularly memoirs about mental disorders, because I find personal experiences very interesting. I don't believe criteria convey a depiction of what a disorder is really like, so I'm always curious to learn more by reading personal experiences. I also love to read poetry, and I'm kind of a Frank O'Hara and Charles Bukowski freak right now. I also love to read things about feminist theory, but I'm just getting started, so I don't have any favorites yet. My favorite book of all time is The Great Gatsby. Don't tell me it's overrated; it's not. I also love Slaughterhouse Five by Kurt Vonnegut and The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath. BJ Novak's One More Thing: Stories and Other Stories is my obsession right now.
Coffee table books are also always fun. I especially like SMU: Unbridled Vision, A Southern Belle Primer: Or Why Paris Hilton Will Never Be a Kappa Kappa Gamma by Marylin Schwartz (and no, I'm not a KKG), The Bro Code by Barney Stinson with Matt Kuhn, Waiter Rant by The Waiter, The Official Preppy Handbook by Lisa Birnbach, True Prep: It's a Whole New Old World by Lisa Birnbach with Chip Kidd, and any of the Anne Taintor and Post Secret Books.
I watch too much TV, particularly LOST, (and in no particular order...), The Walking Dead, Breaking Bad, Dexter, Criminal Minds, The Daily Show with Trevor Noah, How I Met Your Mother, Modern Family, Chuck, The Office, Parks and Recreation, Cougar Town, The Big Bang Theory, Community, Fringe, Castle, Firefly (Yes, I still watch the series over sometimes, along with My So Called Life and Freaks and Geeks. Cancelled far too soon!), and way too many more to name. Seriously, it's kind of pathetic. I could name SO MANY more, but it would scare you. (And can you tell I'm obsessed with Lost just a tad? I even own a Dharma Initiative jumpsuit. Embroidered with my name and job. I am apparently a technician at the Swan.) I'm also a bit obsessed with the Investigation Discovery channel. It's so freaking addictive!!!
My favorite movie is Cinderella. It's a Wonderful Life, Forrest Gump, Breakfast at Tiffany's, and Anchorman are all tied for second. Despite what most my favorite movies are, I tend to like comedies. If you put a Judd Apatow movie in front of me, I won't complain. And I love Gone in 60 Seconds. For such a girly girl, I like really dumb boy movies more than I should. However, I own every animated Disney movie that was ever made and could probably recite them by heart, so maybe I'm also a toddler.
I believe that The Core is the most ridiculous and stupid movie ever made and I refuse to watch something so asinine. I've never seen it and I never will. I will YELL if somebody brings up that ridiculously AWFUL movie. Sadly, I'm not at all kidding. I don't care if I've never seen it. YOU CAN'T GO TO THE FREAKING CORE OF THE EARTH! YOU WILL DIE!!! This is a legitimately serious topic for me.
I am OBSESSED with music. I will listen to anything. I tend to like more softcore indie music, but I am not lying when I say my musical interests are incredibly broad. I just can't listen to metal or hardcore. I'm not ashamed to admit that Hanson is my favorite band. My favorite song of all time is Jeff Buckley's version of "Hallelujah." Surprisingly, I'm also in love with Justin Timberlake's cover of "Hallelujah" though I never thought I would ever like any of his music... but his cover is simply gorgeous. I actually have 51 covers of Leonard Cohen's "Hallelujah" on iTunes, so you can tell that I love that song!
I could name my favorite musicians, but it's longer than the TV list, and it expands constantly. I have roughly 13,000 songs on my computer.
Pink, lime green, and yellow are my favorite colors. White is my fourth favorite, though it's technically not a color. I HATE purple with a passion for some reason. I'm on the fence about turquoise, but it's headed towards the top. (Clearly, this is very important to know about me since it's in my profile.)
My favorite sport teams are SMU Mustangs Football, SMU Mustangs Basketball, the Dallas Cowboys, and the Dallas Mavericks. And before you say a word, SMU football is coming back! We never should have received the Death Penalty, and I urge you to watch the ESPN documentary Pony Excess. I dream of owning the book A Payroll to Meet: A Story of Greed, Corruption, and Football at SMU by David Whitford, but since it is no longer being published, it's crazy expensive. If you're super rich and want to buy a stranger on the internet a gift, I urge you to do so...
However, I'm incredibly unathletic. I can't catch a ball, I can't do a cartwheel, and can't even ride a bike...
If I had an infinite amount of money, I would also take annual trips to Walt Disney World because it is my favorite place on earth. If you don't agree... well, it just makes me sad inside. It's still full of hope and dreams and magic, even at my age. I would wear Lilly Pulitzer every single day of my life... along with some Ralph Lauren and Vineyard Vines. Don't judge. I would give a lot to charity, obviously. I currently support victims of domestic violence, the National Alliance of Mental Illness, the Mental Health Association, the National Organization of Women, Emily's List, and the It Gets Better campaign, but I would give MUCH more. I would also give to my sorority, as our philanthropy is supporting victims of domestic violence, but it costs money to get the word out there! I would also pay for a contractor for my remodel of a house instead of doing it myself. And I'd get a pink convertible like Barbie.
In fact, my role model is Barbie. She is the ultimate feminist. (I wrote a paper about this for my Women's Studies class and actually changed my professor's mind about Barbie!) She can have any job in the world -- doctor, president, dentist, teacher, artist, nurse, etc. (She has actually had more stereotypical "male" jobs than "female" jobs.) Her hard work allowed her to buy her very own pink dream house and pink dream convertible. And yeah, her body may be fake, but you can bet your ass that Ken didn't pay for any of it. My other role models include Jimmy Buffett, Audrey Hepburn, Marilyn Monroe, George Bailey, Bill & Hillary Clinton, and Jay Gatsby (only his undying hope... not anything else about him, obviously!). My most important role models, however, are my amazing parents. I personally think they should change their last name to "Awesome" but they are against it for some reason...
My favorite holidays are Valentine's Day, New Year's Eve, Independence Day (FIREWORKS!), and my birthday. (I'm an only child, so yes, my birthday is like a holiday to me.) I also love Cinco de Mayo, and while it's not a holiday, I love the day of the Kentucky Derby. I love the last two because I can wear cool hats... and make awesome margaritas and mint juleps.
As a Southerner, I'm also kind of obsessed with my silver pattern, which is Rose Point by Wallace. Why is this important to know about me? I don't know, but it is. Deal with it. I have more sterling than I know what to do with. When I was working, I did buy my very own five-piece Rose Point tea set at a quarter of the price they're sold on eBay!!! I'm so very in love with it. <3
I love a good scotch. Summer is by far the best season ever. I hate anything between Labor Day and Easter because I can't wear white. I love sundresses. I'm also in love with agendas that are organized by color. Happy moments in TV shows/commercials/movies/books ALWAYS make me cry. My motto is "What would Jimmy Buffett do?" but I also have to ask, "What would Audrey Hepburn do?" because all ladies need class.
Most of all, I believe in happy endings. Always.
If you ever need to contact me and I'm not on the boards, you can email me at daisy4815 AT gmail.com. (Obviously it's "@" and not "AT" but I don't want to receive spam!)
"Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the not-quite, the not-yet, and the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish in the lonely frustration for the life you deserved and have never been able to reach. The world you desire can be won. It exists. It is real. It is possible. It is yours."
-- Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged