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Everything posted by daisy

  1. Naltrexone has given me no urges to drink. I don't WANT alcohol anymore. But my habit could not care less about what I want. The drug has helped, don't get me wrong. I no longer feel the need to drink to self-medicate my anxiety. I honestly just don't think about drinking at all until I get home in my chair, my fiancé is drinking, we're watching the news, and I feel like it's just TIME for me to have a drink even though I don't particularly want one. The drug has actually helped immensely, as I didn't think anything could get me to stop self-medicating my anxiety. I probably did something stupid today, but I wanted it done quicker rather than sooner. I had six drinks -- much more than I want to have -- but I finished my bottle of alcohol. On purpose. I can't drink anymore now. I do have a few other bottles of alcohol, but the mixers have so many more calories that I'm not willing to drink them unless it's a special occasion. And there are no special occasions in the near future. I probably should have poured my Jameson out instead of finishing the bottle. But I actually had a real moment of clarity once I poured the last shot glass into my glass -- this is it. I'm not turning back. I'm officially REALLY cutting down. Unfortunately, I made plans more than a week ago (before my plans came into effect) to have drinks with a friend tomorrow. I'm just going to drink slowly, drink little and blame it on driving, and since this is a newer friend, not bring attention to myself. I feel that on Friday when I get home, I will have nothing to drink that I typically drink (though there will be alcohol), and I'll seek out another source of consumption that doesn't have so many calories. I don't know if my plan will work, but I am absolutely delighted that my Jameson is gone. (I thought of pouring it down the drain, but I know myself, and I would have thought it was a waste and would have just bought another bottle when there were only six drinks left in there to start with. Now I have no excuse of waste.) I also see a therapist on Friday, and she has dealt with substance abuse issues. I don't have the urges. (The medication has made me realize that I actually don't typically have them anyways.) But I have the habit. I hope she can help me get out of that. Wish me luck!!!
  2. I think he'll respect me on this once I talk to him about it, which I haven't really done in a clear manner. I don't think he takes me seriously because I've talked about cutting down on my drinking a lot of times before and I haven't really done anything about it. And I honestly don't think he noticed that I have already cut down my alcohol consumption in half... and I never actually said anything to him about it. But that doesn't mean I still don't drink too much! I'll be honest -- I decided to start this new goal because of weight loss. I have gained so much in the past year since I really started drinking and I have 65 pounds to lose before my wedding in June -- and I already have the dress! But the more I thought about it, I the more I wanted to do it because I realized I was a problem drinker and I wanted to do it for general health reasons and so I don't become an alcoholic. I have enough mental health problems... I don't need to add addiction into the mix! I think if I explain it to him like that, it will make more sense. After all, he doesn't want to get married to and have kids with an alcoholic! I'd like to talk to him about cutting down as well. Mostly for his health and because he's also drinking way too much, but I don't think he'll go for the reason of health, but he's gained as much weight as I have in the past year, so maybe I'll convince him by telling him we should both lose weight for the wedding! If we do it together, it would be so much easier! It seems like it would be a big decision, but it really isn't. When it comes down to it, alcohol doesn't really add anything to my life. Granted, it isn't the fun decision. I'm not saying it's not fun to go out and have drinks with friends or drink some beer while watching football. It is, and I'm not saying I won't do that in the future once I feel I am fully in control of my drinking. But alcohol doesn't MEAN anything to me. I'd much rather be skinny, healthy, and in control of my life. That makes it a really easy decision. (But just because it's an easy decision to me doesn't mean it won't be a hard habit to break.)
  3. He does, and is not willing to limit his drinking around me. Actually, last night, he kind of peer-pressured me into drinking. It's something I'm going to discuss with him tonight. I know we have fun drinking together. I get it. And it's not just me who has to get out of the habit of drinking. He's got to get out of the habit of me drinking as well. But he's just gotta accept that I'm sticking to a couple of drinks on special occasions and maybe a drink -- and by a drink, I literally mean ONE drink, not like the "one drinks" he makes -- every week or so. When I have control over my drinking, then I'm fine adding a few more drinks in. I'll see what's best for me after I maintain my goal for a while. But right now, I have the ability to take control over alcohol before alcohol controls me. If I keep going the way I'm going, I won't be able to. I'm going to have to explain that to him and tell him that it's the best thing for the BOTH of us that I start controlling my drinking habits now.
  4. Well, I'm definitely unable to move, as I own my house outright and don't have to pay a mortgage. However, I'm studying to get my teaching certification and hope to be off disability within a year and be a teacher. I'll be married in June, but my fiance is a bigger drinker than I am. I'm not sure what changes I can make. Any ideas? I do think a therapist will help, even though my reasons for drinking aren't exactly complex. I may not be an alcoholic, but I am a problem drinker and I'm not ashamed to admit that I need help in fixing that.
  5. I'm not an alcoholic, but I do abuse alcohol. I want to give up alcohol except for the occasional drink here or there and for special occasions. It's become such a habit to come home and drink that it's been hard to break... especially when my fiance is also drinking -- and peer-pressuring me. I've abused alcohol since I started drinking at 18, but it only happened occasionally. Now it happens nearly every night. For my general health and for weight loss (and because I don't want to become an alcoholic), this is unacceptable to me. A lot of it is self-medicating my anxiety, but it's just not the right way. I was prescribed naltrexone today, and I'm hopeful it will help. (Although I think I'll start after Labor Day so I can celebrate!) I obviously don't want to do an abstinence program as it's not for me. (Unless I find I am unable to cut back.) However, I think I would benefit from moderation management books, programs, or anything like that. I think I could learn some lifestyle changes I could make to make breaking this habit easier... because I just don't think a medication is going to do all of the work for me, and I don't want to stay on it forever anyways. Does anybody have any recommendations?
  6. What time of the day do you take it? I was just prescribed it today for alcohol abuse.
  7. I just got prescribed naltrexone because of my alcohol abuse. However, I'm not sure when to take it. If I take it in the morning, will it last me until the evening when I usually drink? Or should I go ahead and take it in the evening? Thanks for your help!
  8. Did Saphris cause you to eat more or did it just affect your weight by taking it? It is my newest med, so that could be the culprit...
  9. lamotrigine 400 mg -- depression (and partially for mood stabilization) venlafaxine ER 225 mg -- depression bupropion 300 mg -- depression ziprasidone 160 mg --depression Armour Thyroid 60 mg -- depression (are we sensing a trend here?) topiramate 100 mg -- mood stabilization clonazepam 1 mg TID -- general anxiety alprazolam 1 mg PRN -- panic attacks Adderall XR 30 mg -- ADHD (inattentive) amphetamine salts 30 mg BID -- ADHD (inattentive) Saphris 10 mg -- insomnia ----- I know it's a lot, and I do hate it, but my depression is finally in remission after suffering for 25 years, so I'm not going to complain about my meds.
  10. I'm unsure if I gained any weight when I started Geodon. However, I'm trying to lose weight, and I'm unable to. Could the Geodon be preventing this? I've also started Saphris for sleep. Could that be preventing it?
  11. tryp!!! How are you??? I was thinking about you not too long ago!!!
  12. Thank you very much! I really think it is the two Diet Dr Peppers each day. Or at least I'm going to tell myself that so I don't have to try to give up my horrible, horrible addiction!
  13. Well, I never became stupid this time. However, my feet fall asleep very easily since taking it. (I'm always sitting on one of my feet... so they always fell asleep sometimes, but now it's ALL of the time.) I've gained about 80 pounds since I last posted. (Not due to meds. I made A LOT of horrible caloric decisions.) I am now engaged and need to lose weight for my wedding. At what dosage did people get the side effect of weight loss?
  14. Officially in remission!!!

  15. I thought this post deserved an update, because I have great news. I have not been depressed nor hypomanic since I posted. I am officially in remission. I am currently still on all of my medications. My pdoc has mentioned coming off of maybe the Geodon, but because I haven't been in remission for very long, I'm hesitant to do so. I've also had a lot of changes in my life (though both VERY excellent), and there will be pressure. The first change is that I am now planning a wedding!!! If you had told me a year ago that I would be able to handle a relationship, I wouldn't have believed you. And I don't think I could have done it at that time. But my relationship has truly helped me become happier than I have ever been. I am also going to get my teaching certificate to teach high school English. I feel confident that I will be able to go back to work when I finish the program. I have NEVER not felt depression until now. It has been a lifelong struggle. And I know that there will be times when that struggle will come back. I'm okay with that now. Because I know I can get out of it. And the feeling of not being depressed... I never thought I could feel this free. It was like I had been stuck at the bottom of a pit since I was five, and finally at thirty, somebody gave me a ladder so I could see the world for the first time. My anxiety is getting better as well, but that's a relatively new development, and I still struggle with it quite a bit. On the bright side, it is improving -- ALL forms of my anxiety, in fact. I still struggle with my eating disorder, though that is on and off (currently on, unfortunately), my ADHD, and my crazy insomnia. I'm working on my food and body issues and am trying to follow a healthy diet to lose weight for the wedding. So far, I'm doing very well, so I'm optimistic. Even though I still have some difficulties, I've conquered SO much since August, and I am not complaining one bit because my progress has been excellent. So have hope. If I can climb out of my pit, so can you.
  16. I'm asking on behalf of my boyfriend because I'm worried, so I don't know all of the thoughts going on inside of his head. I know you can't diagnose him ANYWAYS, but not knowing his thoughts leaves it very much a guessing game as to whether he needs help or not. He has an obsession with gardening in my backyard that is becoming detrimental to our relationship, which he knows. I'm becoming depressed again because of it -- when I have been fine for the first time in a very long time. I cry frequently when he mentions it or when he mentions going to Home Depot. He knows how upset this is making me, so it's not news to him. Not only does it look like a freaking nursery out there, but I've spent thousands of dollars I don't have enabling his habit. (Don't worry -- I've told him that I'm done and he WILL be taking some plants back to Home Depot.) When he's not in the backyard, he's almost ALWAYS talking about it. He is great to me otherwise, I love him, and don't intend on breaking up with him, but I'm getting to the point where I'm about to spend a few nights at my parents' house simply because I can't deal with it anymore. I have mild OCD myself and I'm beginning to recognize some of those traits in him. He's dealing with depression right now due to external factors, and I think that could be why this came up. I don't know. Maybe this is a dumb question. In fact, it probably is a stupid question. It doesn't matter if he's OCD or not. He just needs to seek help.
  17. Just to update everybody... I'm still doing very well. I had a couple of "bad days" last week. (I had to put it in quotes, because my bad days were not even CLOSE to what I had been dealing with. I'm functioning. Everything is great. After going down on Effexor and adding Topamax, I haven't had any hypomanic episodes. (In fact, I hadn't had any depressive episodes except for the three days last week!) I've been able to start and have a serious relationship -- something I would have never been able to do before. So I am proof that it CAN happen when it doesn't seem possible. And right now, everything seems possible to me.
  18. I am on 100 mg. At first all cokes tasted awful, but I can now happily drink my Diet Dr Peppers. I honestlly have no side effects at all!
  19. Don't worry... I'm sticking to my meds! I take them daily at the same time. (Well, I try to take them at the same time...) Unless my pdoc changes something, I'm thinking I might wait until I'm able to have a full-time job for a year until I start going off things.
  20. I've had a boyfriend for LITERALLY nine days. And everything has been perfect until last night. And then I got upset. To preface, I gained 22 pounds in two months. But I recently joined a gym and started dieting. So I've been dieting and working out to lose weight... to no avail, may I add, though I haven't been doing it long enough to make a difference, I'm sure. My major insecurity is a pocket of fat right below my belly button. A beer belly, if you will. Last night, while watching Netflix with my boyfriend, he started laughing and grabbed my tummy and was like, "You're right! You actually do have a little beer belly!!!" I held my tears back, but it was so obvious that's what I was doing. He didn't mean it to be mean and he had no bad intentions, and I knew that. I mean, he has a bit of a beer belly as well and is going on the whole 30 diet. He felt awful. He just cuddled me and kissed my whole face and spent an hour telling me how beautiful he found me and my body and reminded me he wouldn't be dating me if he didn't. He told me that even though he did want me to work out and get in shape so we could maybe run together (he's a huge fitness buff), he honestly could not care less if I didn't lose a single pound because he found me beautiful just the way I am. (I told him it was okay after a couple of minutes. I wasn't okay with it, but I didn't want him to know how insecure I am with my body... plus, I know he was just messing around. HE'S the one that went on for at least an hour... not me!!!) But even though I know he was just joking around and I know how bad he feels, it broke my heart a little. I just feel so fat now. My personal trainer and I are working on my upper body next, but I'm going to ask her if we can work on my beer belly after that and explain to her why. On the bright side, I've never felt so motivated to work out, diet, and lose my weight.
  21. I'm happy to report that Topamax has not made me stupid like it did last time. I'm actually doing very well on it side effects-wise. In fact, the only one I have is that cokes taste awful. I drink my Diet Dr Peppers anyways because I'm so very addicted... Other than that? Not one side effect.
  22. I haven't been NOT depressed since I was five. I have to admit... it's AMAZING!!!

  23. I have a friend who is having a problem, but is hesitant to post on the board because she's only on one medication and she's worried people won't understand her because most of us are on cocktails. (I'm still encouraging her, but only time will tell.) It reminded me of when I started here on two meds for depression. It was 2009. I was not knowledgable then about medication. I didn't do my research before I started taking something. I had always done what my general doctor told me to take and he had finally told me I had to go to a pdoc, and these were my first prescriptions prescribed by him on my first visit. I just blindly took what he told me to, no questions asked on my end. I ended up on the edge of mania. Now I had posted here right before I went to my pdoc and once again after I was prescribed my meds talking about how hopeful I was that they had helped. But that was it. I didn't know anybody on the boards. But everyone rushed to help me. Y'all pinpointed quickly which med was doing it, and helped me figure out what to do, because I had NO idea. I was basically out of it, so my Little in my sorority had to help me read your answers and call my pdoc for emergency help. I don't know what would have happened if I hadn't found CB. And even though NOBODY knew me, you all helped me anyways. You guys saved my life that day... no exaggeration. I didn't blindly take meds after that. I started researching side effects. I started researching other meds. I got to the point where I could suggest meds to my pdoc. Now it's 2016, and he asks me what I think about my cocktail and dosages. I'm just as knowledgable as him, if not more so. None of that would have happened without CB. I wouldn't be over my depression. I'd still be blindly taking medications. So thank you, fellow CBers! I will forever be changed because of who you are and what you've meant to me.
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