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About Alien.

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    Psychology, history, neopaganism, religion, theology, etc.

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  1. Thanks a lot, thesystemisdown... I still feel pretty awful, though. Ugh I don't know what to do :/
  2. I don't think you can hospitalise yourself in the UK... not that I know of; I probably should be in hospital now, though. I'm a threat to myself I take an overdose, like, every three days now. Normally, like, anti-depressants because they're obviously the first pills on hand. So I guess, anti-depressant overdoses aren't serious. Crisis team don't care. I'm so done. Ugh
  3. I ended up going to hospital after another suicide attempt, they just sent me home after taking bloods and said I was fine and to wait for the crisis team to contact me in two weeks. I still feel pretty terrible. (...I think she's realised, by now, how sick I am because she's not angry anymore.)
  4. I doubt they'll take me seriously if I'm not, like, in floods of tears or something. Then again, I'm not sure I want them to take me seriously cos I'm also scared they'll take me to hospital. But I've read something, not addressed to me, but someone else who was in a similar place, "you can come back from hospital. you can't come back from suicide." I feel really, really torn ... plus my partner's mother was pretty angry about the suicide attempt on Jan 3rd, I'm afraid she'll be angry if I call the crisis team, too.
  5. This following message is probably upsetting, so yeah: head's up for suicide and self-harm talk. I've been really struggling recently. Attempted suicide 3rd Jan, and was taken to A&E, where a nurse referred me to the local crisis team. Right now, I'm having really... 'bad' thoughts... and I've written a suicide note, but haven't decided on a method yet. Or if I'm actually gonna do it, because honestly, I don't want to make a mess??? I know that's a silly thing to be concerned about, but yeah. [REDACTED - graphic talk of suicide methods] My question is: since I've only self-harmed minimally (superficial cuts on arms and legs) and am pretty much too stupid and scared to kill myself, do I even get to call the crisis team?! I feel like crap, and may overdose today, but... I think, "other people need these services and I don't deserve them." I've also been meaning to get into the doctors as an emergency, but as I say: I sleep all day; I can hardly get outta bed. This is amazing, being up this early tbh (6:40pm) What would the crisis team even do with me?!
  6. Can voices be mood-dependent?

  7. I'm not really sure it is an emergency... I mean, I've managed so far... but it is really hard... tried to cut my wrists again last night... this morning I am quite calm... I don't know.
  8. I'm gonna tell the doctor about it on Friday, and see what she says, but I'm feeling really bad right now so I may actually get an emergency appointment tomorrow, if I feel worse. I'm just relunctant to do that in case I get the horrible male doctor who called me attention-seeking again.
  9. I haven't got a pdoc or tdoc, but I can ask for a referral. Honestly, I think this might be PMDD rather than my old depression stuff, because it happens at the same time every month. Last month I tried to jump out a moving car. I've also come off my meds, so I'll probably need to go back on. I see a doctor Friday. I didn't make an emergency appointment because: Last time I did that I was told I wasn't really mentally ill in any way, despite my diagnosis being "borderline personality traits", and to stop being attention-seeking and I quote, "take responsibility for my actions". (This was after the jumping out the car incident; I didn't go to hospital because I wasn't physically hurt because the look of pure terror on my partner's face stopped me from actually jumping, I just took off my seltbelt, said "Fuck this!" and opened the car door. And the way they - my partner - looked at me. Like... that broke my heart. I couldn't do it when I saw that look.) Also since actually getting my period, I feel sad/moody but not suicidal. And after a few days on my period, like halfway through, the moodiness will lift and I'll be back to my usual (if medicated) self. edited for spelling mistake
  10. Same, but also vaguely hopeful.
  11. Sounds like paranoia to me, though I'm no professional. I think the lock idea's a good idea, though I can't think of any excuses for if someone asks, "Why do you have a lock on your lunchbox?" ... anyone got any ideas? Do you see a pdoc/tdoc? It might be good to talk about paranoid feelings with them.
  12. Hey, sorry guys, sometimes I just... forget to check back, I'm really sorry if I worried you. I'm not sure what happened, but I keep awful dreams about a certain traumatic event that happened two years ago, and that doesn't help. Also, my partner's not around right now and I really miss them. Also, this might be of importance: I tried to cut my wrists in the bath yesterday. I'm not sure if it was the anxiety I felt while doing it, or how hot I made the water, or the sight of blood, but it made me throw up. All this pain just doesn't seem worth it right now; I don't think I was trying to kill myself with the incident in the bath, but I kinda hoped I'd accidentally cut too deep and... die, I guess. Lose too much blood, I was thinking. I guess I wanted to die, but I didn't want to kill myself. Does that make sense? I don't want to be the one that kills me, because ... I feel guilty for feeling suicidal. If that makes any sense. Edit: Even though if I did cut myself too deep and lose too much blood, that'd be my fault and I'd probably fail anyway and have to live with that guilt. But idk, I guess I didn't think of that. it's hard for me to think right now.
  13. Feel so alone.

    1. M@ri


      Hi there! You've been heard in some small way. Take care.

    2. Alien.


      Thank you, M@ri.

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