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jarn

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About jarn

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  1. I'm on 7.5mg Haldol now and it's working well - first day back at work today. Once I got onto therapeutic dosages it worked a lot better (duh). Bit of nausea but that's the only side effect. I used loxapine as my daily plus increases as a PRN and it worked well for everything except mood, so Cheese, that might help too. But my Haldol psychosis seems to be gone, hoping that continues.
  2. Thanks Geek. I feel pressure in my head this morning and I don't want to walk the dogs as I'm scared there will be trackers outside, but Toby can do that. I will shop with him though and I hope he'll help. If this follows, I should be fine come afternoon. It doesn't make sense. Why do the psychotic symptoms go away the further I get away from my dose? But thanks re: Thanksgiving. We're having three friends over for Friendsgiving tonight. We picked up the turkey and a small apple pie from our local small family butcher yesterday - I'd reserved one - ye gads - I don't know how much we'll be able to give away as two people are having/have had Thanksgiving at their place too...but man. I don't eat meat so hopefully the one friend takes lots. I'm sure you can freeze turkey meat too. I was going to make turkey soup with the carcass for Toby. Mmm, carcass. He's anaemic (ironically haha because I'm not, and I'm largely plant-based but totally vegetarian) so I made him meat loaf with chicken liver the other day and I had to chop the chicken liver in the blender. Let me tell you, I cook him meat all the time and used to feed the dogs raw (including frozen goat heads with tongues and eyeballs) and none of that bothered me, but liver slurry....oh wow. I've never seen anything so gross. Used ground elk and ground pork and he really likes it. To each their own I guess. But that was a huge digression, other than to say that we're going ahead with Friendsgiving despite not having shopped or cleaned. Holy clusterfuck!!!!!
  3. I'm glad I'm going up what seems like it could be a low maintenance dose (given I at least with loxapine have been able to take typicals are lower overall dosages than AAPs) but that I'm actually on a therapeutic dose now. What a crappy first day of vacation though! Toby says I advocated well for myself, but I really think if he hadn't been there I would've been admitted. They talked to him privately for about 15 minutes. I think not only was he able to speak to my functioning but also make them feel like I had support and back up at home.
  4. Thanks...he will. I think the dose increase will make a world of difference.
  5. Thanks @echolocation and @dancesintherain. Pdoc got in touch and said I needed to go to psych emerg at his hospital (so they could see all my records) - ugh - so I did. I'm fine now, but then that's been the pattern with Haldol - the later in the day it gets, the less psychotic I am - which seems super weird to me since I take it at night, I've honestly no idea. Anyways, all the doctors worked together - I'm now on 5mg and can go up to 7.5mg. They gave me instructions to bring to my GP Tuesday. Toby came with an advocated for me not to be kept there, which I was also very firm in not wanting, and thankfully - they listened. Anyways, SHOCKINGLY, 2-3mg is not a therapeutic dose. Sigh.
  6. That's okay Will. Your experience does sound awful. I've been lucky in comparison. I hope pdoc responds he has been responsive. We will see I guess.
  7. I'm sorry that happened to you it sounded awful.. I 'm on a way lower dose. It's not enough though, the trackers are every wehre and they're reporting on my movements. I feel pressure in my head and that happens when they're tracking me so I know I'm not well. There were funny noises in the hall way I was worried twere THE people come to take me - the trackers report to them - but it was probably a neighbour. I took 3mg last night I don't know how quickly that should work to stop the trackers but it didn't work last night normally htey're just on the subway but now they're everywehre. I took ativan too so I slept. I emailed pdoc's admin again to ask him if I should go up on dose and if so how much and when. I want the trackers to leave me alone. I don't like the pressure in my head.
  8. The weird thing is, I'm still get lots of deep sleep. But not as much overall sleep, and I'm hyper awake when I am awake which is very abnormal for me. I am not usually AWAKE and now I feel ON and ALIVE though that dissipates as the day goes on and I feel pretty normal now. In a non-tired way. Normally I'm tired. I'm so taking an Ativan tonight. Though I do like not being tired. But I'm worried it's affecting me. It's coincidental I have the time off - we took off Friday and Tuesday (Thanksgiving in Canada is Monday) to go camping but it's just as well that's not happening.
  9. Haha I showed Toby the email and said I was worried I sounded crazy...he said 'No, you don't...mind you, I'm also kind of used to you being crazy, so maybe you do and it just sounds normal to me.' He also knows all about the trackers and how they monitor me and report what I'm doing to THE people though.
  10. I was pretty close to full-on delusional on the subway this morning. A lot of my delusions have grown to centre around the subway and people tracking me (it's a long story). And I saw a lady in shiny pants that I thought was a demon but I convinced myself she wasn't. It was not a fun ride. Super awake again too. Emailed pdoc when I got in to work (well, after I talked to Toby who said I should) and he said to increased the Haldol (to a whopping 3mg...he's really trying to keep me low, I expect I'll need to increase more if my experience on 2mg is anything to go by) and that I could take an ativan to help me sleep. I eventually came out of it and reread my email to pdoc and it sounds slightly crazed. I get worked up on the subway about the trackers. I don't like them. Well, I have 5 days off now, so I won't be commuting (though will be going to Thanksgiving Brunch near my mom's Sunday - but I'll have Toby with me and he's like a psychosis security blanket, so I should be fine). See my GP Tuesday as she wanted to see me more - she was not convinced it was okay not to be seen until October 30th (appointment with pdoc) and turns out she was probably right. Got more and more nauseous as the day wore on but it's abated now.
  11. And, if I can rant about my old VP, the only reason I took as much time off as I did when I was hypo or manic (it ended in delusions and paranoia and I can't go on the subway when the trackers are monitoring me), whichever it was, is because my manager (who knew what was going on, well, not the psychosis) told me to! And then I get in trouble! UGH. I hate my old workplace.
  12. Oh yes and I totally forgot to say. Bit speedy and paranoid this morning (likely from stress I'm thinking? Poor sleep from loxapine withdrawal). But I talked to my boss: Me: So, I just wanted to let you know what was going on Boss: Okay Me: I'm bipolar Boss: Oh, okay! Me: And they're changing one of my meds which I wasn't expecting Boss: Ahh Me: So I have more appointments, and I know I've already taken time off for appointments Boss: I don't mind Me: Well, I was wondering...would it be okay if I work from home on days/afternoons that I have appointments? Boss: I don't think we have a formal policy, but I've no problem with that Me: So would I just email myself my work, or, uh... Boss: I guess so? Me: Or...I was wondering....would it make sense for me to have a laptop? Boss: Sure! That makes sense! Just email IT! Me: Okay, I'll copy you Boss: Great. Hey, while I have you here, I have a question about this review I owe you... And that was it. My old job we all had laptops (nobody in my department currently does, though eventually we'll all get them) and I still wasn't allowed to work from home because it would be 'special treatment' and 'unfair to everyone else' so instead I almost got fired for missing so much work (apparently having a hypomanic episode was unfair to the organization, and it was NOT OKAY that I needed to take time for therapy...until I was forced to tell my VP, look, I'm bipolar, I had an episode, I'm taking time off for therapy (but it was PAID TIME OFF, I wasn't just fucking off) - and I had already disclosed to HR and management in my department, but not my VP, the whole thing was ridiculous). It was so...easy. I think I have trauma from how dysfunctional my old workplace was. I was all scared to go in and ask and it went great. My boss and I filled out the form today to approve my laptop and assuming we did it correctly I'll have it early next week.
  13. I'm glad pdoc was supportive but poop you got some in the evening. Did the zyprexa help?
  14. I asked about staying on loxapine and adding an AAP, and he said absolutely not. Oh well. Sticking with the typicals. I think he thinks I tend more to the bipolar side than the SZ side, but I agree, it's a bit silly. Still, it's the closest I've gotten this clinic to say that, short of my old pdoc basically being 'You meet the diagnostic criteria but I still think you're BP'. I don't know if it's a comment on my level of functioning? But he didn't said function, he said thought like. I should've asked. I was a bit taken aback at the time though. Thanks! That's good to know! Right now I am super nauseous, I'm sure from loxapine withdrawal. I haven't had any side effects attributable to Haldol that I can tell but I'm still on a baby dose AND I'm going from one typical to another so hopefully the acute dyskinesia that I had on start up of loxapine (went away after 4 days; tongue darting) won't happen. If it dose, I won't worry unless it lasts.
  15. Oh no cross titration - no idea why - but I'm not surprised. My old pdoc who heads up the clinic used to take me off of Seroquel without a taper (sometimes I'd taper, sometimes not). Mind you, tapering just delayed being sick as a dog for months, so yeah. Other meds I forget - I think it's been a mix. Regardless, I was not too sedated last night - if anything, less tired than normal - and I'm up 30 minutes early and fairly awake. I both don't feel sick and I do feel sick. I suspect me being so awake is from not having any loxapine in my system/whatever withdrawal I'm going through - it's happened before - and I'm up out of bed in that 'I feel poorly enough I don't want to sleep but not so poorly I want to stay in bed' way. I suspect re: PRNs - liraglutide I take as an AD, and I'm not fussed about depression - I haven't been having more than 10 minutes upsets (if that) with the crash at the end of my short manic episodes - plus I've got the lamotrigine. If I need to though, I can take the liraglutide, and it's fairly fast acting for me. If I get more manic, I can go to 3mg of Haldol or I suppose take an ativan as I did that in April to help keep the hypo hypo and not mania. It mostly just makes me out of it though. Man I do not want to go to work today but I will. I don't have a lot of sick days at the new job, and I've used 3.5 already with colds etc. Plus I should talk to my boss and tell him what's going on. I'm going to ask if I can get a laptop (for some reason here we don't have them, though eventually everyone will) so on days I don't feel well I can work from home, plus - more appointments - which I am using vacation for and would rather not!!!!!! I like this new pdoc so far - but I have a very new relationship with him - but I really like that he sees the short episodes as mood and not simply 'agitation' which is what old pdoc (head of the clinic) dismissed them as. It's a clinic at a hospital with relationships with UofT, and they do a lot of research - I just turned down being part of a study because I would've had to do a FORTY FIVE minute MRI - I don't mind MRIs, I've had them on my ankle and brain MRIs for other studies I've done for the psych clinic - but I don't want to lie still for 45 minutes. I don't know, I'd rather be at home with the cats. Maybe eventually I'll change my mind. They're looking at myelin sheaths or something (I don't quite remember) in bipolar people with an eye to developing new meds. I also like new pdoc because while he says I'm bipolar, I'm 'on the schizophrenic spectrum' and I think that fits best. I've been dx'd SZA in the past, and I think that is what I am, but old pdoc said that while he wouldn't argue with someone who said I was SZA, he felt I thought like a BP person (whatever THAT means) so that was my dx. Even though I do meet the diagnostic criteria for SZA as I do get psychotic when my mood is fine. Anyways, I'm blabbering, and should probably get ready for work. Thanks
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