jarn

Man I'm posting a lot of threads these days! I sometimes feel/smell stuff, that I don't think are hallucinations so much as random stuff everyone does? That happens to normal people, right? As I've said previously, my psychosis doesn't TEND to be hallucinations. However - I feel vibrations off and on, ONLY in my left foot. It can be on top of my right foot in bed, and I feel vibrations through my left foot. There is random construction in my building, but not at 11:30 pm on a Saturday night. Is this just one of those random things, or is it a weird hallucination?

Oh me too. I think for me it's an inability to properly care and meds/mouth breathing. Last time I was there the hygienist recommended biotene gel and it really helps with dry mouth.

Loxapine has been a god send for me @psychwardjesus - when I was on it monotherapy, it's reduced psychotic agitation, helped stop psychotic episodes for years longer (most other meds last 3-6 months), I think I went something like 30 months. I was on Metformin almost immediately after starting zyprexa, had huge upset tummy, even after reducing dose - you've never really lived until you've shit yourself in your sleep and not woken up - and nothing like trying to walk the dogs, getting 150m and then being like 'We need to go home NOW OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD'. I don't have it on my meds list, that's my bad, but I was but on Saxenda after Metformin, it worked well but my insurance changed to need a prior authorization. Now I take Rybelsus and am doing well on it. 7mg going up to 14mg next week sometime I believe it is. My pdoc agreed to try zyprexa as a last shot before clozapine, so he's definitely open to it. I've been doing better with zyprexa side effects since lowering to 10mg from 30mg (why we added the loxapine back in since the zyprexa dose is so low now - I used to be on loxapine monotherapy), but my lipids are still likely bad, they were in April and I think I'd dropped to 15 or 20mg of zyprexa by then. Retesting in August to give time for lifestyle changes (diet/weight loss) to try to help. Since the end of April, I've lost 14.3lbs. Slower than I'd like, but it's coming off, and I haven't been eating perfectly (speaking of lipids). I am nervous about clozapine weight stuff, but then, with meds and determination I'm dropping the zyprexa weight (8lbs more to go; though, I was already overweight). My pdoc asked to see me sooner because I told him I'm lactating a bit again (on a measly 20mg of loxapine, ugh) and that I've started (rarely) sleepwalking. So I dunno what's gonna happen.

I really don't know what to make of them @Goofball - they seem to have gone away. Now I'm all worried about the stupid sleep walking - I'm stuck with these weird, maybe psych, maybe not symptoms. It's really frustrating. Maybe I have slept walk for years but done normal things and we never noticed? Toby is a light sleeper. But maybe I do stuff like get up, go to the bathroom, and then back to bed? I wonder if you can have a mix of mundane sleep walking combined with more bizarre behaviour at other times.

Thanks @DogMan - that makes sense. And it may be broader sleep dysfunction? I slept walked last night. It's uncommon for me (twice now that I know of) and as far as we're aware, confined to the last 6 months - NYE and last night. I had a sleep study and everything was normal - went home and went back to bed and slept, then sat up in my sleep and started talking (sleep talking isn't new). Typical! Heh.

Thanks @dancesintherain! @Juniper29, yeah. I figured I might get more eyes with this thread. I think illusions makes sense too? I am dumb enough though it confuzzles me. I think you and I are very similar this way.

Not sure if this is psychosis or not. I've seen people turn into demons before, but as a rule, my psychosis tends to paranoid delusions and thought broadcasting. So I'm not sure what to think. For awhile now, I've seen bits of dirt or whatever on the floor move, when they are demonstrably stationary. Today outside I thought a stick was a mouse. I had to really stop and stare at it. Are these visual illusions or hallucinations? Is this psychosis-adjacent, psychosis, or nothing at all? I saw pdoc yesterday and told him that I thought the dirt stuff was me being tired? And of course today I get something bigger. I do have floaters now, but I can see the majority of things perfectly normally, the majority of the time, so I don't think that's related.

I think I've had them before too - but aren't sure. Don't think they developed into much if I did. But, I don't tend to visual hallucinations - once I saw someone at work turn into a demon, but I think it was more of a paranoid delusion? I think there's overlap too.

Oh good. When I was walking to the subway to go to my 2nd shot today - and even at home before it - I'll see stationary or moving things (like fluff, leaves etc) and think they're something else - see them as that. It's like my brain is screwing up the recognition signals or whatever. I'm not sure it's psych related or not. Gonna monitor.

That's good to know @Iceberg - that encourages me a bit. I bitch about metabolic stuff but I just got my 2nd shot at the local mental hospital and unlike the first time, there were NO SKITTLES! So I got a big bag of chips.

@Iceberg I can't remember all the ones I've taken. I know for sure I haven't taken risperdal (but I took Invega, meh, plus, I lactated), rexulti (but I took abilify, ended up hospitalized for a little while til I lied my way out), and vraylar (the anxiety sounds so bad I refuse). Not sure if there any other newer ones available in Canada. But every AAP I've taken I've had (eventual) bad results on, plus metabolic stuff. I mean, I spent a night in p-emerg on loxapine, after years of stability (something never achieved on an AAP), but I was between doctors (I think if I'd had a pdoc I wouldn't have ended up in p-emerg - my GP asked me to go there because she thought a pdoc would need to help me), and once my dosage was raised I was fine. So I dunno. My pdoc said he thought I'd need clozapine, but agreed to try zyprexa first. Thanks to both of you ( @Juniper29 too) - it is frustrating. I know he's trying to manage my side effects with my stability. I feel really blank today. I've tried working but I just try to read emails and nothing makes any sense to me. I am having trouble. My mind feels blank but I get little sudden 'WHEE's so I've taken an extra loxapine. Probably just make me more out of it. Have my second shot today though, yay to that.

Good to know @Iceberg - I was reading some reviews online and they were for sure mixed. But I'm sure that's true of all meds. I was just looking for something that had some sort of comparator with loxapine after my awful experience with Haldol. I really do feel frustrated. And thanks @dancesintherain - totally

Hmm. First, he said perphenazine is very similar to loxapine, so there's not a lot of utility of that over loxapine. He said with low doses of both loxapine and zyprexa, we're trying to manage loxapine side effects like elevated prolactin. He feels meds like bromocriptine have side effects long-term that should be avoided. He's raising rybelsus (when I'm done this box) and I am to stay on zyprexa at the low 10mg dose for now and we'll see what difference rybelsus makes to my weight and lipids. Which I suppose is reasonable - August 4th is THE date - but I also want to be off of zyprexa dammit. I know what he's saying makes sense, but I'm not happy. I feel trapped in a corner, med-wise. AAPs cause bad metabolic issues for me mostly and/or don't work, and typicals raise prolactin and have either been amazing (loxapine) or a complete disaster (haldol...because who doesn't want to end up in p-emerg on Thanksgiving). So what option do I have. I know that's why he's doing this, because realistically clozapine is next. FML Oh and for my brief ups I can take an extra 10mg of loxapine if I need.

I tried searching and didn't see anything. I have a video call with pdoc this afternoon. Zyprexa has raised my lipids (a LOT) despite lowering zyprexa dosagle from 30mg. To the point that both my GP and pdoc are concerned. Right now I take 10mg zyprexa and 20mg loxapine. Psychosis is stable (I have seen a few things move, but I think that's just being tired - I don't tend to visual hallucinations). I have been 'high' at most nights and even some mornings. So I may have some hypomania going on. I had emailed pdoc about this, and said I do NOT want a zyprexa increase. It was my last gasp before clozapine, which I also do NOT want from a lipids perspective. I am trying to eat a whole foods plant based diet as much as possible (vegan anyways) in the hopes that helps with my lipids. I've been losing weight slowly but steadily - sort of stalled around 12lbs - I had wanted to lose 25lbs by my lipids retest August 4th, but I'll take 20lbs or whatever now. I'm running out of time. ANYWAYS I was wondering about trying another medium potency AP, as loxapine monotherapy has worked well in the past (though I went hypo, dose got raised to 70mg, got high prolactin, and for some ungodly reason pdoc doesn't think meds to lower prolactin are good long-term - I will also press him about this today). So I was wondering about Trifalon, if anyone has any experience with it. I have tried most of the (oldish) AAPs, and for APs, Haldol (what a fuck up that was) and loxapine. I'm not particularly interested in a new AAP, as they never work that well - zyprexa has been the best, but to me, the side effects are becoming intolerable. Especially since one reason people with schizophrenia and severe bipolar die 15 years earlier (from a life expectancy perspective) is cardiovascular disease...hello lipids.

Also glad you got in. You can do this!

I'm so glad they contacted you. You sound like you're in a place that it could help you. Here's hoping you get in quickly now that they've done the intake.

Welcome Jae! Glad to have you here!

I hope you're feeling better. Did they tell you the results of the x-ray?

I've had two 'true' concussions (lost of consciousness and memory). I've had a number of other head injuries resulting in post-concussion syndrome but without the loss of consciousness. Everyone's so different though, it's difficult to say. Have you ever had a concussion or head injury before?

Yay! Glad it went well. (I like the mask too, though when I go outside with the dogs in three-layer mask in 30C heat...I take it off outside of our building. Because holy heck.

Sense of humour is a very important part of compatibility. I think if people who know you think you'll mesh, you very likely will.

Hmm. Do you have an idea why your exes do think you guys would click/have in common? I think talking about those things are helpful, and exploring why/what she likes about that stuff. At least, I found with Toby - we were friends first, but we met at a running clinic (well, I was doing one with friends he'd met at a prior one, he was sidelined with chemo, but I was friends with his friends and that's how we met). Having that stuff in common made dating easier. This is probably not very helpful advice, but I always found dating a bit nervous so I'm not sure how helpful I have been.

I think @Iceberg said what I was going to say - @Hopelessly Broken you've nothing to apologize for. Your perspective is as valid as anyone else's on here.

Oh I hope so! If I didn't already know my husband was a keeper him taking the bedding down the laundry room while I hid in mortification in our apartment (and showered for a loooooong time) was a sure sign. I hope you just need a low dose. But meds all hit all of us differently so fingers crossed your tummy is happy.

It's tough. I was embarrassed about talking about it, for sure. I tend that way myself (as do my mom and aunt), but metformin was that much worse. Dunno, maybe Rybelsus will be like that too - but so far, 6 days in at 3mg dose, I'm okay.