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About kala30

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  1. I know that my mom had realllllly bad nightmares when she took it but I didn't. I think I had vivid dreams though.
  2. I hope to not get in trouble for this but I'm curious about it so have to ask. Last summer my brother (who is on a suitcase full of prescriptions- at least it seems that way) was staying with me for a couple of months. I was going through an insane period of time where I was NOT sleeping, and was just going a mile a minute in my thoughts but it was like, my face hurt because I was tired if that even makes sense. Looking back that was probably hypomania. So anyway, I found like 5 bottles of medication for him all ofthe same med which clearly he hadn't been taking. And it read, take 1 or 2 tablets at bedtime as needed for sleep. So, being insanely tired as I was, I took two of the pills. I slept for 18 hours. After that long sleep I kept taking it - cutting down to one pill - for that week (and slept more normal lengths of 7-8 hours) and it helped so much and it also had or seemed to have lingering calming effects during the day. I only took it for about a week and things passed to where I could sleep normally again (after I swear, 2-3 weeks of going on VERY little sleep when typically I must have 8 or 9 hours to function). Turns out the medication was thorazine. The tablets were 10 mg so I was taking 20 mg/night. Does anyone have any experience with this medication? I know, it was wrong to take it and in a normal state of mind I wouldn't have. But I was so sick and just needed some damn sleep. My pdoc gave me Abilify last week to start and thanks to this board, I found my old id and was able to remember what Abilify used to do for me. It helped my moods but not my sleep. Seroquel helped my sleep and Zyprexa, which is what he gave me last week, didn't do anything. If Thorazine covers both sleep and mood for me, should I mention it? Or would I get a smackdown :/ I hope it's not against rules to share this. I don't recommend ever taking anyone else's meds but I wasn't in my right mind really. And would not do it again.
  3. I feel the exact same thing. I'd love to feel interested in something, have a "hobbie" or whatever, even spend time with people, but if it doesn't come naturally I don't have a clue how to do it. It doesn't seem like it should be so much work. I guess I don't have any advice lol but I definitely relate to where you're at.
  4. I'm sure new people join every 6 weeks and this board can be overwhelming. Thanks for those who directed me to the past discussions.
  5. I'm sooo confused and I'm hoping someone can talk to me like I'm a 2nd grader to explain things to me. Until the last couple of years, when I've isolated myself and my moods have come and gone naturally free of outside influences that in the past I might have associated my moods with, I never would have considered a bipolar dx. But I've felt things and gone through things that are truly unexplainable and not situational. I'm just so not understanding the usual PATTERNS of bipolar. The terms confuse me, the length of time associated with the terms confuses me. Do people consistently go back and forth with the highs and the lows, alternating in a set pattern or is it random? Are there periods of normalcy inbetween or does a low always follow on the heels of a high, or vice versa? Is it just plain different for everyone? When they say "episodes", what does that mean? Untreated, can and do people generally still go through "normal" periods of time where they don't experience either or? Or does that just happen when there's some medication? BTW I suppose this would most apply to bipolar II since that's what he suggested (or bipolar nos as I denied feeling depressed). Thanks
  6. OK so I'm struggling a bit with whether to tell people about my dx. I know it's just a label or whatever but at the same time I have this urge to "explain". People know I'm anxious and ADHD. Other than that they probably just think I'm a complete immature b**** because of the way I act sometimes. And how inconsistent that is. I can be so nice, and I am sincere and I try so hard to good to people, but there are times when I'm spastic and exciteable and I can't stop talking and people can't get a word in, and then I'm mean and impulsive and I say things I never would normally say but I just don't think, and I can get really really vicious (with my words) when I'm at my worst. It comes at the end of not getting any sleep. I start off with so much energy and so happy and full of love but after a week or two with very little sleep I am a complete monster. And I know it confuses people. But is it better for people to think I'm just a moody b**** than to know I'm a little wacko :/
  7. ok so potentially dumb question. i was given samples of abilify and zyprexa since i'm too poor to pay for my meds. but i am flying to ca from next thurs to mon. worried, can i get in trouble for having samples? i've held off on starting them and i need to call and find out, but i'm curious if anyone knows off hand.
  8. Started with a new pdoc after a few yrs unmedicated. In the past I was prescribed 1mg of klonopin as needed. I took it very rarely because for one I find the more I take it the less effective it is, and also for another thing I don't want to get dependent on it. So he gave me a prescription and I didn't notice till I filled it to day that he prescribed 50, .5 mg pills. And the directions say take 1/2 a pill 3 times a day. No as needed. And seriously, 1/2 of .5 ???? I take 1 mg when I'm extremely anxious and barely feel it. What the heck is 1/2 of .5 supposed to do? And am I supposed to take it every day whether I need it or not?? Maybe I should call him :/ I mean I understand that considering I rarely take it that I'll probably always have enough and definitely can make this last even taking 1 mg as needed which is what I plan to do lol, but it's confusing to me why the 3X daily and at such a ridiculously low dose.
  9. That's how mild depression manifests for me. In fact, isolation is a big part of depression for many, if not most, people with depression. Not all depression is the type that is sad, melancholy, and tearful. For a lot of people it's more of a blunting of all emotions-- good and bad. People and activities seem less interesting or too tiring, things like that. Depression manifests in many ways. What you're describing could be depression, and the next time it happens, explore it with your tdoc (which you should get if you don't already have.) I'm probably going to , I just don't know that I can get very far with therapy I felt that I got about as far as I could a few years ago and I came to a point where I didn't know what I wanted, to work on, for goals, or anything. And so there wasn't much to talk about. I can be so apathetic. I hate answering the questions about have you lost interest in things you once enjoyed because the fact is I enjoy very little of anything in the first place. I always need to occupy myself in some way, because I have ADHD too, and so I can always find something to do. Watch TV. Play online sudoku or spades. Participate in message boards about tv shows that interest me. But I don't really look forward to anything, or know what I want. A lot of times I just want to be left alone. So I'm not sure what advice a tdoc will have since apparently this is my choice and if I want to change it or work on it then they might come in handy. But I just don't know how make myself enjoy things. Either you do or you don't. IDK. It just seems that when I make efforts and reach out to people, to do things like go to movies or just hang out, I get so overwhelmed because there's always this expectation that whenever they call I have to answer, and if I don't, if I need a few days to myself, then they take it all personally. And I don't like donig that to people, or trying to explain it's not about them, it's about me. Because nobody wants to believe that. ANd then it just causes problems for me and for them. It's so much easier to just not try. So IDK. LOL. We'll see.
  10. I'm flying in a week and a half, and I'm already starting to have extreme anxiety just THINKING about it. I used to fly very very regularly (for about 7 years, would take round trip flights- 4 planes in total each trip - 1-2 times a month). Then I suddenly developed an extreme fear of it. Basically I was on a flight and decided that it was going to crash (there was some turbulance and the flight attendant DID react in a strange manner but there was nothing other than that unusual) and ever since then flying is one of my worst nightmares. In January I flew for the first time in 5 1/2 years. I remember once the flight was in the air that I was fine. But the period between flights and leading up to them was just DREAD DREAD DREAD. Even when I was on the first flight, I was fearful of the next one. (Yeah, weird lol). And I kept telling myself, I cannot believe this is worth risking my life over (I was going for a social type event). And I'm going for the same type of event this time. And again if my tickets weren't non-refundable I'd probably be getting my refund. Has anyone ever ACQUIRED anxiety about something you used to do fairly frequently? In my situation logically I understand the statistics and that the situation on the flight that started all this was because of my own misreading of what was happening, but the TERROR I felt... I just can't get past that. I'm so nervous about this flight but I have clonazepam so that part is taken care of. I keep saying though that just because I'm not anxious at the time doesnt' change whether or not the plane will crash. So even having the meds if of small comfort :/
  11. OK so my pdoc is suspicious I could have bipolar NOS (still not quite sure what that means) based on some symptoms I've described. First of all, when I was on meds, there were times when they effected me differently. There were times when the ADHD meds that I was on would make me wildly happy and my mood would just be amazingly wonderful. It bothered me to the point that I stopped taking all my meds. I have a bit of a preoccupation with not getting "emotionally" attached to any medication or substance that gives me an artificial feeling of happiness (lots of addiction problems in my family, so I am probably overly cautious). The last 2 1/2 years I've not done a whole lot in my life besides stay at home as a caregiver for a special needs family member (which I had been doing for years before, but I had also been working at the same time). I think I got a clearer picture of some patterns and such because I didn't have a lot of "outside" influence and no medications (except for a few times when I tried to get back on the Lexapro but it caused insomnia). Anyway, there are patterns or whatever it seems every 2-4 months where I have periods of time (1-3 weeks I'd say, but it FEELS like longer during that time) when it's very difficult to sleep and I don't need as much sleep. Like, my head will hurt because I'm not getting enough sleep, but I am mentally energetic. I get to feeling like I'm drunk without drinking (I used to think that was awesome, given the problems with alcoholism in my family, that I could feel that way without needing a substance). But I alternate during those time periods between that and being incredibly irritable, always impulsive, sometimes very very angry. Where I can't deal with situations as well as I normally can. And later it's hard for me to really remember everything because I am SO tired. I don't get depressed so I'm confused about the whole bipolar thing. But I can see how those above periods of time would classify as something in that category. My fear is that I was given Abilify and I've been reading about the problems with sleep and feeling energetic, etc. Right now I'm able to sleep at night and not having the issues I sometimes have, and I'm scared that taking these pills could bring that on. My pdoc recommends this of course. He says others will cause weight gain, etc. But I am more concerned with treating the problems. And I guess I'm confused how I even know it's working if I'm not in that period of time when I can't sleep and when I'm all happy and all that??? I see him again in 3 weeks. I do also have clonazepam for Anxiety and he gave me some Zyprexa for sleep (usually I would take seroquel and I loved it, but he didn't have any samples). Would those be enough to take the edge off if I start the Abilify? I know it's different for every person, I'm just curious if anyone has had similar symptoms and taken Abilify and what the outcome was Thanks
  12. Hi! This is my first post. I was a member years ago but can't remember the info so I'm starting fresh. So today I finally got into a psychiatrist after 3 years. Although I've pretty much wasted the last few years doing a whole lot of nothing it gave me a lot of insight into my moods, etc that I didn't have before. (Or maybe I just want to justify it lol). But basically I came out of the appointment today with "Bipolar NOS" and a prescription of Abilify. I do not get depressed so I always thought there is no way that I could have bipolar. I'm just wondering, how do I even buy into this new diagnosis? When I was being seen previously bipolar never came up. But I personally was convinced I had ADHD and PMDD and anxiety. I didn't bring up bipolar today but I had started to wonder if that isn't something I could have. I guess the main thing is that I *DO* go through periods of time, usually 1-3 weeks, where I just don't seem to do much sleeping and I can feel "drunk" without drinking. It's a real rush. And I can sometimes get incredibly irritable and impulsive, very sharp tongued and say things without thinking. And sometimes my ADHD meds in the past have made me incredibly happy like that, just feeling like everything's wonderful. Most of the time it doesn't do that, but it always seems to coincide with when I have problems sleeping. I just can't get past the depression thing because I don't see that I get "depressed". I do isolate myself for long periods of time because I get so overwhelmed dealing with people. But I don't cry into my pillow or feel bad about it. I do miss having people to talk to so if I ever get sad, it's more out of loneliness than anything else. My doctor kind of gave me some decision making in what to start with, whether to start back on my full regimen (which up until I stopped taking my meds was Lexapro for the anxiety/PMDD, clonazepam as needed that I rarely take because sometimes it can make me emotional and other times it works like a charm, seroquel for sleep, and adderall xr for adhd... plus the Abilify). I went ahead and since I haven't been on anything decided to start on Abilify and just the clonazepam, plus Zyprexa to help with sleep (this was just b/c that's all he had samples of-- I realllllly liked how the Seroquel worked in the past). I don't even know what to expect though! Or if I should have started the other meds too. I go back in 3 weeks. So is it wildly unusual to not have "depression" but have a "bipolar" diagnosis? I just don't understand the "bi" part if you only have half the condition??
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