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About Keirelle

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    Toronto, Canada

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  1. Meh, personally I would have issues with any therapist treating for for ED issues if they DIDN'T get that one. I would just feel like they were stupid and then have a hard time dealing with them.
  2. Haha- so much for loving my course... 2 major panic attacks this week. Seriously, I am about ready to give up on ever managing to get any sort of education and get a decent job, because clearly I am never really going to be able to do it with anxiety like this. So, so sick of it taking over so much of my life and yet not being able to do anything about it.
  3. Okay, my take.. you need to realize that as frustrated as you are with her, she is just as equally frutrated with you and guaranteed SHE feels like listening isn't a skill you have either. Communication works both ways- she isn't the only one not communicating properly. I just split with my husband because he had the exact same attitude as that-- it was all on ME and he could never hear what I was saying, despite me trying to understand his side of things. You BOTH need to put the effort in and stop blaming each other or it won't get better. You come on here talking about how angry you g
  4. I just turned 30. I was completely freaked to be 30 because all I have done for the last 10 years was travel (when I was 21 I went to Australia for a year instead of going to school because I didn't know what to do) and have a baby at 23. Since then it was on and off as a stay at home mom and a bit of work in a preschool before I tried nursing school and failed miserably. No, I didn't actually fail, it's just my social anxiety keeps me from managing any sort of school type setting. Oh.. AND I split with my partner of the last 11 years and my son and I are living with my parents. So with all of
  5. Just to update a little-- today was day three and I actually had my instructor pull me aside to tell me how great I was doing and how happy she was that I told her about my anxiety right away and she thinks it's amazing how well I am doing.. and she even said not just in terms of MY issues but just overall, so that was nice to hear as well. Everyone has been SO great, the work enviroment is amazing, and while I still have trouble with some things, everyone is just totally willing to help me out! I have never in my life experienced this before and I am loving it. I know it is probably due to th
  6. 2 weeks ago I hurt myself for the first time in a year and I had that same feeling (wtf do I do now?!) but like anything, the next day is a different day and all you can do is your best for that day. I haven't done it again, even though today I had an icident where I very much wanted to, but I didn't. So today was good, and that's all I need to worry about right now.
  7. I just turned 30 and I have never been able to picture 'the future' at all. It's not that I thought I'd be dead, it just that I had this feeling that I would never amount to anything anyway. Honestly though, this year hasn't helped that feeling in that- for a very little while when I was with my husband I at least pictured a few babies and a house and the feeling of having something good that would bring (at least in my mind). We had one baby and he didn't want anymore, and after 10 years he decided he wanted out to live the single life and enjoy getting to the top in his career (I wasn't a
  8. I hurt my back a little over a week ago and the doc gave me a bottle of muscle relaxants to take, and said to take them at night since they make you tired Well, the first one I took I slept 10 hours! I NEVER sleep that long unless I am sick. I normally sleep, oh, 5- maybe 6 hours. It's because I have delayed sleep phase syndrome. Naturally I would go to sleep around 3 or 4 and wake up 8 hours later or so. Because I have to wake up at 6:30 for work, and I still can't normally go to bed before 1ish (I am just not tired in the evenings like a normal person would be)- obviously I am quite ti
  9. It actually went okay... I doubled up on the ativan before I went, then when I got there I was lucky enough to get just a second alone with the instructor and so I just flat out told her what's up, no problem she said, we can work around it. So everytime something that would have made me freak came up, she said "Could I just get you to go with xyz and observe so and so" or practice play therapy, etc. It went GREAT. Because that way I was basically shadowing one of the working Autism support workers and could show them what I already knew how to do in the actual setting (completely what I neede
  10. I have been pretty good lately, I can go to a store, I can use the phone, I can do 'normal' things now that for a good year I just would not and could not do. However, for my job I am taking a course to be an Autism Support worker- basically doing therapy with young kids since I work with special needs children at a preschool. The thing is, my social anxiety always and without fail is horrible when in a school type setting. If I get asked anything, if i have to do anything in front of people, whatever it may be, could potentially cause a major anxiety attack. Sometimes I sit there frozen, like
  11. I definitely agree people need to cook more. Eating real food is the way to go. Ditch the boxes and shrink wrapped stuff. However, most people would need more variety than those 3 things As for not needing diet help- well just because you make 'real food' doesn't mean you are automatically controlling portion size and that is something that some people don't get on their own. Counting points, measuring your food, whatever, is the way to learn that for some.
  12. Well my version of SI is not the norm, I do it when I am axious- and I scratch. So the cuts are very wide, not deep, and tend to look pretty gruesome. I usually only have 2 or 3 at a time and they take WEEKS to heal, and even then the scars stay very bright red on my pale skin for a long time. Also, I don't tend to do it a lot. I did 2 weeks ago and it was actually the first time in nearly a year I had. People ALWAYS comment on mine because they are so obvious, but I also can easily blame it on something else should the need arise. Just tonight my cousin saw my current scars and kind laugh
  13. I like to say I recovered on my own, but quite honestly, all I did was stop starving.. at least consistantly.Like you, I do well for a while, then bad, only it's different... like I will not eat much for a few weeks, then go on a crazy binge for a few days (usually without vomiting). Then feel like crap for that and try to eat 'normally' for awhile.. and on and on. I don't technically have an eating disorder anymore. If anything I am overweight but i am afraid to try and lose it because i know how easy I get sucked into starving myself. And yet, I still binge, or chew and spit... just not cons
  14. It's funny how so many seem to take it daily. I had a script from my pdoc in the city I used to live in for 1mg daily and when I moved, my new doc said no one should take it long term, it's too adictive, blah blah blah, and changed my script, giving me on 0.5 prn... and only 10 pills! I told her I RARELY took it everyday but that it was the only thing that worked for my anxiety and she still wouldn't give it back. But then she is just my family doctor- getting a new pdoc soon so that should help
  15. That is oddly similar and yet not to what has recently happened to me. My husband and I split. He flat out told me he "loved me and always would, but was not in love with me" He stopped quite some time ago making any effort to have a normal relationship. It's hard to feel anything for a person, in my opinion, when you are always working or on the computer, and he basically stopped interacting with me. Really it's not surprising he didn't feel 'in love' but he also didn't care to put any effort into getting that back. I can't say I am happier yet, but in many ways I realize I am better of
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