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  1. Enlightened Thanks for sharing ... It really helps me remember that if I picked up the first drink, it would Open the door to major depression again. I was the same way u describe about how my depression Would skyrocket with the hangover. Well and for me by the end of a drunken night ... I'm at 18 months and very grateful to have lost the obsession to drink. Im in AA , t helps me Remember who I am
  2. Missing you inspaces, hope all is well...

  3. Thanks water!! seems like yesterday that i made the choice to quit. Course it didn't feel like that back then, a day felt like a month lol Anna, just this morning at my AA meeting, i had my hands on that Living Sober book - I'm gonna look it over next week. They say that when you think of something or someone twice, you should make a call or take positive action. 15 months of sobriety!! That's great, how absolutely wonderful.
  4. When I started this thread 15 months ago, I just wanted to reach out to others in my position. Ultimately I needed real life help in addition to online help. Found it in AA and now I have 15 months of sobriety, no depression, off all meds, gained weight back, lost my nutso triathlon obsession and I'm working and saving money. They say u have to change your playmates and play yard after quitting booze, so no more bars for me lol and really since I lost the obsession to drink, I also lost the desire to spend alot of time with people who do drink (sorry dad) :-) Anyway, it's great to see people still posting here, hang in there, it's well worth the effort to get on this journey of life that is no longer clouded with drunk nites and hungover mornings (or both lol).
  5. when you go to sleep at night, no matter how shitty the day may have been, if you did NOT drink, then it was a good day so take it easy, pat urself on the back and go to sleep my sponsor said to me one day, when I had had a really crappy day, that because I did not turn to a drink, like i always USED to do when i was having a crappy day, that it's a little miracle
  6. Glittter, the alcohol will stop whispering to you if you dump it all down the drain. Back in January, i dumped out about 40 bottles of stuff which included about 10 brand new bottles of stuff. I had a friend on the line with me at the time for support and it was hard dumping out the stuff that I loved, but I felt tons better after it was all gone. I bet the garbage man thought I had a massive party lol take care PS at first i had this idea that I'd give away the sealed bottles to a friend, but my AA friend told me no way - doing that was like making the booze a close personal thing that I cared for and I needed to NOT care about its demise - he was right, so he wouldn't leave me alone until it was all gone down the drain.
  7. AA saves me one day at a time - if you want it, it's there for you I'm over 9 months now, the obsession to drink has evaporated as have all the other obsessions I was carrying around with me in my Mary poppins bag of coping skills. I'm off all meds, my depression has gone away, I sleep at night, anxiety and manic problems have also left me. Did i say i sleep at night??? little miss insomniac sleeps at night!! yay and lastly, I am happy and have found peace. AA is a very easy program if you are willing to thoroughly follow its path with out question. It works miracles every day but it does require honesty and daily participation. and this is all coming from the person who started the the no drinks club lol I hope all is well with others hang in there
  8. It's so cool to see new people join in I joined AA back in January after 2 months of no drinks doing it on my own. In the beginning, whatever it takes to not pick up a drink is a good thing. Hold on to hope that the obsession to drink goes away with time - I'm at almost 8 months now and I no longer crave alcohol - I will always remember that i loved it, but i do not want it anymore on a daily basis. So here's a secret I want to share about what I do every single day when I wake up in the morning, before I do anything else, I fall out of bed to my knees and ask God to help me stay sober and to help me do the best I can thru the day, and then at night I get back on my knees just before getting in bed and I say, "thank you God" It works, it really really works in the beginning, I was saying, "thank you "whoever" you are" cuz i had ZERO faith - you don't need to have faith in anything other than some power greater than yourself and the reason for that is that it takes something other than yourself to stop drinking this weekend, I went on my first weekend trip since i quit drinking, i was around alcohol at dinner and at the casino - it went great, i wasn't bugged out at all other than a few passing thoughts that bounced off me like a rubber ball on concrete.
  9. i stopped going to bars or anywhere else for that matter that served alcohol for a good 3-4 months and even now at just over 6 months, i'm pretty picky about where I go. For one thing, restaurant food doesn't seem anywhere near as good w/o booze lol this is another reason i am thankful to have joined AA - that in itself is a gigantic social network - think about it, everyone there was once a major partier - so i fit right in hang in there, you will find out who your real friends are on your new journey
  10. nice to meet you in chat! i added you to my blog list :)

  11. is learning to give up control of things that are out of my control :)

  12. Rabbit, a few of the ladies who had pretty much lost everything, job, marriage, custody had said that the previous times they had tried AA they had attended but never did the steps - now they are doing the steps and have seen and felt a real turn-around. This obviously does not guarantee success, but they had a point that coming to AA but not doing the steps did not work for them either. If i do it, I'll do the steps... I figure it will be easier now when I have not hit an insurmountable rock bottom with full blown addiction added to the mix. Also, one of the ladies said that the first time she tried AA, it was a whole group of men, she had no direction and felt too intimidated. One of the other women then said that it's a very good idea to test drive a number of different meetings to find the group dynamic that fits. While the meeting process is the same everywhere, the people are not. For me, I really really liked the women there, not to sure about some of the guys and the location is somewhat far. It's funny though, the location is right in the area that I frequent 3-4 times a week for my triathlon training today I am going to see what locations are closer to home and try one here. For sure I'm going to one that is Saturday morning at the same location i was at the other night - it's a way bigger, very upbeat group from I was told. Plus I'm already up there for my swim workout prior so the timing works good.
  13. AA Last night I went to an AA meeting one of my good friends has been nudging me in this direction - gave me that book awhile back, keeps promising that AA isn't all the things that I have heard about it, that turning the power of drinking over to a higher power and that even THAT (higher power) doesn't have to mean God - it be whatever higher power you can think of - tho for sake of simplicity, God is the term used. He also promised that AA lifestyle is such that you can really learn to give up that which you try and control so heavily - drinking and anything thing else for that matter. So I went. I live my whole life trying to control things because of the one gigantic thing i cannot control - the direction of hubby's cancer. As a result of that, I control all else - drinking, SI, shopping, flirting, obsessive behavior and the thing is, I do a shitty job of it. While I haven't had a drink in almost 3 months, and I have only SI'd once since last spring, I still spend money at will (latest is that i've been opening credit card accts), and i flirt too much. I'm beginning to feel like i've got my fingers in 5 holes of a dam that is growing weaker. My methods of avoiding drinks - super early workouts, having invisalign braces, avoiding restaurants that serve alocohol, even avoiding having my parents over for dinner and adhering to my strict meds lineup have lately been feeling like a juggling act. And if i drop one thing, I'll crumble quickly. So i went And I liked it. I was mildly uncomfortable with the concept that anytime anyone says ANYTHING, he/she must say "my name is kate, and im an alcoholic" I heard that like 25 times in an hour. It was pretty cool that at the end of anything anyone said, everyone said, "thanks kate!". Of the idk, 15 or so peeps, there, I heard a variety of that "my name is...." some people belt it out like a proud badge, some people say it quickly and quietly, some say it conversationally, one guy said it as , "hi my name is joe and i'm an alkie" which i found interesting - he's been sober for many many years, but I wonder why he goes with this shortened variety. Though I have not hit most of the lows that peeps in the newbie breakout group have had, I felt like I was looking at the ghost of inspaces future. The closest i came was that hubby never knew just how much I could and would put away in an evening -between sneaking refills of my big wine glass to the much more loaded up vodka cocktails. and also what my kids have witnessed - not good, my 10 yr old has martinis and wine on her mock play restaurant menu. they have both seen my ugly nasty hangovers and drunken stupid behavior and both have tried to make me stop drinking, "No more mom!!" oh and I have driven tipsy many many times with them in the car. Hubby of course doesn't think I have a problem, tho after me confessing how much i used to drink, he flat out said,do whatever you think you need to do. We also had a decent discussion of how I am not happy with our relationship and his crabby, critical disposition. not sure where that is going to go. So anyway... that's that, and I'm going to another meeting for sure, not ready for any kind of full blown 12 step plunge - funny how it seems most people do just what i am doing now, only to relapse, get way way worse before coming back again. Maybe I can just skip over that "relapse get way way worse phase" and get going on it all now. I don't know ok, gota get ready for my swim workout its 4:42am
  14. Rabbit, Good for you hanging in there! I've never tried non-alcoholic wine. I've got my cran-pomagranate juice and bought some seltzer water (that would be in place of the vodka) but i've not done that - too afraid i'll feel like i will slip or something idk... I'm still getting pretty routine cravings. My bday was Tues and while picking up stuff at Whole foods for my family to cook for me, i was drawn like a moth to the light to my favorite reisling that i would always used to buy when cooking a gourmet meal. But it passed once I was away from it and enjoyed milk at dinner and for cake. I have a friend who is really trying to get me to attend a meeting. He gave me "The Book" and i'm reading it. I may go to one - still uncertain about all the religious aspects, even tho he swears it's not like that there Plus also, hubby would be up in arms i'm sure - he's already made comments about me reading that book. does your hubby know all about your drinking problem? we still have tons of booze around here - my AA friend was like, what are saving it for?? rainy day?? If i were you and the craving were bugging you, dump the wine, there's a whole section at the store devoted to "cooking wine" which isn't meant for drinking but great for cooking. I see Tdoc tomorrow and im gonna ask her about AA meetings. I know her big concern will be A. that it will represent another opportunity to be away from hubby and B. That I would go with a guy and she frowns on that sort of interaction altogether. take care
  15. R2... i forgot to mention... great for you almost to the year mark!! I can't fathom that for me yet but don't have to worry about that now right?
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