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Everything posted by inspaces

  1. Enlightened Thanks for sharing ... It really helps me remember that if I picked up the first drink, it would Open the door to major depression again. I was the same way u describe about how my depression Would skyrocket with the hangover. Well and for me by the end of a drunken night ... I'm at 18 months and very grateful to have lost the obsession to drink. Im in AA , t helps me Remember who I am
  2. Thanks water!! seems like yesterday that i made the choice to quit. Course it didn't feel like that back then, a day felt like a month lol Anna, just this morning at my AA meeting, i had my hands on that Living Sober book - I'm gonna look it over next week. They say that when you think of something or someone twice, you should make a call or take positive action. 15 months of sobriety!! That's great, how absolutely wonderful.
  3. When I started this thread 15 months ago, I just wanted to reach out to others in my position. Ultimately I needed real life help in addition to online help. Found it in AA and now I have 15 months of sobriety, no depression, off all meds, gained weight back, lost my nutso triathlon obsession and I'm working and saving money. They say u have to change your playmates and play yard after quitting booze, so no more bars for me lol and really since I lost the obsession to drink, I also lost the desire to spend alot of time with people who do drink (sorry dad) :-) Anyway, it's great to see people still posting here, hang in there, it's well worth the effort to get on this journey of life that is no longer clouded with drunk nites and hungover mornings (or both lol).
  4. from what I've been told, it takes about 18 months to really get the effects of alcohol and pills out of your system I'm closing in on 11 months alcohol free and its been almost 5 months since i got off my cocktail of antidepressants and sleep/anxiety meds. I still have tingling feet and get sad frustrating days (course that could be cuz I'm going thru a divorce lol) all in all tho, i sleep at night, no more insomnia, anxiety is manageable and depression is bye bye oh and the obsession to drink, think about drinking, want to drink, has gone away woohoo thats' the best part don't get me wrong tho, feeling feelings now is hard at times but that is all part of the journey of sobriety, which is far different than how i used to be which was when a feeling came that i didn't like, i picked up a drink to cover it up, now i pick up the phone, go to a meeting, pray, read a book or one of my many tools from AA hang in there
  5. when you go to sleep at night, no matter how shitty the day may have been, if you did NOT drink, then it was a good day so take it easy, pat urself on the back and go to sleep my sponsor said to me one day, when I had had a really crappy day, that because I did not turn to a drink, like i always USED to do when i was having a crappy day, that it's a little miracle
  6. Glittter, the alcohol will stop whispering to you if you dump it all down the drain. Back in January, i dumped out about 40 bottles of stuff which included about 10 brand new bottles of stuff. I had a friend on the line with me at the time for support and it was hard dumping out the stuff that I loved, but I felt tons better after it was all gone. I bet the garbage man thought I had a massive party lol take care PS at first i had this idea that I'd give away the sealed bottles to a friend, but my AA friend told me no way - doing that was like making the booze a close personal thing that I cared for and I needed to NOT care about its demise - he was right, so he wouldn't leave me alone until it was all gone down the drain.
  7. AA saves me one day at a time - if you want it, it's there for you I'm over 9 months now, the obsession to drink has evaporated as have all the other obsessions I was carrying around with me in my Mary poppins bag of coping skills. I'm off all meds, my depression has gone away, I sleep at night, anxiety and manic problems have also left me. Did i say i sleep at night??? little miss insomniac sleeps at night!! yay and lastly, I am happy and have found peace. AA is a very easy program if you are willing to thoroughly follow its path with out question. It works miracles every day but it does require honesty and daily participation. and this is all coming from the person who started the the no drinks club lol I hope all is well with others hang in there
  8. It's so cool to see new people join in I joined AA back in January after 2 months of no drinks doing it on my own. In the beginning, whatever it takes to not pick up a drink is a good thing. Hold on to hope that the obsession to drink goes away with time - I'm at almost 8 months now and I no longer crave alcohol - I will always remember that i loved it, but i do not want it anymore on a daily basis. So here's a secret I want to share about what I do every single day when I wake up in the morning, before I do anything else, I fall out of bed to my knees and ask God to help me stay sober and to help me do the best I can thru the day, and then at night I get back on my knees just before getting in bed and I say, "thank you God" It works, it really really works in the beginning, I was saying, "thank you "whoever" you are" cuz i had ZERO faith - you don't need to have faith in anything other than some power greater than yourself and the reason for that is that it takes something other than yourself to stop drinking this weekend, I went on my first weekend trip since i quit drinking, i was around alcohol at dinner and at the casino - it went great, i wasn't bugged out at all other than a few passing thoughts that bounced off me like a rubber ball on concrete.
  9. Henry, I got goosebumps reading your post!!! So proud of you!! yeah i can't even grasp the concept of holding a drink in my hand - ok i have to mention that if you have the big book, check out pages 84-85 (bottom of 84 into 85). It talks just about this physical reaction towards taking a drink that you describe. awesome on 120 days !! in a few days I'll be at 7 months - and feeling great. take care PS if you don't have the AA book, you can google it and find it online as well
  10. I may have to change out my profile pic - along with losing the obsession to drink, i've also lost the obsession to work out like a crazy girl! now when i think about working out, i think about what sounds fun - i almost went to a step-aerobics class yesterday (i was all set but then got a hard phone call) about a month ago, i bought a cool new mountain bike - i'm looking forward to putting miles on that rather than doing 3-4 hour bike rides on my road bike at the crack of dawn. i'm actually about to drop out of the 5 triathlons that i had signed up for 6 months ago - (yeah one crazy week i signed up for all of the races lol). it's a good day
  11. It does suck. So, kudos to you for wanting to change. AA is a great place to meet like-minded people. Not that I'm "pushing" AA, I'm not...I don't do AA myself, but I once did, and it really is a great way to relearn how to conduct oneself without the help of alcohol or drugs. Thats good to know. . . . i might look into AA. Or at least do some reading about it. Thanks for the suggestion. in the last 4 months since joining AA, i've developed some lifelong most excellent friends - there's a natural automatic bond given the common background.
  12. i stopped going to bars or anywhere else for that matter that served alcohol for a good 3-4 months and even now at just over 6 months, i'm pretty picky about where I go. For one thing, restaurant food doesn't seem anywhere near as good w/o booze lol this is another reason i am thankful to have joined AA - that in itself is a gigantic social network - think about it, everyone there was once a major partier - so i fit right in hang in there, you will find out who your real friends are on your new journey
  13. congrats henry!! just yesterday at a meeting i was talking about the miracle that AA has brought out in me - thru working the program, having a sponsor, praying asking my higher power for help every morning and saying thank you every night the obsession to drink has evaporated. This has happened over the last month or so - i had a very healthy obsession goin at 100 days still - hang in there!! it's ok to miss it - that helps you remember the havoc it brought about in the first place take care
  14. stickler, as it happens, i have a motorhome - pretty nice one but our village has total dumbass rules about keeping it in the driveway. worst case tho, i'd set it up somewhere jarn... being true to myself has proven to be a life saving tool
  15. so update... i've not been online much this last few weeks - things are moving along pretty quickly. What is so interesting is how i'm feeling alittle bit better each day that i be as open and honest with myself and others. i know i am hurting hubby, i know my kids will be very upset, i know our finances are gonna tank. But i'm sleeping better, my moods are better and i actually see an end to my lineup of meds that were just barely carrying me thu each day. this summer is gonna be hard, but i am doing it each day, with sobriety, with honesty and with genuine feeling.
  16. Henry, GREAT job! keep it up, one day at a time... the sugar thing is normal, you should see at any AA meeting there is chocolate and candy - your body is used to the carbs/sugar of alcohol. Good to see it has subsided. thanks for the update
  17. I'm all setup at my parents now, working from my house still and with any hope arrange so that he will find somewhere to stay so i can sleep here part of the time. It's not gonna be easy, but i cannot deny that I'm feeling better now that I've made my position known for all. At peace even thank you all for helping me
  18. thanks everyone... your advise means so much.. you have no idea. I'm really hoping to move to a situation whereby we are divorced but still living together so that I can help him and keep our kids with him. I could easily take over the basement. It's an unusual scenario - but i sure don't want to desert him, or make him move. i love him just not as a wife. wish me luck, i'm going to pitch this today hopefully it will go over - he's already well admitted that we were living separated under the same roof (for the last several months), so we'll see
  19. thanks you guys for responding so quickly one of the hard things is that he has gotten nicer, but his potential for meanness will never go away. the hurt from the last 3 years added in with his general grumpy disposition towards life that he's had always has made me a very sick person. we have been to counseling, he's always gone reluctantly i don't trust him - yesterday he once again made a stand for him getting counseling, getting help - he's done this so many times already and has always slipped back into his true character. I lived for so very long thinking he'd change, but he is who he is. so i left again last night for my parents house, (they are out of town)but i ultimately went back home because of all the pills at my disposal - thats what happens when i truly consider staying married to him. but with every step closer back to my house, the despair grew deeper and i only live a mile from their house. but i went home cuz i knew it was safest for me there for the night i can't deny the fact that when i told him 2 days ago that i had to leave the marriage, i felt at peace
  20. is it generally all or nothing? the degree to which I feel trapped in my own life right now, just makes me want to exit life forever things were going well, so well that i was getting strong enough to take a real stand about my marriage but you know what happens when a spouse decides for the sake of her own life and mental health to leave someone with terminal cancer? shame guilt threats more guilt a spouse begging me to stay with his ever repeating cry that he will change (people can't change) the reality of knowing he will die, the certainty that one day his tumor will be back, the anguish over managing tumor re-growth (he was a very hard patient round one, very angry, very mean) but in NO WAY knowing WHEN.... watching him slowly get worse over time wether a tumor is growing or not is eating me alive the only thing good right now is that thru all this, i've had zero desire to drink the bad thing is that for the first time in over a month, i've had a strong desire to take a bottle of pills thanks for listening
  21. I ran my first 1/2 marathon this morning... it was pretty damn cool - never ran this far before now i'm taking a nap lol
  22. i FULLY agree with that,i have a really lovable friend whom i dont see very often,i noticed years ago that he gets extremly unhappy when i touch his shoulder or attempt to touch his hand arm or even finger,not ONLY i always made very loud fun of him,not only i made him feel like a freak or stupid for doing this,i made sure to tell EVERYONE we both knew to try and touch his shoulder which always resulted in making more fun out of him,reading this thread........................for the first time i realize who the fucking freak is i now feel so sorry for doing it in the past,and im trully looking forward for him to come back from his outstation post to sencerly apologize and make it up to him,knowing how big hearted he is,i know he will forgive me,but can i forgive me? to those in this thread,i do not represent the ignorant stupid ppl,so i cant say that i wish to apologize on thiere behalf,BUT,i still would feel slightly better to just say SORRY this is about him not you, so by all means forgive yourself right now and know that in your heart, the first time you see him again, you'll say sorry we ALL do and say stuff we regret - especially to people we may never see again - those are oftentimes the worst ones cuz you know you'll never see that stranger again, so I send a mental apology thru the cosmos, forgive myself, and reside that I'll make amends if we should happen to cross paths again. good luck!
  23. Cani just say i LOVE reading all these exercise posts!!! high five's fist bumps all around ! thanks for starting this thread
  24. I LOVE what you say here - it a great way to put it and reminds me of the book I'm reading, The Road Less Traveled - that is the concept the author is going for but not really revealed until nearly the end of the book.
  25. This morning I am running for an hour - all dressed, just waiting for the sun to come up and my peanut butter toast/banana to settle with my coffee. I find telling someone what you are gonna do (specifically what and when) is a great motivator and brings accountability into play Also, having my entire outfit/gear laid out for me to fall into, helps too. bpadybug - congrats on your weight loss!!! and scatty, every bit of exercise counts - if you try to add 10% (either speed or endurance) each time, you'll be amazed with the results.
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