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Ruby Red

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About Ruby Red

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  • Location
    New Zealand
  • Interests
    Writing, animal behavior, cricket
  1. Nice to see some kiwis here, there should be a kiwi forum :)

  2. Thanks for all the suggestions. I will keep start keeping a log but the only problem is knowing what to record, like what is a problem and what isn't.
  3. It started a couple of months ago with my MP3 player. I would hear my name being mentioned in songs but in a voice other than the singers. I stopped listening to the MP3 player. Then I heard my name in the water pipes and I know that water pipes can't talk, but it's what I heard and it scared the s*** out of me because I knew it wasn't right. No more from the water pipes, but several occassions I have thought people were talking about me, gone downstairs to ask if they were and they say that they weren't, but I find it hard to believe because I know what I heard but at the same time, what if I really didn't hear it? Then today I was walking home and I heard a girl yell my name. I looked behind me and there was no one there. I kept walking & I heard it a second time and once again there was no one there. Then I kept on walking home telling myself that I was just being stupid when in a different voice, I heard someone yell very loudly "F*** off!!"...like it was blurry in the distance but sounded like it came from right next to me. At point I was almost home and I thought someone was behind me about to tackle me to the ground (I heard loud running footsteps and breathing) but when I turned around there was no one there. Sometimes I accuse myself of making this up because I don't know if I am or not...and it's screwing with me, because I don't want people to think I'm making it up even though I'm not so sure that it really did happen either! I told my case manager the other day about it and she said for me to "monitor it". How am I supposed to monitor it if I don't know what "it" is?
  4. Even though I know this is an unhealthy way to think, sometimes the only way I can get through life is knowing that suicide will always be there even if everything else disappears. Maybe that's what it is for you? Even if you don't want to do it at the moment, some people like having a plan B (even if it's not a good one).
  5. This might work or it might not do anything, but you could try drinking green tea or some kind of other herbal tea with ginger in it as those things are meant to help with nausea.
  6. In my opinion if you are contemplating suicide then you are depressed and it could be for many reasons, not just brain chemistry related...like because of a physical illness, a divorce, being broke etc. Sometimes you can be so depressed that you don't even realize that there's anything wrong. That's what has happened to me before. I was convinced that I had some kind of suicide gene because even if I could laugh, I still wanted to throw myself off a bridge and hated existing. SandDune, like what the others have said you do sound depressed and I know that I can't make a diagnosis but the thoughts you describe are almost identical to mine and I was diagnosed with MDD.
  7. Ditto Mckey, I wouldn't even try to count. The funny thing is that I don't even need them all. I only ever use one! I just created them when I was paranoid about my identity being stolen (long story).
  8. ^^ I guess I have been a bit stressed lately which could be the reason or at least a part of it. I should probably take my own advice and stop over-analyzing everything.
  9. It's sad to think that with how far the modern world has progressed so many people are still unable to get proper treatment for mental illness. Thanks for posting this. I'll be showing it to my mother...maybe it'll be an eye opening report (but I'm probably being too hopeful).
  10. ED-NOS is Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified. I've been taking the Prozac since October last year and these "sleep events" have increased ever since in frequency and intensity. Somehow I don't think they will just go away on their own. I take Prozac only in the morning so I'm not sure if taking it at night would make any difference, or just make it worse (I will ask). Thanks. If my DR doesn't know how to make it stop then I'll ask to try a different medication because right now, if I put my arms out infront of me and walked slowly I would look like a zombie. I'm not sure if I could take benzos. I never knew they were used to treat sleep disorders (if that's my problem anyway). I do have a history of sleep talking and sleep walking when I was a kid but nothing like yelling and aggressive behavior like it is now. Maybe the Prozac just made it worse...who knows.
  11. You should get a blood test to check that the meds you are on aren't doing any physical damage to you, or that you don't have any vitamin deficiencies which can cause things like dizziness, nausea, light headedness, lack of energy and visual disturbances...& they can also increase mood symptoms. I'm sorry that you got kicked out of the house. It's a shame that people aren't as accepting as they could be but maybe this is a opportunity to look into some kind of supported living? I was thinking of doing that at one stage but it just didn't work out (long story), however it's still something to consider especially if you don't want to live with a bunch of strangers. Sure they will still be strangers but it will be like a transition, a supportive one. You should discuss it with your DR. As for rehab, if you need to go then you need to go. Don't deny yourself help because it will look bad to your boss. If he or she understands what's going on with you then they shouldn't be too harsh. I mean, there ARE laws against discrimination (but I know that's not the whole point). As useless as this probably sounds to you right now, try to have hope that things will improve. Something I've had to remember is that we can't predict the future.
  12. 1 time, for a 72 hour suicide watch & psych assessment thing. It wasn't helpful. All it did was give me more time to think of how to kill myself once I got out and ways to persuade the doctors that I was safe.
  13. Ever since I started taking medication for depression I've began "sleep yelling" and "sleep attacking". I've never attacked anyone else because I sleep by myself but for example, this morning I woke up screaming at what I thought was my step dad (but was actually the wall) and hitting it with the palm of my hand. One other night I woke up with my pillow in a headlock and several times, punching my bed. I will wake up yelling incoherant sentences in a voice that doesn't even sound like my own. It's like this deep, intense voice that you would typically hear from a fully grown man (& I'm an 18 year old female!). I'm really scared that I'm going to end up attacking one of my pets in my sleep. I wake up every morning feeling like I haven't slept AT ALL and during the day I seem to fall asleep at random times. It's extremely disruptive. Any suggestions on how to stop this? I've talked to my pdoc and she says that it's probably a side effect from the Fluoxetine but nothing to worry about - yet it's making my life THAT much harder.
  14. If the weight gain will be less of an issue for you than psychotic symptoms then I say go for it. I was once taking Risperdal (before I had ED-NOS) and gained 6kgs. I didn't like it but I accepted it because I was able to get on with life better than I was before. Exercise and a healthy diet might help reduce weight gain. Don't refuse treatment though just because of the possible side effects. I did that for a long time and it only came back to slap me in the face.
  15. Is tired of being tired!

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