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About Bueler

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    East Coast, USA
  • Interests
    Computers, jiu-jitsu, gymnastics, science, nature, animals

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  1. Hi everyone, I haven't posted in a while, and I need to change that to respond to all of you. I'm in a difficult situation at the moment. It took a couple of days to catch on, but I am experiencing a manic episode. I know from previously, all the xanax and ambien in the world won't bring me down from it, but this will be the second night I haven't slept, and my mind feels so disorganized, like it needs to shut down. I realize I could give something like Seroquel a shot, but even with a prescription, no pharmacy is open now anyway. My worry is, let's say I take 25mg Seroquel tomorrow at work. I'm afraid I'll just plain fall asleep I feel like such a mess. Any other ways to get out of these moods? I've been on 1200mg Lithium for months now. Bueler
  2. Upping to 450mg Wellbutrin (it's been 3 weeks) doesn't seem to have improved anything. I'm getting enough sleep, eating well, and trying to exercise a little each day, but I'm still bad off. I just re-added 10mg Lexapro, which I used to have some success on but also side effects. The depression is so bad I'm less concerned with the side effects, but I hope it even helps. I feel like I'm running out of options, both in the way of medications and in healthy life choices. Really frustrated.
  3. Thanks for the encouragement. How long did it take you guys to feel better after increasing the wellbutrin? It's day 3 of the increased dose and I sort of feel like I'm in crack but I'm the same level of depressed. Sure the dx could be changed to BP I. It's not a dx I send the insurance company, but it's true of icd9. I don't know the icd10 equivalent but I don't think that's the most important terminology to obsess about. Lamictal did nothing at all. Seroquel just made me sleepy but no antidepressant effects. If I still feel really bad ill try abilify next. I'm just worried a med change is no match for the level of bad I feel right now no matter what med it is. I hope the increase in wellbutrin at least helps me a little bit.
  4. I talked to my psychiatrist today and increased my Wellbutrin from 300mg to 450mg per day. I don't know if that's going to make a difference. I feel like my depression stems more from my life than the biological, but hey it can't hurt right? Hoping to get some relief soon...
  5. I wrote a few hand written letters to old friends lately and mailed them, and it felt great! I admit I did type them first to edit a bit, but once I was writing I did ad lib a little.
  6. The only problem I run into is, sometimes I daydream these deep relationships with people (Friends or otherwise), and I talk to them in my daydreams, then in real life I feel like I'm closer to a person that I really am, because I've fooled myself into thinking it, and it's not necessarily reciprocated. And it not being reciprocated can cause me emotional hurt. Maybe this is just me... I'm pretty out there.
  7. I think I was too embarrassed about what seems like whining so I deleted it. I don't even remember what it said. I'm going to therapy, my psychiatrist isn't that great (I have crappy insurance right now and not enough money for a great one). I'm trying to get my hours moved to something more reasonable. I'm just really beating up on myself for not being able to keep things together to be in a better place. NA used to have a phrase, "Give yourself a break", which I always found useful even if you don't have an addiction. The worst part is, I'm losing hope -- so I don't think I'll ever graduate. I don't think I'll ever get an SO. I don't think I'll ever have the energy and motivation to be excited about anything ever again. So, in that condition, it's very hard for me to just plan what to do. And when I start to plan, I have these huge expectations of myself I can't rise to meet. I know they say, even if you can get out of bed and get a shower that's a win. But, I'm just not buying it right now. It's like I have nothing to look forward to.
  8. I asked a friend if he wanted to hang out, and to my surprise, he did! And, we spent a few hours together and had a great time. Big win for me who spends a lot of time isolated and lonely.
  9. How is the abilify working out for you? It's been recommended to me for treatment resistant depression, but I haven't given it a try yet. I'm going to try to increase my Wellbutrin first. SSRIs cause me too many sexual side effects.
  10. Check into the work by Charlie Mansueto and TOCD. Look at Case 1 and see if it applies to you. Let me know what you think. I've done quite a bit of research into this (including treatments) and I've seen it in a few people perfectly described. http://www.behaviortherapycenter.com/tourettic-ocd
  11. Not to try to fold everything into a neat little crazyboards diagnostic box, but sometimes for me it can be anxiety. For example, I know emails can be misinterpreted, and so I add extra to clarify what I mean so it doesn't get misinterpreted. I think I do a good job of writing it all out, then editing it for brevity. I think I used to drive my psychiatrist and neurologist crazy when I wrote them crazy long emails. I've stopped doing that. I think those were a combination of OCD and anxiety.
  12. I was also looking for the chat room we used to have a CB. Is it no longer operational? If not, any plans to bring it back? I'm an IT/Web Dev guy, and I would be happy to work with VE to find a solution for the good of the group. I found that chat really helped me by being able to engage with the group in real time. VE, feel free to contact me if you'd like to work together on the project if there is a sort of technical barrier. I really miss those chats.
  13. Please someone help me.  I have nobody to help me.

    1. saintalto


      What’s going on?

  14. The lack of sleep is really getting to me. I just took a 5 hour nap, and I feel a lot better. I need to try to nap every day. I go crazy when I don't sleep. Thank you for the kind words. I guess I feel like a bad person when I compare myself to the best parts of everyone else on their best days. I'm not very self compassionate. That's really hard for me. I don't think I would actually kill myself, I've just managed to rationalize the world would be better off without me, and it would be so nice to be done struggling and fighting.
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