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c-

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  1. ect #16 was on the 4th. it was bilateral. it was also an ass kicker, i think she turned the juice up some more. she wants to keep doing more but i'm not sure yet. it is helping i will give them that. gf thinks it is helping too. it has let me cut way back on a lot of the meds. so i guess when we hit #18 we'll see if we continue.
  2. yeah.... the first 6 were done inpatient. they were done on an every other day schedule. the rest were done outpatient. one week was every other day until we hit #10 then they switched to every 10 days. people who have seen me over the holidays who DO NOT know about ECT have said i sound like i'm doing way better than i have in a long time. i am feeling better about adding 3 more ECT's as several different doc's have independently weighed in. i will find out for sure on the 29th. maybe they can get spread out more.
  3. ect #14 was on the 21st. it was bilateral. i guess they all will be bilaterals from this point onward. i have 2 more on the books for the 29th and 4th. since that then i've seen p-doc and he says i look better than i have since i came to him and since gf isn't working and there is easy access to transportation, he thinks i should consider 3 more bringing the total to 19. other people i've spoken to on the phone have told me i also sound way better than i have in many years. this battle with severe depression goes back beyond 20 years. some of the people who have said i sound better do not know i have been getting ect so that is kind of interesting and promising. i don't think i want to go on forever doing this, but i also said i had a firm limit to stop at 6 unilaterals once too. so i guess we shall see. the hardest part of it all to be honest is not the ect itself, but the 75 mile one way / 150 mile round trip drive to get to the hospital. i live kind of deep in the woods so i worry about gf. however she also is pushing for me to do 3 more along with p-doc. i guess take it as it comes. she is in the process of finding a new job and once she gets employed i don't have anyone up here to drive me back and forth. so i guess it really may come down to "get while the getting is good".
  4. hey man, hope today was a decent one. appreciate you chatting with/listening to me bang on about mememe and my issues these last two nights xx

  5. to: melli: thanks for taking out the time to chat last night. it really made a huge difference. we had a great chat. xx to: geek: thanks for pushing me to make contact with an old friend. i was scared shitless at first but she said i have sounded better than i had in years. like since when we were roommates in 1995. i just got off the phone with her today. she told me "welcome back" and to everyone else here on crazyboards you all have been so great. i cannot put it into words how much all you guys have helped. thank you so very much!!
  6. ect #13 was today. this is the third time that we have done it with bilateral electrode placement. today p-doc wanted to up the juice some more today to see if he can get it to hold until the 21st. he is trying to get me on to a maintenance schedule now. i have to admit i was rather out of sorts when i woke up. at first i had no memory of just before i went to sleep. once i woke up and came came to my senses i began to recall just before i was knocked out. i have to say it is working. i go back in for some more treatments around the 30th and 4th of january. i'm not sure yet what january's schedule will be like. i think we will try to spread it out every 10 days or so and see how that works for a maintenance schedule. i do feel more with it than i have in a long time. it's nice not to be on the very heavy doses of seroquel.
  7. ect #11 was today. this time they tried bilateral. it had been suggested earlier on and i kind of avoided it. the first time it was suggested i kind of freaked. so i went with unilateral until they told me they turned it up all the way. i am very surprised it worked so well. yes it was an ass kicker but it did work. i was spacey afterwards but i was forewarned. i feel better today than i have in a very very long time maybe even decades. too bad it was short lived, but i've also only had one bilateral zap at this point. i have been struggling with depression for over 20 years. i have had some big disasters on some of the meds. seroquel has been an adventure in its own right and now there may be hope to actually stop taking it. i was on it for 8 years and at one point it hit 1000 mg. we had an ice storm in northern new england and southern quebec today. got caught on the way back from the hospital and ended up putting the car in a ditch on the way home. should have taken the 4x4. no damage, just winch it out. my mood still remained upbeat and stable throughout the whole odyssey no meltdown. so i have two more bilateral zaps this week and need to sort out next week and then ultimately maintenance.
  8. so for some reason the bilateral electrode placement didn't happen friday, just real strong unilateral. there is this depression test they give me every other session. i guess i have still been scoring poorly on that. the doc made it clear that bilateral would happen tomorrow (monday). i've been doing ok with that thus far until this evening when i had one of those "what the fuck do you think you are doing?" moments. i am prepared for bilateral to be an ass kicker but the docs say the result will be worth the stretch. people here who have done bilateral say i may be a bit more spacey but that will go away in 4 - 8 weeks but it does however work well. i need to also address if there will be one more week of 3 treatments and then the maintenance and taper schedule. something like once per week for 3 - 4 weeks, then every other week for a bit and then on to every third week for a bit and so on. i do not know if that will be unilateral or bilateral, i imagine bilateral. that seems like a line once crossed there is no going back. many questions for the docs tomorrow in the 5 - 10 min as they they talk to you and answer questions before they put you out. i am still really undecided on a taper or stop cold turkey. it has worked well so far, but i don't want to push my luck either. anyone have any opinions? they would be welcome at this point. this week i have 3 bilaterals every other day. this should be quite a workout to say the least. i guess we shall see how i feel tomorrow afternoon. unless it is detrimental, i need to see this one out, i have gone through all the trouble and made it this far. this week will bring the total to 13. maintenance to 16 and taper toward 20. and i thought when i began i might be able to get away with 6-9. i guess it has worked so far. so here goes and i'll let you guys know tomorrow how i make out.
  9. so tonight is my first social outing. see how it goes. should be interesting.
  10. ect #8 to 10 were had this week every other day. on monday they turned up the juice as far as they could using unilateral settings. i must admit come friday of this week i was a little spacey. it was quite a workout. next week however they want to do bilateral electrode placement on me as i'm not responding as well as i could to the unilateral treatments. i must admit i do feel better than i have in many years, maybe decades, but there is still some depression going on. so far overall the memory and cognitive abilities seem fine. they also were feeling me out as to my thoughts on continuing for one more week and/or on a maintenance schedule on a weekly basis. so far i am scheduled for a total of 13 treatments. adding some treatments that would bring my total between 16 - 19 treatments.
  11. c-

    happy birthday.   sorry i missed that post. hope it goes well.   we gotta find you a significant other.  you are a nice girl with a lot to offer someone.  take care and be safe...  c-

  12. ect #7 was today. the ECT doc turned up the juice somewhat today. i was very spacey when i woke up but the depression albeit short seemed to have lifted. i guess the desired number of treatments is 12 so i guess we'll evaluate how much more or if maintenance will be necessary. they insist that it is safe. so we shall re-evaluate things when we get to the end of the index series of 12. see if a maintenance taper is necessary.
  13. ect #6 was today. i am feeling rather spacey but don't have any apparent holes in my memory. i did have trouble finding things around the house yesterday but was able to get myself oriented. the doc mentioned doing maintenance ect this morning. i have 3 more on the books and i guess maintenance is TBD. don't worry, i am not driving mari. don't need to pick up a DUI. the hospital is about 60 miles for me to drive. makes for some early mornings but it is an easy ride. it's being done at dartmouth univ. hospital. it feels like the weight of the depression is lifting. i've been very depressed for a very long time that i've almost forgotten what it is supposed to feel like without it. somewhat normal. i am certainly not a danger to myself as much as i used to be. still i don't think gf will ever let me have fire arms in the house. for today i'm just going to chill and watch movies. i had to process a return on some hiking boots today and was able to figure out the process without too much trouble so cognitive seems to be working ok. i will try to solve the rubiks cube later today and see how i do with that as a measure of my cognitive ability. i must admit i am having trouble finding some things around the house, but they are items i haven't seen in some time. i must admit i feel less impaired than i did when i was on 1000 mg of seroquel.
  14. ect #5 was yesterday. first day home i feel a little spacey today. i'm going to do #6 tomorrow. they want me to do a total of 9. see how close i can get.
  15. ect #4 was today... they got the meds right so i didn't have a headache which was a plus. i have one more tomorrow inpatient and then go home in the afternoon. i think i come back on thursday or friday. i won't know until they discharge me. they cut seroquel tonight. yay!
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