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Outrider

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About Outrider

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    http://lifeoftheoutrider20.blogspot.com/

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  1. Preface to post, in case anyone wonders later, Sash and I never agree on anything. Figured I'd save us the trouble, we are pretty courteous about it though. I'm another big fan of Lithium, awesome cheap, life saving medication that seems like it's being pushed out of use because the drug makers would rather sell you something nice and expensive to help you out. My pdoc also just started me on Risperdahl, Risperidone? Anyway, seems to be doing some decent things for my anxiety though it could also finally be the Lithium undoing the damage I did when I went off meds to avoid a drug pre-employment check. It's really nice to feel good finally after a rough past three months. Hope something helps.
  2. for some reason i couldnt stop laughing when i read your signature about aliens and fmla.

  3. I've linked to and been following your external blog, and would often like to say something...but comments do not seem to be working correctly.

    Intentional?

  4. So I've been doing the whole support group thing for a while now and I've realized something, not sure what it means necessarily? The facilitator noticed me nodding while I was listening to a fellow bipolar describe his horrifying life and she asked me if I could relate to the guy and I realized that while I can empathize with people in the group, I can't relate to them at all. We've just got nothing in common. And that kind of leads me to my next question, what am I supposed to be getting out of the support group? Because, I just go there and it means nothing to me. Am I just a jerk or what? I've been getting the same sort of sense about therapy also, I did the whole therapy thing for a couple years before I got really sick and I just got no where at all. So I guess I'm looking for some insight on all this now that my medication doesn't seem to be working the way it should (I see my pdoc this weekend). Anybody? Where am I supposed to get with this stuff? I mean the standard line is to find a support group, fine a therapist, yadda, yadda, yadda, on and on and on and I'd rather be out on a five mile run because then I don't have to think. Thoughts?
  5. I'm very, very tired.

  6. Well, people absolutely do read posts here, if that helps at all? I don't have a specific panacea to offer you off hand. Best we can do sometimes here is listen.
  7. Uh Sash... I get the sense that you are missing the bigger underlying pattern. You and I never agree on anything. Like, ever. Primarily because you approach things from a cautious, methodical, by the numbers type methodology whereas I call them like I see them using snap judgements, generalizations and my own and other's experience. I think the benefit to people like Cherished is that they get to see our interplay and get the benefit of the broadest possible interpretation of things. Again, I'm not criticizing your approach, I just get the sense you are going to get increasingly frustrated when I don't do what you think I should do. Why not just say up front "you and I are never going to agree" and then state our respective cases for the benefit of the overall community? Most of them are plenty smart enough to call me on something when I sound unreasonable. Anyway, I am glad to say that I finally have met someone who has had a good experience with Klonopin. And no offense intended.
  8. Ok, lets get more specific. The only way to beat this thing is to learn to disbelieve your own thoughts and emotional responses. They aren't real. My thoughts and feelings aren't me. That help with the new agey thing?
  9. P.S. I don't like Klonopin, I have yet to speak to anyone who has done spectacularly well on that drug. Klonopin and alcohol addiction very nearly killed my ex wife before I helped her kick her habits. It's just my opinion, I could be wrong.
  10. *Attention, incoming uninformed opinion from non-medical type person* WHOA. WHOA. I can certainly understand needing an additional drug to work with the lithium to help you out, but, look at the list of all the meds you are on. What the heck? Just imagine all the possible interactions between all of that stuff. You've gone from a slight ongoing chemical imbalance in your brain to a freaking barrage of chemicals slamming your neurotransmitter levels. That doesn't mean you should be non medicated, but really, this is just nuts. You should be weaned back down just to lithium and then have one drug introduced at a time over a three to six month period. Not three or four at a time. What is it with the medical profession and basic scientific method anyway? This sounds like they decided to throw the kitchen sink at your illness and then they are surprised when you still have trouble? Just something to think about. I mean, myself, I don't need anti-psychotics, they all put me to sleep, just lithium by itself takes care of me just fine. Good luck. Hope somebody makes an effort to help you.
  11. My new job is actually going pretty well. My cycle times have gotten interesting though. I actually had 1/2 a month up and 1/2 a month down over the course of January, so at least my mood charting system works. I need to get more sleep. I'm hoping to get back on meds maybe in February, I just need to get my bloodwork done, hopefully this weekend or next. I should start having insurance on February 10th. I have to say, that my ability to disbelieve my own thoughts and emotional states has been a key part of avoiding any irrational behavior or problems this past month. It's not easy, but I am making it work. The only way to heal the mind is to transcend it. Oh, and I found a really, really great support group near where I live. I am very happy about that. Hope other people are having some success.
  12. This last weekend was kind of a back breaker. I had an 11 hour day on Friday running furnace surveys in a heat treat plant and that really brought my stuff into focus. In the "oh shit" kind of way. I haven't done anything that I'm aware of that is going to get me fired or anything, but I just need a standard blood work-up so then I can get back on Lithium. I don't see any other alternative. I just want to know my standard TSH and creatinine levels before I start rolling with this stuff and once I do get a Pdoc again I want to look at all my alternatives. Abilify and stuff. Or something. I'm hoping I can drop in on the local NAMI support group also, they are supposed to be really good and I'm going to hope that helps me get through. You wouldn't believe the run around when I went to the emergency room to see if they could get me my bloodwork. It made me so damn angry. Wasted five hours of my time, hemming and hawing and now I'm just going to have to go back through my old Doctor who will probably lose his mind when he gets the results showing zero lithium. Stick a fork in me, I'm done.
  13. SALTED nuts! I am simultaneously exhausted and feeling vaguely hyper. And my eyes hurt

  14. My queen, the plan is a twofold one. First try will be to see if the company EAP employee assistance program will give me some referrals and plan B will be to line up some people myself. The main thing is to make sure they will take my insurance plan when I get on it in about a month.
  15. Anna, I agree with you in a lot of ways, and yes, I am a drama Queen, we knew that. On the other hand, being off the lithium has been interesting from a self learning experience. For example, I stumbled across my old personality today, Outrider 1.0 He's a little annoyed at me because I think he enjoyed being dead, but I'm assimilating him into my core reality construct. It's taking some time, but I think he's going to come along quietly into the girl's collective, Samantha, Alexandra, Alma and Neen. I'll keep you posted. As for Auntie, yes, the testing for a legal mood stabilizer is probably a stretch, but I can't know and when you assume... You make an ass of "u" and "me." I never assume. It's my military training kicking in. Hooah, Sergeant Ranger! Outrider 1 Actual, over and out, next comm check 1100 hours on 1/6.
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