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koali777

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About koali777

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  1. Yep I did and she said it's listed but not a huge likelihood. Plus I'm already on a cocktail and haven't been "poisoned" yet. I can't tell if it's working or not since it's been a few days but I'll take a placebo effect if it makes me calmer lol.
  2. I take Zyprexa 20 mg a day and Adderall 30 mg a day to counteract the sluggishness I'd feel with just the Zyprexa. (Also Xanax 0.5 mg PRN). Adderall doesn't seem to exacerbate my psychotic symptoms, thank goodness. What I'm worried about is I was also prescribed the new antidepressant Trintellix, which when I typed it into the interaction checker, said there's a major interaction that can cause serotonin syndrome! I had thought only antidepressants could cause that, but it was officially on drugs.com, so I'm not sure if I should be worried or not?
  3. I asked my doctor this, but you know how they are...knowledgeable yet not always empathetic. So I'm asking actual users of the medication, am I super likely to sleepwalk? I am very afraid to do so...one thing I hate about psychosis is doing things I don't remember. So thinking I might while I sleep... I'm prescribed 5 mg. I hate being afraid to take it and yes I know I can cut it in half or talk to my doctor...I'm purposely looking for anecdotal evidence. Either to ease my mind or at least warn me.
  4. Okay that sounds about right. So the vitamin at night is "worn off" by morning time? And yeah I really try to not have much acidic stuff. Good idea about the tums as long as I don't take too much. Especially since I'm type 1 diabetic. So sometimes I get mad I have to treat my blood sugar and then have to wait an hour for Adderall.
  5. I was wondering if vitamins affect Adderall at all if you take them at separate times. I can't figure out how to change my signature so I'll just say, I take 30 mg Adderall IR a day, 20 mg Zyprexa Zydis a day, then a fish oil, ginkgo boloba, and a multivitamin. I know that eating with Adderall makes it less effective, especially acidic things with vitamin C. What worries me is the Zyprexa snows me a bit, and my job requires actual thinking (not saying no other jobs do but I mean mine is tutoring). I don't know if the vitamins will mess up Adderall even more. I can't afford to be a dumb zombie or I'll lose my job. But vitamins are healthy and if I quit Zyprexa id go in the hospital, so it's not an option. If I take them at night, will my morning dose be okay?
  6. I've posted on and off for maybe about a year about my friend growing distant. The one who was always there, a constant companion, etc. Then she went away to college 10 months ago and got so distant. She never wrote me and would get mad at me for asking where she was. She'd go forever without talking to me (forever meaning days but it was a huge change from all day every day). Well, now she's just gone. She hasn't talked to me in 7 weeks today. She never went more than 3 days in the end. The last conversation was fine, and yet she's gone. I tried writing her, not even obsessively. I backed off after awhile. I checked jail rosters and obituaries just because I wanted to believe the best about her. A lot of people have come to me recently saying she actually was a devious, selfish person. But even if it is true, it doesnt help me. I'm past the grieving process. It would eat me alive if I let it get to me like I used to. She's been distant and hurting me for a long time so I've had time to process it. But the not knowing WHY is driving me insane. It hurts. And is maddening. I want to know how to find out what happened or I'll only blame myself.
  7. Thank you guys, I apologize, I forgot about this post. I'll try typing it into a search engine with those prompts. I'm bipolar 1 apparently (according to my last hospital visit a year ago, just haven't been able to update my stuff in a bit). I buy Kirkland brand (Costco) well my parents do. I'm hoping there aren't freaky fillers but maybe there are? I know fish oil can help with mood too but I only take one pill so I'm not sure. It's just very strange. I started smoking temporarily because I was agitated and so I'm sure that's not helping things.
  8. I know this sounds stupid, but can taking vitamins change your mental state for the worse? I really can't think of any other change I've made in the last few days so I'm just trying to think through it like I would if I suddenly was getting hives or something after changing one thing. 3 days ago I started taking just one fish oil pill and one multivitamin pill a day. I don't think they affect the mind, especially in normal doses, but ever since the second day, I've been mad, paranoid, depressed, and just feel like something isn't right. Kind of like before I have a psychotic break. But I've been taking my normal meds like normal, and I haven't been drinking or doing any other drug. I really don't know what else could cause this. Curious to know if anyone has knowledge about this sort of thing.
  9. To the first response, don't worry, you aren't being too blunt and it was helpful. I mainly am with guys who are sweet when it comes to relationships, but very needy. As for casual encounters I've had in the past, they were mainly drunk guys. But those are the ones I wasn't afraid of. To second response though, yes, you're so right! That's actually exactly how I feel. That it suddenly replaces the closeness and intensity of the emotional part, with sex...and as much as I like sex, I also agree it is NOT the same. So that may be my issue. I do still feel weird that I feel this way when there hasn't been trauma, but I really value emotional connections, even with people I'm not attracted to, and I'm scared to lose it. So this does clear up a bit for me. However, I do still need to find a therapist.
  10. I wasn't sure where to post this, but it shouldn't cause triggers because I've not been sexually assaulted. It's a weird issue and I know I need to talk to a counselor about this but until I find one (recently switched to state health insurance), I just want people's ideas or hear that maybe someone understands. I'm ashamed of this weird anxiety or whatever it is. Okay, so I'm an adult, I know sex is normal, and I like it, etc. But here's where it gets weird. If anyone I trust finds me sexually attractive, I suddenly feel betrayed and hurt. There is no reason for it! I haven't been raped. I have had many relationships as a young person where the guy focused way too much on sex and it ruined the relationship and made me feel used. But I'm talking about now...I don't mind a casual encounter with a stranger, even though that's definitely us using each other. But if it's someone I'm close to, I feel afraid and angry and disturbed. The worst example is my best guy friend, who would go to the moon and back for me, and who is in love with me. If he suggests anything physical, I get panicked and upset and resent him. You can see why relationships don't even work for me...because once we cross the point of me trusting them, it's like sex is off limits. How could I not mind a random person doing it with me, but hate when someone I trust does? How could I ever experience "making love" with this stupid issue? I'm a freak.
  11. So for the longest time, I had been told not to worry about off brands because they're the same. Now, recently, I've suddenly been hearing (even from medical professionals) that it is not. I recently had to get on state insurance and change pharmacies, and some of my pills I got aren't overly common, like the picture of the Adderall wasn't even on the drugs.com site, although it is supposedly legit. Couldn't find pictures online anywhere. Part of my illness is paranoia, and the change in meds isn't helping. How different are generics really?
  12. Yeah. Well I mean the friendship itself has been about a year and a half. About 10 months in she went away, and has barely been there for 2. Just clarifying because I didn't know if you had thought the friendship was 2 months, or the estrangement. It wouldn't have been so hard if she hadn't been an almost constant companion for almost a year. It is good to know people understand. And if you meant at least its only 2 months so maybe it'll turn around, I really hope do. It IS very painful. I'm sorry you had to go through an even more severe one. I just wish I knew why. I haven't been so crazy lately. It makes me worried I was just some sort of project or something...
  13. I have posted about this person before, and it's a different issue than before. Before, my best friend who I had fallen in love with and who had taken care of me when I was having a lot of episodes, went away to college. At first she was just going to a different school, but now she's moved to the city and doesn't have to commute anymore. My feelings aside, because those are already hopeless since she would never love me and it was sort of codependent anyway... She acts like she doesn't care. She's taking very hard classes. She works a lot. I get that. But she acts like she doesn't care we haven't seen each other in 2 months. She only lives an hour away, but neither of us have a car. She only writes me to scold me about taking my meds, and only if prompted by me. If I don't write her, she won't write me. We went from being inseparable and her taking care of me to nothing. It feels like my heart is being ripped out. I understand that she's busy, but it feels like she doesn't care at ALL. She makes no effort. I feel like I've done something wrong but I don't know what it is. I don't know if I should let her go since its eating away at me. I keep holding out hope but she makes no indication of wanting a friendship at all.
  14. I would be interested in knowing why I jump around. It could be any number of things. Schizophrenic symptoms. Abandonment when I was a baby. An abusive relationship that ended 2 years ago but lasted 3 years. The person I love who treats me like shit. I don't know... I'd love to find out. What happens is I get on meds that are good for my MI and then they'll make me feel flat and disinterested, and I'll search for pleasure and interests. So yeah, when I'm healthy, this never seems to happen... It is good to know that this is a real thing though, and that I'm not a freak of nature. And yeah, Destiny is a lot like WoW (so I've heard) so that makes sense.
  15. This might be long, but maybe someone will be bored and up late to read it. Is it possible to be addicted to almost anything that makes you not depressed? But not be an addict? The name doesn't bother me... I just don't know what I am. I've never done a harder drug than weed. Have definitely abused Adderall before, but try to take it responsibly. Had a LONG run with alcohol but only when I was sad or bored. If I had hobbies or a purpose, or was happy, I didn't want to drink. I can't stop from bingeing when I do. But I can go without it if there's something else. I'll cut to the chase because I'm ashamed to admit such a lame addiction, considering some people deal with very serious ones... But the last month and a half, I've been addicted to the game Destiny for the Xbox. And I mean ADDICTED. I had a horrid last year where I fell in love with someone who basically abandoned me, I had a psychotic break and was hospitalized, I dropped out of school and was depressed. Drinking was the only thing to make it go away... But then, I discovered Destiny. I play it all the freaking time. It's all I think about and worry about, I blow off my friends for it, I take "sick days" (miraculously just off school but have kept at my job) just to play it. I was thinking I was sooo awesome for not even thinking about drinking anymore, but now feel like a loser realizing I'm just doing the same thing in a different way! It isn't that I don't care about school...I do. Or did. I'm taking hard classes. And blowing them off for Destiny. When I play, I don't worry about my heartache or my anxiety or voices or self loathing. I'm great at the game and feel good. Then I finally finish playing for the night and feel like shit about myself, like right now. I know it probably sounds stupid, like a video game is making me lose sleep and ignore loved ones and fail school. But it's true. Maybe I'm the worst kind of person. I find myself looking down on addicts or alcoholics and then realize I'm addicted to something not even chemical, which seems sadder. Can anyone relate to just being addicted to an escape of any sort, not just drugs? Like I said, for me it was alcohol until this game. I don't know if I'm being hard on myself or have any real problem. I match all the criteria of video game addiction that I've just looked up online. Tldr; I am addicted to a hobby basically. And I don't understand what's wrong with me and how it could have such a hold on me. I'm sorry if I sound moronic. I'm flabbergasted. Oh, and let me add that I get addicted to people too. I'll get super attached to someone and not care about hobbies or addictions either. I don't know why I'm like this.
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