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About deeschmee

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  1. So last night I started panicking pretty bad was up until about 1:30 a.m. had to work the next day. Then all of a sudden it hit me. I need to have my protector takeover in order for me to sleep. It worked quite well. I guess I'm wondering should I keep going with this? Could this be the start of an alter? Or could it just stay as is?
  2. Thanks to you both. I'm still deciphering what's happening within me, but better
  3. 😂 Late response..and touché Don't be sorry at all. Im better at drawing than grammar.
  4. So I was talking to this guy online an few years ago and recently started talking again. We made plans to hang out and I went to his house for a drink and movie. We were talking politics and I made a comment that got him angry. I definitely was on the alert. So when he started kissing me I said I wasn't prepared to have sex. Next thing I know, my pants are off. I covered myself and asked if he had a rubber. No. And we had sex. I didnt want to. Here is where fawning comes in. My counselor told me its a reaction to trauma, and I was most likely experiencing this when he was on top of me. I was appeasing him and trying to avoid conflict, so I gave in. Basically I was sexually assaulted. This is difficult for me to digest, just because if that's considered sexual assault, then it's happened numerous times in my life. Maybe this has happened to you?
  5. And I feel like I'm existing within myself. I feel like I'm just coming out of a drug induced coma. I know I have dissociative disorder but how do i know if I have separate identities? I can see my different personalities clearly. Comes in emotional waves. I'm not sure where the "me" I'm used to has been these past few weeks. Forgive me I know I've asked this before. I just can't remember the answer
  6. I could I've tried. Just seems like food takes priority over bills
  7. This makes the most sense to me. I appreciate everyone's input though. He just prescribed mirtzapine which I feel better about. I think the loneliness triggers my depression for sure.... I just want to say how grateful I am for each and every one of you. Your my people 💓
  8. He doesn't but I will tell him. It only happened once but it's bad He said it was my choice to take it. But I have to tell him about the drinking too I'm worried about sex compulsion, permanent tardive dyskinesia and suicide. There's some lawsuits with all this too
  9. I'm going to take all of this into serious consideration. You all have been so helpful.
  10. That is very helpful information. I appreciate it. My thought is that I've been trying medications for over 13 years. My pdoc did say my depression is somewhat treatment resistant so we talked about ECT and ketamine therapy. He let me decide about abilify. Also, I just realized I had 5 days off in a row and I got blackout drunk day one which triggered me too
  11. I'm scared of all the side effects of abilify. I took it last night and got a stomach ache. I've been on a variety of SSRI s tricyclic, sleep meds, clonazepam and seroquel. I know my major problem is loneliness. That makes me feel like shit.
  12. I agreed to take Abilify today. Half a tablet then moving up to a whole tablet I think 5 mg. I've read about all these crazy side effects and I really don't want to take it. I think my real problem is that Im lonley. I'm severely isolated but I feel much better when I'm dating someone or hanging out with someone. My Dad recently died and I had no one to talk it over with except my therapist. I feel my best when I have a friend or a boyfriend.. I really don't need this medicine
  13. So I'm struggling really bad paying for things like I'm supposed to not that I even have enough money to pay for anything but is there a way someone could be appointed my financial adviser or whatever I don't even know what to ask for. Someone who is in charge of my finances who can make sure that shitt gets paid on time
  14. Anyone watch this on Hulu? It's really good
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