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  1. Yes, it's been the same for me. Cops came once to my house asking about the neighbor issues. Full on watching myself from above and behind my head. No idea what I was saying, and I could tell my mouth was moving and I must have made sense because the cop left. I could hear myself but it was like I was on autopilot. It used to happen quite a bit and needless to say very scary. I'm happy to say that since I have worked on reducing stress and treating my anxiety with meds, after a time of maybe a couple of years the episodes seemed to reduce in frequency. It's been a long time since it's happened to the level that is very noticeable to me. Now it seems to manifest in a form where I just feel sort of "off" or out of it for a day. Hope this helps!
  2. LOVE IIITTTT!! Can I steal this? I could find many useful situations for this phrase lmao.
  3. You came to a mental health forum asking for advice and help. We gave you that and you have not accepted it. Over the years I have been to many differing forums where the topics have been very controversial. Perhaps another forum would be better for you as we are pretty calm and educated about our issues here and we will speak plainly and honestly to you exactly what we think when you ask for advice or help. If you have a problem with this then perhaps you're right and you should seek out like-minded people and continue on with your current path elsewhere. You have a lot of anger and that needs to be worked out before you can come in here to this forum. It is inappropriate to verbally lash out at those who are legitimately attempting to help you. Not only can your type of behavior be triggering for some, it is also very mean and cruel and I am finished with you and this topic. I will not continue with you because now, I am angry and that is unacceptable to me.
  4. There are so many armchair psychoanalysts out there with no credentials and little credibility. In today's techie world anyone can go write a blog or book. That's true quackery for you. Use your gut instinct - if it feels wrong - don't buy into it. Even people with credentials can be quacks. Unfortunately with this scenario, sometimes it comes down to a luck of the draw when choosing or even being able to find adequate professional help. Psychology is still considered the "new frontier" and a lot of it is still guesswork. The point being: does the treatment alleviate suffering and cause little or no harm to the patient or others? If so, then it's a successful treatment. This treatment of labeling people as creatures to be "conquered" sure seems like quackery...
  5. Again, my answer is to seek out professional help. No one person is entitled to or guaranteed to have 2 parents, 2 eyes, 2 legs, 2 arms or a life with no trauma or strife. Stop blaming the circumstances surrounding you and take responsibility for your own behaviors and feelings. BS or not, that's the real world and we ALL have a lot or a little of "sucking it up" to do to proceed forward successfully as we can through life. And I agree with Fluent in that mass shootings are far more complicated than a lone theory relating to single motherhood, as well as the ramifications of how intact your nuclear family appears to be. And in this article you linked, the proclamation is that fathers are the ones who set boundaries, and teach that you need to earn any entitlements and that the lack of a paternal figure is one of the many factors leading to this 'incel rebellion'. What a load of hogwash. I know plenty of moms who give better smack downs & deal with all the disciplining while the fathers stay uninvolved. There are way too many generalizations in this article that create a smokescreen for men to lash out at women. You can link me all the articles in this world that pad the manifestations for why you harbor these feelings of self-proclaimed privileges with women. Really with ANY person - man or woman - you have unrealistic expectations that supersede your willingness or ability to behave reciprocally. I can bet that this type of treatment would not be considered okay by anyone who might be looking for a relationship -MAN OR WOMAN- and they would not be interested in getting involved with someone who is unable to think beyond the boundaries that you maintain. You are turning this into hate regardless of the fact that you deny you hate women, you reek of it. And that is a problem for you isn't it? So what are you going to do about it? Continue reading materials that feed into and justify this thought process, or go and do something to get help in correcting it? It's your choice and up to you and only you.
  6. Firstly, you would talk to a woman about anything just as you would a man. I don't see how you differentiate subject matter to discuss as far as gender is concerned. Why wouldn't your mom be someone who would know these things? She is a human being and most likely has a lot of wisdom and experience to share with you that could be applied to a variety of life situations. Especially her being a single mom, she must have faced many challenges. Whether or not there is sexual confusion for you is besides the fact. You have so much anxiety built up surrounding this topic it seems essential that you seek out some sort or professional guidance to get to the root of these issues.
  7. Oof. If you are suicidal I urge you to get crisis help immediately. And secondly you seriously need to get some psychiatric help to sort out this thinking of yours. Lots of objectification and black or white thinking here. You're 21. Get outdoors. Get off your pc, try some sports or do something fun that involves other people. I don't care if you're in a wheelchair or have some other physical limitation, you can move about and breathe and see and hear. Try to meet human beings and see them as people rather than cause and affect objects that determine your personal satisfaction. And get out of your own head for a bit, help a person in need. Learn to value what you love - find a passion that doesn't involve sexual gratification. Stop chest thumping your need to be a pimp daddy. I can assure you, you are off the mark with these thought processes - it almost sounds like brainwashing of some sort...Good luck with your journey...I have no more words to offer you, as your manifesto leaves me dumbfounded and gloomy.
  8. I don't mind if people say that. What happened to me was really messed up and horrifying. Nothing anyone could ever say to me would invalidate that fact. I really don't care what other people's response is to my trauma unless it is minimizing it, which in my case would basically be admitting criminality on their own part and I'd know to stay away from them because it means they're a sick f***.
  9. Oh yes, I agree about cats & music, but I don't play any instruments. Cats have been my saving grace so many times, with their unconditional love and sweetness. For me, they're the perfect antidote.
  10. Psychosis can be a symptom of the Axis I dx of bipolar. And there are varying degrees of severity and duration of psychotic episodes. And rapid cycling can also occurr....Best left to a professional to diagnose.
  11. A lot of the things you describe sound familiar to me, as far as general descriptions, with specifics of circumstances being different. I myself am dx'ed bipolar II, generalised anxiety disorder, and ptsd. I was not dx'ed until age 37. However, I look back now and do recognise that the behaviors existed long before professional help arrived. My symptoms happened to have worsened, (and I went off the deep end) at the time I was dx'ed, due to the stress of my mom's death. She was a major coping mechanism for me, so when she died, the bottom kind of fell out of my life for me. I was dx'ed by a psychiatrist. Prior to this, I'd been seeing a psychologist for about 5 yrs. He never mentioned to me a specific dx (since that is not a part of his professional stance) nor was I referred for further treatment by him. It was strictly "talk therapy" and CBT with the psychologist... I lean more towards the depressive side of bp, and when I'm hypomanic, I try to take advantage of the energy levels by getting all my chores that I've put off, done at those times. I too, am excessively talkative during those times, racing thoughts, and half the time just ramble and don't even recall what topic I was disussing later on. In the beginning, I used to cycle quickly, on a daily basis, and had many "mixed" episodes, where I'd actually not know whether to cry or laugh, so I'd do both at the same time(?!) Quite the oddest feeling in the world! A lot of yrs have passed now tho, and I've had a complete hysterectomy, my hormone levels have changed and aging has occurred. With that, so too have the cycles and symptoms changed, Some are worse, some better. I try to go with the flow, and create as much stability as I can, since my moods might be in a mercurial position. I guess, I've just had this for so long, it is what seems "normal" to me. I think, if you feel that you're not being helped, or are having a gut instinct that you're not receiving the proper treatment you need, it could be time to find a different Dr. I have seen a couple of what I call, "quacks" during all these yrs, and I knew right off the bat, they were not the right Dr. for me. A psychiatrist is really the most trained professional who has the ability to make a specific dx....HOWEVER, one of my "quacks" was a psychiatrist, and he gave me antidepressants (can be a no-no for someone with bp, as there's a good chance it could've caused me to spiral in to a full blown mania). Unfortuantely for me, I've have not had a great deal of success with mood stabilizing meds. and have tried many different med. "cocktails" over the yrs. I had to settle for anti-anxiety meds in the end. The others caused severe physical side affects, that resulted in chronic physical difficulties for me. Every person is different, so I'm most likely not a typical example of the results of med therapy Hope this helps, ~Lunakin edited 4 spelling
  12. Yes, I've had this happen as well. I remember the gist of things I've done in the past, but not what I said or did. I've had a few people tell me about mean, insensitive or aggressive comments I've made, and I really thought they were joking or having memory loss of thier own..(I'd NEVER do or say THAT!). But since I've had more than one person tell me that i've said or done this or that, I kinda figured eventually, it must be true, but I just did not recall it. I do not have this happen as much any more, mostly stuff from my 20's and 30's. Now, I just do dumb things like make coffee, and forget to put fresh coffee grounds in, or look for my car keys, which are in my hand. Obviously, I now lead a much less complicated life than I did when I was younger....
  13. Eddie, that's great that you have these things you can do, that can help to a degree. A lot of times I've found, that even with having professional help for many yrs myself, the obvious will be stated to me (IE the answers are inside you ), and I've repeatedly been told to take as good care of myself as I can..I guess any Dr. will always tell a patient that, and it sure can't hurt.... But the importance of getting professional help would be having access to advice that's beyond our knowledge, and also getting prescriptive/med help as well, since most MI issues will be dependent on this type of therapy too. There will be times for me that it seems NOTHING helps, so I therefore am more aware of cherishing the moments when I can find something that does. Sounds like your mom has taught you a few things that help you cope, and I do understand feeling embarrassed or vulnerable sharing things that are very personal, and perhaps scary for you to go through. I've learned over time, to glean various coping mechanisms and being open to receiving them from many different sources (reading, talking to friends, observing other's reactions/behavior etc.), in addition to professional guidance. To me, it sounds as if music heals your soul, and that is a great thing!! ~Lunakin
  14. PS. I've also found that doing a simple breathing exercise, by breathing in slowly through the nose, and exhaling slowly through the mouth, several times in a row, can have a naturally calming affect if you're feeling anxious or stressed out. It's a common method that many Drs. will prescribe during anxiety or a panic attack. Don't worry about feeling anxious going to a Dr., many of us feel this way. Perhaps if you keep in mind that you have a goal of feeling well as your primary focus, will help alleviate some of the overwhelm that you experience during the process of your journey.
  15. Hi Eddie, First of all, I'd like to say that I'm sorry for what you've had to go through in your life. I'd be inclined to believe that he traumas you've been through have contributed to your current state of mind. Mental illness is often hereditary, so it's great that you seem aware of this also being a contributing factor. I can certainly empathise with a lot of the feelings you have...I have post traumatic stress, generalised anxiety with panic attacks, and bipolar. I've had a few similar experiences as you, as far as being awake but having dissociative-type of episodes, where an aura occurs beforehand. I feel exactly as if I'm in a nightmare type of dream, and also unfamiliar with all that's around me...as if it's not the reality I'm familair with. During these times, I've had mild auditory hallucinations, and a few visual ones as well. They certainly can be terrifying and hard to make sense of in a logical manner. I've had them during migraines as well, and don't know for sure, but wonder if perhaps they could be connected with a brain/blood flow issue, and/or some type of chemistry gone haywire in the brain...I'm no Dr., so I'm not sure about it. My psychiatrist has told me that these are most likely elevated panic attacks. I dissociate mildly which causes a depersonalization/derealization episode. She told me it's kind of my mind's way of protecting my body from going through the "typical" panic reactions, which would be hyperventilation, increased heart rate, etc. Mine too, will come on at random times, but have also occured as a direct result of identifiable stressful events. Some people do not react in a controlable manner, or handle stress well, and I'm one of those people I'm hoping that you will soon be able to get professional help so you can discover the cause, and be in a better position to help you cope with them. The advice given, to seek whatever community mental health program available to you would be a great thing to check in to, at least until you can find a way to afford it on your own. The best advice I can give you, especailly since you're not able to get professional help immediately, is to try, to the best of your ability, to take care of your body. I know this may be hard for you, as it is affecting your eating/sleeping, etc. ( I have the same issues as well), but even if you just lay there with your eyes closed and don't sleep, your body is still getting a type of rest. I have found that if I eat right, try to force myself to stay on a schedule of a regualr rest/sleeping routine, take vitamins, and get a bit of exercise every week (go for a 20 min walk, or whatever you feel comfortable doing, a few times a week, just to get the blood flowing through your body)....all of this does help a lot! While it is defintely no cure, it is just that much less for your mind to have to process if your body is not being taxed due to lack of sleep & proper nutrition. For now, you have at hand to work with, is to take the best care you can of the vessel of your body. It might, at the very least, minimize some of the most troublesome of your symptoms, to a degree. I also recommend activities which help you decompress and relieve stress, such as meditation, reading, journaling, a hot bath, cold shower, or a hobby of any kind that might help to distract you, even if it's momentary. Any thing you can think of that gets you to more of a "Zen" place in your head? I sure hope this helps, and please keep contributing whenever you feel the need! Good luck to you. ~Lunakin
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