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That Girl

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Everything posted by That Girl

  1. You say you have a love for coffee (oh man, me too)... Have you tried switching to decaf? idk if that would be enough of a caffine reduction to aleviate the anxiety - but I'd think it'd be worth a shot... nothing to lose, if it doesn't do the trick, you can just give it up as planned, and if it does do the trick, you can continue to drink coffee - yay! Alcohol on the other hand - moderation is key I guess... which I have often found difficult, and I think a lot of people with socially geared anxiety find difficult. Just my opinion of course - it's just that the very effects of alcohol are so good at aleviating those symptoms at the time! In my case though, I pay for it 10 fold the next day. There's not enough xanex on the planet to quell the anxiety I feel the morning after. And it completely exacerbates my depression. It's a terrible feeling. I either have to avoid it all together, or really psych myself up before hand with a plan with solid limits & rules (ie, 3 beer limit with water required between each one...)
  2. Mine is definately worse in the morning. I'm wondering if the pattern I see here (with some members generally being worse at identifiable points in time & others being worse upon being triggered) has anything to do with whether or not you have generalized anxiety going on. Seems that way. My anxiety is generalized - my mornings are ridiculous. I just laugh about it any more, because, idk, it just seems so silly to me as I walk around gagging while I get ready in the morning. I guess I have an odd sense of humor - lol. Don't get me wrong - I also have my triggers that can worsen my anxiety whenever they pop up - but I pretty much always have mornings filled with anxiety for, no reason at all really...
  3. yeah - likely due to anxiety then... Mine makes me gag all the time - it's way, WAY worse in the morning for me - I liken it to morning sickness, although I've never had that:) Your tagline is a snipet from one of my all time favorite songs:)
  4. just want to clarify here - is this happening ALL the time? And maybe just get worse when you are anxious? Because if this is happening all the time, you may want to get checked out by your general doc as it could be a sypmtom of a physical medical issue... edit to say sorry the text is so small in my response... I can't seem to fix it.
  5. Ah - could have written a lot of these things myself! Recurring crap for me - Everyone hates me, either outright or secretly People think I'm stupid People are judging me S.O. is cheating & everyone knows but won't tell me S.O. hates me & talks bad about me with everyone else that secretly hates me - which is everyone My family doesn't really like me, but merely tolerate me That I actually am stupid & no one has the heart to tell me (seems I think people are conspiring against me!) That I will think I'm being irrational & not actually be irrational (does that make sense?) That I'll never accomplish anything I will lose everything Pedestrians might jump in front of my moving vehicle I'll kill someone in an accident Someone with road rage will kill me on the highway Someone suicidal will slam their vehicle into mine or one nearby to take everyone around them out in a blaze of glory That no one takes me seriously No one really thinks my jokes are funny Other people want my S.O to leave me Everyone sees all my faults People think I'm ugly & only tell me I'm pretty so I don't find out that I'm a deformed weirdo That I'm either much crazier, or not as crazy as I think... Wow - quite a list - and I'm sure I missed a few!
  6. I was thinking the same thing... mixed with depression. nihalism springs to mind? The philosophy geeks around here might be able to chime in on that stuff... When every show on the history channel is about the end being nigh etc etc - that's not helpful... feeds it ya know? I have a feeling this sort of thinking is quite rampant thanks to the 2012 hoopla - but I'm not certain there is a clinical term for it. Maybe from a socialogical perspective there is - but as far as it being it's own thing in psychological terms - I don't think so. Obviously, I don't know you or him - but devaluing what he is choosing to do for work because there isn't as much money in it - that's sad to me... At least he is working - and if he's more interested in learning a trade, for whatever reason, a hardware store seems like a good place to start. There certainly is value in the trades - especially if that is what one would rather be doing IMO. Money isn't everything. Job titles aren't everything. Your situation seems complex. I absolutely appreciate that. Just throwing out my 2 cents from what little I see here. Good luck to you both.
  7. changes changes changes. good ones. I think.

  8. is still alive...

  9. heh - easiest to predict for me. I know when they are likely anyway. I pretty much have my triggers nailed down on that. Migraines, hangovers, dehydration and occasionally air conditioning all result in panic attacks for me. And way back in the day - coming down off heavy recreational drugs of the upper variety...
  10. I agree - doc & meds ASAP. Have you found that you have called 911 based on dellusions in the past? Because I can tell you that this can lead to legal ramifications unfortunately.
  11. I'd like to see a way to rate things on a scale - at any given time of the day. Things like irritability, anxiety, depressed mood, happiness, sadness, anger... And maybe a way to add your own mood related things - maybe things like jealousy, suspiciousness... (I can't think of any others, since these are just something I might like to keep track of if / when they happen - I'm sure other people have other things - and so maybe a couple of open fields or something to input your own things you want to track?) Being able to track things like sleep patterns, med timing etc - would also be very cool. Can you tell I have no idea about app development? lol - I'm sure none of that is easy, if it's even possible! A notes section would definately be great. Along with the ability to email yourself charts / summaries of recorded info over specified time periods. So - get busy! haha. In the meantime, I'll check out the Emoods App (or some of the other free mood trackers I see out there) while I await your 5 star app!
  12. I'm with Tryp... I have great hindsight. I'm usually well entrentched in it before I really know - or maybe before I will admit it even to myself. Even though I DO start socially isolating, I don't really realize it at the time. I also start to cry a whole lot more - about stupid shit that's not necessarily appropriate to cry about. I get unusually obsessive also - but I sort of liken that to my emotional immune system being low & allowing my other issues to creep in & have more control than they can when I'm not depressed / getting depressed. I'm getting better in my old age with recognizing the signs - but, not really much better about denying what's happening until, like I said, I'm deeply entrenched & it feels like everything is falling apart around me.
  13. Yep - Lexapro is what I'm on too - and surprise surpise, that's what they are starting her on! I'm so excited for her to get some relief. SO excited. I'd suffer all her pains if she never had to feel how I know she feels =/ The Lex doesn't cover all my anxiety actually, but I'm getting better at supplementing with xanex when I should. I'm real bad about taking them for some reason. Don't get me wrong - the anxiety is a million times better - but it does still crop up. Anyway - After the stuff she's pulled (her attempts have involved hand fulls of pills), I am doubting she will have access to her own meds, so I imagine they will probably do a sidecar of benzo as needed for her, as long as she doesn't have direct access to them. Much relief going on in the family - which is good, because the focus can stay where it belongs - on my sister & helping her get well.
  14. My mom was flipping out about it being 'like jail'. I am pretty sure I quelled that fear with pointing out that A) that's completely necessary for patient safety and B) She's not the only one there & you have to consider the other patients. Some of them may not have anything, let alone anyone that gives a crap about them. Others may have pieces of their own issues that would compell them to take something that is important to someone else - so it's also necessary to avoid that sort of drama, I'm sure, in a ward full of teens (as if teens don't have enough drama causing outlets, MI aside! ha) Yes, I think this is part of what sent my mother into meltdown mode. That & having to face, head on, her role in the issues as well as not being able to help my sister before it came to this. So far, so good. They are trying really hard to get her input - but, she's having a really hard time giving it to them. As of this afternoon, they have officially diagnosed her & started meds - I think she will be able to take a more active role in the process once the meds start doing their job. I do wish there was a way I could stress to her that there are people who will never get the opportunity to have access to this kind of care & that she should try to take in everything they are offering her. Take all the knowlege she can get her hands on. After a few years of inadequate treatment (IMO), I am so very relieved that they have given her a diagnosis that really seems to fit her to a T. Unlike the last shrink, who saw her for 10 minutes, gave her a single questionairre that only looks for Bipolar disorder, diagnosed her & started her on drugs for that (which were zero help, but she just kept switching her to other meds for that - all unsuccessful). God that pisses me off still. Anyway - her new, thorough, assessment has revealed severe major depression and social PHOBIA. I knew for sure she had bad social anxiety, but it never dawned on me that it had tipped into a full blown phobia. I am frankly irritated that her anxiety has been missed time & again. I cannot really recall a time EVER in her life that she has not had some anxiety - she went from painfully shy as little one and has simply gotten progressively worse. And, since she has pretty much always been anxious - I don't think she knew how to describe it. But god damn, is there not a single empathic medical professional that could pick up on that?! I essentially demanded that they give her something for the anxiety that I could feel coming off her before I even walked around the corner into her room at the regular hospital before she was transferred. My mom & the nurses & my sister herself were blown away at the difference after they hit her w/ some ativan. Unfortunately, she will be spending her 16th b-day IP. AND, they're pretty strict there about visitors and bringing in food or presents & stuff - which is completely reasonable I think - but it still makes me sad. HOWEVER, more than being sad, I am overwhelmingly happy that she is spending her sweet 16 there, instead of in a casket. This was something like her 4th attempt. But - perhaps a party when she gets out will be good... get that social phobia down from a deafening roar & she might actually WANT a party! My mom is coping much better now that she has some answers. I sort of want to dance around doing an 'I fucking told you so!' dance regarding her actual diagnosis. Not that I'm qualified to diagnose anyone, but she IS my sister and all her stuff is SO similar to mine. Except for the suicide attempts - which I've not done - but I'm surprised it didn't happen on accident when I was her age at the rate of self medicating I was doing. I want so badly for her to see this as a positive opportunity & for it to be productive & deep down helpful for her. I can't control that though, as much as I want to. Hopefully, I can help influence her perception a little bit at least though. I keep stressing to her that had I been able to deal with my stuff when I was her age, I can't even fathom where I would be now - how much better off I would be. Thanks everyone. Edit - perhaps social phobia & social anxiety are the same thing - phobia just sounds worse to me I guess & my sisters is so much worse than mine (well, actually, I think I may just hide mine better than she can)
  15. I posted this in my blog - but, eh, I know not everyone reads that My youngest sister was placed IP yesterday. This is my families first experience with one of us being IP. They are depending on me quite a bit to help navigate all this. Both because of my education, and my fairly decent insight into my own MI issues. I am asking for your 20/20 hindsight. Please share with me what you know now, that you wish you had known prior to any IP experiences. Or what you wish your family knew, especially if you happened to be IP as a minor. I would certainly like to be able to help my sister make the most of this, so that maybe she can avoid having to spend the next 20 years dealing ineffectively with her issues - which happen to be very similar to mine, despite our age difference. It's odd to look at her & essentially be looking into a mirror of myself at her age. I know this is a first person sight - so I hope this is OK. I really am looking to help myself in a way... Because while everyone is melting down around me, I'm trying to keep the focus on how potentially postive this could be for her. So, if there are pitfalls I can help us avoid in this situation - I can help prevent my crazy ass family from turning against the mental health system - which would not be good for me or anyone in my family in the long run. Thank you all in advance for your invaluable input.
  16. There are a lot of fade creams on the market. Clinique has a new one out - I haven't tried it yet, but I intend to. It's called 'Even Better Clinical Dark Spot Corrector'. It has pretty good reviews.
  17. I can SO RELATE to that! Ever been reading an actual book or magazine, lose your place & think, oh, I'll just go to 'edit' 'find' to locate where I was. I found myself doing that a lot with text books too - my brain would automatically go to that response when I needed to look up something - instead of automatically thinking 'index' or 'glossary'. Spell check has really screwed me over too - lol. Not to mention, thanks to typing pretty much everything on a keyboard, my handwriting is fairly sloppy & inconsistant now... And, if I try to write too much with a pen & paper - oh my, the BURN!
  18. When you say you can't stand your hair touching your face... What do you mean by that? That it's so irritating you can't stand it? I get like that too - but I don't associate it with the GAD. If anything, I'm more likely to like hiding behind my hair when I'm really anxious. Is it possible that (if you are indeed, irritated by it) that it could perhaps be indicative of some irritation associated with your bipolar? I notice you say that is 'somewhat' under control - so, perhaps that is a part of what isn't exactly under control? What about the PTSD? Any reason hair touching your face might be triggering something? Personally, I'm more likely to not be able to stand my hair touching my face when I'm in between lengths & don't really associate that with any MI - but then again, it doesn't bother me to the extent that it would need to be classified that way. I just pull it back & get on with it... But if it is causing me distressful irritation, I'd be more likely to associate that with my depression - not the anxiety.
  19. good thing I'm not paranoid lately since my neck is so jacked up I can't look behind me!

    1. Mackie

      Mackie

      i shouldnt laugh at this, because i get paranoid too and it sucks, but...heh :P

    2. That Girl

      That Girl

      if we can't laugh - well - all we'd do is cry about shit like this probably ;)

  20. I love the orange! It makes my eyes happy - so I'm hoping it works a bit for others. lol.

  21. heh - I'd be the first to die in a horror movie... If I'm really worked up, it's impossible for me to quiet & steady my breathing - and the harder I try, the worse it gets. The perp would hear my heavy breathing no matter where I tried to hide - lol.
  22. Yeah - I find myself 'sighing' a lot when I have a lot of anxiety going on - like I just can't get enough air. I am guessing that it has something to do w/ CO2 levels (I know mine are elevated during full blown panic attacks via a blood gas test during one...)
  23. Argh. Me too Anna, me too. K - I really hope you will attempt to avoid smoking. I wish I never started - it's a ridiculous habit to try to break. I've quit a hundred times. I've lost people dear to me due to smoking, and yet, here I am - still smoking. The e-cig is a good idea... I've been meaning to try it myself.
  24. HAHA - you called me Cat Girl. It's actually more fitting. Love your username by the way.
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