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  1. lol what on earth that's incredible... they are trying to say "be careful because you might" right? The shock of that might make it more effective, maybe that's the purpose of putting "autistic" on the signs, because, as I said, we know people usually ignore those signs so anything that makes it novel increases the chances that it will get listened to, even though what you are supposed to do (slow down, be careful) doesn't change. A silhouette of kids on stilts or pogosticks might be equally effective
  2. I did a test years ago and I read at about 230wpm, apparently you can't go faster than 250wpm without some speedreading skills that sounds about right! I don't like James Joyce either, he's silly, but I do like a lot of stuff that was written by authors who were influenced by him, so maybe he's not that silly. I wonder what he'd think if he knew i called him silly. Take that, Jimmy when you think do you visualize? I wonder if it's related to thinking style in general. i think in words an pictures, but when I think in words i visualize the words, the shapes of the letters
  3. I see a movie in my head. Reading or listening to a story.. When someone describes something to me I "see" it in my head. It's a problem at times, for example I was watching a youtube video and the lad in it was describing a time his step father hit him, he described it in some detail so I saw it happening and I involuntarily shielded my head with my hands as he described being struck.. so it feels more real than it would be if they showed a reconstruction i stop seeing the words after a while and just see the people. i can't see their faces usually, unless i decided to pop a person I know into that characters place, like if i've seen the movie i will see the actors but usually i don't really picture faces or anything. I'm always surprised when people say "she's not how i pictured her"... i get a feeling for the characters, like I am with them, I feel their vibe, but I don't picture their features. I wonder if I did would it help me make eye contact with people IRL? I just don't consider that important information i guess ha ha. if the physical attributes of the character are described I skip over it, but I don't think I'm unusual because I've noticed most of the novels I read never describe the physical attributes of the characters... just stuff like "malnourished" or "intimidating", stuff that is important to the story... but not "freckly" or "brown eyed" who cares!?
  4. i think that most people with MI have some kind of trauma from youth (doesn't have to be PTSD, can be non-PTSD trauma, and it could be something that you wouldn't expect to be traumatizing) and as a result have attachment injuries / insecure attachment styles maybe even fearful/disorganized attachment, which makes it really hard to bond, because bonding is associated with fear / pain / loss /betrayal.. and that's what makes making friends really hard, far more than my complete ineptitude at the social stuff that other people seem to be able to intuit easily. People can get around that, it's my emotions that really drive people away, I think. I don't know. trauma has a way of separating us from the world and breaking bonds and hurting the ability to bond and feel safe with others, even if the trauma was had nothing to do with humans, especially when we are younger posting a seal to comfort myself (not going to read back on the thread, hope that's ok guys)
  5. gosh that is interesting but also AWFUL poor you sorry for being rude but did the vaccine cause any diarrhea? (for pedants: did your immune system's response to thinking that it had a virus (that actually it didn't have) cause diarrhea?) because that could mean the paxil is /was passing through too fast to be absorbed Agreed with CrazyReadhead definitely ask a pharmacist or pdoc
  6. I like fluffy things. I'm wearing a fluffy jumper with fluffy trousers right now. I like everything to be cotton because my skin is very picky but certain fluffy polyester seems fine, however they do it! A lot of fluffy things are "girly" though, for lack of a better word. I don't like it to be too "girly" but then I'm a girl so obviously everything i wear immediately becomes girly when I put it on. It's a silly word
  7. Doesn't Leviticus also say not to mix cloths? i.e. don't wear something that is part polyester and part cotton? I think you'd be hard pressed not to find someone that breaks something in Leviticus every single day. Eating shellfish for example. I am biased because we were always taught that if it conflicts with Jesus then Jesus has the last word. You are so sorry and so determined not to do harm. Everyone has things in our lives that we are ashamed of or deeply sorry for, if someone doesn't I would say they are either very young or just (blissfully?) out of touch with their feelings. What matters is you are genuinely sorry, that is so clear. I'd happily share a space with you. This was one mistake, it is not who you are. You are as far from it as east is from west! But I'm trying to reassure again! The loss of a pet is definitely serious enough to trigger an episode but again I'm in no place to diagnose, I would just encourage you again to get support with this. You do not deserve to suffer like this.
  8. Was there any stressful event or upheaval in May 2019? Or did it mark an anniversary (sometimes even if we don't remember the anniversary, it still effects our moods and can knock us off kilter)? If I'm right I think that I will offer reassurance, and maybe you will feel relieved for a brief moment, but then the OCD says "no, I am not relieved, this is not enough, there is still a shadow of doubt and I can't abide uncertainty" and for the OCD it is never enough and then the person says "if I am not relieved it is because I cannot trust this answer, I must find an answer I can trust so I can be certain" and at the same time anyone who felt that brief moment of relief would want to keep seeking that out. I think you could use some professional support with this, you are in a lot of pain. A counsellor, a therapist, a pastoral counsellor, a CBT practitioner specializing in OCD, whatever sounds best to you, you do not deserve this pain. I don't think I will say anything you haven't already been told, is the thing. I am saying it to relieve myself: Jesus is love, Jesus is forgiveness. Jesus has always been said to forgive anyone who sincerely wants to be forgiven: “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” “For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more.” "As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us." If I, a mere human who isn't made of love and can be petty at times and who loves animals more than people.. if I find it easy to forgive you and see this act as finished and you as someone who is sorry and isn't a bad person and is removed from it..if that's me.. then how easy is it for the God of Love to forgive you?
  9. Chapter 1 in every medical textbook seems to be: Anxious people don't get sick - why you can't have a mental illness and a physical one at the same time. Because reasons. My uncle has OCD and health fixations and 3 doctors turned him away and refused to see him before someone finally agreed to run tests and find out that yes, despite having OCD, he actually was very sick!
  10. yeah i think when i was a kid dyslexia was a catch all and they didn't put me in the right spot on this diagram
  11. I'm glad you won the war! they are so greedy, they eat all my birdseed. it's not for them! My cat loves watching the pigeons who come to hang out in our garden. I don't think she'd try to catch one unless he walked right up to her, then maybe she'd put out a paw.
  12. Oh, hello there! I didn't see you come in So when my partner is annoyed by something I can't relax, even though I'm in the other room. I'll feel scared and tense and probably later on in the day I'll be angry and irritable. If he's happy I'm happy etc. This isn't just with my partner it's with the people around me in general Is anyone else like this? Have you made any progress or found something that helps a bit? How do i keep my own emotions from getting swept away?
  13. ha ha ha ha yeah! my oven has a grill on the top that we never use... I don't know why all my ideas were "put it on a heat source!"
  14. Psychoanalysts traditionally didn't believe that retraumatization was possible, they thought that bringing things up and opening floodgates was always good. But of course now a lot of psychoanalysts are trained in trauma therapy and don't believe that any more. I'd make sure she's the latter type! Yeah it is safe to bring up old or repressed traumas but it has to be done very slowly and carefully and it's not safe to do it before you have a huge list of coping methods taht you know work really well, and until you know how to recognize when it's too much. A lot of people are so numbed by trauma that they don't realize until after teh session that everything went too fast, and that is the therapists fault for trying to do trauma work with someone who hasn't yet learned to recognize when they are out of their safety zone... but traditional psychoanalysts don't believe that, they believe it's good, that that stuff needs to come out and that there's no harm in going fast and that breakdowns are breakthroughs Yes! while it often gets a bit worse before it gets better, it's going too fast if it's causing: - panic attacks - flashbacks - nightmares - intrusive thoughts - freezing - suddenly not being able to talk - dissociation - numbness etc. if you are already dissociated or numb it is not time to work with the actual trauma it's time to work on slowly slowly slowly bringing back feeling in a safe way all this stuff i'm saying is from modern trauma theory, polyvagal, window of tolerance, all that you asked about screening I'd ask how they work with trauma. The answer should be something like .. "we don't do any trauma-talk until 1. you know you can trust me 2. you have lots of healthy coping mechanisms that you have proven to yourself can work plenty of times 3. you know how to notice when things are becoming too much and you are able to tell me" there are loads of different ways of conceptualizing those steps and explaining them but if the tdoc doesn't do any of that then they aren't ready to work with trauma. about 10% of people get worse from therapy instead of better, and that won't drop until they mandate that all practicing tdocs get trauma training! So like imagine your whole body is numb, are we going to start talking about the car accident that started this numbness? No, because that fear and trauma is exactly what your body is making you numb to protect you from! I think EMDR sounds fricking wonderful because you can skip all that and get right into the soothing in a way that seems really safe, of course it doesn't work for everyone but it does sound like a magic step
  15. Does trauma really never go away or is just something that comes from the fact that for decades there were no treatments for trauma? There are a few now that have been proven to work, but when most of our therapists were trained there was literally nothing you could do about trauma except get used to it and lower your expectations... so maybe it can go away completely now? I don't know, I know it can become totally manageable Like this bit about feeling unsafe, it does sound like trauma, and it's definitely something treatable
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