I had a long post written up but accidentally clicked cancel
anyways this is what I experience:
little interest in sex or capability
i JUMP at any unexpected shocks and even expected ones.
i die every inside every day recently
i see "her" all the time and/or think about it always even dream about her
we broke up a while ago. i assume she hates me
i hate me
sometimes i "zone out"
numb and thats how i thrive and get by
if i go off or miss a few doses of meds its hell
i cry, scream, become evil without it
i still think about suicide prolly always will
maybe its better.
hear/see things that are "odd" and not always real. like my mom's diabetes sugar was 34,000 (not possible)
i cant stop thinking never can and nights like this i dont sleep
i dont sleep
i think about the same crap again and again
supposedly borderline too.
the lamictal doesnt help
realllllly angry without meds
like shaking mad
litterally walk thru a doors once (busted it apart) i was so angry.
only the dulcolax seems to work
i eat ALOT like 5 hot dogs on 5 buns two pan cakes, etc then eat normally for a while
sometimes i black out
but only when i dont eat at all for like a long time
Always relive the past, again and again in memories and sleep and thru the waking part of me
somebody hurt me so i dont have to feel what i do feel.
sorry if this is in the wrong place/forum, also that this is a mess grammatically.
P.S. is there a "f**ked up" diagnosis?
i sometimes cant control myself like my emotions
sometimes i do things the real me never would
like i need help and cry out for it but even my LCSW (counselor)/pdoc says the area i live in (country/rural) is not a big enough area to support the facilities i need.