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joey

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  1. I'm Joey and I am from the state of Queensland in Australia. I have been reading a few posts here and I just wanted to put my two cents worth in. I also feel the need to give myself a pat on the back for being a good mum. The voices in my head have been giving me a hard time lately, telling me that I am the worst mum in the world so I want to put down in writing some things I have done and why I am a good mum to my three precious cherubs after all. So humour me!!!! There was a post about a mum having problems with kids sleeping in her bed. All of my children had problems sleeping in their own beds. When they were babies, ie up to crawling stage, they slept in bed with us. We pushed up a firm cushion couch against my side of the bed, level with my boob. The logic being the baby sleep on the couch and I could just roll over and feed it without having to get up and my husband and I could then keep the whole bed to ourselves. What actually happened was that my husband slept the couch, and baby and I got the bed! But no matter, we all got sleep which was the important part. When they got to the crawling stage it was safer to put a cot sized mattress directly on the floor next to me. The babe would sleep on that instead of the bed. When the babe woke for a feed I would just have to lean over and pull them up into bed with me to feed. The mattress then provided a safe landing should the babe ever rolled off the bed, which they didn't. From about 2 we tried to get them in bed sized mattresses on the floor in their shared bedroom. This lasted until about 1am, so if we wanted to have sex (wanted being the word!)and then one or both would end up in our room, but NOT in our bed. If they wanted to come in they had to sleep on the cot mattress on the floor. Once they got to about 3 years of age, we made a big deal about getting them their own bed, a proper bed with a base, and they began to understand that they had to stay in their own beds. We had night lights in their rooms and from birth we had a set bedtime routine with stories from their dad, (made up in his head night after night! My favourite was Barnie the dinosaur goes to the Monster truck races!) THen either he or I first said prayers for them and then sang Jesus loves me, and then a little song I made up teaching them how to go to sleep. It goes like this, "Close your eyes and keep them closed, don't wriggle your fingers or your toes, that's the way to go to sleep" I didn't realise until I had kids that some kids need to be taught how to go to sleep. And that if you can just get them to close their eyes and keep nice and relaxed and still, they fall asleep! I then told them that they could come in and sleep in our bed when the sun came up. It took some time but by the time they were 4 they were sleeping through, and in their own beds. Bedtimes are still the same now, even now that the kids are 8.5, 13 and 14. They still want the prayers and song and are usually sleeping by the end. My eldest son asked me why he always starts yarning half way through "the Jesus song" as he calls it, and I tell him that he has been going to sleep this way since he was about 2 and now his body is brainwashed itself to go to sleep this way!!! When my youngest was born by ceasarian, and came out bawling, my husband started singing our bedtimes songs to him and he stopped immediately. He must have heard them countless times whislt inside me, when I was putting his big brother and sister to sleep. Once kids start kindy and pre-school at 4 and 5, ( I live in Australia), I find that all the activity makes them more tired and more likely to sleep through the night. I know that this seems to have taken a long time, but it was worth it to do it slowly for the kids, so that they weren't traumatised. I have always tried to make their life as secure and stable as possible. They had enough to put up with, with a BP2 mum, and a dad who worked long hours and was ofter away for weeks on end with work. We also lots of moves and NO family help. I am highly allergic to crying and so is my darling husband. We did anything to avoid hearing it, so tried to make their lives stress free as possible! As they got older I set firmer boundaries and they were able to cope with them easily. THey have become easier the older they have got and I have given them the freedom to let me know how they feel, let them set boundaries for me and my behaviour as well. A few isolated smacks on their bums whilst under 6 helped too! But you have to have strategies, and I have found that the counselling I have had over the years has helped me find a way to communicate with my kids quite well. They still "sass" me, but never in a mean way and we have lots of laughter in the house. I apologise if I am unfair and I forbid sulking or non-communication of any kind. Don't get me wrong there in plenty of yelling and slamming of doors but things get resolved before long, though grudgingly at times I must admit. We are a household of individuals that hates to admit they are wrong, but will do it if we have too.! I love having two teenagers in the house. I love their music, I love their jokes, language, gossip, fashion sense, and thier upfront and stable characters and personalities. I can't believe I have raised such delicious kids! Now the 8.5 is a problem, drama queen plus, but he is learning that I am a bad-arse mother if he tries to manipulate me, and that saying how you feel, and talking is better than a tantrum if he wants my attention. Anyway thats my rant. Talk to me people!!!! B)
  2. Thankyou, thankyou for replying Sulu! I need so much to hear that I am not the only one this happens to. Not killing myself this last week, has been the absolutely the hardest thing I have ever done. I wish, I wish I could do it, but the thought of the effect on the kids and my darling man prevents me. It actually shits me a bit that I have to stop myself for their benefit. I am such a mess these days it would surely be better if "mum" was normal. It would be great sometimes if I could just dissapear, I am sure that I am screwing up their lives more by being around. I know this is the illness talking but changing, getting better seems so hopeles a goal, that death seems a much easier option. Anyway, meds I am taking were prescribed for the anxiety, and the depression. Now I have some valium in my cupboard to "zonk" myself out to stay away from the kitchen and all its knives. I also have some beta blockers which I keep in my handbag which I take on the first sign of a panic attack. Panic attacks have got worse since I started Effexor XR, now I get tetany with them as well. Do you know what tetany is? It is the "clawing" and stiffenning up of your hands due to hyperventalation. Breathing into a paper bag helps but I prefer to skip the attacks altogether if I can. My mum is coming over tommorrow, just to be here so that I am not on my own. The kids will be at school. Then it will be the weekend. I am hoping that the psyc will help me come off all the meds and see just what my symptoms are, so that I am not treated for symptoms that are drug related. I know it will be hard, but they are talking Electric Shock treatment, and I don't blame them, as I know that I have major depression that seems drug resistant. But without the meds I have mainly anxiety, the suicidal thoughts is a new manifisation. And the depression gets much much worse on anti depressants. I don't know really what is wrong with me really. Anyway, I am just so tired, I will check this forum again tommorrow and hope that I hear from you or others soon. I can talk to my husband and mum but my intentions understandably terrify them. JO
  3. Hi I'm new here and live in Australia. I have had anxiety/depression problems for at least the last 18 years which began when I suffered from Glandular fever, (I think you guys call it Mono!!!!) The meds I have tried in the past are Zoloft (1 year), then a 3 year break then Aropax, Aururix for 2 years. I seem to experience anxiety, get proscribed an anti depressant and then the anti depressants make me depressed. I survived without drugs for 3 years, but life circumstances/stress saw me proscribed Edronax last May (2004) In March, whilst on the Edronax, of this year I was just hyper, couldn't sleep and was absolutely terrified of the dark! I was also seriously suicidal for the first time in my life. My GP put me on Effexor. It made me nauseous and dizzy for the first couple of weeks, especially after a dosage increase, but going onto the XR sort made this better. It makes me clench my teeth to the point that my jaw joints are swollen each morning, it gives me heavy night sweats, I have a rash on my tummy that drives me insane, and it makes me feel as if I have alziemers. But I was willing to put up with these as the suicidal thoughts had gone. But a week or so after each dosage rise ( I am on 225mg now) I feel great for a week or so, then I get numb and down again, so the GP rises the dosage again. Now I am feeling seriously down, and would end my life right now if I hadn't promised my kids that I wouldn't even try it. But I am frightened that I may not be able to keep that promiseand it frightens me. I am in touch with the local Mental Health board, and have an appointment with a Psychiatrist next Thurs. They have said to front up to the local hospital if I get too bad, so I am being looked after. But I am feeling so hopeless that I will ever find a drug or whatever that will help me function.
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