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instamattic

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Everything posted by instamattic

  1. instamattic

    Meds

    Yeah, I've done this a few times. I was just diagnosed last year and have been learning a lot about myself. The short, unwise, vacations I have taken ALWAYS underscore how well they work for me and I'm in a hurry to get back on track after a couple of days. For so many years I didn't realize that so many of these things were symptoms... but they just go away when I stay on the meds.
  2. I'm on that and Seroquel. To me they work so well together. The Lamictal keeps me form going too low and the Seroquel keeps my feet on the ground (mostly).
  3. Not the most healthy answer here but I start drinking and using when I want to stave off those ideas/actions.
  4. I use to say that I scare ducks. I get them in a row and then scare them so they scatter so I can line them up again. Upsetting applecarts work the same way. I feel for you.
  5. I take notes as much as possible now. When I start to go up my memory is in overdrive and I can remember details of events from decades ago... and often email those details to the people involved. As I continue to climb, bolstered by awesome memory, I slip into delusion and start confusing random innocuous memories with incredible significance and end up thinking I must be a spy (Jason Borne) or some shit.
  6. I've been trying to identify the "signs" that I'm in a mixed/dysphoric state of mania. This has been helpful as I'll get "obsessed" over real or imagined beefs I have with somone or some situation. Now, if I'm upset at a family member or a social injustice and it is interfering with my life I take a minute and think about some other ongoing or pet peeve. Often, w/in minutes I've "forgotten" the first beef and and all cranked up about the "new" one. This tells me it's my mania and not either real or truely obsessive. I'm just paranoid or ragey. Usually I just need more seroquel that night and it goes away.
  7. good deal on the money, i've started doing that too. good that you are getting in to see the doc. sometimes I just go out and walk with some music on my shuffle. i try to avoid porn generally but if my sex drive is going crazy and my wife isn't available and in the mood.... hey, it's safer than the alternatives.
  8. I've been trying to learn how to spot my dysphoric? mixed? episodes. One test I do is if I'm REALY upset at person x, I think about a different person I have a beef with. I can tell I've lost it if 15-20 minutes later I've forgotten about person x and am fuming mad at the different person. At that point I can tell it's not about them it's about me.
  9. Before I was diagnosed and found a pdoc and meds I'd lay on the couch w/ cnn or headline news turned on with the volume real low and try to rest.
  10. I was in a similar place for quite awhile with the tarot and such. A few years ago I stumbled across a podcast called the Skeptics Guide to the Universe. It often attempts to explain/explore phenomena of this type with a skeptical mindset that I found VERY helpful. I didn't want that "skill" anymore. In hindsight what I think was happening is that a) I am a very creative person and b) when I'm in the "fun" stage of mania I have rapid recall and association skills that haven't yet started to form too tenuous of connections between things and I am somewhat charismatic so people cut me slack when I "miss" and gush when I come close to something that makes sense.
  11. Yes. I could never get to the point of leaving my wife and kids behind. I did find a wonderful concept and web site based on principles of simple living. It's all about not getting caught up in the rat race... moving away from the things you think you are supposed to do to the things you want to do, the things that energize and fulfill you. It can take awhile but I'm more centered now that I'm on that path.
  12. As a 12 step refugee I'm always wary. I've tried to educate myself about doctor/patient confidentiality and all. Then, I test the waters. I want to speak freely and be treated appropriately. I'm starting to realize that good docs want to do that for me. Doesn't mean I'm still not wary sometimes but I'm finding if I just lay it all out and if they tell me that the first thing I need to do is go to a 12 step group and stop using I move on.... it's not that I don't want to stop. It's just that I've suffered too much as an audience member of that one trick dog and pony show. I used to hate those that would do that, I understand them now but don't agree with them. People use drugs, legal and illegal, prescribed and not, for reasons... sure dependence and withdrawl can become an issue in any of those situations but most of us are just trying to cope... however imperfectly.
  13. My gp explained it very well to me... he said, if you came to me w/ a broken arm... I'd send you to a specialist, I just don't set and cast bones in the office here. Made so much sense. It sounds like you have gained some knowledge about your condition and possible medications. GP's are supposed to think horses when they hear hoofbeats... specialists exists to tease out the zebras. I thought it was a conspiracy for decades. It's not. Edited to add... I read the book How Doctors Think.... after years of animosity towards the medical community it changed the way I interact with them... they are people, many areas of medicine aren't perfect.... etc. Oh, and docs have egos... if you go in to see a doc and tell him what you have and what you need.... the walls often go up. Be real... be yourself ... just let go and go "fluuuurp" ... "I don't know what to do doc, what would you suggest?" I often write out a 1-3 page summary of the situation before I go because I can be a bit flighty.
  14. I don't know... it reminds me of one aspect of my symptoms that I don't quite have a handle on... I can see the euphoria and grandiosity in plenty of time but I'm still all but blind to the approach of dysphoria and mixed states. Let it go long enough and I could be saying similar things. Donner, I've heard your vent, please do the things you need to do to center yourself. Sleep, excercise, proper meds are all first steps for me. CBT helps me too.
  15. Wow, and I thought it was just me. When I'm stable, which is thankfully more often than not these days, I always sense something coming as the day wears on.... I'm good at spotting early euphoria, delusions of granduer but not so good at catching the early signs of any mixed/dysphoric type mania. I am getting better at it. I've been very cautious about the meds because when something hits me hard I will still just start drinking. I did discuss this with my doc and got some advice on tweaking w/ my seroquel dosage, only if I'm not drinking and especially if it keeps me from drinking. This is new, a few teeny, tiny but promising results. I'm pretty low dose so if I notice anything "wonky" going on after dinner I'll take one 25mg one (if I'm not drinking) and that try to limit it to 1-2 more. On my monthly 1-3 nights when I just can't sleep at all, I'll take more, if I'm not drinking.
  16. Thanks. There's so much that I just don't think to mention. Wanted to get this out there. It's been years since it was a daily thing but I've always been concerned about it.
  17. I went through a period where everyday I woke up thinking about how much my life insurance policy was worth. At that time and a few others I would have detailed images flash in my head several times a day that were basically instructions on how to kill myself. I never wanted to but it seemed like I was unwillingly preoccupied with the idea. Is this ideation or something else?
  18. I have his book The Wisdom of Insecurity. Allen Watts is great. I have to mention the following youtube videos. Matt Stone and Trey Parker, who do South Park, animated some of his lectures.
  19. I've gone on and off Seroquel a few times to test this. The first few weeks as mentioned above, wild dreams. The most notably ones are when I wake up from a bad dream and start talking to my wife about it only to realize after a bit that I'm still asleep and this is another dream. This realization will wake me up and I'll start to talking to my wife about the experience, only to realize I'm still dreaming. This can go on and on for several iterations until I start getting into lucid dreaming and I'll begin testing the situation when I "think" I've just woken up to see if I really have. It's wild. This lucid dreaming ability will then stay with me. It's really taught me a lot about my Id.
  20. On the upside, I haven't bought a Rolls Royce w/ eBay's buy it now feature in about 8 years. On the downside, it's been years since I had a glass of Remy Martin Louis the XIII cognac. On the upside, I can stick to and finish projects. On the downside, regular sleep and a more moderate pace slows the weight loss down quite a bit. On the upside, I am keeping all of the family bicycles maintained. On the downside, I haven't gone a mission to spread Zen and synchronicity throughout the neighborhood.
  21. Do any of you have a website that I can use for mood charting? I've some info on a "special" type of charting that tracks mood, energy level and one other indicator. Can't recall what that was called.
  22. I was so relieved when I went on Seroquel... I was sleeping MUCH more regularly than I had in decades! After awhile, even though the Seroquel still helps a lot, I've had some short nights... one or two virtually sleepless ones. Two weeks ago I started to excercise regularly every other day. And, I stay busy all day during the day. I'm much more ready for bed this way and my sleep is improving.
  23. Sorry if these have been posted before... animated gifs from winne the poo for psychiatric disorders. http://wildammo.com/2011/02/14/psychiatric-disorders-depicted-by-winnie-the-pooh-gifs/
  24. Yeah, I can identify. It comes and goes in cycles for me so I'm pretty sure mine is still tied to the BP. I've had some luck with deep breathing, naps, short walks around the neighborhood and push comes to shove and I can't nap on my own I'll take 1 or 2 of my prescribed diazepams and sleep/relax for a bit. All of these things work better if I'm practicing my CBT and not drifting into musts, shoulds, have too... Just breathing and thinking I'd really prefer if they made it easier to start the first kleenex out of the box but it's a nice day and I like the sounds of the birds.
  25. First, I know that not drinking is supposed to be my best choice and I keep working towards that. One thing I've noticed is that I have a hard time getting my point across to loved ones without using alcohol to lower my inhibitions. I don't want to use alcohol this way or keep things bottled up inside if I don't find another way of communicating negative emotions... I am doing research and reaching out to others for help with this and I know there are some very knowledgeable people here who might be willing to share strategies that have helped them.
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