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About shimmeree

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  1. I sweat with every intense dream, nightmare or not. These are the dreams I remember. Sometimes I have to change my clothes, and/or wrap a towel around my neck. Any alcohol makes it worse.
  2. I've been on gabapentin for many years. Currently at 1200mg 3X a day. It helps a lot for my anxiety, and somewhat for chronic pain.
  3. I'm thankful that my Pdoc and Tdoc have never used that phrase with me. More helpful is, " that is a horrible thing you went through, and survived." When I went for my first ever pelvic exam, I brought a written note giving a brief overview of my attack to my PA to read before hand. She did say the "sorry that happened to you," but I didn't care at the time. I was too focused on what was about to happen to be bothered with her statement.
  4. I never really thought about this before, but I have had this sort of experience. "Eight steps behind my eyeballs" seems familiar. Sort of like I'm suddenly looking at a movie screen instead of reality. This often happens during a flashback. My Pdoc tells me it's actually a very healthy coping mechanism.
  5. I started slowly with the gabapentin, gradually titrating up over many months.
  6. I've been on 225 mg Effexor for years. It was activating, and panic causing. The addition of gabapentin helped immensely. I also take trazodone which helps me to get to sleep.
  7. Hopped a couple of fences at a nearby historical ranch to give the goats some pets and scratches. Made my day!
  8. I did 2 loads of laundry. Vacuumed a little. Put away dry dishes. Made a chunky salad of beets, red onion, kohlrabi, arugula, goat cheese, and vinaigrette. Took a muscle relaxant for my back, and am now resting with an ice pack.
  9. I also lie about my alcohol consumption. And I also am not alway honest about how I'm doing; I tell them what I thing they want to hear. I've been seeing my tdoc for over 15 years, she often calls me on it. I think I tend to be a little more honest with my pdoc, though. I'm also supposed to call either of them if I'm struggling between appointments, and I very rarely do because I don't want to bother them.
  10. My tdoc and I have given each other gifts over the years. A small vase with flowers, glass insulator, plant seeds, tomatoes and cucumbers from my garden. Just small stuff. She recently gave me a tiny dragon she got in Mexico to give to my honey for his birthday. My pdoc has a painting on his office wall given to him by a former patient. I think our docs recognize the significance of a gift to them. Even just a home-grown tomato.
  11. I had a therapist in high school that my parents sent me to when they found out I was experimenting with drugs. I saw him all though out 11th grade and shared nothing. No connection. After college, I sought out a tdoc on my own. Her office was half a block away from where I was living. I've been seeing her for ~15 years. It took a while, but I found I felt very comfortable with her. She's in her late 70s, and now our sessions are in her home because she's on her way to retirement. Plus she has a couple of dogs that comfort me. I think having common interests and general sens
  12. Heart racing, Shortness of breath, tingling extremities, feeling of doom, stomach ache, racing thoughts, tears, collapse.
  13. Glad the car is working out for you! I drive a '92 Subaru Legacy wagon. It's a little wiggly without extra weight in the back, so we keep a bunch of gear packed. I live on the CA coast, and we just took a trip to Tahoe. It was a test, though it's also made it up to Oregon. Tomorrow I'm taking her back to the sierras for a camping trip. I'm nervous to be doing the drive by myself, but looking forward to the destination. We named our car Frankie, after Frankenstein, because she has a lot of parts that are not original. I'm bringing music I can sing to, and I am a careful driver. But
  14. I don't have any questions, just want to share. I'm 39 and have been suffering for ~25 years. Finally with MediCal, I've been able to get some help in the last couple of years. The pain has always been my lower back, but in recent years it's also in my neck. All spinal. I also have general knee pain. I was taking up to 1800 milligrams of Advil and 1000 mg of Tylenol daily. Not a good combo with psych meds in terms of liver and kidney damage. I went to my doctor and got a referral for MRIs for both my lumbar and cervical spine and found that I have extreme disk loss; advanced for m
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