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About sonofarex

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  1. I've read that alcohol has bad reactions with wellbutrin, but what about marijuana? I indulge now and then to help myself sleep and I'm wondering if there are serious effects involved with mixing the two or if anyone has any experience with this.
  2. "Depression? Don't worry man, I get pretty bummed sometimes too." Yeah I don't want to be a dick but it's not the same
  3. Did anyone else find a stay in the psych ward to be humbling? I went in because I had a last minute change of heart when I was leaving the house to kill myself, and I didn't trust myself to be at home. When I went in there I met some people with some really serious issues who are basically unable to function normally in society.
  4. Yeah, that's another thing. People who want to "help". You can't help but admire their intentions, but there is just no nice way of saying "if you want to help, just stay away from me right now". Also it seems so teen-angsty if you tell someone they just won't understand.
  5. I think my record is just over 2 years, but that could also be due to the nature of the industry I work in. I've been in Oil & Gas for about 8 years now, for about 20+ different companies. I love it and I hate it. The hours are chaotic, the schedule doesn't exist. I'm either making a lot of money or next to nothing. Every week I'm in a different place. It's difficult and challenging and interesting, and I meet a lot of people. Sometimes I thrive on the chaos, sometimes I quit my job and move to a different city on a whim and start all over again.
  6. I can relate to the first thing you said here. Some of the reactions I get are along the lines of "you're just looking for attention". Then there's my dad, who I'm fairly certain is bipolar himself, who always just said "smarten up, you just need a good day's work"
  7. I admire your courage. I think I just hate the idea of people treating differently in a condescending way
  8. Oddly enough I think one of the hardest things about telling people about myself is that I'm afraid they won't believe me. Not like it matters if they do or not, but it's still a concern for some reason. I guess I'm pretty high functioning, and when I get into either of the extremes I tend to isolate myself so as to not be a burden on anyone. Another thing which I'm sure is obvious is the stigmas that are attached with bipolar. Even today I told a coworker that I'm becoming really great friends with, and he said "but I've never seen you freak out". I guess mostly it's not worth explaining to people because I've always been incredibly firm in my belief that I should never use the disorder as an excuse for anything. Anyone else have some interesting theories or stories about "coming out" as a crazy person?
  9. I had the exact same thing going on today. Every single little thing that happened was just about the thing to push me over the edge. At work it felt like everyone absolutely HAD to talk to me about the dumbest shit ever. I couldn't seem to do enough to avoid conversations with people. I think the worst part was the drive home with my girlfriend at the end of the day. She has this habit of critiquing my driving and second guessing everything I do when I'm behind the wheel, which drives me nuts on a good day. Today I was at 11/10, but I had to clench my teeth and not snap because a part of me knew there was no reason to do it. Then I saw some truck that had plastic balls hanging off the hitch and I honestly wanted to shove them down the persons throat. Being angry for no reason only serves to make you more angry. Being pissed off and not even having a legit reason is completely frustrating, which adds to the cycle of rage. I managed to calm down once I got home, but I hope tomorrow doesn't end up the same.
  10. I'm not currently on meds but I have an appointment in a month to discuss what might be best for me. I rode it out and tried to stay calm and not act on any impulses that I had. Every time I felt like doing something I would say it out loud a couple times to see if it sounded reasonable or not, seemed to help.
  11. My sex drive seems to be bipolar. I definitely went through many phases with destructive behavior including substance abuse and sexual relationships but I never thought it was because I was bipolar. I always figured I was just an asshole or something. But now I'm in a serious committed relationship for the first time in many years and when my mood started taking this many month long nosedive my sex drive went with it and it has been affecting my relationship. She seems to think that I'm not longer attracted to her or something and it's a hard thing to describe or even bring up. I love the hell out of her and she's completely gorgeous but sometimes I am just so numb
  12. I feel weird. It's a kind of anxious jittery feeling like I have to be somewhere or do something but I can't figure out what it is. In the last 2 days I've come across this board and ones similar to it and all the information seems to be hitting me at once. I have been mostly in denial since my diagnosis with type 2 years ago and it seems I can't run from it any longer. I have followed the typical pattern of being worried and wanting to do something about it, then forgetting about it and assuming nothing is wrong when I start moving up again. So, any advice for a way to calm down? I want to stop fidgeting and pacing around my apartment worrying my girlfriend
  13. I am and always have been an atheist. Living with this disorder has always been a struggle for control and a connection with reality. I see spirituality and religion as a fantasy and I can't allow myself to give in to it. I have to be in control of my emotions or my emotions will control me, and handing myself over to a lifelong game of make believe would lead me to madness I'm sure.
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