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Miss Blue

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About Miss Blue

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    computers, animals, other crap.

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  1. I'm back, you lovely bunch. 😙

    1. saintalto


      Welcome back. 

  2. I wanted to post an update. My pdoc diagnosed my mother with bipolar and gave her some scripts. Can you get bipolar later in life? She's thinking she might have had it all along, and the high stress right now brought it out.
  3. I have this too. If I don't knock myself out with sleep aids there's no way I'm getting to bed before 5 AM. Of course, I can sleep all I want during the DAY.. but as soon as that clock hits 11PM I'm suddenly wide awake instead of the groggy mess I was moments earlier. Sucks SO BADLY.
  4. I don't think an hour goes by in the day that I don't wish I was a little kid again. I know why at least. When I was 4, 5, 6.. my life was secure. My mom had it together. There was never any uncertainty about what the future was going to bring. Now, it seems like the only thing I have is uncertainty. About my mother. About if I'm going to be able to support myself. If I'm going to be able to find a job.. the list goes on and on. I just get so mentally exhausted of always worrying that my brain has made some kind of coping mechanism where I just mentally reminiss about what I would be doing rig
  5. Hey guys. thanks again for all the support, and dreadohdreads for that awesome link. I still have so much crap going on at the minute that I can't reply in detail.. and I feel like I need to start a new thread about something that's been on my mind.. but thank you. When my brain is halfway normal again (whatever that is for me) I'll be sure to address all of you in more detail. Thank you so much.
  6. Thank you for all your kind words. I woke up this morning and went straight into another anxiety attack over the entire thing again. It's so f*cking frustrating because logically I know I'm mentally just re-hasing the same old bullsh*t but I can't stop doing it. It's horrible. Brokendishes, where do you live? Seriously. lol. lysergia, I've always assumed Tdoc stands for Therapist doc, so sadly no I don't have one of those. But I have the kind that gives you meds. lol. And she listens to my crap, so she's kind of a stand in therapist at times. But, I really need to see an actual therap
  7. so i just came down from a huge hypervenalating session.. and worried im gonna work myself up again. I think I need to give a quick background of my situation so this makes sense. I'm 29. i have an associate in graphic design. I have about a year left until i have a bachelors in graphic design. my mom has three degrees (occupational therapy, speech therapy and social work) and has been unemployeed for about 8 years and is dealing with issues of her own. ive lived with my mom and my grandparents my entire life. my grandpa is now 88, my grandma 85, my mom 59. we're all in metro detroit,
  8. Hi guys. Thanks so much for all the replies. I want to say more, but I'm dealing with an anxiety attack atm and can't think straight. When I've calmed down I'll get back to you all.
  9. I have SUCH a hard time shutting my brain off as soon as the clock strikes 11PM. It's like the floodgates are opened and all the worries I have just come piling out into my brain and it's impossible to shove them back into their nice little 'ignore me' package I usually have them in during the day. I'm constantly freaking over being able to get a job, my mom's future, my grandparents, turning 30 in less than a year and not having a hubby or a baby and never finding anyone who will love me.. the list goes on and on... the biggest fears are the job and my mom though. I hate it because there's
  10. I'd look for another one too. Also, people act differently around different people. Or at least, I do. It's not a 'face' or a 'front' I put on... it's more like... I adjust subconsciously to how their personality is. If it's a super outgoing person, I'm more outgoing myself. If they're real introverted, I become more introverted.
  11. Oh yeah, i forgot about my stupid meds too... and my health/car insurance.. ARGH. I'll end up having to lose the health insurance probably and budgeting 10 dollars a month for ramen. I know it.
  12. Thanks LifeQuake. It's comforting to know other people know what I'm going through. It's the most horrible feeling in the world for me, because I have no freaking idea what the hell the future holds. I'm not even thinking at this point of landing my dream job. I just want to be able to get a job where I'm able to have enough money to pay rent, EAT, pay 10 bucks a month for my two cockatiel's food, and hopefully have a flipphone. And if life was wonderful, the internet.... lol.
  13. So in about 6 months I'll have finished my bachelor's in Graphic Design. I live in the metro Detroit area in Michigan. Right now I'm terrified I won't be able to find a job. The last time I tried, which was around 09, I applied to tons of places that were just plain retail, Khols, Old Navy, Sears, JCPenny... the list goes on and on. I got an interview at Old Navy, didn't get the job. 8 years ago, I applied for a job at sears and got it right off the bat. I'm so worried the job market is STILL just as horrible as it was in 2009, or that there are 100 people competing for ONE freaking job... Eve
  14. UGH. My mom has issues and has been unemployeed for nearly eight years. She also has not applied for any SSI or SSDI yet. At first, she saw it as a huge afront to her person, but now she might come around. She still wants to get a job, but she keeps jumping around on what she thinks she has. For a while it was bipolar, then it was PTSD, then it was a brain injury from hitting her head. She's seeing someone now, so thankfully they'll be able to diagnose her medically. This makes me really really worried. I'm worried about how I'll support just MYSELF... i keep thinking I'll most likely end
  15. Sometimes an overly detailed outline can work against though. I don't know what the subject is, which would help a lot in knowing how to approach the manner.. but sometimes even the simpliest outlines can help the best. People say the worst part of something is starting, an I whoelheartedly believe that. I'm glad to see you started, which is a big hurdle a lot of people have to over come. Let us know if we can help you at all.
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