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  1. So I recently went off antipsychotics after having been on them for nearly seven years. They weren't helping with what I needed the most help with and I (and my shrink) suspected they were responsible for the anhedo'nic malaise I've been suffering from for years now. At first I was resistant to get off them because I really thought I needed them, but then I ran out and didn't get it refilled for a couple of weeks and was like, "Hey, I don't feel DEAD inside." And I wasn't suffering any bad effects from NOT taking them, so I figured I would just take them on as as-needed basis. Which happens about once every two weeks. I just get hamster wheel brain and have to shut it off. And so far that's been working out really well. I'm curious how long it's taken for others who have gotten off them to get them out of your system. I haven't taken any Haldol in over a month, but it was just in the last few days that I really felt like I'd "woken up". I can write again. I haven't written anything other than cryptic Facebook posts since 2014. I've done nothing but read Facebook and the news and watch tv and movies since I quit my job four years ago, which I had to do because I couldn't function at it anymore. I was constantly forgetting things and fucking up, it was awful. Looking back I can't be sure if it's because of the illness or the meds. I don't really care anymore. I'm awake again. Thankfully my bipolar disorder isn't so severe that I need APs all the time anymore. I think at first I did, but I've changed a lot over the last several years since I was diagnosed. I don't have the same issues as I once did. I'm a lot more stable. I still take my other meds, mostly so I can sleep, since I also have a sleep disorder (a manageable one, thank the gods). The meds kept me from doing the thing that was probably the healthiest thing I was doing for myself: meditating. Now that I can focus and concentrate again, I can get back to a sitting practice, which gives me the mindfulness I need to stay on top of the little cues my brain gives me when I might be about to do something...off. It's nice not to be swimming in glue anymore.
  2. I think I might be having symptoms of mania and its stressing me out!! I have been buying a lot of stuff in the last 2 weeks I have spent probably $2000, and just now i almost bought a fucking car of $20000 luckily I diden't have the deposit, but at that moment it just dawned on me I might be manic. I'm not sure I don't feel overly happy or sad I don't think I'm delusional. I don't think I'm having strange thoughts I don't know and my doctor is only back later this month
  3. I was diagnosed bipolar about 7 years ago around the same time as my first suicide attempt. Long story short - I rejected the diagnosis and eventually went off all meds because I thought my issues stemmed from the stress of nursing school. School over - no meds needed. About 3 years later, started seeing a new psychiatrist and taking antidepressants. I actually felt like I had my life back... Then, at some point recently, my son died. I had an affair. My husband and I had another child. And then affair was discovered by my husband. The intense guilt and depression led me to try to kill myself, and I recently endured my first psychiatric hospitalization. Wellbutrin and buspar were once my miracle cocktail. I'm still on those, plus lamictal, plus latuda. Latuda is not helping me. It may have cleared my suicidal thinking, but over all... I feel lost, stuck, hopeless, and let down. I've reached out to my psychiatrist for help so many times, and I'm screwed over by the incompetent office staff each time. Can someone just tell me it gets better? Do I even deserve better after what I've done? I'm paranoid and delusional. My intrusive thoughts seem worse each day. I want to believe it gets better. Ive dropped down to working part time and I'm seriously considering quitting. It used to be that I only felt competent at being a mother. But now I don't even feel I can do that right. I'm a mess. Is there any hope? If a med didn't work for you, did you find a med that did help? I want to feel like myself again... I feel so let down that latuda isn't helping me. Thanks for listening...
  4. Any thoughts on using sam-e or a sad light with a bp1 diagnosis? I’m not depressed and stable but really struggling to get out of bed and low energy throughout the day. A quick google search says Sam-e and using a sad light can trigger mania if you have bp. Is this still a risk if on two mood stableizers and an antipsychotic? My pdoc is against supplements other than omegas, vitamin d and a multi. Currently on depakote(tapering down to go off of), lithium, and seroquel.
  5. I just wanted to share one tiny glimmer of sunshine that I found. I am recently diagnosed with bipolar + schizotypal PD and I've started taking Abilify (aripiprozale). It is so confusing trying to learn everything all at once, and especially since schizotypal is either on the schizophrenia spectrum or classified as a PD depending on which side of the Atlantic you're on... Anyway I thought this might be a good place to post this article, from a couple weeks ago. It sounds like scientists are going to figure out how to make antipsychotics NOT make us gain a bunch of weight! I mean, that would be really good news, right? Hopefully this is coming true. If anyone knows anything more about this please post. I realize with how the system works it's going to be years and years but... still. It made me happy and I'm scraping the barrel here, so. :-) Weight Gain Receptor Linked to Antipsychotic Drug
  6. I’m currently on trileptal for hypomania, but it has made me really depressed... so i’m looking for another med to control hypomania. already tried lamotrigine and neurontin. thinking next stop will be either depakote or lithium. I’m really afraid of weight gain and of feeling too flat (zombie-like). Which will you recommend? Any experiences you can share?
  7. Hi, I don't really know where to start, I guess this will be a little messy post. I started dosing oxycodone every weekend since last month. I'm not proud of it. I started getting cravings and intrusive thoughts after the 4th dose. It seems like this is a mainly psychological issue rather than physical, at least for now. I've been diagnosed bipolar (rapid cycling) and I've never been non-depressed, since I was a kid, but the physical aspect of depression (intense chronic chest pain, chronic mental fog, etc) stopped after I started taking lamotrigine, but I'm still very lost in life. Drugs are a thing in my life since I was 14 y/o, but it only became an habit at 15 when I started smoking a lot of marijuana, drinking at every social ocassion (I have never been really social, so alcohol has never been something I really like), cigarretes, etc. Also dropped acid a few times when I was 17-18. Oxycodone has been the only drug that has actually felt addictive aside from cigarretes. Aside from venting I'm not really sure what I'm trying to make of this post. I've been trying to schedule an appointment with a psychotherapist but they don't answer my calls, but I don't really know how just talking would help stoping the cravings and kicking out addiction. I've always been atractted to drugs, not because of the pleasure some of them give, but the experience. I know I'm a piece of shit for playing around with this garbage, but the oxy has a really quirky effect on my empathy, it made me feel thankful about my friends and family. It makes me a lot more sensitive towards literature and music, the both being two of the things that I'm most passionate about. A lot more sensitive overall, is very emotional. Being depressed all my life has numbed me a lot, I was always a really sensitive child and really cared about "things" and people. Oxycodone opened that block, but I know I have to kick it out of my life. It is crippling me. But it is at the same time the only thing that has made me really desire to become a better person, to care about others. I really don't know what to do. I try to keep myself busy with my studies, working towards my goals, that just know make some sense, and it really helps killing the cravings. Last week I almost didn't feel cravings because I was hardcore studying, but this weekend my sleep got fucked up and I've been sleeping really badly. Neither olanzapine or quetapine work, and it is at night when the cravings really become strong since I have nothing else to focus on because I need to sleep. I guess I'm just venting, sorry if it is against the rules or something. I would really like to read about experiences similar to this with a somewhat happy ending. Please tell me what sort of thing helped you. I've never really belived in psychotherapy but this seems like a situation in which just talking to someone would help because I'm alone in this, no one knows I'm into this, neither I want anyone to know. Please, just post whatever, except if it is some kind of moralistic sermon, sorry but I got enough of that in my internal monologue. Thanks for reading.
  8. Hi, my new doc told me I should give olanzapine a try because of lack of sleep. Has anyone else tried this med? I don't really dig the idea of taking something that is tagged as "sedative" and "anti-psychotic". Why would I need an "anti-psychotic" for sleeping? What kind of "sedative" effects does this pill create? I don't want to go around all numb'd down. The meds they give me usually don't work, anti-depressants have all been useless. Only lamotrigine has made me feel better. I really don't trust this olanzapine thing, I don't even like it's name, sounds trashy. Also, has anyone felt psychotherapy does help or have any kind of benefit beyond "venting out"? I could get it for free because of the mental health program in my country (just as the meds). I have tried it before and it was really a waste of time and it is frustating to hear someone just turn thoughts upside down and pretend it is some kind of insightful and constructive feedback, life if that wasn't something someone neurotic (as me and I guess some of you are since we share some kind of mental trait*) does all the time. At least that was my experience. To the ones here with good experiences with psychotherapy, how do think it helped you? My old doc once told me psychotherapy made a difference between people with mental problems getting a career and stuff like that. The difference was that the ones who did psychotherapy were 80% more likely to develop some kind of stable career. I think the thing is that 80% of every group of people will most likely be able to develop a career, regardless of psychotherapy or MI, so the stadistics just putted the "psychotherapy made this possible!" watermark to it. idk. *: That made me question if people with bipolar or other mental illness share some traits beyond the diagnosis? Have you guys noticed some kind of pattern? this is not really important, just thought it was interesting Thanks for reading (:
  9. Can anyone share their experiences please? :-))
  10. Hello, I have bipolar II diagnosis and I'm trying Lamictal 100mg (lamotrigine) and I don't feel any antidepressant effect. I would like to know what dose do you take and what dose do you consider to be a range where it mostly works for bipolar depression. My pdoc has told me that for bipolar depression the range is usually between 100 and 200mg. I have read people that takes even up to 900mg!! How much time should I stay on 100mg before I realize that I need to increase the dose? Please share with me your experiences with Lamictal. Thanks! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Dx: Bipolar II, OCD, Insomnia. Current Meds: Paxil 40mg, Mirtazapine 30mg, Klonopin 4mg, Lyrica 75mg TID, Amisulpride 50mg, Lamictal 100mg
  11. Hi guys! I’m new to this forum, so this will be my first post. I’ve found a lot of comfort reading about all of your experiences. Thank you for that! I recently started taking abilify to control my hypomania. Started on 1.25 mg for a week, and I’ve been on 2.5 mg for little over a week now. I am extremely sensitive to medication - especially the ones acting on dopamine. I probably won’t be able to get above 2.5 mg - maybe 5 mg if I’m lucky. If abilify doesn’t work, Lithium will be next. My problem is... Abilify is making me hypomanic. 1.25 mg made me hypomanic for about 4 days, then it stopped. Since upping my dosage to 2.5 mg I have been hypomanic, and it doesn’t seem to end anytime soon. It’s uncomfortable activating for me. I have read about some similar experiences, BUT I haven’t read about anyone having this reaction, and then actually found relief from hypomania/mania afterwards - staying on the same low dosage. I’m really desperate, since I’ve pretty much tried everything else and do not want to end up on lithium. Let me know what you think! :-))) Sarah / Denmark
  12. My husband takes 1200 mg lithium carbonate, abilify, Xanax, antidepressants, three blood pressure meds, and few others for acid reflux and he drinks alcohol. Over the counter sleep aids too. He was smoking marijuana every 2-3 hours before starting the abilify. I have filed for a divorce and he stopped smoking because I am fight for custody of my son. He is manic, bipolar and I think possibly schizophrenic. I have been reading the side effects of these drugs and wonder if anyone else has taken this type if cocktail and what their experience has been. The last time I saw him he was shaking and look “wild eyed” and was red faced (flushed). Is it likely that at the level of his meds is he walking around in a “fog” and with this regiment how long until his health is affected? He has been on blood pressure meds for 16 years, a history of 5 years on lortab, followed by a 3 year history of suboxone use and Seroquel he has been on Xanax for 10+ years alcohol addiction 20 years with varying degrees of use what is his mental state likely to be with this many drugs? he insists he does not have a problem please help me understand his mind and what is the most likely state he is in
  13. So I went to my doctor on the 19th . An the last couple months have been horrible for my memory an my ability to focus . Like I can't remember dates at all if I don't. Write anything important down I will forget it in 5 minutes . And that has been a main cause of a lot of anxiety an frustration . I plan to go to school an I'm scared I will flunk out cause I won't be able to retain the information . I told my doctor my fears and she said one that a nurse can not diagnose anything . And two my memory problems could just be my biploar slowing down my brain which is common . And that ADHD. Medication can mess with bipolar so I would have to get tested by a specialist before anything else happens . I'm honesty confused cause I always been told I had ADHD or that I had problems concentrating
  14. I have bipolar, severe anxiety and depression. My Dr has tried me on several drugs. Some have helped to a degree but I'm still having suicidal thoughts and crying every day along with major anxiety. My Dr wants me to try ECT but I'm terrified of the side effects. Any input would be appreciated. Thank you.
  15. Hi, I got diagnosed rapid cycling bipolar in december 2016, I'm too lazy to write down all the background and symptoms but will do if necessary (if anyone cares). The thing is, sometimes I wonder if this "rapid cycling" type is a legit illness, or a legit version of it. I don't want to be offensive, but, as everytime someone says that, what I want to say may be a little offensive to some, or maybe not: I have serious doubts about mental illness. I'm not saying they are not real or some dumb shit like that, but it seems to me like a lot of "professionals" tell people they have *insert really specific type of really obscure disorder* and then everyone is on pills and bla bla bla. What I'm trying to say is: how can I even be sure if I do have this illness? I've been a lot better since I started taking lamotrigine, so I seem to react in a "good" way to the treatment thats known to work for people with bipolar, so I guess thats that. But, "objectively" speaking, things aren't much different. For example, my mind keeps going back and forth in cycles all the time, in other words, is like I'm a "lite" version of myself now. The whole thing seems like a scam. Whats the point of trying to repress something that may aswell be nothing and at the same time unavoidable? How can all the different versions of bipolar be the same illness if they are all so different? thanks for reading!
  16. Hi I am 29 years old and have been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder and have recently taken a Zyprexa medication that has caused me to have Erectile Dysfunction. I have switched to a previous medication Seroquel which did not cause erectile dysfunction before, but I am still experiencing erectile dysfunction. I am unable to get or maintain an erection. I have been given Cialis by a urologist to help with the problem, but I am afraid of side effects that can cause vision loss to blindness as well as hearing loss or deafness. What should I do? Is it safe to take the Cialis?
  17. I've had two previous major psychotic episodes while off my medication for long periods. These episodes put me into a manic frenzy that caused legal problems. Once where I isolated and resisted arrest on foot and the other where I resisted / eluded by motor vehicle across 3 counties. One occurred during a heat wave in mid-July and the next during frigid temperatures in mid-January, thus extreme temperatures are one of my triggers. Thankfully there was little damage and no one was hurt either time. My lifestyle pattern involves me taking anti-psychotic medication by court order (usually by injection) for 1 to 2 years for probation before going off and feeling consistently better from the lack of adverse side effects (akathisia, drowsiness, suicide ideation, anxiety, panic attacks, anhedonia, hopelessness, severe weight gain, etc). I do well for about 7 to 8 months but then begin to isolate in my apartment and decompensate and become delusional and manic, thinking I possess special abilities and evolutionary traits and can communicate with a higher power. There is some paranoia involved as well. Sometimes I hallucinate. Then I relapse and become frenetic. There is however, little to no depression when I'm off the anti-psychotics. When I take them I'm severely depressed. I have seen a number of psychiatrists since I developed this illness in 2011 at age 22 and been labeled Paranoid Schizophrenic, Schizoaffective, and Bipolar 1 With Mania. None of them are completely synonymous and my current psych can't make up his mind. I'm very sensitive to anti-psychotics. Only 1.25mg of Zyprexa zapped my delusional thinking and hallucinations in a few hours and Invega Sustenna 39mg (what I'm currently taking) is more than enough for treating my symptoms as well. The same thing with 2mg of Abilify. I'm just saying this because I've heard that some individuals need moderate to higher dosages for the medications to be effective. I'm not one of them. Anyway, I came across one psychiatrist who was part of the justice system (in the beginning of my term) who refused to place me on an anti-psychotic claiming I was too focused during my occurrences with the police for him to diagnose me Schizoaffective. He said that I still retained some sanity based on what he was told and wasn't trying to murder anyone or hurt myself. He refuted Schizoaffective Disorder and labeled me Bipolar 1 With Mania And Temporary Psychosis and said I had one of the most extreme cases of Mania he had ever seen. He recommended a heavy mood-stabilizer instead of an anti-psychotic. He said there may be some delusional thinking but I will remain baseline and wont act upon them. Unfortunately, I was extradited within a few weeks and placed out of his care and the next psych I came across was an AP dispenser and convinced me to take it so probation would accept me. The only mood-stabilizer I've tried is Nuerontin or Gabapentin and I wasn't on it long enough to know if it treated my symptoms effectively. I come off probation in December and don't want to get in trouble with the law once again, but at the same time I despise what these anti-psychotics are currently doing to me. Some things I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy. Being on the anti-psychotic leads to depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, akathisia, hating every aspect of life, and weight gain and coming off completely means thinking I have 38 girlfriends and can stop missiles in their tracks. Could a mood-stabilizer be the appropriate balance to end this nightmare? Can someone have Bipolar Mania so severe they develop Psychosis but not actually be Schizoaffective?
  18. Doing a bit of research it appears that what we eat is in direct relation to our condition. I need to lose weight as medication has put me way over the ceiling weight that I should be at. I plan to follow the keto diet with all sorts of good things like meats , cottage cheese , eggs , regular cheese,sauerkraut , jerky , salami,green vegetables ,salads and more. I know this is probably not an ideal diet for bipolar people , but my first priority is to get the weight off. Does anyone know of a bipolar diet , with items that we should and should not eat.? Thanks in advance
  19. hi, I need some consultation on what I am dealing with. There appears to be this problem where I will see things in life that aren't there. For example, just the other day I noticed that my window is broken. This is impossible since my window is impenetrable. Moreover, I am seeing this illusion where my money inside my safe is no longer there. Funny right? I have tried taking meds to get rid of this optical illusion, but nothing seems to work. Other than optical illusions, I also can no longer see where my bed is and I often trip on my way into it when I go to sleep. Also, I keep missing my mouth when I go to insert food into my mouth. This has been happening ever since I took a break to watch the eclipse with my pet dog. Someone please help.
  20. Anybody taking Symbyax? My pdoc just put me on it. Does it work for you? I have tried Depakote, which made my hair fall out, Wellbutrin, which worked but gave me high blood pressure, Geodon, which put me into a mixed state, and Saphris, which worked but cost 75 bucks a month and I couldn't afford it. I have put on 20 pounds since this adventure started.
  21. Earlier tonight I was on computer and I thought I heard music. Everypne was asleep and all but 2 of our kids were gone. I ignored ot and went back to playing. The music persisted. I could hear the voice but couldnt make our the words. I could almost hear the instrument but I wasnt sure but might have been a guitar. Sounded like 80s rock. I looked all over the house tryong to find something to explain it and came up empty. So I went to bed. I woke up about an hour later and once again I heard a mans voice but couldnt hear the words. His tone was like that of a hellfire and brimstone preacher. Now , as I type this, I am still hearkng music. Now I can just hear a womans voice singing buy I cant understand it! This is freaking me out. What causes this? What are your experiences?
  22. So the other day a friend of mine mentioned something about my ex. We were in a toxic relationship (we were both bipolar) and she was on and off her meds and things were messy until I couldn't take it anymore and walked away. I never felt more unstable in my life during that period of time and I just needed to get out. And just mentioning her (this is after 2 years since i left) made me take a 180 --depression, mania, my mind felt like it was slowly eating away at itself. Not only that, but I felt driven to her at that point. I'm fine now, and completely understand why I left. & don't have any affection or feelings towards her. Does anyone have similar triggers? How do you deal with them ?
  23. So. I have to vent somewhere everyone else is tired of hearing me complain I have a sister in Law who is Bipolar1 , I'm pretty sure she isn't taking her medication but let me start from the top . three months ago my mother in law an my other sister in law sam got a call from my sister in law,s husband saying that my sister in law was going to kill her self an she was down at an abandoned house owned by my mother in law . With a bunch of guns . So of course they went down there and called the cops freaking out because her Husband and her have been having problems an she has been extremely unstable . They went down and found a strange man and no sister in law . So they asked who he was turns out it was my sister in laws lover of 14years . My mother in law had some words with him kicking him off her property and he left . Turns out my sister in law lets call her R . R and her lover changed the locks on the old house claiming it as their own not asking anyone's permission and were drinking , doing drugs and going though everyone's stuff . Her lover apparently called her up mad and "broke up " with her so she called her mother cussing her out. Fast forwarded to present day. R ended up losing her job because of failing a drug test an her lover just plain didn't take the drug test an he also got fired. The house owned by my mother in law was broken into twice by R and her lovers friends stealing 2,000 dollars worth of stuff an using the money for drugs an to go out to eat getting her hair done and stuff like that . R started to post stuff about. Her old job slandering everyone stating that she has contacted a lawyer because they refused her unplyoment and that she was going to sue the company she worked for . R ended up fighting her own sister , cursing out her 4 year old nephew and anyone who got in her way . And blocked everyone on Facebook while telling everyone we were the ones who blocked her . Basically she has run wild doing hard drugs not taking her meds which she never really took right anyways . Stealing cheating an lying just to satisfy her life style . It's been hard for the whole family at this point it's only her main family members that believe that she has lost it everyone else is in Deinal it's really sad an very stressful . It All feels like a dream. I just want my sister back Also she has two kids 13 and 14 that she has abandoned an gave all parental rights to her ex husband
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