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  1. I'd love to hear from folks who are currently on or who once were on buspar. Do these side effects fade? I've been on venlafaxine 375 mg for about 12 years, but it's not working for me like it should anymore. (I'm an ultra-rapid metabolizer, in case you were wondering why my dose is so high.) My psychopharmacologist has been using an augmentation strategy, and the latest add-on is buspar. I started buspar at 15 mgs about 3 weeks ago. I bumped up to 30 mgs about two weeks ago. (I take 10 mgs every 8 hours.) No other meds, other than the occasional 0.5 mg lorazepam. The buspar is definitely curbing my anxiety, which is wonderful. I can also feel it starting to work on my depression. The problem is that I need to bump up to 45 mgs to (hopefully) bring it within antidepressant range, but the side effects are still kicking my butt. Dizziness, spaceyness, bad headaches/earaches, gastrointestinal cramping. These side effects aren't as bad as they were the first week after I bumped up to 30 mgs, i.e. I have been able to make it work. However, they are still a big problem, and I know they are going to increase when I move to 45 mgs. I really, really want this to work. Can anyone give me some hope that the side effects will become more manageable or even go away within a month or so? I'm going to be brave and bump up regardless, because I want to be able to say I did everything I could before discontinuing venlafaxine and getting on another med. My former psychiatric nurse practitioner HORRIBLY screwed up a titration attempt in April 2014, so I am familiar with the hell that is venlafaxine withdrawal. Thank you so much for any insights you can give!
  2. I am mainly wondering where the line is between paranoia and anxiety is, but also where delusions fit in, for the sake of accuracy when I discuss things with my doctor. I will, of course, discuss in detail what I am experiencing with him, but I would like to call things by the correct name so I don't sound like I am either being dramatic or downplaying my experience. Our meetings are barely 15 minutes, so I want to be very clear with him. For example, I was recently very concerned and had a minor panic attack because I thought that my auto repair garage was going to try to kill me by messing with the fuel tank in my truck (which I took to them for repair) as revenge for them having difficulty finding a replacement tank. While I was waiting, they kept talking in the office between themselves about how other automobiles have suddenly exploded or caught fire from fuel leaks. At the time I took this as a threat. The worst of the feelings lasted only about half a day, but I am still anxious that they are going to rig my truck to catch fire/explode. I become so concerned by the end of the day that I had trouble talking to people or even doing everyday things. I am also constantly worried about the police raiding my house (I have done nothing wrong and have nothing illegal in my house). I have talked with my girlfriend about my fears, and she says they are not logically sound. I don't know whether to call these things severe anxiety, paranoia, delusions, or something else. The distinctions between these are not clear to me. Can anyone help clarify the medical distinction between the these, as you understand them?
  3. So everything was pretty calm all day... did my daily routine, couldn't think of anything that would trigger an attack.. I'm taking a shower and all of the sudden i feel faint and have a stabbing sensation in my heart and my arm went tingly ... freaked out , thought i was having a heart attack.. got out of the shower.. started hyperventilating.. i wrote a note to my family and left it on the counter.. just in case they found me on the floor. CC... i didn't have my Xanax with me, so i had to calm myself down by distracting myself. that took 45 minutes and all night i had depersonalization, then had another attack... finally i just went to bed and put my head under the covers... woke up to take my night meds, and bam.. another panic attack????!! i started crying because i felt soo helpless and frustrated, thinking. " will i ever get better?" " Is this always going to happen to me?" i want to feel normal, but it's hard when your symptoms take over and scare the shit out of you. I have heard and have had multiple orgasms... but has anyone ever had multiple panic attacks?? and feel all spacey and out of it after? i haven't had a bad panic episode like this in months. WTF.
  4. So I haven't been around for a while, mostly because I've been feeling better and trying to straighten my life out. I've adjusted to hearing voices/sounds, and I can ignore them for the most part and go on with my life. It's taken over six months, but I've accepted that I'm stuck with them (and probably Abilify) for forever or something. The Abilify helps. I'm on 15mg. I barely hear them (just a few times a day), but I'm still dealing with a lot of dissociation, which isn't too bad, I guess... But... I'm EXHAUSTED. Like, all the time. I sleep through my alarm clock on a regular basis even when I have like 10 hours of sleep. My shrinky dink switched my Abilify to night time after two weeks of zombie status, shaking, etc., so it's not the Abilify (anymore). I haven't showered in weeks, tbh. I hate doing housework and am getting in fights with my husband all the time about it. He's so frustrated with me, he can't take it, and neither can I. I go to work, go home, and I just want to go back to bed. I'm maxed out on my Effexor- apparently I can't go higher than 375. Abilify boosts Effexor, so I really shouldn't be depressed (I guess?), but it's creeping in. The past week has been really hard. I feel like crying most of the time, and my anxiety is at the point where I threw up in public THREE TIMES on the way to work today. Yesterday, I tried to hide in part of the building at work where I could cry and no one would find me, but someone found me. Of course. Ugh. I started thinking about suicide again after not having it cross my mind in months, and that's really scary. I don't want to go back to curling up in a ball and crying for like four hours. I can't deal with that. It's too hard to resist doing something to myself, whether its self-harm or something else. I'm literally afraid of myself when I'm in that state. I saw a therapist (for the first time since I was a teenager!) for about a month until a couple weeks ago when she decided that I have enough positive coping mechanisms and don't need to see her anymore. I was feeling okay at that point, so I haven't made another appointment with her. The sixth and final time I saw her, she literally asked me why I was seeing her. I was like, "I would like to not hear voices anymore, or at least be okay with it, or figure out if they're going to go away or stick around?" She just said my shrinky dink should probably up my Abilify, and said bye. So, if I'm taking all my meds like I'm supposed to, and I'm following the therapist's instructions, WHY OH WHY am I dealing with this depression and exhaustion? It's not situational. I don't understand it. :/ Is this as good as it gets?
  5. Hello everyone. I recently met with my psychiatrist and asked her about a certain experience I occasionally have. Sometimes, usually at night, I get very anxious and confused, and sort of frantic. I find it very difficult to think properly or do things, and usually walk around my room or sit in a corner or lay on my bed and stare at the ceiling. When I look at certain objects, it feels like they're not far away and I'm looking at them, but they're in my mind - almost too close to my mind, and very clear, like I had been looking at them underwater before and now I took them out and can see them clearly. Or like in every day life I had been watching the objects on a screen and now suddenly I have them in real life. Also, some objects and things feel very threatening to me. Not like they have sentience and wish do do bad things to me, but for some reason I get a feeling of being threatened by certain things, or by everything in my room. I also sometimes find that certain objects that are red or blue are very calming when I look at them (maybe because they also feel like they're "in my mind"), so to calm myself down I'll stare at the object. Every color is very vibrant and "immediate". Basically, the external world becomes too real and immediate, and feels threatening. When I told my psychiatrist about this, she told me to look into depersonalization and derealization. The weird thing is that when I'm like this, I don't have any loss of sense of self, or do I feel like the external world is distant or unreal. In fact, it's the exact opposite: I have a pretty solid sense of self, and the external world suddenly becomes almost too real, so much so that it's threatening me. My question: does this sound like anything you guys have experienced? And does this sound like a depersonalization/derealization moment? I don't quite know what to think. A thought that popped into my mind was that perhaps I am always dissociative in everyday life, and these are the instances when I'm "back to normal". Except, I feel more-or-less normal in everyday life. Maybe a little bit removed, but nothing extreme. Background information: I have bipolar II disorder, and there's a suspicion that I have a cluster A personality disorder. Schizoid PD seems to describe me best, but I have a neuropsych evaluation in a month to determine whether I have a personality disorder. Thanks, everyone. I hope that was clear enough.
  6. Its been a months since last time my derealization got out of hand and scared me (that happened because of me taking amino acids). I had been getting used to being able to deal with life, and was finding things predictable again. Today I started taking Zoloft from Pfizer insterad of generic Sertraline bluefish and about 7 hours after I had my pill I had a huge change of perception. Everything started to look increasingly fake and unreal and I got scared. I felt like sounds were louder and like people were automated. When I understood that it was a panic attack I rushed to the toilet and took 25 mg Atarax. Then my boyfriend drove me home where I could go to sleep. This was such a dramatic setback. Could Zoloft have a higher concentration and therefore I am feeling like I increased the dose, or what is this? I was not worried at all. This just seemed to come out of the blue sky. We had plans and had to cancel everything. I'm scared to go outside but feel safe at home right now. Edit. Perhaps I should add that I took 1/4 of a 25 mg Propavan (Propiomazin) pill at 9 pm the evening before. Propavan is a non-addicitive sleeping pill. It helped me sleep better than I am used to and I felt good in the morning. I don't think it's likely that such a small dose caused me to panic so many hours later.
  7. I hadn't had issues in so long I was convinced it was just a shitty childhood chalked up to not so great parents, and bad choices in friends. Life was so good for so long I honestly believed I was normal. then THIS SHIT hit out of the blue 1.5 yrs ago for no reason. I have 2 little kids. I should be enjoying them. I try, I honestly try my hardest. I really honestly do. But right now, Im sitting in the corner choking back tears that have been on the verge of falling ALL DAY while they watch another episode of ninja turtles. I should be playing in the floor with them, or making all sorts of Christmas crafts with them. I cant help but think Im failing them and becoming another not so great parent myself because of "THIS" I used to be better. I was. I still remember being a better mother. And some days I can be that mom, but not near as much as I wish I could. DAMN THIS. I cant live with this fucking shit every damn day. where the hell did it come from and why the hell did it think it could just walk right in and make itself home here with me? It has come in and robbed me of my love for my husband. Makes me feel like leaving my perfectly good loving husband. Makes me doubt my abilities to be a good mother. Sucks my motivations to do just about anything. Then gives me a brief few day window that things are looking good. to suck it away again. UGHHHH.. Some days im so irritable, im irritated at myself. Im so angry, Im angry at the world. Im so depressed, I dont want to go on(thankfully my babies keep me going) So anxious, i could crawl out of my own skin. Then some days I could sing from the rooftops, I have the patience of a saint, Im super bubbly. Days in between are mostly just blah Unfortunately even on good days i still have lingering feelings in the back of my head of leaving my husband. Not like divorce. I don't want that at all, cause he is an amazing father and husband despite my feelings. Just want to move in with my parents for awhile or something which is weird.... I just wish this all would go away.
  8. I have been on Cymbalta (30mg) for about 12 days now ..and it seems to help with my anxiety but i feel really flat and almost have no emotions, my sex drive has gone down and i miss it. Not sure if my body is still adjusting to it or if i need a higher dose, but has anyone felt more depressed taking an anti-depressant ? i switched from Prozac to Cymbalta.. because i was very tired/depressed on Prozac and was gaining weight. I don't want to keep switching meds every month...i need some pep damnit!
  9. I am on my 25th day of taking Sertraline. 1 week: 25 mg 2 week: 50 mg 3 week: 75 mg 4 days: 100 mg How do I count? Is it 6-8 weeks from when I started 25 mg, from 50 mg or from 100 mg? And is it scientifically proven that 6-8 weeks are a good wait, or is it just shared experience? //Feeling depressed
  10. I'm 14 and I have bad anxiety and I am hypercondriac yesterday this might be werid but I masturbated with a hairbrush handle and now I convinced my self I'm pregnant and yes I know how it happens and everything so I'm being totally insane but like I convinced myself that a guy might have ejaculated on the brush and some how I'm pregnant I know I'm not and that's not possible but I'm still scared
  11. hi everyone. i'm new here. i’ve been feeling incredibly low for most of this year. i started to write my story out here, but it got to be so many paragraphs that i just deleted them in exasperation. what i really need is to be in therapy again. difficulty is, i am currently living in remote, rural Canada. The closest therapists are a good hour drive away, and i do not drive (i have epilepsy). the only person who can really drive me places is my dad, but because of his work it's unreliable. he never really knows when he's going to be in town. anyway, i'll attempt to summarize. i'm going to be 27 in a month. i find this terrifying. i was laid off from a really good job almost two years ago- which sounds like a long time but i'm still not over it. even though i was really unhappy at that job, i find it hard to remember how quote "successful" i was doing and how far i seem to have fallen. i lived with my parents from january to the end of april this year, which was difficult, to say the least. i backpacked Europe for 4 months in the spring and summer, hoping to find myself or something cliche like that. i'm proud of that trip, considering all i was up against .. traveling solo with a disability- epilepsy- plus having anxiety issues and bouts of depression. but yeah, as far as 'finding myself', i basically made zero progress. i've been unemployed since i got back from europe mid August. the reasons for that are complicated so I won't get into it, suffice to say that unemployment doesn't help when i'm trying to keep my depression at bay. there are moments, hours, even sometimes days were when i feel really confident about myself. i can breathe and i just tell myself that my life is not a race and everything needs to be one day at a time. on my best days i believe that i am the creative, artistic, capable person that people are always saying i am. i believe i can really do amazing things. and then there are times like now, which seem to be dominating my life lately, when i just feel so overwhelmed... and alone. and directionless. no idea what i'm supposed to do with my life. like i am heading nowhere and never will be. i'm so stuck. this morning was particularly terrible. i woke up and immediately realized i'd had a dream about cutting, which i haven't thought about in a long time. and then i obsessed and thought about it for hours. a lot of this has to do with my environment; i have close to zero opportunity to socialize.. the access to activities/resources/relationships that improve my well being are cutoff for the foreseeable future. anyway, hello.
  12. My anxiety for the last two days has been rather high, but nothing really unmanageable until i think about going outside. I don't have agoraphobia but going outside is still a stressful event for me that cycles until i get back home. However these last two days even just going to the end of my driveway has been a terror and has increased my depression just because i feel so guilty about how scared i am. Usually i would wait until i feel a little better but i really need to go into town and buy a few things; does anyone have some tips that really help them stay calm when they get out of the house?
  13. I am currently in my 22 day of taking Sertraline and just started 100 mg yesterday. Let me start by saying that I'm going to keep taking my Sertraline for 6-8 weeks and then make an informed desicision. My main reason for thinking about switching is that I used to be on Fluoxetine and it decreases my appetite. I hate being hungry. But I find myself worrying a lot about what the switch will be like if I decide to change from Sertraline to Fluoxetine. Do any of you have experience and/or knowledge in this? Is it likely that pdoc will make me taper down to 50 mg before switching or is it possible to make a switch from 100 mg Sertraline to 20 or 40 mg Fluoxetine from one day to another? I am anxiety free right now and I am very scared that tapering from 100 to 50 mg of Sertraline will make me anxious again. (Though I really was not anxious when I took 50 mg in my second week of starting treatment). I want to believe this - but can I? (source: http://www.bpac.org.nz/BPJ/2012/december/docs/bpj_49_nzf_pages_34-35.pdf)
  14. Hi there. My (only) friend is in his cousin's wedding party and he invited me to go along. He will be wearing a fancy suit. I tried on a dress for him last night and he wasn't really into it. He suggested I wear dress pants and a blouse instead. The problem is then I won't match him, but if I wear the dress I'll spend the whole night thinking it looks horrible on me since I got a poor reaction from my "date". I also have to cab there alone. What do other people with social anxiety do when they have to go to big events? I can't skip because it means a lot to my friend and my family that I see this commitment through. And it will probably mean a lot to me that I went afterwards. I'm just so afraid that I won't fit in or be good enough, or that I will have a panic attack, or that I will bail out. I don't feel pretty. I've spent a lot of time alone and depressed. I am pasty white, I haven't had a haircut in a year, I don't have long fingernails, and I'm even wearing broken, very old glasses because my nephew broke my proper ones. I just feel like a bum that doesn't deserve to go. I really want to do this and succeed, but I don't know how. Can anyone help me?
  15. For those who were following my last post. Sorry I been sick and it's ben circulating for 2 months now between the ids (and now me as well) So far the Lamictal seems ok. I take 25mg in the morning and 25mg at night it seems to ease some of my depression making me feel like I'm having less mixed episodes or at least less intense, However (may be unrelated to the medication) I noticed a increase in my Derealization and I feel like I did 8 years ago when I OD and everything look really fake and I was on the floor and everything looked like it was flipping :/ . I asked him at my last apt the other day if I can increase the Lamictal to 100mgs a day 2 25mg in the morning and 2 25mg in the afternoon. And I hope I'm making the right choice because I DON"T want to intensify whatever is triggering that memory/feeling. It's seems to help like the Trileptal did as far as the physical problems (wet head feeling, muscle/nerve pain and locking, tremors.) Thought I still have my moments being sick seems to make those feelings come back more and at my last therapy session the other day I had one of my "episodes" I hate where I can hear but I stare off s bit and all I do is move around and I can think but I just can't speck and then I end up crying afterwards ?_? I knew one of those were coming because I been getting salt taste's in my mouth some deja vue and my vertigo increased. However it's only one time in a month unlike Trileptal I was getting it more frequently. So here's to hoping this medications for me! And fingers crossed the incase doesn't worsen that problem I mentioned in the beginning! So I'll be on Lamictal 100mg a day and Valium 20mg a day
  16. I started Sertraline (Zoloft) 2 weeks ago because of derealization, anxiety and panic attacks. (First week 25 mg, second week at 50 mg, and today starting with 75 mg.) I have been absolutely shocked by how hard it has been starting with Sertraline, because of initial side effects of deperzonalisation and anxiety, but I have noticed a change for the better. It has had some effect on my anxiety and I have not had any panic attacks this past week. The derealization is unchanged, but I am not as scared by it any more, and that helps me to "feel normal". I have gained about 3 pounds these 2 weeks and I am worried that I will continue to gain weight because my appetite is significantly increased and my energy is low. I have been bulimic and depressed in the past and Fluoxetine (Prozac) has been a great medication for me. It decreased my appetite and made me feel better about myself. Should I ask to switch from Sertraline to Fluoxetine right away or should I stay on Sertraline for as long as I can manage and see how I feel even if it means gaining some pounds? I am concerned about gaining weight, but the most important thing is that I can function well enough to work, which I can do right now. I am very scared that changing medications will make my anxiety and derealization worse. But in the long run I can not possibly stay on a medication that increases appetite. I know that when I start to feel good again I will think about this a lot. I am scared that if I increase Sertraline to 100 mg in the following weeks tapering of it will be hell and that I will have to be on it for a long time, gaining weight, feeling tired and not being productive at work. I'm scared of my body getting used to it. Perhaps if I change now then it would be easier. My favorite antidepressant is Bupropion (Voxra, Wellbutrin), but I understand that since I have developed anxiety it might not be working for me right now. It used to make me productive, positive, decrease my appetite and increase my libido. My pdoc had me stop it because she thought it might be causing the derealization and I miss it a lot, but since I stopped it I have developed anxiety and now I am to scared to try it again. Having panic attacks with persistent derealization is in lack of better words; a nightmare. List of things that I am scared of: In order of most to least scary Panic attacksIncreased anxietyIncreased derealizationGaining weightBeing tired and non-productiveNot feeling like doing anythingAny input would be greatly appreciated!
  17. Dear Roadback, im a 39 year old male, currently withdrawing from alcohol with the assistance of a benzo (klonopin) started dose of 1.5 MG per day. (course to last 1 week) After kindling my nervous system from repeated binge drinking in my early years, I cold turkeyed alcohol, 2002) and had my first withdrawal panic attack.and mental health issue other than previous ADD. For the Add, i had used amphetamines(adderall and alcohol ) during college. mostly a prescribed dosage in combination with alcohol abuse./marijuana With my first panic attack I was prescribed ativan for a short course, and had worse panic attacks, which were eventually treated with ssri. In addition over the course of the last 15 years of intermittent sobriety, and consistent anxiety I was prescribed clonopin for over one year at a time. During this period, my sensitivity in the abscence of benzo was very high for stimulants(caffeine or pot) Mostly general practioners prescribed all the SSRI, most notably paxil and citalopram. The problem is when i drink, or take a benzo, all my symptoms subside.(i never had depressions). but in abscence of alcohol and benzo i am hypochondriacal, cannot sleep, and even effects my autonomic nervous system. (adrenal fatigue.)(this is protracted, for years......abating sometimes with extended meditation, exercise, but to return when health issue is on the horizon). now this last alcohol binge was fro three days, after being sober for 3 years., and the withdrawal with benzos was for 1 week. ...after the weening of benzos I am my now normal irritable, hypochondriacal ,bad sleeper). my question ....going forward should i reinstitute the benzo to a dose where I feel fine, and then slowly taper (as opposed to a week schedule ) to prevent this years long protracted withdrawal, or are my neurons just going to be permantley excitable without an alcohol, benzo, or perhaps introducing a anticonvulsant?i.e. gabapentin, oxcarbazepine your thoughts would be greatly appreciated. V.Torben .
  18. So, lately, I’ve been feeling really off. I feel disconnected from the world, I do things without thinking and I can’t concentrate. I feel like I’m going crazy. I’m only 13 so I know most people are going to say “its just puberty related”, but it doesn’t feel like it. I self-diagnosed myself with depression and anxiety about a year ago (by researching symptoms and comparing them to how I felt). I know depression and anxiety are common at my age so I don’t really worry that much about them, except when it gets really bad. I self harmed for a while then quit because I saw no point in hurting myself when it didn’t even help me, but lately I’ve started again. And I don’t really know the reason, but while I’m doing it, I know it makes me feel happy to see what I’ve done to myself even if after I know I’ll regret it. It started at the beginning of the school year. At first I was just really giddy and my thoughts were everywhere, my behavior confused me though. But I thought maybe it was just the excitement of seeing my friends again and the nervousness that this was my last year before high school, but the weirdness continued. A while later I began to have very violent thoughts-some towards myself, some towards others. That really terrified me. My brain started to feel really murky and I would always drift off into trances. I can barely concentrate on anything now, conversations are short and I’m very easily angered and offended. My hands are almost always cold and my whole body is often very shaky. I react to things the opposite of how I should most of the time, like for example, when I get yelled at I find it funny and I often laugh or smile. I’m always tired. At night it’s the worst. I always feel like there’s something watching me from the shadows, observing me and laughing at me. I have to distract myself from my thoughts to sleep, so I watch YouTube or read mostly, until I feel like I can sleep. But even then I find myself thinking strange things. When I wake up, I always feel like I didn’t get enough sleep even though I know I have. I always feel dizzy and sometimes it almost feels like I’m dreaming, but I know I’m not. I get these weird pains all over my body. I get headaches and I never really feel like doing necessary things (eating, getting up in the morning, going to school, etc.). In fact, my efforts in school have dropped drastically. I used to strive to get good marks and rush to get my homework done on time, but now I just don’t care. I haven’t really told anyone yet because I just don’t feel comfortable but I know I need help. I find myself having conversations with the air and myself without realizing what I’m doing. I just feel really, well, crazy. Now, most of this just sounds like depression, right? But I just don’t know. I feel like I’m going insane. I told myself to give it another week to talk to someone. I just don’t feel like myself. I feel like I’m in a different world most of the time. Even now, while I’m writing this, I feel like I’m drifting. Anyway, I’m just posting this in case anyone is going through the same thing and/or knows what’s happening.
  19. This morning i had a really vivid scary dream, i woke up in a panic thinking that what i dreament really did happen...my heart started to race i felt like i was going to get sick and then i just started crying ... it took me like an hour after i woke up to shake it off.. they are the type of dreams that you remember through out the day . i am not sure if this is an anxiety thing or what? but has anyone ever felt like this.
  20. Earlier this year I did something really stupid. A week earlier my psychiatric doctor added Fluoxetine to the Wellbutrin that I had been on for some years. I went out and drank a lot (this is not normal for me) and the next morning I took Tramadol. This resulted in me having my first anxiety attack (with derealization) and ending up in the emergency room thinking I was going to die. The morning after that (and ever since) I had persistent derealization and decided I did not take any more Fluoxetine. A couple of months later I talked to my doctor about the derealization still being there 24/7 and she wanted me to stop Wellbutrin since it might be a side effect. I stopped Wellbutrin and now I was derealized and had a lack of energy and didn't feel like doing anything. My derealization didn't get better even after a couple of months without it. Then I got another anxiety attack (possibly because of Primolut Nor) which made my derealization much worse and this time I also continued to be anxious. Another doctor put me on Sertraline and I'm currently fighting through the initial side effects (so much worse than Wellbutrin or Fluoxetine). I still don't feel like doing anything and if I do, I just don't have the energy. I don't want to be around people either. It's to buzy and loud and I'm scared to panic. Do you think that in the future I could get on Wellbutrin again, with or without Sertraline, or will it just trigger anxiety since it is so activating? I loved being on Wellbutrin, having a healthy sex drive, getting things done and being able to keep my impulses back. When I was on wellbutrin I never had a depressed though. I wasn't very happy either, but I just DID things. I feel like I never do anything since I stopped them and if I do anything I really do not enjoy it as much anymore. It was much easier to control the appetite as well.
  21. Ok , so as all of you know, weight can suck.. either you lose too much or you gain too much.. it blows. I increased my Prozac and noticed the weight was going up each week. so i lowered it a few weeks ago.. i no longer am gaining weight, maybe it's because i have more energy. anyway.. i have been working out and dieting now, my anxiety with that is.. i have a fear of fainting, so i am always worried i am not eating enough and then my mind races like OMG EAT SOMETHING YOU ARE GOING TO FAINT!! i can't tell if it's anxiety or if i really am hungry?i have been eating under 1350 calories a day and going on fast walks everyday. but if every time i panic and eat.. there goes the whole trying to diet? BOOO has anyone ever felt like this? i was 141 last sunday i am now 137 today. so we will see if the pounds keep coming off *crosses fingers*
  22. It seems to me like when I drink a protein shake containing hydrolyzed whey and bcaa I get increased energy, decreased appetite and increased anxiety. Is this just placebo? My Dr didn't know anything. I think that protein shakes are a comfortable way to get those extra proteins, but I am scared to try again because it seems like they are affecting my brain chemistry.
  23. it's been years and my agoraphobia has been on and off... i am not quite sure how to get rid of it. i'm currently on a cocktail of meds... they keep me calm... but when i am out of the house.. the intrusive paranoid thoughts come and i seem not to be able to get a grip on them. I think of really bizarre stuff and it makes me question if its real or not.. like it feels real... is my imagination that good at tricking me? i thought the sky was going to fall on me once and that the road was going straight up and it made me very dizzy. does anyone else get those weird thoughts or distorted thinking?
  24. It's been awhile since I posted.... I have still been what I think is a mixed state rapid cycle for months now :/ I was on the Trileptal but as it increased it just gave me headaches so bad I ended dup in the ER because it was shooting down my back and neck (It did help my physical problems though) So I already know a number of antipsychs don't work and worsen m physical problem. Depression meds have always revved me up unbearably. Other then Valium my first notable calmness came with Depakote, however like I said before it oddly gave my a weird audio hallucination on a extremely low dose on day 3. So I hung out on the Trileptal for a bit then my psych though maybe Gabapentin would work since the Trileptal was helpful and NO! For others I heard it was a wonder for me OMG I NEVER cycled so fast with mix of slight audio sounds/paranoia I almost went to the ward I was out of it I thought I was on a BAD acid trip and was dying as well. Now he uped my Valium slightly from 15mg to 20mg and want's to start a Low does of Lamictal*spelling? (25 mg twice a day) Anyway for ease of mind is the lamictal going to help with the rapid and mix cycling? I know were all different but I'm still in a bad state after that Gabapentin and don't want to agitate it. My psych only classifies all Bi polar as one so he doesn't classify in the Bi polar 1 or 2 category's and such so he just throws out what med he thinks is needed based on a 1-10 feeling chart. I'm just looking for some reassurance I guess on lamictal as I very drug sensitive. I noticed I'm always in general angry suicidal down but at the same time tried yet hyper ready to go out and do something risky and extreme and get paranoid easily and tend to get delusion (which I kinda like my delusions there the only thing that make the world kind of real and fun) But I can recognize that there delusions I just get caught up in them these are accompanied by Huge panic/anxiety along with some physical problems. I rarely go to just one side of anger or sad. If anyone has the kind of feelings I get what has worked for you? (I know to each is different but just wondering) I hope the Lamictal works but heard it's activating :/ If this collides with anything I wrote in the past I'm sorry since I been trying all these meds I had memory laps ALOT and parts where I be talking then blank out staring (did it infront my therapist and husband) Sometimes I can hear them talking but can't talk can only fumble and stare around. I also started losing how to word myself properly. I even found out at my last ER visit I can't take oxycodone like I use to since my physical problems oxycodone trigger full body shakes that make me bite my tonged lasting a hour and limb jerking (the worse in the neck cause that one hurts) Anyway success story's with lamictal in medicine sensitive people who get mixed/rapid cycles with delusions and anxiety? (excuse the grammar and spelling and format please)
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