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Found 548 results

  1. Hi, I am kitties. I am a newbie here, but not to illness. I have chronic pain 24/7 in my back and neck. Mentally....here are my diagnoses (got a second and third opinion....all objective and a consensus of the exact same diagnoses.) Bipolar 1 with psychosis, extreme, treatment resistant, rapid cycling. Mixed features predominant. Never had a remission to date...just a couple of weeks with my bipolar disorder. “Normal” for a few weeks a couple of times per year. No anxiety remission. OCD, GAD, Panic Disorder, Social Anxiety disorder, PTSD...I think that is everything. Oh, I am significantly affected by a very strong dose of agoraphobia stemming from my PTSD and Panic Disorder. I have a great psychiatrist and I e been in treatment with him a since 2006. I had a great therapist that had a co-transference issue and I ultimately ended my therapy with him. I have tried four therapists since firing the aforementioned therapist - but I unfortunately have lost faith in the process. I am a night owl by nature and it has really ramped up since being declared disabled in 2009/SSDI/cannot work. I struggle with having a “routine,” although I have read that one with bipolar disorder tends to be more stable with a routine. I’m easily overstimulated so I like the quiet and darkness.. I know I have an eating disorder (anorexia, restricting type), but I politely yet firmly said I have had “eating issues” but I have no desire to “go there.” My psychiatrist respects that although I am subject to a monthly weigh-in and I self-manage it. I am currently relapsing right now, unfortunately. But, I have had it for so many years that I know at what weight my body and mind take a turn for the worst. And I have to rein it back in and stop losing (meaning eat more). I’ll never seek treatment as the recovery model, IMO, is ridiculous. Kudos to those that have been able to “recover.” I take a bunch of meds, mainly psych meds I like to read, Enjoy spending time with my boyfriend. Internet. I like learning things, I am currently and reading up on world history (pre-USA). I keep up with psychology and sociology. Thanks for reading if you made it this far.
  2. I am so very lost, angry, hurt, depressed, explosive, and drowning. I was put on latuda or my bipolar and depression acting up... I hate new meds for this reason. I started having my ptsd dreams again, ate everything in site and craved sugar omg terribly, have been depressed, cant color which i love to do, just wanna sleep, explosive anger, crying jags, hate life, nothing makes me happy, everything just sucks. Im so angry cause i feel like i did before i went on any meds, 20yr ago. Im so confused i just feel like im grasping at air.. I was in the er the other night and they basically sent me home after giving my dose of larzapam i didn't take in the afternoon cause i doesn't help. My theory of it is it didn't help before the latuda what is gonna make it work coming off latuda or after off.. I remember why i drank now.. I didn't need to feel this then.. I want to drink so bad and wont cause I've been clean 6 yrs April will be 7 and i worked to hard to get here and refuse to prove others right. Im so so messed up i cant sleep cant watch TV cant color yet dont want to do any of the above either but if i dont sleep i hurt... has anyone felt this way.. It sux cause the battle to find meds to work will start tomorrow cause my liver doesn't process meds it flushes them out.. oh well sorry just needed to vent and hope someone can help
  3. Hi guys, just started Lithium yesterday. I know it can take several weeks to work, but I already feel it clearing my head a bit. question tho. Can lithium make anxiety worse in the beginning - like SSRI’s? Because I now find myself very panicky I am also on lexapro and mirtazapine.
  4. Just wondering. I have a lot of anxiety and am startinh lithium for bipolar disorder in a few weeks
  5. I was on Olanzapine for about one year and during that time I did excessive spending which may have caused lowering impulse control and consequently am now in bankruptcy. Have been off Olanzapine since December, 2018. In March went on Seroquel and experienced manic situations, where I was out of control (never had this happen to me before). I became excessively hostile towards a clerk in Walgreens, reduced my veterinarian to tears and alienated alot of my neighbors by my raging. We upped the Seroquel thinking I was having my first manic episode, it only made everything worse. Since coming off of Seroquel in last two weeks, I am now calm and the urge to act out aggressively is gone and I am mortally embarrassed about my behaviors. New psych doc now, former one retired. Started Reluxti two days ago at .5 mg. First day experienced some brain zaps and thinking it might have been due to the mixing of recently going off of Seroquel and introducing Reluxti. Today, no brain zaps. Taking Benadryl to help with insomnia as Rexulti may become stimulating. I know this is a very expensive drug and being on Medicare I do not qualify for any of the manufacturer's savings plans. My new psych doc believes he can keep me on his extra supplies forever or until they go generic. I am worried about being on this drug and loosing him as a psychiatrist and ending up with a co-pay of $400.00 a month and ending up in the Medicare Donut-hole very quickly. The trial pack he gave me has a 14 day supply. I recently did a gene study thru GenOMind. I am an ultra-rapid metabolizer and subject to many skin issues. When I first saw him, he became very frustrated with me and didn't believe me that I can't tolerate most of the behavioral meds out there but once he got the gene study, he then understood. The only drug he would suggest is Rexulti. I am in a quandary as to what to do about going on this very expensive medication with no way of paying for this and getting stuck on this drug should I loose my new psych doc and his many samples. Purple
  6. Hi everyone. I’ve been bouncing from one trial of medication to another for the past 4 1/2 years with adverse reactions. Nothing has helped. I just saw a new psychiatrist on Monday. An older gentleman who actually seemed to listen. He was also a longtime professor our local university. My symptoms are treatment resistant insomnia, chronic, severe anxiety, chronic derealization, ocd (pure o) racing, intrusive thoughts (often presenting as songs looping in my head, but a switch can also go off in my head where I obsessively think about something to the point of it driving me crazy) brain fog, depression. My body and brown simply will not turn off. I’m stuck in constant fight/flight. I believe the lack of sleep is the catalyst for most of this (all of this started after sudden onset of insomnia) Maybe it wouldn’t go away with sleep, but I know it would get better. My main goal is sleep, but seems unattainable after 4 1/2 years. I have tried every medication under the sun (well, mostly) The doctor decided to prescribe provigil (modafinil) which seems counterintuitive to me. He was clear that it could go either way. Possible that it could calm me down, possible that it could let me up and make my symptoms worse. Luckily for me, since I am highly sensitive to medication, he is quite conservative and said to only start with roughly 1/16 of a pill to see how I do. Wondering what your thoughts are on this given my symptoms? Seems counterintuitive...but maybe it will help. So confused.
  7. Hello all, I'm looking for some med experience/anecdotes! I am bipolar and also have anxiety, ADHD, and PTSD. Currently I'm taking Lamictal (400mg/day), Geodon (80mg/day), and Adderall (25mg/day). I'm looking to change it up because I am seriously struggling with the side effects. Since starting Geodon I am tired all the time (it doesn't help that I'm in the midst of a depressive episode) and I've gained 20+ pounds in two months. I think it's helping with the manic side (or maybe that's just because of the depressive episode I'm in?) but I can't deal with these side effects. The Adderall works great for my ADHD but I think it's making me too edgy/irritable for my liking. On top of it I have been having terrible anxiety lately. I'm meeting with a new PMHNP next week and I like to research my med options ahead of time so that I feel more informed and can advocate for myself. I'm interested in Wellbutrin because it doesn't have weight gain associated with it, it helps with binge eating and supposedly helps you quit smoking (both current concerns of mine), and can work for both depression and ADHD. I'm also interested in Buspar as a possible anxiety med? I like that it also isn't associated with weight gain and that it isn't supposed to be sedating. I've also taken Abilify in the past (before I took Geodon) and didn't experience any terrible side effects other than it making me sleepy but maybe combined with the right thing that wouldn't be as much of an issue? Anyone have experience with this combo or a similar one? Any and all feedback appreciated! The med game is so overwhelming.
  8. Hi guys, So I've been depressed and have had severe anxiety for 3 years. Antidepressants make me hypomanic (kinda) and triggers unstable mood. I don't fit in the usual description of bipolar, but there is definitely something not right about the way i react to antidepressants - feeling high, warm, racing thoughts x 100, gets overly chatty etc. I've tried the following moodstabilizers Lamotrigine (disaster) Trileptal Gabapentin Abilify (made me hypomanic) Seroquel (made me hypomanic) Depakote/valproate (still taking) This depression is killing me, but my p.doc. won't prescribe me lithium. Tried two different doctors. What are your thoughts?
  9. Hi all. I saw my (worthless psychiatrist today- I’m seeing a new one in March) I suffer from severe anxiety and panic, OCD (ruminating thoughts, racing thoughts, intrusive thoughts), derealization, severe insomnia, agitation and depression. I have tried many many medications. Nothing has helped. I specifically went to talk about trying Nardil today. She’s willing to let me try this, but will have to go off Zoloft and remeron for 2 weeks which scares me. Then if Nardil doesn’t help/work, I’d have to wait another 2 weeks to get back on something else. She offhandedly asked if I had ever tried rixulti and I told her no. So she pulled out a sample pack for me. I’ve been reading reviews of drugs.com, and it seems that it helps many people with depression, but makes OCD, anxiety, agitation and insomnia worse. Doesn’t sound like a good medication for me. Was hoping for some thoughts on this. TIA
  10. Hi everyone. I’ve been dealing with unbearable symptoms for over 4 years. Insomnia, racing thoughts (OCD), derealization, irritability, brain fog and depression. I have tried so many medications, but none help. My insomnia and anxiety are through the roof and I have 24/7 derealization. Years ago, 2007, when I was struggling with depression, my psych talked about starting an MAOI, but we instead we added geodon to Zoloft and it worked (for awhile) Long story short, I developed sudden onset ruminating thoughts (in form of OCD), insomnia and Anxiety in 2009. After many trials of meds (I’m adverse and paradoxical to most) I finally was put on remeron which got me sleeping again and in turn helped my other symptoms. From 2010-October 2014 I did relatively well, that is until remeron stopped working and all my symptoms came back. Since I have been inpatient several times trying every sleeping med , bipolar med, SSRI etc with no relief. Mom wondering if an MAOI could help me? Can MAOI’s treat anxiety? Racy brain? I’ve read they can make insomnia worse, which I don’t need. Symptoms: severe insomnia, lucid dreams/nightmares, 24/7 derealization, severe anxiety and panic, major depression, brain fog, dizziness, migraines. I believe, like in 2009-2010, many of my symptoms are from sleep deprivation. I am very desperate to get control over my anxiety and sleep. I’m at the end of my rope. Could an MAOI help me as a last ditch effort to get some kind of quality of life back? Current meds: weaning off Zoloft, weaning off remeron, geodon 20 mg X2, Ativan 5 mg per day (please don’t jump down my throat about this, it will give me a panic attack. I know it’s a high dose and I need to taper this too), prazosin 2 mg. TIA
  11. Circumstances in my life are driving me to extreme levels of anxiety and tension, and benzos do very little if anything for me. The current PRN antipsychotics I use (Stelazine and Thorazine) either work and are not able to be ordered (Stelazine), or do little if anything at doses that aren't sedating and are too sedating at doses that actually do something for my anxiety (Thorazine). I'm looking for an AP that isn't too sedating that will work for anxiety, and wonder if anyone has taken any of these for anxiety. AP's and AAP's I've tried: chlorpromazine (Thorazine: see above) fluphenazine (Prolixin: took for Tourette's but did nothing for anxiety) haloperidol (Haldol: an emotional sledgehammer--makes me feel zombified even in low doses) loxapine (Loxitane: actually did quite a lot for me mood-wise, but not much for anxiety; nevertheless, pdoc refuses to prescribe it anymore... I suppose I could get it from my gdoc?) pimozide (Orap: took for Tourette's, not fond of this one, did nothing, want to avoid because of cardiovascular side effects) prochlorperazine maleate (Compazine: does nothing for me...) trifluoperazine (Stelazine: see above) aripiprazole (Abilify: currently taking, does a lot for mood, but does very little if anything for anxiety...) Latuda (lurasidone: can't take anymore... insurance pays 50% of retail value of drug, so it's ridiculously expensive, even with copay card, and can never seem to qualify for PAP's) olanzapine (Zyprexa: currently use PRN, but causes extreme weight gain after just days of using, which is a no-no for me as I'm already very obese and trying to loose weight) quetiapine (Seroquel: not effective at any dose and causes weight gain) Rexulti (brexpiprazole: caused worsened depression from a dose range of 0.25-3 mg, so no thanks... insurance only pays for 50% of this one...) Saphris (asenapine: actually did quite a lot for my anxiety for quite a while, but began to flatten my affect, and eventually made me extremely dysphoric and have crying spells; besides, my insurance only pays for 50% of this one too) Vraylar (cariprazine: worsened depression over a prolonged period of time while taking at 3 mg, didn't have enough strength to stabilize my mood at 1.5 mg, 4.5 mg caused extreme dysphoria and terrible akathisia, and insurance will only pay 50% of retail cost) ziprasidone (Geodon: this one helps with psychosis, mood, and a little bit with anxiety, but at the dose that it helps with this, it is a bit too sedating to handle; this one may be worth revisiting, but the aripiprazole is hard as hell to get off of...) I don't want to get mixed up with thioridazine (Mellaril)... I've read that perphenazine has good anxiolytic effects, but can be sedating. I have idiopathic hypersomnia, so that would be a bad thing to combine with that. I've read that thiothixene has a psychostimulant effect at low doses (below and around 10 mg/day), but I don't know anything about any anxiolytic effects it may have, and I imagine the stimulant effect it purportedly has at lower doses might not be good for anxiety. I would hope to get away with a low dose of this one since it's a FGA. I've also tried all the other anxiolytic agents like Atarax, Vistaril, BuSpar, etc., SSRIs/SNRIs/SARIs/SMSs/various TCAs/amoxapine/mirtazapine/etc./various anticonvulsants, so I'm not looking for alternative advice, see my signature as to other meds I've tried before recommending an alternative to these two meds. The only anxiolytic agents I've not tried are the barbiturates and meprobamate (Miltown). Can anyone who has had any experience with these two AP's give me any insight into their effects on anxiety?
  12. Hello, it has been awhile! Well, my old psychiatrist retired and I am now stuck with a new one. A tele-med provider. Without really letting me know if they read my chart (they even made mistakes when asking what meds I was on now) they prescribed me topamax to take alongside my usual anxiety med due to (duh) increase in anxiety. They said the added benefit would be that I would be able to lose weight as well, since my previous meds made me...ahem, chunky. And I told them I have body issues. Here's the thing. I did a little research about the weight loss and all studies said that it was beneficial to those who were bulimic or over eaters. I have history, and deal with restrictive eating. Making my appetite less would be a very stupid move in my opinion. My other concern is that there is a side effect where your eyes can suffer permanent damage. Not likely of course, but it is noted. I have a degenerative eye problem and I feel that it would be risky to take something that could make my eyesight worse. Of course there is the caveat that if I notice anything like that I can stop the med, but would my eyes regain the vision they "lost"? I talked to a pharmacist today and they told me it would be very unlikely that I would have any visions problems other than blurriness and that most symptoms are dizziness, hard time focusing, etc the usual. They kind of glossed over the eating part too, saying to just talk to my provider. I have an appointment in a month, and with the Holidays coming up, I decided not to start taking the topamax so as not to ruin any festivities I hope to have with my family. I guess I just needed to vent a bit because it doesn't seem like my new provider is listening to what I have to tell them...since they keep asking me things that are in my chart already! I miss my old psychiatrist a lot, and don't like this new tele-med set up. In any case, I would love to hear from others who have taken topamax for anxiety and how it worked for them. I know everyone is different, but I'd like to get some feedback nonetheless. Poem
  13. Respectful greetings, fellow crazies. I've recently ramped-up on Wellbutrin: 150mg for 6 days and then 300mg for 12 days (18 days total). Overall it's slightly helping the multitude of mental illnesses I have (TRD, "Pure" OCD, other stuff). However. About 7 days after hitting 300mg Wellbutrin I started experiencing incredibly intense anxiety primarily (physically shaking, gut-churning, mind-racing, skin-crawling kind). I also started feeling erratic, intense irritability and even anger - (verbally) lashing out at my kids and other unpleasant out-of-character behaviour. I've seen anxiety from Wellbutrin reported 100's of times before but I couldn't find information on how to combat it. This is because normally people just stop taking it (which makes eminent sense) but that's not an option for me since I'm 23 years TRD (including resistance to ECT, dTMS and Ketamine) and this is one of the last combos left. In other words I'm beyond desperate to give it every chance of working that I humanly can. I'm now gonna blurt out my questions and suggestions and hope that some of you can identify or comment from your own experience: I have some Valium left over and taking that does take the edge off of the severe emotions. However taking benzo's long-term is generally undesirable, hence has anyone taken a non-benzo adjunct/augmenting med that actually helps tone down the insane anxiety? If so, what was it? how long did the intense anxiety last for those who experienced it? 2 weeks? a month? until you stopped the med? did anyone have success in simply reducing dose back to 150mg or even lower? Did you find 150mg sufficient to lift your mood? I'm on 300mg XL as of today (was on 2x150mg XL 'til now). Have folks had different experiences (anxiety-wise) with the IR or SR versions? E.g. would switching to 3xIR be an avenue worth chasing? any other relevant insights or experiences would also be most welcome. May the Gods of mental health be with you, Pete
  14. Hey yall I wanted to get some better insight on a situation. I am set to see a therapist in a few weeks, I just wanted to see if I was overthinking the situation or how I should try to cope with it better. My fiance and I live together with my parents under the same roof. My fiance goes to grad school and I study at home and volunteer to build my career. In the past, my fiance and my folks got along really well together and are friends. Lately though it seems like they are being more critical of my fiance. After thinking about it, I am beginning to think that it is mostly my parents being a bit possessive of me and clingy. My sister is an actress and is in a lot of stage plays every couple of months. I'm not that into theater, but I don't have a problem going to see my sister with my folks. My fiance however has a really hard time in plays and theater. He has a hard time staying still and is a bit fidgety, which kinda annoys me. He also hates plays, so it's kind of a bad combination. I do not have any problems with him just staying home and me going to see my sister. However, my folks have a big problem with this. They told me that he is unsupportive and would make a bad husband if he doesn't go see all of my sisters plays. After speaking with him about it, my fiance decided to compromise and agreed that he would go see a few plays a year (We go like once every 2-3 months). This, however, isn't good enough for my parents still. My mom since then has suggested that he isn't a good partner for me. There are also smaller stuff that they complain about. They don't like that he plays video games for more than 2 hours at a time, that he is sexist for asking me to make him scrambled eggs, and that he doesn't go out to dinner with my folks every time (my parents eat out A LOT). The most annoying thing is that I have never at all felt like he is a bad partner!!!! He literally makes my life better, helps out my anxiety, and makes me a better person!!! I seriously think I'm going crazy sometimes because I literally cannot see any problems about what he is doing. If anything, I respect my fiance more because he has handled this gracefully, has been polite and a responsible tenant, and has been super supportive and trusting of me. The problem is that i have GAD and get really bad obsessive thoughts, which makes me really anxious. I can't stop thinking about my parents hating my fiance. If anything is negatively effecting my relationship at all, its the fact that my parents don't approve of him fully. It just really fucking sucks when someone actively improves your life and your own parents can't see that. I was wondering if anyone had any tips with stopping obsessive thoughts with this situation.
  15. Over the past month, since my mood swings have become more prominent, I am not sure if these are hallucinations I am having or not. I see out of the corner of my eye, fleeting forms, but when I turn my eyes to the object in the room, it disappears. This morning I saw a white cat sitting in the bathroom staring at me out of the corner of my eye just near the doorjam, when I looked it disappeared. But I am seeing things like this continually throughout the day.
  16. Went to my HMO for the first time since my former primary mistreated me. Everytime I would drive up to the building I could not go inside as a panic attack would hit me. Made it thru selecting new glasses, but wanted to run out of there, was having shortness of breathe. Then made it thru pharmacy to pick up scripts and lastly made it thru a flu shot. The Zyprexa is dampening down the run-away anxiety/panic/agoraphobia so far and I found myself very much in the present moment. I was soo proud of myself for making it thru the day
  17. I am being targeted and bullied by my neighbors where I live. I currently live in an independent living home. I am the youngest one here (67 years old). Other neighbors who live in my building admitted that I have been singled out and targeted by the bullies that live here. It seems that no matter where I live, I get singled out and bullied. Must be something I am doing. In my new independent living home, there are groups of women that stick together and have scheming get-togethers. I was invited to one and never went back. Unfortunately before I discovered one such neighbor was a party to all this, I had confided in her. She roped me in very easily. I am alone and isolated and there is no support in my life. So, I am easy target. I also am a nice person who does not have the ability to actively hurt someone. I try to get away from these groups (I call them the axis of evils), I put their calls on block so they can no longer text me, I unfriended them on Facebook (I no longer go there anymore). If they don't talk to me once a week, they will send out an alert to go and find me or they will call the cops and to do a welfare check on me. They bang on my door at all hours and yell my name thru the door to get me to come to the door, then they bust in almost knocking me over and sit down for a "chat". While they are chatting they start taking pictures of my cat and my apartment. I should have asked why they were taking pictures inside my apartment, but I dissociated and could not defend myself. I no longer allow them in my home. I won't talk to them over the phone nor text them, nor return their phone calls. The next time they call in a welfare check on me, I will cite them for harassment with the police when they show up. This group of women have admitted to me they are mean and will take action against others who live here if they don't like them, which I have witnessed. So, for now, I walk on egg-shells around them. I stay away from everyone now, keep my blinds closed and don't answer the phone unless I know who it is calling me. My psych doc upped my maintenance medication and added new medication. He's been calling me frequently to see how I am. I do live with sui*ide ideation, so he's worried about me. Unfortunately I am living in Section 8 Housing, so moving is very difficult to do. So, just trying to keep myself safe from the "Axis of Evil". Needed to vent to get it out there what I am living with. Thank you for reading.
  18. My old psych-NP gave me seroquel for sleep around the end of December last year. I haven't taken it every night as she wanted or else I wouldn't be still sitting here almost 11 months later with around 50 or 60 25mg pills left. I have used it randomly for particularly tough nights where I know I can't sleep or I just feel really amped up/anxious and don't want to take more than 1mg of Klonopin. Is this ok to do? When I do use it, it ranges from 25-75mg and I sleep like a baby.
  19. Hi there, I was just wondering if anyone here has tried Rexulti as an AD adjunct for depression. Please tell me what you thought of it, I know it's very similar to Abilify, but surprisingly Rexulti under my insurance + the manufacturer discount card is cheaper than generic Abilify, so I want to get familiar with it. I have only had one true experience with an AAP, Seroquel, and it was actually really nice but it made me sleep like a rock, so I got off it years ago. I'm not switching to Rexulti at the moment, but my psych let me know it's the next option if Wellbutrin doesn't work out. Again, let me know your experiences with it, and I guess Abilify too since they are similar. The thought of being on an AAP scares me, with all the side effects and such, especially for depression. But I have read Rexulti and Abilify both have "pro-cognitive" effects which is exactly what I need. Also, has it helped with your anxiety at all? Do AAPs generally help with anxiety? Because if I'd be able to get off Klonopin that would be a plus. Thank you all for any replies!
  20. I’ve just hit menopause and started a very low dose of bc pill. I can only find mood fluctuations in side effects, not anxiety. Anyone else have issues with hrt?
  21. My psych doc has called two times to see if I started on the Latuda. I haven't. I originally wanted to wait until the Seroquel and Pamelor left my system before I started anything new. That was 3 weeks ago. Now experiencing inking in of paranoia, insomnia, fear, anxiety, depression, more migraine and it's preventing me from starting Latuda. I have some key appointments I have to keep between now and the end of the month that I absolutely cannot cancel. I don't want to start Latuda and experience overwhelming side effects that will scare me from leaving my home to make these appointments. However, living in agony with these symptoms is horrible and I know I need to start on the Latuda. After todays appointment, I will have 10 business days until my next appointment, I could take a small sample and see how I react for a few days. I'm also still spending like crazy, have maxed out all my credit cards, applied for more. I know I am doing this to comfort myself. However, I am now sending back more than half what I am buying, but I am in trouble with one credit card. I called my bank and asked for help and they agreed to suspend my credit card until I get it under the credit limit. All this spending started after I watched my neighbor pass away and since then I have not been doing my daily walk because the only path I can use with my rollator is right where she passed away. I just haven't been able to get myself beyond this. I tried starting with a trauma therapist but that ended badly, she wanted me to discuss my past traumas in detail during the first and second meeting and half way thru the second meeting I flew out of her room having a panic attack. I kept warning her I needed to work on grounding and she wouldn't, so won't go back. She hasn't called to see why I haven't been back, so will let that one go. I'm a basket case right now.
  22. So gp gave me this new medication called xifaxan to kill off bad intestinal bacteria. He and the pharmacist said insomnia, anxiety, and depression aren’t side effects of this medication. But I’ve been on it for 6 days and after nearly 2 months of feeling pretty great, I’m suddenly experiencing all three of these symptoms severely. I’m just wanting to know if this has happened to anyone else on this med. it doesn’t show up on the common side effect profiles, but I looked further down at the doc pamphlet at bottom of the page and it does say it can do his. How do I get the doctor to believe me? She wants me to continue it but I woke up today feeling extremely depressed! And my Xanax isn’t even working for the anxiety! This all even being on vyvanse. @mikl_pls or @browri? ps: why would they say this stuff can happen down in the physicians info and not list it in patient info??? shitty thing is, it’s definitely helping my stomach problem.
  23. My groceries were delivered to the wrong building and apartment yesterday. The woman who came to my front door said my grocery delivery was sent to her address, so I grabbed my cart and followed her over to her apartment. I noticed there was something off about her and it got worse when I entered her apartment. She had put all my groceries away in her kitchen, where she thought was the right place (in her mind). She put my ice cream in the cabinet, and you can guess the rest. Each of the 22 items she put away in different places all over her home. She would not give up the candy, I had to walk away from that. Clearly this woman had dementia and there I was in her apartment, alone. And as I stood in her kitchen getting my groceries back, I could not reach my executive powers and realized I was dissociated and could not defend myself. In reality, I should never have gone into her home. I should have just walked away, gone home and called the grocery delivery service. This woman signed my name on the form as instructed by the delivery person and now we are worried how much of a tip she gave him on my credit card. I knew walking over there I felt extremely anxious, going into a strangers apartment who was acting oddly right from the start, so the anxiety drove the dissociation and anything could have happened to me, alone with a demented neighbor, I should have known better. Two days ago, another neighbor stopped by to visit my new kitten. I should never have let her in, but there I went again, immediately into dissociation. This woman has been threatening to me in the past and yet I let her in my home and as I was sitting there looking at her, I sensed she should not be there and yet felt powerless over the situation so sat there and let the visit play itself out. Then this woman started taking pictures of my kitten without asking permission and I should have have stopped her, but I was totally powerless. I feel that I just cannot function in the real world and protect myself. Dissociation is protecting myself, but it's leaving me very vulnerable and the consequences are that I am left with feeling very bad about myself.
  24. This is what I go thru every day from the moment I wake up: anxiety throughout the day, uncontrollable anxiety and panic only when I leave my home, dissociation in times of high stress and high anxiety and panic, insomnia every night, daily depression, scary cycling mood swings. My psych doc called me on a Saturday afternoon (now this doc is semi-retired and only works 3 days a week now). I was shocked when I saw his name come up on caller ID. He was calling to suggest I go into the hospital until I become stabilized. Stabilized in one week, no way I say. It's gonna take time for that to happen. He said with the dissociation and everything else I am going thru on a daily basis he is worried I might self harm. I assured him I am not at that point and he knows that I call him when I need to go back in, plus I have a new kitten and don't want anyone in my home anyway. I think I can manage all this at home. I will be seeing him on Tuesday. That was soo out of character for him to call me like that, kinda got my attention and am I worse off then I realize. I have known him for 30+ years and he knows me well, so I have to trust his direction. His concern is that I am in the middle of a perfect storm and anything can happen and he worries that if anything triggers me I might not be able to control what happens to me. Then several neighbors stopped by to see if I was okay as they have not seen me last week, curtains have remained closed, not answering phones nor texts. I know I have been avoiding alot of neighbors now as I am selectively avoiding those that trigger me and those that knocked on my door I call them "the axis of terror" for what they have been known to do to other people here. So, I had their phones on block. I have been protecting myself while I work on medication and mood and it's nobody's business. Had a game of RummyKub set up for this evening and really looked forward to this all week, and everyone just canceled, really bummed about that. I have had no interest in bath, washing my hair, eating. I can't focus on TV, can't read, nor listen to my book tapes. No interest in anything, I am soo flooded with anxiety/panic. My HMO has restricted how many benzos I take, I have been on Klonopin for 30 years and that takes the edge off, but have to stock pile them due to the restrictions and delays in getting the medication to me, so had to cut back and that makes my anxiety worse. So, back to my psych doc. The plan is to keep me on Seroquel (1/2 of a 25 mg) at night for sleep and for mood control for now during the day until I see him next week. It just sedates me too much if I take more than 1/2 of 25 mg in a 24 hour period. But the Seroquel puts the breaks on mood cycling, I just can't tolerate the side effects, they never go away, just increase. So, I am going to suggest to him for sleep (I want to get off Seroquel due to over sedation and muscle rigidity), Ambien or Trazodone. I read up that Trazodone helps with insomnia, panic, migraine. Then I need a mood stabilizer/seizure medication so may go back on Depakote and Xanax for rescue from intense anxiety/panic. I don't want to go back on Lithium. Goal for the day, making my bed and taking a bath, maybe washing my hair.
  25. Anyone here have any recommendations for a soft soothing "pink noise" machine? someone mentioned this the other day, and i wasn't sure the difference between pink vs white noise (maybe just marketing ploy). I need something to block out very subtle electrical-type noises (noises that seem loud at night - like the whirring of a refrigerator, or a neighbors appliance, for example. But some white noise machines (like at therapist offices) are too loud. Ear plugs are not comfortable for me, or they fall out of my ears when sleeping.
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