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  1. I was recently instructed to take a higher dose of my wellbutrin. Because of this my anxiety has become much worse. I am already taking Prozac on top of the wellbutrin as well as .5mg of Klonopin twice a day once in the am and once in the pm. The reason I am posting is because I wanted to know if any of you have taken ativan or another benzo on top of another benzo that is taken daily like Klonopin. I put in a call to my PDOC but I wanted to see what you guys thought. Thanks
  2. In the realm of the trivial yet annoying: my bladder seems to have become shyer over the years; the techs at the lab held me there for TWO HOURS waiting for me to be able to pee as much as they needed. And I couldn't. I was starting to get low blood sugar shakes and eventually just had to leave. And now I'm already anxious about what will happen next time, and how, er, pissed my pdoc is going to be that he didn't get his brimming sample cup of urine. I could have given them all they wanted, at home, an hour later. I feel like such a freak.
  3. Hi All. I have been having this very sharp pain in my neck (left side only) since Friday morning, accompanied by a headache (also on the left side). The pain kind of radiates down my left shoulder a bit. It feels like it's gotten a bit worse today. No numbness, tingling, or anything like that. I'm guessing it could be a "pinched nerve" just it feels like SOMETHING in there is being pinched, plus it is fairly localized. I'm a physically healthy 28 y/o female of normal weight, that just had a physical and has no medical conditions (I say this because "the internet" says symptoms of a pinched nerve can be the same as those of a heart attack). I know the answer is probably to go to the doctor, but I feel kinda stupid going to the ER (the only option available now) for "neck pain." (And I feel I take too much time off of work to go to psych appointments, so I also want to minimize time off for trivial pain issues, if they are in fact trivial). The pain is unresponsive to OTC pain meds; I have tried gentle neck stretches, did some yoga this morning, have been using ice and heat, all to no avail. Can severe prolonged anxiety (with an intense physiological reaction) cause something like this? I tend to have neck and shoulder pain in general, which has been checked out and deemed to have no physical, and I hold my anxiety and tension in these areas. I had an incident at work on Thursday in which I was highly triggered (with regard to PTSD) with a strong physical and mental symptoms of anxiety. It was also a bit of a scary incident in general, even without PTSD. I am a social worker, and I was with a bunch of clients at the time running a group and had to take care of their issues/reactions to the situation (and then a huge string of events happened afterward as they often do at work), so I couldn't deal with my own anxiety or practice any self-care for several hours. Since then, my general anxiety level (especially the physical symptoms) has been still pretty high, and I've felt quite hypervigiliant. So, I guess I have two questions: 1.) can prolonged periods of anxiety cause severe neck pain (like if I was holding tension for so long it caused something to get pinched or "stuck" in my neck)? and 2.) Is this something that warrants medical attention or just continue to deal on my own? Thanks!
  4. Thoughts? Every now and then while outside (or even in my dreams) I see a dark shadow and I think it's a person. I am able to talk myself through it, but it's scary enough that I had a dream about a dark shadow trying to get in my car with me and I starting crying/panicking in my sleep. Not sure what this is...
  5. So, I'm new to the board, which is both good and bad at the same time, isn't it? Short background - I'm sure everyone has to do this at least once, right? About 1 year ago my wife finally got me to go see a pdoc instead of just my idiot GP who had diagnosed me as Testosterone deficient rather than depressed, prescribed me Testosterone patches (and then a cream - I felt just like Barry Bonds except that I still couldn't hit a fastball) which was horrible as it incredibly intensified my mood swings, and then gave me a small prescription for Xanax to take when hit with a Panic attack. My pdoc immediately diagnosed me GAD, and prescribed regular Xanax + Celexa. It totally nuked my panic attacks, and everything else was better for a while... i shifted me over to Xanax XR and a small regular Xanax Rx for "just in case of panic attack" situations and it was pretty good, but I would still get occasional spazzy and angry, usually slept maybe half the night, etc. Then moved 5 states away for a fantastic new job, went to a new pdoc, she was concerned about the Xanax level I was on, and suggested that it might be a good idea to move to a different benzo, and she also listened where the first pdoc hadn't (probably helped that I was in a very depressed mood when I went to see her) about mood swings, and since then I've been on a medical rollercoaster. While always keeping the Celexa, went to Klonopin in place of the Xanax, and that was OK, but then we added Abilify and that made me like before I had ever taken anything. So she put me back on Xanax XR, and added Lamictal, which seemed nice until I got the rash-o-death (OK, it wasn't Stevens-Johnson-Syndrome, but she made me go to the ER just in case. Grrrr. 6 hours, $175 co-pay and a steroid shot in my butt later I was sent on my way with the rash that was covering roughly 30% of my body already starting to go away). So, bye-bye Lamictal, hello Saphris. My pdoc isn't saying to me that she thinks I'm BP, but she keeps saying things like "I might be going just a tiny bit off-label in prescribing this, but...." and "we really need to get under your mood changes" and "you shouldn't be having inappropriate overreactions to things like that if....". End background. I've never done this before, so sorry. I'm your typical self-starter, self-supported, self-sufficient, don't-need-no-help-from-nobody midwestern crazy... always figured it for myself but be damed if I was going to talk about it or try to get any help. Saphris: yum, tastes like artificial black-cherry flavored black-cherry syrup with pain mixed in. Wow, what a rush! About 1/2 hour after taking it it knocks me out like a zombie. And then the kicking starts! Nothing like being unable to fall asleep and unable to stay awake at the same time! So I found the board, and you all sound like my kind of people, so I figured I ask: Does the kicky-leg-disorder thing ever go away? Does the saphris have to build up in my system to work, 'cause right now it seems more a torture than a cure, knowwhamsaying?
  6. Im a minor (16, nearly 17) and have previously seen a psychiatrist on two occasions. I am bulimic, depressed and suffer from anxiety attacks on occasion. My problem is that, as a minor, my mother had to be in the room on both occasions. My parents don't know about any of my mental health problems because I feel incredibly ashamed and that it would be a burden that they don't deserve. Because of this I wasn't able to be completely honest to the degree of my anxiety and depression when speaking to my psych. She ended up prescribing me lexapro which only made me feel foggy and unable to sleep. I stopped taking it after three months. My psychiatrist wanted me to see a therapist as well but after one visit I decided it wasn't worth the time since I couldn't be open with out risk of her telling my parents. At this point I'm having anxiety about the circumstances of my next attack and they always seem to happen at school which makes it so much worse. I suppose my question is: how to I approach my psychiatrist again (it's been several months since my last visit) in a way where she'll take my anxiety seriously (and hopefully prescribe me something for the attacks) with out her feeling like I'm fishing for pills or something. Also, I don't want to burst into tears in front of my mother while trying to explain my situation to my psychiatrist. I'm already terrified of speaking to people older than me simply because I think they'll treat me as a child or not take me seriously. Im stuck and don't know what to do. Sorry this is so long :/
  7. For the past 24 hours my heart and head have been racing, I've been crying, irritable and have zero energy just to name a few. Is that considered a panic attack?
  8. I'm looking for a treatment that isn't likely to make me drowsy during the day, or anxious. Any suggestions?
  9. sorry if this is in the wrong thread, please feel free to move it. I called the crisis team last night, they first suggested that I tell my parents about me struggling and feeling like this. There were other suggestions too but I've just woken up after about 3 hours sleep so I'm a bit drowsy. Anyway, about 5 mins after I called them, they called me. They had already taken my name and address and date of birth(stupid me for giving them that, but apparently it was protocol) so that said that I should go to my local a&e today and ask to see a senior nurse practitioner. I thinking might throw up with the anxiety of the thought of going but also at the thought of not going as I don't know if they would try to come and find me/ take me away. And if I do go ( if I can get into town without my parents knowing) then it will be for another assessment, I've had so many, I'm so sick of them. But I'm afraid that they will section me either way, if I go or not. To make things worse I used my dads mobile to call them and it will probably show upon the bill and if I don't go they might try abs ring that number. Every time he looks at his phone I'm so paranoid that I think that the crisis team have contacted him to try and find me. -paranoid rant over. What should I do? To go or not to go?
  10. So, I'm new to the site and was told that there are a combination of people..i.e. assholes; inconsiderates; helpful; empathetic, etc. etc. I haven't read or talked enough to make a judgement. However, I did come across a post today, it said something like: fuck it, I don't remember, but it hit a nerve. My point is, I have been in hiding for a long long time. I am very sick mentally and physically. I am not suicidal, however, I DO 'will' myself to death every night, and I have enough narcotics to kill a busload. Each and every day, besides 'willing' myself to death, I wonder if I've just done what I can here on earth and it's time for me to go. So yes, there are times I contemplate eating a shitload of meds and not wake up. But I chose not to. I'm not religious, I don't believe in anything...I followed Buddhism for decades, but I don't have what it takes to survive anymore. I have been in total isolation for at least a decade as well as severe clinical depression. I can't walk out the front door. I got rid of my phone out of paranoia. I am not asking for advise, preaching, etc. All I am looking for, now that I am snapping out of this decade long depression etc., is someone to talk to. Someone I can trust. And I don't mean constant complaining, what I mean is just conversation. If, with our disorders we can occasionally listen or advise, great, if it means just bullshitting about anything...music, movies, politics, whatever...that is fine too. I just need someone who understands where I come from and is willing to be a friend online... If there is just one person out there who is lookfing for the same, please respond. If not, don't respond. Love you all!!! Steve (anenome)
  11. Is anyone else sensitive to caffeine and alcohol? Both make we wired pretty easily.
  12. I've been diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and binge-eating disorder, and I'm 99 percent sure I'm suffering from comorbid depression. I have been seeing a therapist on and off for the past few years, but I'm currently living and working in a very remote area, and my options are *extremely* limited (the best I can do is a marriage counselor and an LBGT therapist who specializes in addictions, and neither of them accept my insurance). I feel absolutely out of control and helpless. I have two months' worth of Wellbutrin that I've considered taking to help me with the depression, but it exacerbates my anxiety. I haven't been able to stabilize my binging, which has also been out of control. I keep trying to practice stress-relieving techniques and read self-help books, but it feels like things continue getting worse. I take Klonopin as needed, but it's not nearly as effective as Ativan was (my psychiatrist, who is now out of network and on the other side of the country, decided the Ativan was too strong). My psychiatrist also prescribed Paxil, which I have, but I'm too terrified to try it because of the potential weight gain (I had the pleasure of that on Lexapro). I'm also scared to start a medication when I no longer have access to a specialist. I'm gaining weight already because of the binging, which is severely stressing me out. Do any of you have advice for someone in my position who doesn't really have access to therapy? My insurance doesn't cover phone sessions, but I could really benefit from talking through my issues with someone. I'm beginning to wonder if just talking to anyone at all is better than what I'm dealing with.
  13. Yesterday I found the board while looking up side effects from a new med, and haven't been far from it since, reading and reading and reading. I intro'd myself briefly in a post I made yesterday, but I feel like doing this for real. So, I'm new. I've never done this before, and when I say "this" I mean: 1. Joined a board, 2. Joined a support group, 3. Let anyone know anything private about myself. No Groups, no nothing. Don't even talk about it with my wife much since I don't want to burden her with my problems. So why now? I guess that's why I'm writing this intro. I'm 39, have a wife, a kid (whom I adore), a great job at which I excel (I am a consultant project manager, selling and running pretty large scale projects) and have everything in control. I have a very, very, very, VERY hard time admitting to myself that I am also MI, fairly recently diagnosed, with ongoing diagnosis changes, and probably have been my whole life but never sought help. Except for 2 or 3 breakdown points in the past, I've always managed to keep it together, keep the facade up that I have control over everything going on around me, and only one of those breakdowns was bad enough that I acted on it, and the only action was to run away from life rather than actually active execute any type of self harm as I was thinking, and that was 15 years ago. So I've GOT it, right? Screw the world, I'm able to hold up my end. I'm admitting to myself indirectly by admitting it to you anonymous friends out there that I HAVEN'T got it. I'm fucking frightened to death that someone (including my wife) is going to see through my false front to the pathetic me that I feel like is hiding behind that front. I have to come to grips with admitting my problems. My "problems" are these: About a year ago, I was "depressed" for a good bit over 6 or 7 months. Angry, sharp, bitingly sarcastic (I do that one really well), mopey, bitchy, mean. Also, regular panic attacks (multiple daily), regular minor panic incidents (many many daily). My wife finally managed to get me to go see a Psych Doc, which I had resisted my entire life, since I've got control (also have a BS in Psychology hahahaha a BS in BS). I was diagnosed a little over a year ago with General Anxiety Disorder. Scrip for Celexa and Xanax, come back every month to check up. Xanax did a fantastic job of getting rid of those panic attacks. Between regular dosing and then spot pills for when a panic attack happened, I was cruising. Doc put me on extended release Xanax, which made me feel a bit better since it has less of a "junkie" feeling about it (I was starting to watch the clock when taking my Xanax, like "can I take one yet? can I take one yet?" that scared the pants off me... I was in control, so no drug is going to be in control of me!). So I was OK, I could deal with having a panic disorder. No biggy, daily pills, don't have to admit anything to anyone, I was back in control. Life got better. Shitty job felt less shitty when I wasn't having to hide 3 panic attacks a day, you know? Still pretty down in general, still lots of rapid mood swings, overreacting to stuff, but I had control. I even found a new job, and we moved 5 states away to a NICE place rather than one of the most depressing places in the US to live. Moving meant, of course, a new doc. Picked one almost at random from the selection from my insurance co, went to see her and (let me tell you, she is a PURE pdoc, no light therapy from this one like the previous one) her reaction was "wow you take a lot of Xanax (it was like 3 mg / day in total) and it still isn't doing anything for your mood problems. We need to think about something else". Which actually I was thinking too, because I was no longer feeling cool inside, I felt like a fucking mess. Cycling mood swings, sleeping less, hit with insomnia again (boy do I hate that). She decided to move me off Xanax to Klonopin. Did that for a month, didn't like it as much, but it kept the panic attacks away. It did allow a bunch of the rest of my issues to show up again, probably they were hidden under a bath of Xanax. So we added Abilify. Did that for 1 month, hated it... with Klonopin, Celexa, and Abilify I felt like I was back to before square one. Changed the mix, went back to Xanax XR and Celexa, and added Lamictal for mood control. Kind of liked that but 2 weeks on the dot into the Lamictal treatment I suddenly wake up with the rash-of-death covering 30% of my body. It turned out to NOT be the Stevens-Johnson Syndrome rash-of-death, but we dropped Lamictal, put me on Saphris, and here I am for 3 days now. So where I am now is still diagnosed GAD, suspected-and-probably-about-to-be-diagnosed BP (I think it is probably right), and that freaks me out. That is, like, for real, you know? I don't think that integrates well with my self image of being in control. I don't know what to do with that fact, and it scares me... I actually think I might be more scared of the fact that I don't know how to make BP fit as part of my puzzle than anything else. I feel like I am changing, and don't know what I'm changing to, and I also feel like I don't have fucking control over what I'm changing to, where, why, how I'm changing, etc. and I HATE that! So, my intro to you: I'm a crazy who is trying to assimilate what it means to be a crazy into my self image. I'm a control freak who has no control, and I don't exactly know what to do from here. You folks on the boards seem so honest, so maybe I can be too. Thanks for listening. :/
  14. In my french class today we were talking about drugs and their effects, my teacher then went on to talk about hallucinations and described how not all hallucinations are good and he gave the example that someone may see their friend being murdered right in front of them. As soon as I heard him say this I completly froze and I my blood ran cold, I felt, for some reason, that I was "caught". I have hallucinations of the exact same thing that he described and yes I know that hallucinations of people being killed in front of you is associated with a possible hallucination of someone who takes drugs but I was in shock that he chose that particular example. Another time my parents, less than a week after I told them everything that was going on inside my head, casually said, in a totaly unrelated conversation that I was mad. It was said in a jokey way but as soon as I heard them say that I froze again and went into a frenzy of questions: "What do you mean by that!?" "Why did you say that!?" etc. Is this a normal response that any of you may have when you hear someone, out of context, describe a symptom or a sterotype of people with mental illness? It's making me feel REALLY paranoid, now I feel like everyone is looking and talking about me and my MI (s)...im currently diagnosed with Depression but the pdoc feels that there may be some anxiety/psychosis issues as well. Sorry if you feel that this belongs in the Anxiety topic, feel free to move it, but I wanted to know if anyone who doesnt have anxiety issues also has the same response. Another apology for me being slightly incoherant, my brain is fried...Im in the middle of a english essay due tomorrow (its nearly 10pm) im shattered but just couldnt continue with these worry's at the back of my mind.
  15. hi all i hope you can help with this conundrum. i will try to keep it simple. just looking for a little bit of input about whether i suffer from anxiety or temporal lobe epilepsy (or both... hahaha). (update: i wrote waaaay more than anticipated, sorry! i would still really appreciate any input) ok, my background, briefly. i have suffered almost all my life from episodes of what i would guess people describe as derealisation. these episodes would last about 30 seconds to a minute each, and started shortly after i was in a major car accident at the age of seven. although derealisation is often described as a feeling of unreality/ or the world seeming strange, flat or without emotion, my episodes were the opposite. it was as if the world was more real than real, as if the 'film' of cognition through which we filter our experiences was ripped away, leaving a hyperreal, almost shimmering and overwhelming sense of the material world. obviously, these episodes were quite frightening and left me feeling emotionally and mentally unmoored and unbalanced. aside from these episodes of hyperreality, i grew up in a single parent home with an extremely damaged, anxious mother. life was extremely unstable (bouts of intermittent homelessness, an absent father, poverty). fear and anxiety was the dominant feature of my life to such an extent that it was almost invisible to me. it was the norm. at 23 i was referred by my therapist to seek treatment for possible temporal lobe epilepsy. eeg was inconclusive, but my psychiatrist hedged his bets and lamictal was prescribed. this gave total and complete relief to my derealisation symptoms. it allowed me to function more normally than ever in my life. i was able to focus more, and to experience the world in an ordinary way. yay the real world! i am 28 years old now, in therapy (combination fo cbt and psychotherapy), and living with a supportive and understanding partner. however, i have suffered from crippling general anxiety all my life, and the lamictal does not seem to touch sides with it. symptoms include: worrying excessively, feeling dazed, inability to focus, constant irritation. the anxiety has ramped up recently to the degree that i intermittently fear an apocalypse, a feeling i have not had since childhood. seeking help from my gp has led her to believe that the TLE diagnosis was incorrect. she is planning on switching me from lamictal to citalopram. i am open to the possibility of a misdiagnosis. however, if the lamictal took care of the 'episodes' then surely that would mean that i have TLE with a side of anxiety disorder? she seems to think it is either/ or. so, my basic query is: if lamictal takes care of derealisation episodes, then surely the diagnosis of TLE is correct? i'm not sure why she thinks the derealisation + anxiety stems only from an anxiety disorder. i know that TLE and anxiety are highly co-morbid. any advice on how to proceed? anyone else have these symptoms together? what are you being treated with? m
  16. I often have trouble with anxiety that worsens in the evening, I have even had episodes of waking up in almost a panic attack. Pretty scary! Anybody else experience this?
  17. Oh man. I have mice in my townhouse. We've been here six years with no issues, and the mice just showed up suddenly, randomly . I've been blogging about it, trying to be okay. I am not okay. Most of my OCDs are contamination related. The idea of mice in the house is horrifying. We've seen two in the kitchen, managed to trap one which my spouse dealt with. I had to throw out all food in boxes and bags. I wiped everything down, and got glass containers for all of it. All food is now in glass, microwave, fridge or freezer. All of it. And then my spouse spotted mouse two in the living room. It ran into the kitchen and into my pots and pans cupboard. I can't even explain how freaked out I am. So now anything in the lower cupboards is 'contaminated' by association. Please tell me things that will let me know I'm not going to die from this. Please tell me my home is not irrevocably contaminated. Please tell me that somehow there is still a "normal" somewhere and that freaking out over this isn't necessary. Have you had mice and lived? That's a bit of a joke, but if you have I'd really, really like to hear it. Anything to get me back from defcon 5 would be so appreciated. I can't stop thinking of plague and rabies and lice and worms and ... and I really gotta stop. If you've had any of that, ya might not want to mention it. I want to cry.
  18. Since I was a little girl I always felt there was a greater meaning for me, that I was going to seriously defy all paradigms and trends and be as unique as I could be, because I was special. My mother and brothers took care of beating that belief out of me and by the time I was 9, I was determined to get the hell out of that toxic environment. Early on middle school or so, I came across the idea that we are "supposed" to finish school, go to college, find a mate, get a job, get married, buy a house, have kids, and grow a family, all this while looking fabulous. So I have made part of this checklist a reality, with the added bonus/goal of me getting the hell out of my childhood home. Finished school - check College - check Job - check Get the hell out - check Marriage - check House - check Divorce - check Date someone else who cares about me - check I hate my day job. I find it so meaningless and empty sometimes, but I'm good at it I think. I've been doing it for 14 years. I hate my look, I'm 120 lbs. overweight and I'm dating someone who is grossly overweight, too. He has kids, and they are great, but frankly, if we break up tomorrow, those kids won't come knocking at my door any time soon. I'm disposable in their lives. I'm not understanding what's the fucking point at this stage in my life? I'm working like a slave to pay bills for crap that I have purchased in the past (probably to fill a void), I don't have any hobbies, my family and friends are all very, very, very far away, everyone's busy with their own crap, I'm alone with a full house and completely lost on what's next or what's the point about keeping on going... I guess I don't get towards what I'm supposed to go? I can appreciate the beauty of nature and a good conversation with acquaintances, music gives me goose bumps and I have tons of empathy to share.... but I feel like I'm waiting for something to happen. Like I don't have the next item on this checklist to go after. What the fuck I'm supposed to do? Grow old and get dementia and end up in a nursing home drooling my days away?? - No fucking way. I want a heart attack that kills me before I can feel anything. Or perhaps keep living a dull live to see if something latches on my curiosity and I'm dug out of this hole? Am I depressed? Is this a life crisis? Am I out of hope? I don't want to take any meds to cure anything, and I want to do is understand.
  19. My MD recently prescribed Restoril 30mg to take at night. I don't really feel like it's doing much as far as nighttime anxiety and for my insomnia. Any experiences or insight would be helpful! Thanks
  20. Hi, it's been a while since i was here. but i totally need to ask one of those long ass questions that are probably not even question really badly right now. So here is my problem, i cant name or explain my symptoms. i'm just to dumb to identify emotions (ok i can tell good ones from bad ones....most of the time). My first doc who diagnosed me with Aspergers admitted that i dove her crazy while trying to explain her my symptoms., (although many many other diagnoses followed afterwards: schizoid- narcissistic PD, Derealization/depresonalization, and schizophrenia or schizoaffective by 3 different docs so i'm probably schizoaffective... NOT!) but i suppose being unable to name emotions fits quite well with Aspergers. but here is the thing, im a VERY VERY cofused person. alsmost in a delirious state or something. or maybe it's not delirium but a very VERY bad case of attention deficit.i never lock the door, or turn the light out. but interestingly i have never missed my meds. it can also be dissociation like i have huge black outs with some little moments of no dissociation in between long enough to manage to look like a somewhat functioning super damaged schizo without positive symptoms (beside agitation). but in fact, sometimes i feel pretty damn NORMAL (yeah. really. i even still know how normal feels) and no matter how long later, i can absolutely clearly remember those occasions. even if it was something totally irrelevant like me looking at some red apples in the supermarket or even more trivial stuff. but my memory is really bad otherwise (short term, long term, whatever term). i barely know what day of the week it is. i i forget whether i have had lunch or not, or i go without water a whole day. sounds totally like alzheimers i know but on the other hand i can remember stuff noone else can. like all about the 50 papers on catatonia (my favorite word of the year) i read at that particular sleepless night a month ago. or how the historical two stirpe fucking technicolor film works. AND: movies look real to me but the real world dont. what ever THAT means. i'm even really good at analyzing the intentions and relationships and stuff between the actors. i dont think it's a good thing. i think i could write dozens of pages about this but whatever. in short: i think it's really because of permanent sensory overload. the tv sceen is smaller than reality after all, So here is the thing. it looks pretty damn like i have a bad case of schizophrenia simplex (the sort without hallucination and such but with progressing negative symptoms that wont stop with any med). kinda makes sense to me. and it sure makes sense to those 3 or more docs although noone has called for this particular form. (note: i was just kinda delusional once for 4 hours after a kind of traumatic event. and that was well after the diagnois and i didnt need any sort of intervention. no voices or delusions what so ever beyond that.) BUT i have this Oher idea. the idea is, that i'm having EXTREME emotions / emotional reactions (that i cant control or name or tell where they are coming from if the source is external) or maybe one single emotion, (like sheere panic, anxiety, insecurity, mortal fear due to panic disorder or whatever). this makes no sense at first, but i'm really bad at naming or classifying my emotions. in fact, sometimes my family members know better whether i feel good or not than me myself (ok obviously i AM able to somewhat act out those emotions). Meanwhile i'm kind of sure that i actually have the right emotional reaction, but 1.first of all i dont realize that i'm having one (like: watched sad movie, feels sad, but doesnt know the bad feeling is actually "sad" and that it comes from the movie) 2.AND THEY ARE (probably) TOTALLY OUT OF CONTROL. i believe it's like i'm being droven crazy by some really intense blind raw emotions that drive me literally blind and deaf and confused. and at many times non-existent (literally. like blackouts). kinda like those animals that become stiff when they are afraid (due to some psychiatric theoricians, this is exactly what catatonia is.) does this even make sense? it's a good alternative to schizophrenia simplex. maybe i just need some tranquilizer in the magnitude of f-ing HEROINE or something and i'll be fixed? i must admit it also kinda sound like borderline but that doesnt fit my behaviour toward others AT ALL. the catatonia stuff makes kind of sense particularly if you look at the special sort of catatonia that adolescents and young autistics get: http://bjp.rcpsych.o.../4/357.full.pdf <- the server is down. i'm not even sure i'm posting the right paper. so bare with me if this is bullcrap. It would be really helpful if you can help me identify a sort of "name" for this symptoms or maybe a way that i can describe it to my doc with less words so he doesnt think i'm talking disorganized bullshit. t's a really sad case when even google cant name your symptoms. thanks fo reading. cheerz bear
  21. I recently started taking classes to be a medical assistant, after spending most of my 20s crippled with anxiety and depression. I thought I was doing okay until I started the new semester, and my classes seemed significantly harder for me. Long story short, I have been on Topamax for about 8 years, along with some kind of anxiety med mixed in. I am now also taking Xanax XR 1mg twice daily and regular Xanax .5mg as needed. My pdoc just prescribed me Adderall XR to take when I need to study, as needed. He said the combination of meds will be fine, but I am paranoid. I took one on Saturday and was almost in tears because I could actually FOCUS.. but I am really good at talking myself out of things. Reassure me or tell me otherwise, please.
  22. Hey, I'm posting this rant because I don't have anyone to talk to and it's a Saturday and I'm pretty sure I can't speak to a counselor/therapist until Monday at the latest. I just need a soundboard (is that the right word?). I would appreciate your thoughts (kind of unkind, helpful or unhelpful) I just would like to hear feedback of what people think. ... Here is the situation. I've been dating a guy for 7+ months. Really like him. I currently don't have a job and it's putting a lot of stress on me. I'm a gay male and I've come to decide I don't like a lot of my friends in where I'm currently located to be quite blunt. I don't like the constant clubbing/partying that some of my friends frequently do. I want to be a very moral person and the fact that some of my friends are sluts, or apparently have no lack of self-control when it comes to guys, or some of them are coupled but opened, all this really deters me and I judge them for this. (In my head, I judge a person by saying, if I was a parent and had kids would I want this person to be my friend, and I say 'hell no'). I don't want to be around that type of stuff and I definetely don't have fun with them. I have an option to move a few states away to where I'm from, where my parents/family currently live (and lots more friends that aren't like the ones I currently have here). However, it hurts me a lot to consider moving away just because I feel a strong connection with the guy I'm with. Not to add, I don't want to feel like I'm 'giving up' by moving back home and living with my parents. I have an extreme paranoia of my BF cheating on me. I also am sad/unsatisfied with the fact that we haven't been as sexually active as we used to be and I KNOW he watches porn quite often so I feel like I'm not enough or something... I know this reflects a lot of my insecurities but I don't know what to do. Recently I was taking a picture using my bf's phone and his latest picture came up and it was him taking a naked photo of himself... I asked him what this was (as he hadn't sent it to me) and his response was he was going to send it to me but forgot (which I find somewhat odd sense we had spent the whole weekend together and the photo was taken the first night that we hadn't been together). ... Lastly, I do have depression & anxiety, but do not currently have the meds for these disorders and every time I try to make an appt. with a psychiatrist, they don't have an opeing until late November (... Ummm?). ... Part of me feels like I'll never be happy and it will always be like this.
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