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Found 587 results

  1. After an absolute horrid vacation with my spouse I basically said either you go or we go to counseling.. I also asked him to make the appointment cus her replies on me to do too much. It appears I am different on meds, I am not who I was. I am bipolar so completely nuts at all time. I am not. I am stable and he is an asshole. So my ? is: have you done marriage counseling? did you find it worth while? Any info surrounding this topic is appreciated.
  2. My Dr recommended that I try ketamine for my depression. I have bipolar 1, anxiety and depression. I've heard of this being a street drug so I'm nervous to try it. I wondered about others experiences.
  3. So I am currently on 300mg of Lamictal and I take 0.5mg of Xanax as needed up to 2x a day. My Dr. wanted to add in an Celexa because my anxiety is so severe but I'm sooooo scared to add anything I feel like starting meds in the first place messed me up even more than I was. I'm super worried that they won't be effective one day and I'm just gonna lose my shit and end up dead no matter what. Is there anyone that has tried this combo and liked it? I know that it's my anxiety fighting me but I am freaked out by the meds that haven't worked. I just want to feel "normal" just like I'm sure everyone does. Side note I've been on it and I think it was ok, however the sexual side effects made me just feel worse than my depression did so I was taken off of it. And I want to be better than ok. Ok isn't how I want to go through life. Ive been on Wellbutrin 2x (not sure of the dosage) and made me want to kill everyone-literally. Zoloft- anger issues Lexapro- sexual side effects I think Latuda- I was given this when I ended up in the mental hospital and they couldn't have picked a worse drug for me to be on. It made me zonk out and when it really started "working" I just wanted to kill myself. Paxil-can't even remember the effects so it didn't work out. I'm diagnosed bipolar 2, panic disorder and severe anxiety. Like I said I just want to feel better. Any ideas, thoughts, advice are all very welcome.
  4. Not to minimize having bipolar disorder in any way. But..........wanna have some fun? Just finish the sentence: You know your bipolar when............... I will start and if no one plays I will play myself. I am like that. You know your bipolar when.......you have been saying “I don’t know what I was thinking”your entire life. Like it should be a personal quote. Your turn
  5. I don’t know really how to talk about this or describe what’s going on but lately I’ve been really depressed and just really low except for a few occasions but after that I slip back down into this depression. Often I get very stressed or anxious over multiple things or sometimes I’ll just be really upset or sad and I want to cry so bad but I can’t. I just really want to cry and I’m not trying to hold it back but something is and it’s such a difficult thing and I don’t know why it happens. I feel weird saying that I want to cry but it just feels so good but whenever I need to I can’t.
  6. Hey! Just started Depakote 200 mg 5 days ago. Started getting really depressed and anxious on it right away and it’s only getting worse. Anyone else experienced this? Does it get better with time? Thinking it might be a start-up side effect, but i worry it’s going to continue. A lot of drugs in the same class have made me depressed in the past. Lamotrigine, lyrica, gabapentin, trileptal...
  7. I mean a whole different personality. I am getting really frustrated in my relationship. I am hyper active by nature or maybe just busy. I dont sit much and have all kinds of things I want to do. I do these things, I finish these things and feel accomplished. Obviously when I am depressed it's a different matter. That does not mean I am hypo. Hypo and Mania are on a whole different level compared to me struggling to sit still. However my hubs does not see it that way. Seems most of my emotions are part of being bipolar in his opinion. Seems he feels like he is the victim of my behaviors. Its a crock of shit. So we are in therapy and this is all showing through to the therapist. She has not done shit except validate that people are different on meds. Like personalities are different. I guess I am different, not who he married. He blames my meds. We have therapy today. I am ready to flip out. I mean what the hell does he want. Me manic, suicidal, depressed. Or me stable. Of course my meds make me different. They are making me well.
  8. I am 22 y/o and have filed for SSI twice. The first time I got denied I didn't appeal within 60 days so I had to apply all over again. Now I am going through to extensive appeal process and no lawyer seems to want to help me. They claim since I am young, I almost need to have schizophrenia or an autistic/spectrum disorder to be able to actually be approved and get benefits otherwise it is going to be very hard to get SSI. Now here are some of the facts of my case. I was fired from my job last November due to "no call, no show" because I was in a bipolar depressive episode where I literally didn't leave my room but maybe 5x to make a microwave meal and shower once. This episode lasted a little bit shy of 2 weeks. So for my 3 no call, no shows I was terminated from my job at University. I asked if they would accept a physician's note explaining my circumstances but the manager actually refused documentation, saying "No it's not necessary, I don't need that". She also said that I should have called and at least have told her what was going on so she knew I couldn't come in, but let's be real guys, doing that during a severe bipolar depressive episode is like writing a PhD dissertation in less than a day. So I applied for unemployment and get a denial letter saying I am denied benefits of $50/week because they contacted my former employer and was told I was terminated for misconduct. So that was the end of that. I had applied for SSI last year around August I would say and was denied 1st time. Re-applied December and got denial letter again, this time on Feb. 8th stating "your conditions are not severe enough for you not to work. You are capable of substantial gainful activity". Yet on my listed disabilities I listed epilepsy (reoccurring grand-mal seizures), bipolar disorder NOS, insomnia NOS, ADHD, generalized anxiety disorder, panic attacks, manic episodes, social anxiety disorder, delayed sleep phase syndrome, and listed all the medications I was on and how some of them has side effects that were impairing themselves. Has anyone here who is young actually gotten approved for SSI benefits? If so, how many times did it take for you to finally get approved and did you use a lawyer to help you through the process? Also, if you don't mind, what conditions/disabilities did you report to them that you believed qualified you for SSI or SSDI? I can't apply for SSDI because I don't have enough work credits so I can only apply for SSI. This whole process kinda sucks and is difficult especially for people with disabilities. So frustrating.
  9. I'm not suicidal, at least I don't think I am at the moment. I do have plans in place for if something goes wrong but i'm fully aware I wont act on them. But if someone were to pull a gun on me or something like that, I would most likely tip him. I'm not actively trying to kill myself, but I would not mind dying. Can anyone else relate or am I going crazy?
  10. I'm on lamotrigine 300mg and was on quetiapine 100mg but it was making my thoughts worse and my mood still wasn't great, that's an understatement, my moods are vile.. didnt help that it made me put on 5kg in 2 weeks!!! I am mostly depressed nowadays.. anyway I begged him to put me on latuda as that had less side effects and treats bipolar depression. He bluntly refused and put me on sulpiride. I don't understand how blocking my dopamine will make me happy AT ALL! please help and enlighten me.. I'm at my wits end with this medication business and I feel like just quitting it all and allowing myself to be whatever it is I am weather it's dangerous or not -_____- so confused and angry about it !
  11. So ive been on lamictal for almost 3 months aswell as lithhium and ive noticed a huge change. Btw im bipolar 1 with seasonal mood changes like manic in spring and summer and depression in winter so forth.anyway ive been noticing i cant get out of bed lately and my work performance and concentration are terrible rn does anyone else know these feelings or is it just me? I have always used lithium but never expierenced this before.
  12. Hi guys, I'm new to the forum and newly diagnosed bipolar 2 after being misdiagnosed for ten years with anxiety, then major depressive disorder and finally in November, bp2. I'm on Lamictal, which so far I like. This week we increased to 150mg. I'm always itchy after an increase but usually no rash. I do also have eczema on occasion especially when I'm getting sweaty. On these meds I'm still having night sweats and in the creases of my armpits I'm getting what I think is eczema... And I scratched. I know, never scratch so now I have a little patch that's not bumpy but a little purple. Anyone know how to tell the difference between eczema and early signs of Steven's Johnson's Syndrome?
  13. So I met a guy who I really liked. We went on a few dates, then I ended up spending the night last night. Once I got home, he texted me and asked me what medications I took this morning, which I was honest. He said that hasn’t scared him away, but he has been distant and stopped texting me. I know the answer, but it just makes me depressed how stigmatized we are as a community and I wish I never spent the night with him. I’m sorry for the long rant. Anyone else experience anything similar while dating?
  14. I started taking latuda about three weeks ago I stopped becasie I was having jaw dystonia. My pdoc suggested that I take Benadryl with the latuda. It helps a little bit, but I still have it during the day. I causes tightness in my jaw to the point I am constantly clinching. It seems to be the only side affect I have. My pdoc told me there is another medicine he can prescribe for dystonia if needed. My question is of anyone has had this side effect and if it goes away after some time? Thank you for any input.
  15. I live in shitty apartments but will be moving in a month to a really nice place. A girl that lives here is on heroin and asks for money and ativan from me. She knows it take ativan because we had a conversation about my ptsd and I regretfully told her I take ativan. Well she flew off the handle a couple days ago for denying her MY medication I take for MY disorder. What a fucking entitlement mentality. Then I called about getting a kitten yesterday and the girl on the phone asked me to pay 300 for a kitten because her boyfriend is kicking her out and she cant afford methdone. I think I live in the rudest, coldest, most selfish city in the country. I am getting angry at everyone and angry about everything. I cant sleep, im probably mixed mania, and I hope to God nobody bothers me. Im shutting myself in for the next 4 days. Im not talking to anybody. Im just going to try to stay calm and call the landlord or police if these selfish, entitled people try anything. Grrrr
  16. I am currently taking Seroquel XR, Vyvanse, and Neurtontin. I haven't had a full blown manic episode since the Seroquel XR but I think I am still having some racing thoughts. I am also experiencing on and off depression. I talked to my pdoc about this last month when I saw her. She wanted to add Wellbutrin XL to the list but I took that in the past and it made me jittery and anxious. She then agreed not to, and said to give it a little while longer with my meds how they currently are. She said either 1.) we can just increase the Seroquel XR to 400 mg, 2.) keep my current meds the same but add Abilify, or 3). Keep my current meds the same but add Latuda. I know everyone's MMV and that no advice is to substitute the advice or decision of my pdoc, but I guess I'm just curious on others' opinions. I am scared to go up on my Seroquel anymore than it is, but I haven't had any bad side effects with 'quel either. It also seems to be working fairly well for me Also scared to try other AP's, especially with Seroquel. Do you think just asking for the Seroquel dose to be increased during my visit next week will be my best bet? Thanks
  17. Hey all, This place has helped me so much. So, first, thank you all for being here. I'm having trouble because I'm not sure if what I'm experiencing are loud thoughts or hallucinations. My psychiatrist calls them voices and has prescribed an anti psychotic, but I'm just not sure. Could you help? Yesterday I was walking outside, saw a shallow pond and heard "You should kill yourself." This isn't a thought I have a lot, and felt inside my head but not necessarily my own thought, if that makes sense. But it wasn't a separate voice from my normal head voice, and was more annoying than anything else. The more disturbing thing that happened yesterday was a strong feeling/visual that there was a crack at the top of my head and a nail should be hammered into it. Again, I knew it wasn't happening and wasn't afraid of doing that to myself (although I have been afraid of other visuals like this before). Are either of these things hallucinations? Are they psychotic features? Or is it possible that I'm so paranoid that I'm going crazy that I'm amplifying my normal, albeit disturbing, thoughts.
  18. I have been taking my meds like I am supposed to and they do help. But for some reason, the only thing that really does the trick right now is coffee. It ups my mood, makes depression go away. It makes fatigue go away. I read a study that found that bipolar patients that drank coffee had a decreased chance of suicide compared to those that dont drink coffee. Why does coffee make me feel so good but other people it just gives them more energy? I'm ordering a mug off amazon that says "RX: Coffee." Thought it would be fitting,
  19. I just thought I'd start this thread so people can share those moments when they were impulsive. I thought it would be helpful to write down when impulsive so that we become more aware of our tendencies to do so when manic or hypomanic. So what have you done impulsively lately?
  20. I live in shitty apartments but will be moving in a month to a really nice place. A girl that lives here is on heroin and asks for money and ativan from me. She knows it take ativan because we had a conversation about my ptsd and I regretfully told her I take ativan. Well she flew off the handle a couple days ago for denying her MY medication I take for MY disorder. What a fucking entitlement mentality. Then I called about getting a kitten yesterday and the girl on the phone asked me to pay 300 for a kitten because her boyfriend is kicking her out and she cant afford methdone. I think I live in the rudest, coldest, most selfish city in the country. I am getting angry at everyone and angry about everything. I cant sleep, im probably mixed mania, and I hope to God nobody bothers me. Im shutting myself in for the next 4 days. Im not talking to anybody. Im just going to try to stay calm and call the landlord or police if these selfish, entitled people try anything. Grrrr
  21. It's been a little over two weeks since I broke up with him. Right now I'm still on a roller coaster of emotions, from happy to depressed to angry. Everyone I know is happy I split up with him, they don't understand how hard it's been for me. With the holidays everyone has been busy and I barely have anyone I can talk to about it. It just all around sucks. I met him in May, when he moved into my building (lesson #1: don't date anyone in your apartment building). His reputation in town preceded him and I went out of my way to avoid him. I knew his sister and mother, whom are both schizophrenic, on meds and doing okay. I'd heard he had it too but that he refused treatment for it. So I knew that going in. By the end of June, we were hanging out a lot. When you think of paranoid schizophrenia, he truly could be the poster child for it. I honestly had never seen untreated schizophrenia so it was completely new for me. He was full of delusions, paranoia and sometimes auditory hallucinations. But it wasn't that horrible and he turned out to be really nice, extremely funny and smart and a total cuddle bug. We had so much fun together. I think in July, it became a relationship. It was mostly good. We rarely argued and when we did it was over stupid stuff and only lasted a few minutes. We were sleeping at each other's apartments, eating meals together, drinking together a lot (he's an alcoholic, I'm a binge drinker, I know, not good), taking day trips around the area, etc. It was just a lot of fun. Over September, October and November, I could tell his schizophrenia was getting worse. I mean, he has sets of good and bad days, but it just seemed he was starting to experience more of the bad than he was when we were first together. He's convinced people (especially cops) are hiding out in the ceiling tiles, people are breaking into his place, people are in the hall when there is nobody there, that the police are plotting to put him in prison, the government is after him, that all the tenants have keys to his apartment and come in when he's gone, etc. When ever he gets zits on his back, he's convinced they are RF resistors that the gov't has implanted in him. That he has to get them out. He'd spend sometimes hours in front of the mirror, with a steak knife, digging into his back until he had basically bloody craters. The amount of scarring on his back, shoulders and upper arms shows how long that has been going on. He won't even take a tylenol for a headache, because he thinks the govt puts trackers in them, etc. He also believes that mental illness doesn't exist. At all. And that there is nothing wrong with him. That everyone else is wrong and only he is right. There is nothing you can say to even crack any of what he believes. It just is. He's had a lot of run ins with the police in places he's lived. The part that worries me the most though, is that he's also armed. He keeps a loaded hand gun in his apartment. The cops are aware he has it but they can't do anything about it. So anyways, by December it was getting to be too much. He was getting distant, arrogant, angry, staying up sometimes for days at a time and our sex life was gone. Then, I realized I'd become part of the delusions. He started blaming me for being in his apartment when he wasn't there (I don't have a key, I never did have one), putting up cameras to spy on him. After accusing me multiple times, I finally had to walk away. I have so much of my own stuff to deal with anyhow. I realized how much more stress I was absorbing from him. I'd been walking on eggshells, not sure which version of him I was going to get on any given day. Walking away was one of the hardest things I've ever done. Because of my BPD and how it used to really wreck my life (before CBT, DBT, meds, etc.), I spend over a decade alone, because I didn't want to mess anyone else up with my stuff. That was until I met him in May. So it was a really big deal for me to open up enough to let someone in. And he really helped me so much and I got really close to him. Then it was just... gone. It hit me really hard a few days after I broke up with him and I OD'd and ended up in the hospital for almost a week. I've been home now for four days. I'm still trying to get my head straightened out after all this. I don't hate him, I know he's ill. I'm just really hurt and trying to sort through it all. Sorry this is so long. I just needed to vent.
  22. So I recently went off antipsychotics after having been on them for nearly seven years. They weren't helping with what I needed the most help with and I (and my shrink) suspected they were responsible for the anhedo'nic malaise I've been suffering from for years now. At first I was resistant to get off them because I really thought I needed them, but then I ran out and didn't get it refilled for a couple of weeks and was like, "Hey, I don't feel DEAD inside." And I wasn't suffering any bad effects from NOT taking them, so I figured I would just take them on as as-needed basis. Which happens about once every two weeks. I just get hamster wheel brain and have to shut it off. And so far that's been working out really well. I'm curious how long it's taken for others who have gotten off them to get them out of your system. I haven't taken any Haldol in over a month, but it was just in the last few days that I really felt like I'd "woken up". I can write again. I haven't written anything other than cryptic Facebook posts since 2014. I've done nothing but read Facebook and the news and watch tv and movies since I quit my job four years ago, which I had to do because I couldn't function at it anymore. I was constantly forgetting things and fucking up, it was awful. Looking back I can't be sure if it's because of the illness or the meds. I don't really care anymore. I'm awake again. Thankfully my bipolar disorder isn't so severe that I need APs all the time anymore. I think at first I did, but I've changed a lot over the last several years since I was diagnosed. I don't have the same issues as I once did. I'm a lot more stable. I still take my other meds, mostly so I can sleep, since I also have a sleep disorder (a manageable one, thank the gods). The meds kept me from doing the thing that was probably the healthiest thing I was doing for myself: meditating. Now that I can focus and concentrate again, I can get back to a sitting practice, which gives me the mindfulness I need to stay on top of the little cues my brain gives me when I might be about to do something...off. It's nice not to be swimming in glue anymore.
  23. I think I might be having symptoms of mania and its stressing me out!! I have been buying a lot of stuff in the last 2 weeks I have spent probably $2000, and just now i almost bought a fucking car of $20000 luckily I diden't have the deposit, but at that moment it just dawned on me I might be manic. I'm not sure I don't feel overly happy or sad I don't think I'm delusional. I don't think I'm having strange thoughts I don't know and my doctor is only back later this month
  24. I was diagnosed bipolar about 7 years ago around the same time as my first suicide attempt. Long story short - I rejected the diagnosis and eventually went off all meds because I thought my issues stemmed from the stress of nursing school. School over - no meds needed. About 3 years later, started seeing a new psychiatrist and taking antidepressants. I actually felt like I had my life back... Then, at some point recently, my son died. I had an affair. My husband and I had another child. And then affair was discovered by my husband. The intense guilt and depression led me to try to kill myself, and I recently endured my first psychiatric hospitalization. Wellbutrin and buspar were once my miracle cocktail. I'm still on those, plus lamictal, plus latuda. Latuda is not helping me. It may have cleared my suicidal thinking, but over all... I feel lost, stuck, hopeless, and let down. I've reached out to my psychiatrist for help so many times, and I'm screwed over by the incompetent office staff each time. Can someone just tell me it gets better? Do I even deserve better after what I've done? I'm paranoid and delusional. My intrusive thoughts seem worse each day. I want to believe it gets better. Ive dropped down to working part time and I'm seriously considering quitting. It used to be that I only felt competent at being a mother. But now I don't even feel I can do that right. I'm a mess. Is there any hope? If a med didn't work for you, did you find a med that did help? I want to feel like myself again... I feel so let down that latuda isn't helping me. Thanks for listening...
  25. Any thoughts on using sam-e or a sad light with a bp1 diagnosis? I’m not depressed and stable but really struggling to get out of bed and low energy throughout the day. A quick google search says Sam-e and using a sad light can trigger mania if you have bp. Is this still a risk if on two mood stableizers and an antipsychotic? My pdoc is against supplements other than omegas, vitamin d and a multi. Currently on depakote(tapering down to go off of), lithium, and seroquel.
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