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  1. So for seventeen years I've had pain depression. It especially feels like it's squeezing my heart. It hasn't historically been *about* anything. I've just chalked it up to biochemistry, heredity. And I've thought about suicide, most days, for at least fifteen years - because pain sucks. Ups-and-downs. Roller-coasters. Probably every person on here has done time at the worst torture theme park in the world. Two years ago, my cocktail started working. There was some CBT and DBT in the mix too. I decreased my daily Ativan from 3mg to 2mg. Plus 20mg Latuda, 300mg Sertraline, 100mg Top
  2. "Best" as in being effective with fewer side effects. Which ones were the best for you? Which ones did you take? What condition(s) did you treat? What side effects did you get? How did the antipsychotics compare to "conventional" antidepressants? Can antipsychotics be an alternative to "conventional" antidepressants? What are the risks? What are the benefits? Do they make you a tomato with time? Psychiatrists prescribe them more often in recent times, it seems.
  3. Have a strong itch to drop Effexor...(I won't go cold turkey). It stopped my dysphoric crying spells, but now, 10 months later, I'm feeling increasingly flat, apathetic, numb, no motivation (even after dropping to 75mg). I hate how all A/Ds have this lobotomy effect on me longterm. It's initially fine in acute episodes, I'm not sad now, but I can't function properly, and I continue to score Moderate-Severe on the depression scale. I think it's counteracting my Ritalin (which I increased to 30-40mg)? I don't want to increase Effexor above 150mg, I'd never be able to go off. I'm trying
  4. Forgot to take Lamictal yesterday (I took my other meds). Holy Hell, I took my dose today (on schedule) and I STILL feel awful!! I've only been on 100mg....I thought Lamictal had a super-long half-life? Yesterday went like this: 10am - up, had breakfast 11am – slight Brain “swishes” started (was out the entire day) 12pm – Stronger Brain zaps start 1:30pm – Lunch (meat, salad/veg) 2:30pm – Sudden extreme exhaustion 4pm - more brain zaps => ZAP ZAP ZAP! 🤯 7pm - Irritability starts 11pm – Tea, bedtime, could not fall asleep (I haven't had insomnia in 2
  5. Good God, my habitual oversleeping is worsening.....I literally cannot get up before 11am. I know this is probably due to the fact that yes, I'm depressed and do not have anything of purpose at the moment to wake up for.....PLUS winter weather that's dark as Hell.....PLUS on a stupid stimulant break, until I can get in to see pdoc in 5 days. Are there any other tactics you've used?? I'm going to bed same time every night (by 11pm). I sleep really well entire night. WTF. I tried a sunlamp thing in the past and it made me headachey & irritable. Even when I go for walks during the d
  6. Starting this thread because boredom, idleness, lack of stimulation is often a key trigger of depression and bad habits. When I get bored, I feel an emptiness, uselessness and physical/mental lethargy, cue ruminations, then I sleep excessively. This isn't always fatigue: It's an automatic (and very negative) avoidance behavior. This link lists 150 ideas (from high effort to minimal effort - from "fun" to mundane) in order to build healthier habits. I need to stop waiting to "feel good" before taking any action. Any thoughts? https://www.developgoodhabits.com/what-to-do-bored/ To
  7. Any opinions on parsing out differences between these, and treating each each symptom? Is this still depression? Is my brain rendered dysfunctional without stimulants now?? I have chronic depression (dips down here & there), but then it always goes back to this level (nearly a baseline for me). I'm tired, blah, SO LISTLESS and all I want to do is lay in bed all day, comfy & nice. Today, I managed to go out to get groceries (was out of TP for crikes sakes), showered, then back to bed resting & staring at wall. No interest in listening to music, trying to read made me drowsy...
  8. I am so very lost, angry, hurt, depressed, explosive, and drowning. I was put on latuda or my bipolar and depression acting up... I hate new meds for this reason. I started having my ptsd dreams again, ate everything in site and craved sugar omg terribly, have been depressed, cant color which i love to do, just wanna sleep, explosive anger, crying jags, hate life, nothing makes me happy, everything just sucks. Im so angry cause i feel like i did before i went on any meds, 20yr ago. Im so confused i just feel like im grasping at air.. I was in the er the other night and they basical
  9. Ever since I was young I've always dreamed that I'd end up becoming rich and famous and become a well known celebrity or something. There's also other things that I dream that I could be like, such as being really beautiful and going on magical fantasy adventures where I travel to various places and stuff. But the real world is a piece of shit and it's very likely that will never be the case. I'll never live in a mansion and be so famous that people make biographies and documentaries about my life and the things I've done that made me famous. I'll always be hideous and I'll never g
  10. Hey I'm an aspiring writer struggling with motivation due to my depression and I keep hearing about various other writers, some of whom are famous still being able to keep up a decent work ethic despite of their disability. How do I become like them? Does anyone here got any advice?
  11. My depression hasn't been severe lately. Mainly, I struggle daily with lingering apathy, lack of interest/motivation and low level depression (normal for me). I've noticed lately, in trying to complete work/studies and meet deadlines, I've become more & more avoidant, procrastinating. For example, today I'll do everything EXCEPT focusing on any work/undesirable tasks. I slept in, didn't even shower...went online, spent HOURS searching for a particular kind/style of shoes, ordered random supplements...All things that are not important! I've even put off buying much needed groceries, la
  12. I know it's not a competition in any way, with illness. But had a surprise when a friend messaged me to ask how I was doing. I replied &thanked her, said it was really nice to hear from her (particularly because I've been lonely, isolating myself, depression, etc). She literally responded with "Well, I got cancer so I'm sure it's worse than you..." That's all she wrote, no elaboration. What would you make of this reply? I'm empathic, and assume she's hurting or afraid. (btw I don't know if she still has it, or successfully treated already) I literally had no idea what was going
  13. What has been your experience with Wellbutrin? Pros and cons? What does make Wellbutrin different from other antidepressants? Does it stop working after a while?
  14. I've been experiencing depersonalization frequently recently but I don't understand why. I probably don't fit the criteria of depersonalization disorder so the only other reason I could experience is if I used a psychedelic substance, which I do not. I've been wondering if depression is the cause of the depersonalization as it often, but not always, happens during MDD episodes. Could this be correct?
  15. Because of my depression, I like many people, have pitifully low self esteem. Ever since Iast year I been having a tendency to daydream of having a better life and various other powerfantasies I make up. When daydreaming my self esteem skyrockets and I feel good. But I kinda resent it because I hate vanity and I'm worried that having super high self esteem will make me arrogant and vain and grandiose. I also begin to kinda lose touch with reality and think that I'm above the rules and stuff like that. I'm worried about becoming egotistic. I had a debate about this 2 days ago with my
  16. My mood has been absolutely deplorable for the past month or so. I honestly don't know how to begin to describe how bad it is. I have a lot of the "negative" symptoms, a profound deficit of positive affect. Nothing in life gives me pleasure, suicidal thoughts begin to surface, and I sometimes descend further into psychotic depression. These are my depressive episodes. I don't know how else to paint the picture more thoroughly because I never know what to say, and it really bothers me when I'm like that when I'm around my boyfriend. I want to talk, but I can never think of anything to say, so I
  17. So I joined this forum to talk about my various mental health issues and try to find a solution or two with people who can relate. I been diagnosed with autism, clinical depression, and oppositional defiant disorder at various points in my life and I'm currently 16 years old at the time of this writing. I hope to have a great time with you guys.
  18. How do you distinguish between the Obsessive thoughts/ruminations that are due to depression and the "pure obsessive" type thoughts that are considered OCD? I know that you don't have to be compulsive to have an OCD diagnosis (I think) but more & more I see my obsessive, negative ruminations taking over and I wonder if this means I have both OCD and Depression? My brain just gets stuck on a track loop....any sad trigger and I start having related obsessive thought patterns and I cannot escape the resulting mood/emotion that comes with it.
  19. I was on Olanzapine for about one year and during that time I did excessive spending which may have caused lowering impulse control and consequently am now in bankruptcy. Have been off Olanzapine since December, 2018. In March went on Seroquel and experienced manic situations, where I was out of control (never had this happen to me before). I became excessively hostile towards a clerk in Walgreens, reduced my veterinarian to tears and alienated alot of my neighbors by my raging. We upped the Seroquel thinking I was having my first manic episode, it only made everything worse. Sinc
  20. Hi all, I'm a 20+ year sufferer of extremely TRD and am trying LSD (1P-LSD, more specifically) microdosing to help lift my mood and combat anhedonia. I'd love to know if anyone else has tried this. Specifically: what was your regimen? e.g. every 3 days?, dosage, substance, method did any initial beneficial effects increase over time? if so, over what kind of period? did you develop a tolerance? did it help with your anhedonia? did you try more than a microdose e.g. 1/4, 1/2 or even a whole tab? If so, how was that therapeutically? FTR, I'm taking 10ug (1/
  21. I've been relatively stable with a few jags here and there for almost 2 years, and suddenly I'm experiencing some depression that has me in tears at times, as well as anxiety that results in panic attacks so bad that I feel like I can't breathe. I'm very emotionally labile, reactive to any trigger, sending me to seclusion with my depression. The only thing that has changed is that I swapped Dexedrine to Bontril-PDM for my weight management (and with Bontril-PDM, off-label ADHD management, idiopathic hypersomnia management, and treatment of refractory bipolar depression). I'm thinking this
  22. Hello all, I'm looking for some med experience/anecdotes! I am bipolar and also have anxiety, ADHD, and PTSD. Currently I'm taking Lamictal (400mg/day), Geodon (80mg/day), and Adderall (25mg/day). I'm looking to change it up because I am seriously struggling with the side effects. Since starting Geodon I am tired all the time (it doesn't help that I'm in the midst of a depressive episode) and I've gained 20+ pounds in two months. I think it's helping with the manic side (or maybe that's just because of the depressive episode I'm in?) but I can't deal with these side effects. The Adderall
  23. Hoping someone can offer some insight to what is happening with me? I've been taking Ritalin consistently over a year again. Pulled me out of a bad anhedonia - I'm focused, motivated and goal driven. Mood was great the last 5 months. Now, I'm having intense meltdowns in the afternoon/eve. Stress-related. Internal pressure to succeed. I've lost many years to depression, being unproductive (was even bed-ridden from episodes).I've worked REALLY hard to pull out, and had one of the best 5-month "good periods" in a long time. I'm afraid of going back to that... I wonder if the Ritalin is
  24. Hi guys, So I've been depressed and have had severe anxiety for 3 years. Antidepressants make me hypomanic (kinda) and triggers unstable mood. I don't fit in the usual description of bipolar, but there is definitely something not right about the way i react to antidepressants - feeling high, warm, racing thoughts x 100, gets overly chatty etc. I've tried the following moodstabilizers Lamotrigine (disaster) Trileptal Gabapentin Abilify (made me hypomanic) Seroquel (made me hypomanic) Depakote/valproate (still taking) This depression is
  25. Hi guys, So I'm withdrawing from Gabapentin 900 mg. I'm down to 300 mg every second day. About a month and a half ago I tried going from 300 every day to 300 every second day - skipping a dose every other day. At first it went just fine, but then at the second week mark i started getting really depressed and began crying all the time. I then went back up to 300 every day and I started feeling better again. Two weeks ago i went back down to 300 mg every other day, and again the first week was fine, but now I am experiencing the same thing all over again. So - I know this is a pop
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