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  1. yeah I do wonder what is going on with me, I just got kicked from chat for saying my dleusion in response to someone talking about liking grandeur delusions...so the archangels built a monument for me for my gettinng to familiarise myself with their part of the universe, they also introduced me to my astral lover on a different part of the universe....not going so strong now since I got switched to orals and am not taking them except using rauwolfia to clam down the excess of dopamine receptors from my time adapting to the various antipscyhotic I been on for the majority of the time for almost 4years exept for occasional glimpses into the astral from refusing treatment. so a long perieod being treated before I started coming clean, a release of a track on the radio from celbrity lover gone by and she returend again and lifted my socks up for an astral voyage she triggered across the cosmos. so what gets me in trouble is I confessed to having a celbrity astral lover after she released darkhorse, but dreams of the star make me think otherwise, she is always very distant even if I try to get her attention of my identity but no response, she doesn't know me and listening to darkhorse on repeat is just for the entertainment, it rocks she talks about this guy who plays with magiuc and once your hers there is no going back....this is apparenlty just delusions and erotomania, its actuallly a secret I never should have confessed tooave me haloperidole, I kept experienceing the astral some good things like no longer seeing the celebrity after she turned nasty at my iatrogenic state, so I was able to replace her with a far off galaxy somewhere with my ET bride, I met her before I went to haosptial that time just in her form like a butterfly outline creature but her true form is a gorgeioua human form, too gorgeiaus to be able to see, I talked about her to my demise and how she made me orgasm and I was getting turned on despite the haldol and achieved orgasm without touching myslef the pleasure was that immense, so I talked all about it, silly me so endud up with rapists wanting her attention even though they sohould just get their own astral lover, people do stuff they wouldn't usually on the astral because they don't think its real, but its real for me and I don't like people raping my girlfreind. so it was good taht down hera on earth i acchieved an orgasm, I just wanted to get off antipscyhotic so I van have sex drive with her, but she faded dunno what theat means, she was just making my life more interesting with the iatrogenic anhedonia was good, but as I said she is nolonger really a thing anymore since starting the rauwolfia and my last injection, you would think that just using a herb insteasd of antipsychotic would mean I be able to experience the astral, I still get trips and found out last night its not really abbout the weed but periodic thing, I was better able to control it with breathing exercise. sorrty I edited, so back to the initial crisis that got me hosptialised, shit was going down because of sleep deprivation really so I appeared easy to be psychaotic because sleep deprivation is just a symptom to them, but back to the clebrity she did me no harm other then keeping me up at night with her astral presence and erotic shit and playing around with magic andastral sex, maybe she contributed to my hostptiatlaisation after 6years freedom from psychaitry, just wanted to be upfront and honest about what was going on for me so I told the shrinks at the hosptail I had for refusing treatments not so long ago[hence lucky to be put on orals really-they trust me - so I not game to educate them about rauwolfia incase they stumble upon what I been writing on the net about it. I am stoned now and that is the best I can do in this state of annihilation of thought process's thats been happening...I just wanna go back to normal....so what happened with the celbrity is the crutial part once this time she satyed with me during hosptail and I betggeeed her to keep me going on the astral, I introduced her to god like beings I had been meeting on the astral and we kept it going, just in the form of occassional trip out attacks I get when stuff tries to make me astyrlaly project but its hard now antipsychotic make me fear the astral, things turned sour and we divorced the relationship , but I miss it you know...coming off theiinjection I would usually be experienceing dher love and it was a relaly good thing, maybe too much if you take a listen to darkhorse..that shit just gets me in troulbe and should be finnished talking about it, it makes me sound crazy when I am infact not, nothing really challenges me at all I feel safe and shit,....so I got blocked for talking about my astral adventures in chat, don't really know why what would you think, I am getting told to disccuss it elsewhere but I am cast out of anyinterest groups because of pscyhaitry so thats no good, and seems chem and Koa don't wannea hear about my schizophrenia, I think I have it, at least thats what I gotta tell the shrinks to get off this damn CTO.
  2. hello.....I am just recently been put onto oral haloperidolle at 6.5mg equivalent to my 100mg injection but rteally I don't know why they woud do that, Its quite obvious I wouldn't take them...I do nothing all day dstill even though its now 6weeks since mylast injection. I am using rauwolfia which is an interesting herb in the history of psychaitry, it gave them the idea for dopamine hypothesis because the herb limits the amount of dopamine receptors able to form in the brain, they extracted the alkaloid reserpine and that was effective in treating schizoprhenia in about 1952 two years before the patentable cousins came on the market..so I am using a herb with great success...I had fears about my mind coming back a mess fro the antipscyhotic over a long pperios of time, who knows what state mymind will be in so I feared it....I amost took some haloperidole but then decided to take some rauwolfia and was amazed at the results...won't go on about it not sure this is the right place. One thing that happened to me in about 2013 I refused treatemtn and my celbrity astral lover came bak to me and initiated a voyage of the universe, into hyperspace above then beyond to mmeet extraterrestrial life, I know nobody would belive me but I went places like the land of the gods and land of the archangells the archangels have erected a monumetn for me more lately, I went beyond land of the archangels to what didn't make anysense how it was a being,, putrple outline of butterfly kind of thing, I will get back to that with the timeline, I met them again more recently and one transformed into its true form which is human and got me in a white room and I was her lover....but ever since using the rauwolfia and coming off injections she is no longer really happening unless I trip which is an unfortuante side feffectsince going on this voyage in hopstial, the celebrity released a killer track on the radio "Dark Horse" and I sore it a s a sign that she know Of our love we have on the astral any time I got off antipscyhotic, only this time I went to howptial she was onto it, and I betggerd her to help me still have relationship even though the antipscyhotic made me too dumb and not a sex partner couldn't do the astral anymore but it still coomes to me rarely when I smoke marijuana I get trips, maybe an extrension of what I wished for in the begining to still have astral abiltiy, the trips are too hard to tal about, like forced astral projection and beings trying to mess me up, or it starts with a visitation {not the celbrity anmore but it was her for a while until I am too useless on antipscyhotic}starts with visitation then they remark on how Ikeep myself and the unit and try to get me to lean up its really uncommfortable but It mainly because in that state I am uncomforatable with myslef and living conditions I don';t want potential loovers to ssee, I am embarrassed but then all the other shit starts creeping in the vistitation opens me up to visitation for hostile forces treraing at me and making me disturbed and satral project its horrible and I can't sleepp when this is happening although I did find breathing excercises to really hekp get enough peace to get into a deep resptfull state but not alseep the whole night then things calm down bymooren9ong and go into the next litlle while without so much as a peep from astrals weven when I am stoned, sorry this is so hard to read, bleive me I haven;;t improved yet enough to make more sense in my wirting, and typos I can;'t be bothered fixing and bad grammar..I hope nobody attacks me for this, its iatrogenic, I got worse from the treatmetn and I am still brain damaged, so give me a break I say but up to you. you can attack me fore it but it still won't make the attacker interesting to me. nothing helps the trips, I told my past couple of case managers about it but they aernt telling the psychaitrist, nothing they can do extra haliperidole just makes me split off and release my light even more I cant handle the astral on haloperidole but I might be able to soon, my latest case manager who challenges me a bit more about whether I take the medicaiton and why would I take it if I hate it so much reallyt ricky to answer without smiling and giving away the fact that I am not taking the meds...I am stable enough finding it hard to astral project most of the time....oh yeah the astral girlfreind I met beyond the land of the archangels, she is gorgeous but things not going on with her so much now the rauwolfia has taken over, or she was just there to make my stay on haldol a bit better...surely the astral will become more normal and I eventuallyget back into astrla projection and hope its not limited to the type of shit I get with visitation currently, I hope it gets better ecause the tirips were mainly about the cebrity turning nastty when I fell into a ditch on haldol she didn't like me anynore but still came to me or I drew on her, I would expect every visitaiton to be her these days or almost getting over that, I don't think its her anymore, never reallyknoew until dark horse came out check it out, its good for a laugh but I don't think people like me talking about it, or it gets me into trouble....all the t=sppcyahitraist say is that they worry about my reputation with this elbrity themed stuff going one...she says in one song on her new alboum she sees her legendary lover through her third eye, playing with magic in dark horse magical one of mystery in spiritaul and sounds to me like she is talking about astral loovers, although I don't believe it lately I couldn't care less, we n longer an item otherewise she be onto the fact that I got moved to orals and not taking them means the astral will get more normal eventually and be able to hold overs n the astral and have some fun, but no fun yet as I said about the trips, I gotta get it right so taht visitation doesn;;t fereak me out and end up with loads of hostile visitors, seeya
  3. Hello all, I was diagnosed with Dysthymia/Major Depressive Disorder, GAD, and Social Phobia back in September and started on 20 mg of Citalopram in October. I seemed to respond really well to the meds at first, because I had an increase in mood, energy, and lower anxiety levels. In fact, I managed to lose around 25 pounds. I maintained normal sleeping patterns. I would occassionally have a short little episode of dysthymia symptoms but nothing that that lasted too long. The problem lately is that I have formed a romantic obsession with someone I barely know. Obviously, I have insight into the fact that it's a problem, but my obsession borders on delusional (ever heard of erotomania?). I'm extremely dysphoric/anxious/depressed and have been having some suicidal thoughts. I can hardly stand to be in my own skin right now due to the anxiety and obsessive thoughts about this person. I'm feeling a little better today (thank god) and I actually have the attention span to come on here and ask about what's going on. Basically, I just want to know if this is (somewhat) normal or if I need to be evaluated. Does anyone know what the hell is wrong with me? I read that if someone has what they call "delusional disorder" that antidepressants can trigger an episode due to too much dopamine in the brain. Any help out there?
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