Today, in a moment of helplessness and near rage—triggered by a stupid, insignificant incident—I told my brother to please offer any kind of help. He mumbled a response, something along the lines of, if he helps me I'll just find some reason to criticize him, at which point my vision blurred and I found myself saying, "I swear to God, I will kill myself."
Now I feel like shit for saying such a thing. In that moment some part of me must have meant it, but it still feels a lot like manipulating someone just to get what I want.
I realize I only ever threaten people that way when I feel in