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Found 7 results

  1. Does anyone else have sound sensitivity? It comes and goes, especially when I’m feeling agitated/mixed. Been off work 3 days per pdoc and I go back tomorrow because I cannot afford to be off. Today’s been the worst for the sensitivity. I dread going back tomorrow because my workplace is very noisy and often when on the phone with a client a voice hits a certain pitch and I’m cringing; it’s almost painful. I want to hang up and flee. The pdoc is sending me this afternoon to a depression/anxiety group which is senseless and I don’t want to go because it’s weekly but this is the only day I can go since I’m off work - normally I’m working. I’m effing agitated and a group one time isn’t going to help but I have to in order to appear “compliant” to the HMO. They offer no groups for any type of bipolar. I think after being in and out of therapy since a teen (although not knowing it’s BP until a couple years ago), I probably have the group thing down pat and consider this one-time thing to supposedly give me “coping skills” to be something to placate the insurer; not helpful. I have loads of coping skills or I wouldn’t have made it this far and snowed most the people I know, that have no clue what I’m going through inside while I always act positive on the outside. I’m exhausted by acting and don’t look forward to the noise tomorrow. Can’t even take the chirping of a bird right now, which I find sad to admit. So stressed. Venting here, as I wait for the group to begin.
  2. I have brought this up on the schizophrenia/psychoses forum, but one thing I have been wondering is how many of you have been diagnosed as BP1, even though it is clearly acknowledged that one has psychosis in normal mood? This is where I am at right now, which feels weird, since after all does psychosis in normal mood not necessarily rule out bipolar? Of course, for me, my treatment team does not seem to acknowledge that psychosis in bipolar necessarily has to occur in a mood episode. But then, what difference is there between BP1 w/ psychosis in normal mood and SZA bipolar-type? That said, my treatment team does not seem to put much value in labels in the first place. But without labels, I am left with essentially saying that I have mood symptoms and I have psychotic symptoms and leaving it at that, without having a real name for anything.
  3. I just joined CB and I didn't really want to make a new thread to whine about myself but I guess I feel a bit scared out here on my own. I'm currently trying to complete my last semester of college, after already having to repeat a year. I'm only taking 1 class, but it's a constant struggle. I can't attend class and I got behind from the start and have yet to fully catch up. I was just diagnosed last year with BPNOS--BP1, with rapid cycling. I was on Lamictal for a bit fall/winter of 2013, but my dad lost his job so there went my insurance, and I just got it back this semester. Back then my BP had seemed quite manageable, but since October, I feel like I've been holding onto the side of a cliff by my fingernails, trying my best not to fall off. I refuse to not graduate this year, though, because I've come so far, and I'm not repeating another year. I either finish this semester or I don't graduate. This semester, I've gotten back on the Lamictal along with Seroquel, and we've slowly been raising both, but I have yet to feel a difference. In fact, as the semester has progressed, I've felt all the more unstable. I feel like maybe I could benefit from IP, if anything to get the medications in order, but I remain firm on my decision to see the semester through to the end. At this point, there are just 6 weeks left. I guess, I just want to know that I'm not the only one trying to hold it together like a car that you can tell is falling apart but you're just praying will make it to the end of the road trip xD
  4. At times I can be walking around or whatever and I feel like I'm transforming, I feel this incredible, intoxicating energy, and I feel like I'm becoming a demon, or specifically a kitsune because I've always related to them. I can practically feel the claws and fangs growing. I walk around and I imagine how with such a power, such claws, I could easily kill these puny stupid humans, and I imagine cutting/stabbing them with my razor sharp claws, biting them, essentially, going feral and attacking the heck out of everyone. It's so much fun that it's hard to keep from leering at everyone. I'm grateful for the sunglasses on my face so they can't see my eyes, so bright and murderous. I understand that I'm not actually a demon, and I wouldn't actually kill anyone, but I get so pissed at people that you know you just want to kill someone, so at that time it's like so releasing and intoxicating. If it happens at night I feel like the moon is making me transform and it's like lending me its power and I just want to run and act crazy because it's night, the night air is alive with energy and everything has transformed under the light of the moon and is alive and free How about you?
  5. So I don't hallucinate according to my psychiatrist, and I haven't had any psychosis for almost 2 years now. The only psychosis I had was during a severe anti-depressant-fostered manic episode, and even then, I didn't hear voices. However, now, I've been feeling particularily depressed, but with high levels of energy, irritability, and anxiety. I started getting periods of even more severe anxiety than usual (which is usually very severe) which last anywhere from 10 minutes to 1 hour, and during these periods I get intrusive thoughts - which are my thoughts, and I can't hear them out loud. However, the thoughts are vocalized. The content is usually "You're a piece of shit", "Worthless", and so on. Are these auditory hallucinations, or just intrusive thoughts? I can't hear them with my ears. But they're vocalized thoughts. Can this be considered as "hearing voices inside of your head"/auditory hallucinations?
  6. Question How many of us have had jobs or have jobs that you have given up to help with stress? I have a good job, I have a team of 25 people working with me that I am responsible for ( I am the manager). My boss is decent, he is super high strung and sometimes it is a bit much for me. My performance can be inconsistent, I enjoy the challenge at times though I have to say when other things (life) get difficult and I can't focus it really is hard to perform and not come totally unglued. I had mentioned one time to my family doc that i just need to move somewhere quiet and work a low pressure job and he says "there is something to be said for that". I am now understanding of that statement. My other major factor is my 2 children and wife, I have mentioned it to my wife before. She is not really understanding of the whole BP 1 DX, does not understand the disorder and she really does not want to, like it is something I have done to myself or just effects me when it is convenient. I have strayed a bit, the job question is the real question. Thanks Brian
  7. WTC!!! (what the crap), I think I have developed GAD or some social phobia or anxiety, recently. Went to the grocery store to pick up a few things 20 minute trip and at the cash register I am exhaling like i just ran a marathon? I have had problems with noise for a while which i attribute to working in factories for a while, the noise of a factory does not bother me. The sounds away from work make me crazy, at stores and at home. This problem of being anxious when shopping in general is kind of new and it is annoying as shit. BP1 with psychotic features is one thing, give me a freaking break. Is there a psychosis associated with being in public places, i am new to talking about this with people who actually understand. Really thankful for those who Ive corresponded with since finding the site. if an explanation is within your grasp please share, I will be talking with my doc at my next appt. Brian
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