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I am married to my husband almost 20 years and I have spent the last 5 years thinking/ acting out constantly about other men. Usually it is one obsession that lasts about 12 months or so and is quickly followed by another Sometimes it goes to emotional affairs, flirting, once to sexting but always, always in my head, constant intrusive fantasy of a ‘new life’. Husb doesn’t know all of it but enough to hurt and dismay. We are in therapy and no, i will not tell all - that’s just me unburdening my crap. He is a good man. I need this to stop in my head. I’m BPII, CPTSD etc, already on Lith, Efexor, Lamotrigine, anti-ep So tired of running from thoughts. Doc not sure what to do- tells me to buy lingerie to wear for husband?. Been there done that. She thinks it is kind of funny but that my life would not be very good if i left him with MI (he is ‘big’ around town). He really is great and my best friend. The thoughts won’t stop though continuous rumination about other blokes. THAT’S what is most distressing. I hate myself for this. I’m so very very tired. I’m thinking of asking doc for quetiapine or similar to calm this mind? Anyone been the same position of feeling like a lying, sneaky whore? Any thoughts received gratitude. Except maybe more marriage counselling, talking, hurting him and the kids. This is my crappy rumination, i need it out. This is on me.