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Found 38 results

  1. My apologies for the long post, I'll try to keep it as brief as possible. As the title says, I'm just picometers away from checking myself into a psych ward. I have shit going on in my life with my family that I'm just about done with trying to care about and mange. We have a live-in "stray" we picked up who is a mooch, a biggot, a homophobe (I'm gay), an a real class A ass hole. My friend and I and him got into a shouting match last night and he almost got violent with us. Of course, my mom, who is infatuated with him (and if I didn't know any better, is having an affair with him), hardly did anything to intervene except saying "stop yelling!" But that's another thing, I digress. Not to mention, my mood has been on a downswing the last month into a massive, bottomless-pit of a depressive episode. I knew it was too good for me to be feeling good for as long as I did. It was the first time in years to be feeling that good for as long as I did. I was probably actually hypomanic because I got myself into some pretty nasty credit card debt that I can't pay off because I'm unemployed and have no source of income. I knew I was due for a depressive episode sooner or later, which is fantastic because now I don't have the willpower to get a job. I can't get to my pdoc until, at the very soonest, Wednesday, and it's not guaranteed that I'll even get to see her then. It may be Friday, or even next week. I'm heavily considering checking into a psych ward. I've talked with friends about which one in my area is the best one, and I think I've decided which one to go to. I'm just scared to death of being stripped of my belongings like my cell phone and everything. I'd like to at least have my pen and notebook so I could journal or something. Is that really what they do? Do they treat you like prisoners? I've been taking copious amounts of Restoril (> 360 mg ) + gabapentin (>3600 mg) + Valium (> 40 mg) + Xanax (> 6 mg) + Thorazine (> 100 mg) + Zanaflex (> 12 mg) all at once just to feel out of my body. I want to be gone. I want to be away. I don't want to die, I just want to be gone. Away. Not here. Just for a while. I don't want to be anywhere. I just want to go away for a long time and come back when things are better. I've been doing this every night for the past few days. My parents and best friend know about it, and it breaks their hearts to know I'm doing it, but I can't help it. I feel like I need to do it. I ran out of Restoril, so I've just been taking the combo without the Restoril. I've been slowly escalating the dose of gabapentin as I started out at 2400 mg. I'm almost out of Valium as they're 2 mg pills. I'm almost out of Xanax and Thorazine. Soon I'll just be left with gabapentin. Please help me. I don't know what to do. I'm scared of this guy living with us, he has long overstayed his welcome. He was supposed to move out once he got a place of his own. He has a place of his own, he just has to fix it up. He hasn't worked on it in months. I'm terrified of him. I'm having paranoid hallucinations of him coming to harm me even when he's not here.
  2. so I have sadi this before but i have had many many mnay hallucinations over my whole life time they have been there since i can think such as this thing i used to see when i was 4-7 years old they have gotten more intense over the years there on and off they can last for months or weeks (longest being 6months) and im starting to question things like i thought i saw dead people or did i hallucinate them and its only starting to happening but its hard to explain anything and i feel so numb and i cant access my thoughts can someone please give me reasons why i could be hvaing these hallucinations
  3. hey im 14yrs old and I have been doing quite a lot of research into some things I am experiencing and im just not sure if im getting anywhere and would like others opinion also I am sorry this is so long. so cutting down to the point, It was only recently that I moved into my new house (we lived in our old one for 7 years) and I started to hallucinate things (we have been in this house for about six weeks) now it wasn't the first time I have had hallucinations but I thought I should look into it. ive been having hallucinations every since I was young (like 4+) when I was really young I remember when I used to visit my dad (saw him during the school holidays) sometimes I would see something in a tree at the front I used to play in it was a boy a dead one really pale but the odd thing about him was he sometimes would have like tentacles instead of a body (so a head and tentacles or sometimes he had a full body) and I always got really scared and ran inside those rarely happened but I remember in year one (we had moved from my old place and somewhere new and I didn't have any friends) I would sit in this corner and cry but one day I saw a girl once again she was a dead girl she was old fashioned night gown that had blood on it not heaps just a bit and was soaking wet I dont know why but I wasn't ever scared I told her to get out of my corner and she said no anyways I became friends with her and im pretty sure she died from drowning she fell from somewhere hit her head (hence the blood) and drowned (why she was wet) and I vaguely remember these dreams that we went on her and I we saved a town or something It was weird I dont remember her name I know it was something with an A I think Annabelle sounds something close to it but I cant remember her name anyways one day she disappeared and I never saw her again and it made me upset but oddly I forgot about her until year 6 when I had one of those dreams again but she was older and it was weird and all my memories came back, I have many times seen dead people on the street they had like this glowing aurora around them that as how I knew they were dead that and no one else saw them (I just knew that couldn't) I have waved to them smiled etc. I also felt the presence of a person like someone opens a door and I just get this random information like John was his name 37 a wife two kids a smoker died in a car accident (made that up but it happened it hasn't happened since year six) I also have seen shadows moving Turing into things and ive seen things I cant really explain them like people sometimes there not and they move around I have heard things like whispers underneath my bed and footsteps scratches music playing etc ive also felt things I remember when I was younger I climbed on my mums perfectly made bed (you would see a if there was something underneath the blankets) and I climbed on it to get something from her bedside table and I felt a leg and heard hissing I ran away and when I came back nothing was there I cant say the exact age but I was around 7-9 years old and I got it really bad everynight for 6months I remember it was horrible I would see things (even in plain daylight) hear things feel things it was scary and I still get these hallucinations there on and off they can last a month, weeks a few days usually if I have a nightmare they come or if I talk about them but they do just randomly happen. I used to think I saw dead people but now im just questioning if I hallucinated it all or if it was real I know its not but im lost at the moment I cant tell if it is or if it isnt. also I go numb a lot I cant feel anything im like an empty shell and I have so many thoughts running around in my head but I just can't get to them its like a wall blocks them and when I do feel something its everything negative and I cry and cry. I think a lot I have so many ideas in my head ones that ive been told are not what a 14 year old my age think about that its deeper and I like to think in all honesty I cant turn it off even if I wanted to. I also have this thing it started with me wanting to become an author but I look at every detail like when I look at a person I look at like the liens on there face the colours in there eyes the movement of there mouth and I have periods where I zone out and Im numb but I cant stop I look at my hand and its weird I know its mine but its different it doesn't feel like it should be and then I cant stop looking at everything in detail I think I just have a really active imagination but I wanted to see others opinions im super concerned about the hallucinations I just want to know what they are. I also wanted to add in that i have ADHD, depression , and high anxiety (and to add it in agoraphobia) also ive always had trouble sleeping at night thank you for reading please reply i need some advice opinons.
  4. Hey all. I've been doing relatively well recently and haven't had any hallucinations for a couple months now. But last night when I was dreaming (after I had already fallen asleep), I started to hear a loud voice giving commentary over what I was doing. This scared the hell out of me, especially given that I usually have transient hallucinations rather than sustained voices. By the time I woke up, it had gone away. Has this happened to anyone else?
  5. Earlier tonight I was on computer and I thought I heard music. Everypne was asleep and all but 2 of our kids were gone. I ignored ot and went back to playing. The music persisted. I could hear the voice but couldnt make our the words. I could almost hear the instrument but I wasnt sure but might have been a guitar. Sounded like 80s rock. I looked all over the house tryong to find something to explain it and came up empty. So I went to bed. I woke up about an hour later and once again I heard a mans voice but couldnt hear the words. His tone was like that of a hellfire and brimstone preacher. Now , as I type this, I am still hearkng music. Now I can just hear a womans voice singing buy I cant understand it! This is freaking me out. What causes this? What are your experiences?
  6. Hello, Im new here I have bipolar 1 and I believe I have had it since I was a child. My mental health medical history is way to long for me to write it down here now, but To make it short I have been diagnosed with a few different disorders and diseases for over a long period of time , but now the doctors finally agree that I have bipolar type 1. And I didnt start telling my doctors about my hallucinations until recently because I was so ashamed and also because I believed they where all true. I have had hallucinations since I was a child and they where always very terrifying. I have had psychotic periods as an adult very often. But the thing is that some of my hallucinations , the ones that have frightening me the most, my psychiatrist doesnt think its related to my bipolar. She asked me recently to see a psychologist because of this and he too didnt really know what to say, why Im seeing the things that Im seeing. He said it could be anxiety ore some memories from my childhood or maybe PTSD. Wow Im so confused... So .......I started searching the internet looking for answers and didnt find any topic related to bipolar and my hallucinations, what Im seeing. So I figured maybe some one here could know something. I am really scared. I will just list them here... when Im hallucinating... I see peoples eyes change..like a lot. They start to look evil like the person is hosting a demon. Sometimes their eyes turn black, but not completely. When this happens I freak out inside, afraid it will attack me. (When this started I was 25 years old and it was my boyfriends eyes that changed. It felt so real that I had to run and hide from him, like it wasnt him anymore. This can happen anywhere, in the tv, in my kids eyes, in my boyfriends eyes or in a stranger walking down the street. It is very terrifying but I try to control it by avoiding looking.) Sometimes faces of people change too. They start to melt or just look strange. It can happen to my own face too and sometimes Im just to afraid to look in the mirror because my face changes a lot. Like Im not the same person ...its hard to explain. When I try to sleep and close my eyes , I sometimes see faces of people..I see some face just show up and then the picture of it gets smaller and smaller until it is gone and then another face shows up and fades away as well. Its very annoying. I have seen my own appartment change. My furniture look funny and my books start to move like in liquid motion. Sometimes I get very scared like I dont know where I am, I know it is my home but still I feel like its not..also hard to explain. I sometimes see people shrink. This is very strange. They shrink, just a little and I feel I dont know them anymore, but I know them. I see auras around furniture and sometimes people. I have seen black and ghost like figures. I thought it was very real..like some spiritual beings for many years but now Im wondering if this is a part of my hallucinations. I hear footsteps, like someone is coming and like someone is following me. Its very real, the sound of the footsteps. I often smell like something is burning when its not. Then the only hallucinations my psychiatrist recognizes as a bipolar symptom are.. I have heard voices that arent there, they are not talking to me but I hear them in a distance, like many people talking at a dinner party. Sometimes I hear many people talking..like its a radio broadcasting news, but I dont hear what they are saying. And then I have heard my name called , like with a very scary and a loud voice. i think I was hearing voices as a child too because so often I had to put my fingers in my ears to sleep. I was so afraid. thank you
  7. I am 37 years old. I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression when I was 18 than bipolar at 21. For years I have thought I heard my phone ring when it hasn't my name said when it wasn't etc. All of which they said was anxiety not psychosis. With in the last few months I have begun to have visual hallucinations. Most I had decided were related to being severely anxious. Little things like seeing things out of the corner of my eyes. Being very jumpy. I recently had two undeniable visual hallucinations. Very scary. Is it normal at my age to start having these now? Is it psychosis? Schizophrenia?
  8. My auditory hallucinations are too persistent for me to focus in school anymore. I am taking a medical withdrawal. I am on Disability so I guess I will be for the rest of my life... sigh...
  9. Before I get into the neurological symptoms, let me give you a synopsis of my background and family history. Both my parents smoke and my dad was always a heavy drinker. My mom had GERD / Acid Reflux pretty much her whole life and it should be noted that she's basically 100% Norwegian (I've read that Northern Europeans have GERD and gastrointestinal issues more than anyone else - same with the Irish). My mom was also recently tested positive for Celiac Disease (our diets growing up was filled with wheat products, so connecting the dots here, I think she was being bombarded with gluten and her body couldn't handle it). She would have severe mood swings, especially towards my dad (who is now passed on). Her acid reflux got so bad that she went in for an endoscopy and they told her that she had Barrett's Esophagus. She's still alive to this day though and seems to be holding up reasonably well. My sister also has severe acid reflux and panic attacks. Now to get to my own history. I was born in 1983. As a baby, I had severe eczema, and would rub certain areas of my body (such as my wrists) raw on the carpet, because I was constantly itchy. I would also constantly spit up breast-milk and even the baby formula. My parents had a hard time figuring out what to feed me! We would also drink tons of cow's milk. That finally hit a brick wall around age 25 (in 2008), when I started noticing that if I drank straight cow's milk I would end up with (and still do end up with if I drink it) sulfur burps which taste and smell like rotten eggs. I even tried drinking raw cow's milk one time and the result was the same, I was burping rotten egg smelling burps and would get diarrhea! This is also around the time when I noticed my acid reflux getting worse and worse. In 2009, I started lifting weights again after taking a long break from high school. When I would do any squatting motion exercises such as dead-lifts or squats, I'd almost pass out because I couldn't catch my breath afterwards. I finally went in for an endoscopy and they told me that my esophagus was raw and red. I also should note that I've read getting anesthesia and all the drugs they give you during that time, can cause long-term psychological issues, especially anxiety, which I never really had until after that year. I realized that I couldn't do those squatting exercises or anything that put pressure on the abdomen area, since it would push acid back up into my esophagus. I decided to start lifting weights on an empty stomach and that did work for awhile but I couldn't figure out why my acid reflux was still so bad. Acid shooting back up into the esophagus, is caused by inflammation. This affects the Vagus Nerve (which is the longest cranial nerve). Some of the main functions of the Vagus Nerve include, 1. Breathing 2. Speech 3. Sweating 4. Helping in keeping the larynx open during breathing 5. Monitoring and regulating the heartbeat 6. Informing the brain of the food that is ingested and food that has been digested 7. The Vagus Nerve performs the major function of emptying the gastric region of food Any damage to the vagus nerve causes Gastroparesis which is losing the muscular function in the stomach and intestines. This results in food being emptied slowly, that leads to other problems such as fermentation of food in the stomach and food getting compressed into hard pellets which can cause severe problems if the pellets get stuck in the intestine. Especially in people with diabetes, when sugar levels get high and are not well controlled, it can result in the vagus nerve damage. This can result in anxiety / panic attacks, OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder), trouble swallowing, chills, asthma-like symptoms, heart palpitations, tingling / numbness in extremities and limbs, blood in the stool, hard of breathing, anxiety attack-like symptoms, canker sores, nightmares (including hypnogogic and hypnopompic auditory / visual hallucinations, such as hearing a gun shot upon waking up, even though no gun was fired), dry mouth, heart attack-like symptoms, and more (I had all these symptoms too btw). I believe that since our bodies are intolerant to wheat and dairy products, it is causing inflammation in the body, which then causes all these other symptoms. So at that point, I began having hallucinations (including hypnopompic and hypnagogic hallucinations). They were mainly auditory hallucinations and some (but fewer) visual hallucinations. They started around 2013, when I got sick with the flu and also had an in-grown toenail (I had to get it cut out by the doctor and it was the worst pain of my life!). I was extremely religious back then (I left my faith last year at end of 2015) and felt like these were omens or signs for some of the things that were deemed ‘sinful’. I then had a breakup with a gluten-free who lived in Montana and the auditory hallucinations continued. I’ve been having them again starting in 2016 after getting sick with a chest respiratory infection (I’m seeing a trend here with getting sick and having these), which I believe were caused by the Autumn Rhinitis / Hay Fever Allergies. I was at the gym around the start of August 2016, and I felt like I couldn’t catch my breath after each set of lifting. I went home and haven’t been back to the gym since. I was having trouble breathing just walking up a flight of stairs, and it was a daily nightmare until I started looking into ways to help solve my issues (which I’ll get into in a minute). I also don’t have a great sleep schedule from working late night shifts, so I’m typically always sleep deprived. I should also mention that I think I have formed P.T.S.D. (PTSD - Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) from watching a music video where it showed a death. The image of the woman dying kept playing in my head (this also happened around August 2016). Then on top of all that, I was lifting weights 2 times a week (full body workouts), doing H.I.I.T. (High Intensity Interval Training) a couple times a week in the morning, AND working night shifts. On top of all that, my dad died last year (October 3, 2015) and within a week afterwards around October 10th, I ended up with appendicitis so I had to get the appendectomy surgery to get my appendix removed. A few weeks later, I walked away from my faith (not due to emotional reasons, but due to extensive research, which was already in the process starting at the beginning of 2015). So I lost my dad, my faith and my appendix within a month's time period. It put a lot of stress on me I think. I’m 33 years old, so still somewhat young, but I think I was pushing my body to the limit, and it’s been affecting my brain chemistry. Not only that, but recently, I put the other dots to the puzzle and found out that I also have gluten intolerance / Celiac / Coeliac, so I’ve stopped eating gluten (and dairy) products. I also have done a few sessions of AAT (Advanced Allergy Therapy), by a doctor named Dr. Jill Cohn in the San Francisco / Berkeley / Oakland Bay Area. You don’t even have to be there in person for her to treat you, she does it all online through a conference call on a site similar to Skype. You can watch testimonials on YouTube as well, and I’m here to tell you that her system did cure me of Ragweed allergies. I now understand that because I was pushing my body to the limit as well as trying to stay 500 calories below maintenance (to cut fat and get shredded), that my body wasn’t getting the proper nutrients and vitamins due to eating wheat and gluten (as well as dairy). This damages the alveoli and villi in the intestinal tract which are crucial for absorbing the nutrients from your food. I also found out that my body reacts poorly to chocolate as well. Chocolate is a 'stimulant' and has been proven to affect the brain the same way that cannabis / marijuana will. This could be some of the problems you all are facing as well. At that point, your body is so run down, that it will start attacking ‘harmless’ invaders, such as ragweed pollen, pet dander or even just simple dust particles, which this process of your body in attack mode, will cause inflammation, hence the reason I was having trouble breathing (my body developed exercise-induced / allergy-induced asthma). Not only that, but when your body is so run down and not getting the proper nutrition, it can cause psychosis and schizophrenic symptoms as well! I started taking a ton of supplements and they’ve helped tremendously. Here are a few to get you started. Try these and eat a balanced diet for a couple months. I’ll bet you start to feel better and the hallucinations diminish. 1. Vitamin D3 (Jarrow Brand 5,000IU – take two to four per day) – This is especially necessary if you live above the 37 degree parallel (latitude) in the Fall and Winter (typically from September to March). The sun only produces Vitamin D3 in our body when it is 50 degrees (altitude not temperature) above the horizon and even during the Spring and Summer, this only occurs from around 10AM in the morning to 2-3PM in the afternoon. So you have only a 4 to 5 hour window in the morning to afternoon when the sun is producing Vitamin D3, which most people aren't really out during those times, because of work schedule. This is why around 75 to 80% of the world population are D3 deficient! A good source of information on this is Dr. John Cannell. Go research how vital and important D3 is for us! You want your ng/ml (nano-grams per milliliter of blood) to be from 50 to 100 (or even slightly over 100 is fine too!). 2. Magnesium (CALM BRAND) – Magnesium is the driver for Vitamin D3. It’s very important and we don’t get enough of it in our diet on average. 3. Vitamin C (take around 2,000mg per day) – Look up Dr. Thomas Levy and Dr. Linus Pauling for good information on this. The Liposomal type of Vitamin C is the best kind! 4. Vitamin K2 (different from Vitamin K1 – Get the Jarrow Brand called Vitamin K-Right) – Millions of people take calcium supplements to maintain healthy bones. Yet few patients or physicians realize that optimizing bone integrity involves more than taking a single mineral supplement. A critical additional component for bone and cardiovascular health is vitamin K2. Recent research has revealed that, without vitamin K2, calcium regulation is disrupted. In fact, low levels of vitamin K2 are associated with an increased risk of heart disease and atherosclerosis. K2 is the gateway that allows calcium to get to your bones. When you take vitamin D3, your body creates more of these vitamin K2-dependent proteins, the proteins that will move the calcium around. They have a lot of potential health benefits. But until the K2 comes in to activate those proteins, those benefits aren't realized. So, really, if you're taking vitamin D, you're creating an increased demand for K2. And vitamin D and K2 work together to strengthen your bones and improve your heart health.For so long, we've been told to take calcium for osteoporosis... and vitamin D3, which we know is helpful. But then, more studies are coming out showing that increased calcium intake is causing more heart attacks and strokes. That created a lot of confusion around whether calcium is safe or not. But that's the wrong question to be asking, because we'll never properly understand the health benefits of calcium or vitamin D3, unless we take into consideration K2. That's what keeps the calcium in its right place. 5. Coenzyme Q10 (CoQ10) Ubiquinol – it’s a substance similar to a vitamin. It is found in every cell of the body. Your body makes CoQ10, and your cells use it to produce energy your body needs for cell growth and maintenance. It also functions as an antioxidant, which protects the body from damage caused by harmful molecules. (Get the Jarrow Brand – no I don’t work for them, but I’ve heard they are the best in all of these, and it’s what I take). 6. Vitamin B-Right (Jarrow) which has all of the B vitamins in it. Niacin (B3) has proven to be very helpful for those with Schizophrenia and Psychosis. Look up Dr. Abram Hoffer and his research on mental illness and Niacin. Careful with Niacin in huge quantities, as it will cause a 'flushing' effect, but you still want enough to get the benefits. 7. Oxylent (which is one of the best tasting and best multi-vitamins out there in my opinion). It’s got most of all you need in there when included with what I mentioned above. (Those are the main ones above, but here are a few other supplements I take. ChlorOxygen, Serrapeptase {SerraGold Brand}, mushroom supplement called 'Breathe' by New Chapter Life-shield, HealthForce Green Alchemy Protein Powder, HealthForce Vitamineral Green, Probiotics, MSM, Bragg's Apple Cider Vinegar, local honey, and avocados for potassium, along with getting at least a half gallon of water per day - which I drink at least 32 oz. to 50 oz. of water on an empty stomach every morning). Get a good sleep regimen as well! Within a month of taking all this (I started on November 2nd, 2016), I’m now feeling about 95% back to my normal self. The other 5% is caused by my poor sleeping habits, as well as stress. I now realize that these psychological issues were all subconscious from the heavy religious indoctrination. If I had never been introduced to these religious ideas, I’m sure I’d not have these particular religious themed hypnopompic and hypnagogic hallucinations. When it first started, I was seeing visuals such as numbers and objects floating in the air upon waking up, which, they’d disappear within a few seconds. I also hear voices, which would say terrible things, and then the voices would continue in my head as if it were having dialogue with me in my own mind. I would feel like God hated me, due to the content of what was being said. I’m pretty sure I have some sort of religious trauma after leaving my faith and also, after my dad dying within the last year (2015). They actually have a name for this type of PTSD and it’s RTS (Religious Trauma Syndrome). You can find some good material through Dr. Marlene Winell online if you suffer from the religious form of PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). Anyways, I hope all of this helps someone else who may be going through similar! Just know you’re not alone and it’s more than likely happening because of nutrient deficiency and/or a traumatic experience you suffered as well as your diet if you are gluten intolerant / lactose intolerant. These aren’t devils, demons, hobgoblins or ghouls harassing you, this is all natural phenomena and it can be treated with the right diet, the right supplements and proper sleep! I am still getting cross-contaminated (or there is a cross-reactor food that mimics gluten and/or dairy) somewhere in my diet, so my psychological issues persist, including waking up feeling like something is trying to talk to me in my mind. I am trying to figure that out now. But they also have supplements you can take that will break down gluten if you are accidentally 'glutened.' Here is a study I found from WW2, that correlates to mental disease and gluten / wheat below. "One of the first hints that these circumstances could have implications for the psychological sciences was the observation that, in several countries, hospitalization rates for schizophrenia during World War II dropped in direct proportion to wheat shortages. In the United States, where over that same period the consumption of wheat rose rather than diminished, such rates increased instead (Dohan, 1966a,b). In South Pacific islands with a traditionally low consumption of wheat, schizophrenia was only found in 1 person out of 30,000. When Western grain products were introduced into their society, it dramatically rose to 1 person out of 100! (Dohan et al., 1984)."
  10. Last night and this morning I was terrorized by literally hundreds and hundreds of hallucinations, auditory, visual, and tactile (and combinations). The last two are New developments for me. My auditory hallucinations are generally very loud and startling, and last night was no different. Music, voices, noises, crashes, screams, crying, laughing (and remember these are all very loud), and then coupled with visual and tactile hallucinations makes for an incredibly terrifying combination. I was being attacked by animals, by the police on loudspeaker telling me to surrender with blaring lights and sirens, and then crashing through my bedroom window on this construction device (sorry, but I don't know what it's called), what sounded like a bomb going off in my living room, screaming infants, weird dolls flying at me from the corner of the room, Ghosts, people breaking into my downstairs, and stuff like that. I was up, running away from things hurtling through the air trying to harm me, investigating non-existent break-ins, investigating neighbors shouting in the hall who weren't there, and stuff like that. And then there was the damn clock radio, which is where it all started. When it first went off, I spent a long time fidgeting with it trying to turn the damn thing off, before I finally realized I was hallucinating. And then it went off whenever I didn't look at it, and then immediately stopped when I did look at it. And on and on it went, for hours and hours. And it would go off while the other hallucinations were happening, producing a horrible cacaphony of terror. After a while, my heart was racing, I was almost hyperventilating, and shaking terribly. That continued on for some time after the hallucinations finally, mercifully stopped. Has anyone else experienced anything like this? I've had some bad psychotic episodes before, including some really ghastly command hallucinations, and some cuckoo delusions, but the sheer volume, speed, and ferocity of this attack was unlike anything I have come across before.
  11. One common pattern I have noticed around here is that people tend to have auditory hallucinations more than any other sort of hallucination. Yet this seems odd to me personally, because the only sort of auditory hallucination I have ever gotten is little innocuous noises due to hypnagogia, and my hallucinations overall are otherwise solely visual, be they staticky, flickery, ripply stuff or moving white coffee-stain-like splotches and waves of yellow color in (somewhat) low light. So has anyone else here had primarily visual hallucinations, as opposed to primarily auditory ones?
  12. For the longest time I thought the only auditory hallucinations I have been gotten was the little noises I have heard while falling asleep or waking up. However, one thing I have noticed is a tendency to hear speech as scrambled and unintelligible even though whomever I am talking with is speaking plenty loud. This happened when talking with my pdoc yesterday, and so I brought it up. She thinks this is a form of auditory hallucination, even though I am not hearing anything being added to what I hear at all, even though from what I had read this is not a positive symptom. So I am not sure what to make of this.
  13. Since going on 50 mg of quetiapine I have been getting visual hallucinations. They essentially look like a constant static, a constant flicker, constant rapidly moving transparent lines, or looking through the open doors of a supermarket on a cold winter day, encompassing my entire visual field. I used to see these same hallucinations before I went on risperidone a long time ago, in any mood. Now that I am at 100 mg of quetiapine they are more pronounced (e.g. I now see this in my computer screen where I did not at 50 mg), and I assume that they will become even more pronounced with subsequent dose increases. And it does seem that my dose will need to be increased as, while 100 mg is working some, it is still not working enough. Apparently hallucinations are not an uncommon side effect of quetiapine. What I am asking is for others have they continually increased with dose, and they have, typically how fast have they increased? I ask as for me the hallucinations are likely going to be the limiting factor in how high I will be able to go on quetiapine, and while I really want to see if I can go higher on it even with increased hallucinations, if they increase so much that I will never reach a therapeutic dose before the hallucinations become intolerable, why should I bother?
  14. I am on 400 mg Seroquel at night to sleep and as an adjunct for treatment resistant depression and bipolar II. At this dose it works well for insomnia and I have not had a bipolar episode for 7 years. However, I do have auditory hallucinations. It seems as if a radio is on in another room that I can just barely hear. Or as if people are having a conversation I can't make out. I have a PhD in Clinical Psychology and an MD in Emergency Medicine. These hallucinations are not disturbing because I fully know they are a side effect of the medication. I actually try to make out the words or the music. Ironically, at a higher dose the medication would be less effective for insomnia. But, at this dose it seems to work well. I also assume it is working on the Bipolar II. I only had one Bipolar Episode brought on by a divorce. But, I have never had another one. For non psychotic patients, the auditory hallucinations can be managed if you know they are due to the Seroquel. For other patients, I assume if hallucinations are part of your symptoms; it can be more difficult. But if you get these auditory hallucinations, just know they are a side effect and go to bed.
  15. I was in san Bernardino awhile back w my boyfriend. And i just remember these noises at night throughout the city. Stuff like roaring/hissing, dogs barking, alarms, other stuff, but it sounded like it was being played on a SPEAKER. & the sounds were always the SAME so it wasnt very "lifelike" like the rawring wasnt frightening bc it was like prerecorded as well as other stuff. That place was crazy. We both were hearing this stuff at least describing the same thing, so wtf? Looking back it seems far fetched that the city would just "play sounds" over multiple speakers, i mean, for what reason?? But we both heard it MANY nights & it would stay on for a while. Whatu think?
  16. So, you may have read my post about Deep TMS and how it saved my life. Unfortunately, my feelings were short lived. My last treatment was Wednesday 4\27\2016. As soon as I tapered down to one treatment a week, I was sent into a depressive fog. I became suicidial, depressed, isolative, and started to self injure. My treatment team is very aware and I live in a boarding home so I am pretty safe. I am on suicidial checks and also just hang out in the community. I, still am on the end of my rope. So, next step: ECT. I hope it works. Peace.
  17. this will not be a short post. i thought that I had everything sorted. I honestly believed that I had these answers and they were correct and I wouldn't have to worry about anything else. how naive am I! here is the rundown of my known issues. major depression, generalized and social anxiety, paranoia, and panic attacks. nothing has been officially established about my paranoia, but it's been getting worse. all of my symptoms have, since I left home. I'm currently on welbutrine (150mg), and amnytriptyline for sleep. I also smoke marijuana, which I've done regularly for over two years (I read something yesterday about pot causing psychotic symptoms in people who already predisposed, but it's not nearly every time I smoke, and the paranoia happens when I'm sober). I spend a lot of my time at home. I did at my parents because I wasn't allowed to go anywhere, but it continued after I left. along with my paranoia getting worse, I've been having other symptoms of psychosis the past week or so. the last two panic attacks I've had included delusional thinking and halucinations. I haven't straight-up seen anything, but during the first occurrence, I saw the air beside me sort of vibrate. I began hearing different octaves of ringing in my ears, and at one point I could hear a woman vocalizing and the same voice telling me to "listen". during the second panic attack, I thought that someone in the government was listening in on my thoughts. I then realized that they probably heard that, and we're about to kill me. in my head, I tried to reason with them, but came to the conclusion they were already killing me. I felt some sort of hot liquid being poured on my head. I could feel it moving down my scalp, and thought it was poison. then I began to hear really intense ringing in my left ear. I couldn't hear the tv over it, although I could hear my husband moving around on the couch beside me. at that point, I got up and walked onto the porch, and was able to reason myself back to reality. when I went to bed that night I felt like there was something in the room. I have somewhat of an idea of what this.. creature, it's not even human, looks like. i felt like it was there to hurt me. I am currently in therapy, and I see my therapist again in two days. I'm just very, very worried about these symptoms. they're terrifying. any help you can offer is greatly appreciated
  18. Hi there, I have had the diagnosis of Schizophrenia from a young age so it isn't anything unusual - in fact it is more controlled now However lately this little voice has creeped back into my head literally trying to destroy my life. When I'm with my girlfriend it says things like "You know she doesn't like you," "You're only temporary until she finds someone better," etc. Also it says things about my family like "They don't want you here," "they're trying to kill you," "Don't drink that - they poisoned it." However after getting emotional with my girlfriend due to my voice yesterday it said something like "Once I destroy whats close to you - it makes it easier to destroy you." then it shouted "kill yourself!" in a mumbled barking voice. I'm not sure what to do I haven't attempted suicide since 15 November 2014 - that was my last ever attempt. Never again. I want to reach out and talk to someone but they'll automatically think I'm suicidal due to the things it says and I don't want people to be checking up on me all the time. I want the voice to stop. Last time I reported a voice like this to my therapist she wanted to take me in as an inpatient but my parents fought my case, I don't want to waste my life on my mental health all the time - I want to be normal.
  19. So hi, I guess :I My name is The Squid Kid. It's not my real name, just on here. My real name is Henry and I'm 17, and my name my voices gave me is 12. So I hear voices. Some days are good, some voices are good too. But I feel like I've been lapsing out of reality into a world of nightmares I was admitted for a week because I couldn't get a psychiatrist, I built a tower in my backyard, and I tried to stab my mom. Usually I can know if my voices are telling me to do something bad, and I can restrain myself. BUT THAT TIME I COULDN'T D: I now am diagnosed with Psychosis NOS and I think they are leaning towards Schizophrenia A bit about my voices: Sometimes I hear generic voices, whispers, Siri, Elmo, a pirate, the movie trailer voice guy, and astronauts. Sometimes I hear and see Hindu Gods, and one time I met the real god. I see squids and my cat in places a lot (hence the squid kid name) In order to cope, I make electronic music, wood carving, paintings, (bad) drawings, and I like incense. I want to use drugs but everyone says its a bad idea to keep doing them. SO YEAH THATS ME :3 I want to make friends on here who are similarly aged to me :3:3:3:3:3 :3 the cat rat wants me back :3
  20. I haven't slept for 4 days and I'm wondering what would happen if I keep going on like this. I started taking sleeping pills yesterday but they don't seem to work. I'm kinda losing it and seeing and hearing things that aren't there probably because of tiredness and it's kinda why I can't sleep too now... What would happen if I keep going on like this, I just can't switch off..
  21. I've been losing my mind lately and believing a dead person (or ghost...not sure yet what they are yet) is following me and talking to me. She told me to get a oujja board so I can try to communicate to her. I've been losing my mind lately, can't sleep very well, struggling to concentrate at college. I've been going out really late at night when the voices get too loud and I've been into a fight with a drunk, I got irritated because he called a 'puff' which is not true and I wonder why I got irritated. I am really happy at the moment but I don't think I am manic. That's what my key worker said but that was last week anyway. I wasn't taking my seroquel for three weeks about six weeks ago and I started on the half dose when I decided to get back on it. I stopped so I can lose weight. Then the doctor decided not to put me back at 800mg so I am at 400mg and it will stay like that. My mood stabilizers are still there. Is possible to experience psychosis outside of a manic episode considering the lowering dose of my antipsychotic and the fact I am still on mood stabilizers? (I mean I could be having a manic episode...I am happy but it's not the same as it was in the past, I had wild ones...really wild ones)
  22. So I don't hallucinate according to my psychiatrist, and I haven't had any psychosis for almost 2 years now. The only psychosis I had was during a severe anti-depressant-fostered manic episode, and even then, I didn't hear voices. However, now, I've been feeling particularily depressed, but with high levels of energy, irritability, and anxiety. I started getting periods of even more severe anxiety than usual (which is usually very severe) which last anywhere from 10 minutes to 1 hour, and during these periods I get intrusive thoughts - which are my thoughts, and I can't hear them out loud. However, the thoughts are vocalized. The content is usually "You're a piece of shit", "Worthless", and so on. Are these auditory hallucinations, or just intrusive thoughts? I can't hear them with my ears. But they're vocalized thoughts. Can this be considered as "hearing voices inside of your head"/auditory hallucinations?
  23. yeah I do wonder what is going on with me, I just got kicked from chat for saying my dleusion in response to someone talking about liking grandeur delusions...so the archangels built a monument for me for my gettinng to familiarise myself with their part of the universe, they also introduced me to my astral lover on a different part of the universe....not going so strong now since I got switched to orals and am not taking them except using rauwolfia to clam down the excess of dopamine receptors from my time adapting to the various antipscyhotic I been on for the majority of the time for almost 4years exept for occasional glimpses into the astral from refusing treatment. so a long perieod being treated before I started coming clean, a release of a track on the radio from celbrity lover gone by and she returend again and lifted my socks up for an astral voyage she triggered across the cosmos. so what gets me in trouble is I confessed to having a celbrity astral lover after she released darkhorse, but dreams of the star make me think otherwise, she is always very distant even if I try to get her attention of my identity but no response, she doesn't know me and listening to darkhorse on repeat is just for the entertainment, it rocks she talks about this guy who plays with magiuc and once your hers there is no going back....this is apparenlty just delusions and erotomania, its actuallly a secret I never should have confessed tooave me haloperidole, I kept experienceing the astral some good things like no longer seeing the celebrity after she turned nasty at my iatrogenic state, so I was able to replace her with a far off galaxy somewhere with my ET bride, I met her before I went to haosptial that time just in her form like a butterfly outline creature but her true form is a gorgeioua human form, too gorgeiaus to be able to see, I talked about her to my demise and how she made me orgasm and I was getting turned on despite the haldol and achieved orgasm without touching myslef the pleasure was that immense, so I talked all about it, silly me so endud up with rapists wanting her attention even though they sohould just get their own astral lover, people do stuff they wouldn't usually on the astral because they don't think its real, but its real for me and I don't like people raping my girlfreind. so it was good taht down hera on earth i acchieved an orgasm, I just wanted to get off antipscyhotic so I van have sex drive with her, but she faded dunno what theat means, she was just making my life more interesting with the iatrogenic anhedonia was good, but as I said she is nolonger really a thing anymore since starting the rauwolfia and my last injection, you would think that just using a herb insteasd of antipsychotic would mean I be able to experience the astral, I still get trips and found out last night its not really abbout the weed but periodic thing, I was better able to control it with breathing exercise. sorrty I edited, so back to the initial crisis that got me hosptialised, shit was going down because of sleep deprivation really so I appeared easy to be psychaotic because sleep deprivation is just a symptom to them, but back to the clebrity she did me no harm other then keeping me up at night with her astral presence and erotic shit and playing around with magic andastral sex, maybe she contributed to my hostptiatlaisation after 6years freedom from psychaitry, just wanted to be upfront and honest about what was going on for me so I told the shrinks at the hosptail I had for refusing treatments not so long ago[hence lucky to be put on orals really-they trust me - so I not game to educate them about rauwolfia incase they stumble upon what I been writing on the net about it. I am stoned now and that is the best I can do in this state of annihilation of thought process's thats been happening...I just wanna go back to normal....so what happened with the celbrity is the crutial part once this time she satyed with me during hosptail and I betggeeed her to keep me going on the astral, I introduced her to god like beings I had been meeting on the astral and we kept it going, just in the form of occassional trip out attacks I get when stuff tries to make me astyrlaly project but its hard now antipsychotic make me fear the astral, things turned sour and we divorced the relationship , but I miss it you know...coming off theiinjection I would usually be experienceing dher love and it was a relaly good thing, maybe too much if you take a listen to darkhorse..that shit just gets me in troulbe and should be finnished talking about it, it makes me sound crazy when I am infact not, nothing really challenges me at all I feel safe and shit,....so I got blocked for talking about my astral adventures in chat, don't really know why what would you think, I am getting told to disccuss it elsewhere but I am cast out of anyinterest groups because of pscyhaitry so thats no good, and seems chem and Koa don't wannea hear about my schizophrenia, I think I have it, at least thats what I gotta tell the shrinks to get off this damn CTO.
  24. My name is Allison or Alliy but I might not remember that tomorrow. I am 22 years old almost 23 and am a housewife who stumbles through mental illness one confusing, chaotic, messy day at a time. I have been diagnosed correctly after years of medications and doctors who would rather write me a script that listen to my distorted mumblings but that is beside the point. I was finally diagnosed as Major Depression Disorder with Psychosis which only happened after a minor nervous breakdown and a stint in a hospital. I was released yesterday after 6 days and 1 spent in the er trying to get a bed for me. I have hallucinations that are vivid visual and audio. I have memory loss in the short and long term. I have crippling anxiety and a mild case of ocd and the occasional stress induced seizure.
  25. I've been having a lot of auditory hallucinations before I go to sleep. I've never noticed them much before, but within the last few months I haven't been able to go to sleep before one or two in the morning because of these random voices that jolt me back to reality. I know that they are inside my head; yet, I can tell that they're echoing from a hallway, or spoken to the right of me. Typically, they're people I don't know talking about really random stuff -- sometimes, that stuff is just weird associations (my sister says "idolatries" a few moments later she says "toilet paper", obvs my mind going from idolatries to toiletries to toilet paper). Sometimes, I see things. This is less common and is accompanied with acute paranoia. I also suffer from derealization and depersonalization. Is this normal? Just hypnagogic hallucinations? Or something else?
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