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Hi, I am kitties. I am a newbie here, but not to illness. I have chronic pain 24/7 in my back and neck. Mentally....here are my diagnoses (got a second and third opinion....all objective and a consensus of the exact same diagnoses.) Bipolar 1 with psychosis, extreme, treatment resistant, rapid cycling. Mixed features predominant. Never had a remission to date...just a couple of weeks with my bipolar disorder. “Normal” for a few weeks a couple of times per year. No anxiety remission. OCD, GAD, Panic Disorder, Social Anxiety disorder, PTSD...I think that is everything. Oh, I am significantly affected by a very strong dose of agoraphobia stemming from my PTSD and Panic Disorder. I have a great psychiatrist and I e been in treatment with him a since 2006. I had a great therapist that had a co-transference issue and I ultimately ended my therapy with him. I have tried four therapists since firing the aforementioned therapist - but I unfortunately have lost faith in the process. I am a night owl by nature and it has really ramped up since being declared disabled in 2009/SSDI/cannot work. I struggle with having a “routine,” although I have read that one with bipolar disorder tends to be more stable with a routine. I’m easily overstimulated so I like the quiet and darkness.. I know I have an eating disorder (anorexia, restricting type), but I politely yet firmly said I have had “eating issues” but I have no desire to “go there.” My psychiatrist respects that although I am subject to a monthly weigh-in and I self-manage it. I am currently relapsing right now, unfortunately. But, I have had it for so many years that I know at what weight my body and mind take a turn for the worst. And I have to rein it back in and stop losing (meaning eat more). I’ll never seek treatment as the recovery model, IMO, is ridiculous. Kudos to those that have been able to “recover.” I take a bunch of meds, mainly psych meds I like to read, Enjoy spending time with my boyfriend. Internet. I like learning things, I am currently and reading up on world history (pre-USA). I keep up with psychology and sociology. Thanks for reading if you made it this far.
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I am so very lost, angry, hurt, depressed, explosive, and drowning. I was put on latuda or my bipolar and depression acting up... I hate new meds for this reason. I started having my ptsd dreams again, ate everything in site and craved sugar omg terribly, have been depressed, cant color which i love to do, just wanna sleep, explosive anger, crying jags, hate life, nothing makes me happy, everything just sucks. Im so angry cause i feel like i did before i went on any meds, 20yr ago. Im so confused i just feel like im grasping at air.. I was in the er the other night and they basically sent me home after giving my dose of larzapam i didn't take in the afternoon cause i doesn't help. My theory of it is it didn't help before the latuda what is gonna make it work coming off latuda or after off.. I remember why i drank now.. I didn't need to feel this then.. I want to drink so bad and wont cause I've been clean 6 yrs April will be 7 and i worked to hard to get here and refuse to prove others right. Im so so messed up i cant sleep cant watch TV cant color yet dont want to do any of the above either but if i dont sleep i hurt... has anyone felt this way.. It sux cause the battle to find meds to work will start tomorrow cause my liver doesn't process meds it flushes them out.. oh well sorry just needed to vent and hope someone can help
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I feel it is my ultimate goal to depersonalize once and for all my life was a living hell until 18 when I hade a life changing drug experience and realized I was fucked up next day I was setting up a visit to the psychiatrist I am very introspective and realized what I hade better than ay outside source could tell me I hade bpd mixed with a family history of bipolar ouch now imagine the most emotionally sensitive and vengeful woman on steroids and lock her in your head the mind can only take so many temper tantrums before it pulls the old 1930's era divorce from its self which it did I am terrible driving a car almost maimed my family one time they had me drive on the highway big mistake also had 5 or six really close calls I zone out in the car while driving I am constantly almost rear ending people also I have what is considered the thousand yard stare if we are standing 3 ft. away I can split you into two like double vision here come the question have you hade similar experiences and what drugs help you and what drugs make your dp worse also can you think clearly while you are dissociated how much do emotions factor in on your decision makeing process -
Last night was scary for me. I felt a mood suddenly ink in and I think I may have been hallucinating or dissociating due to the anxiety I was experiencing. I actually saw out of the corner of my right eye a face that was letting out all the angst I was feeling. It was a tortured hideous expression, and as soon as it appeared, it disappeared and I could feel all those churning emotions inking back into me. Soo weird !!! Was this dissociation, am I now BiPolar, what in the heck happened to me? Never had this, this intense before. I was afraid of........ me. I could tell something seriously was wrong, so what do I do? I go straight to the computer and go to my favorite site to order things I have never been able to afford before as that is one technique to self soothe, only I went overboard. Yes, I extended my line of credit one late night and now I am buying things that I don't even remember, even two or three of the same item. I am now busy returning most of them. However, there are items I have wanted for sooo long that I am now buying, I won't even go into the items I am sending back, way to embarrassing, lol. What scared me the most was the enormous scary mood swing, out of the blue, the mood was bigger than life to me. I could hear my psych doc telling me what to do as going thru a mood swing like this your body can tolerate extra medication, so I took 1/2 of a 25 mg Seroquel and it did nothing to stop the mood, so 1/2 hour later, I took another half of the 25 mg and it worked, within 30 minutes I was out and I slept 14 hours, woke up in a completely different mood, a completely different person. I had to say to myself this morning when I woke up, who was that person last night, I didn't even recognize myself and what I went thru. What a difference a good nights sleep does and strong medicine to help me get to and stay asleep. Wondering now if I am BiPolar because I heard that only a solid 12 hours of sleep will break cycling and I was definitely cycling last night. I have been coming down from Zyprexa due to extreme vertigo, so wondering if this may have been part of what happened to me. I also have reduced the Klonopin due to issues with my HMO and have had to stock-pile them, which leaves me wide open for more anxiety. Lately, my mood and anxiety/panic have rendered me housebound and even sometimes too fearful to get out of my bed. Well, thanks for reading this. I don't know if anyone can shed any light on this to help me. -
I didn't realize this until I was reading another post, but here it is again, the first day of Fall in the US in two days. Already leaves are turning colors, falling, and the light outside is changing. Usually every change in season, I have one or two manic episodes. Last night had what I believe was my first manic episode in a long time. But last evening was scarier, all the typical symptoms of mania along with visual disturbances and sensations I had never experienced before. Left a vmail message on my psych docs line this morning thinking this is the smart thing to do, it usually takes alot for me to bother him in between sessions, but he does encourage this, fortunately. I left him the data and left it up to him if he feels he needs to call me back next week. I see him in two weeks. So, I remember my psych doc telling me once in a mood change, one can take a little extra medicine to help. I only take Seroquel as needed, so took 1/2 of a 25 mg of Seroquel and nothing happened. Thirty minutes took the next 1/2 of the 25 mg and finally sleep arrived. I slept 14 hours straight and when I woke up, I woke up to a totally different person. That scary weird out of control mood was no longer there (thought I was going to have to call 911 for help), the cycling was almost gone and slowly drifted away throughout the day. I am 67 and finding that my brain is functioning differently lately. It's beginning to scare me, of course the aging process is very scary. I have addressed this with my psych doc many times, even my neurologist and they do not seem concerned. I had an MRI and all was normal there for someone my age. These are all new symptoms to me, or maybe the same but more dramatic, I think. I have had more than my share of significant triggers last 9 months. I tried therapy last two weeks and actually ran out of the therapists room last week due to a panic attack. I warned her not to push. I even had it all written out for her to read, but oh no, she wanted me to verbalize it and then she swung into asking me about bodily feelings, that was when I ran out of her room in a blind panic. She wanted me to reveal too much stuff too fast and I kept warning her. Will not go back to her. So, now I have to get up the courage to seek out someone else. My psych doc will not refer me to anyone, as is his way, which makes it harder on me. Okay, will close for now.
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I am going to copy this out and hand over to my new trauma therapist, will circle which applies to me. I met with her last week and she educated me with certain diagnoses I was given that now fall under the new PTSD criteria. I also am keeping a daily log of my symptoms and triggers. CAUTION: May trigger * * * * * * * * * * * * Full copyrighted criteria are available from the American Psychiatric Association (1). All of the criteria are required for the diagnosis of PTSD. The following text summarizes the diagnostic criteria: Criterion A (one required): The person was exposed to: death, threatened death, actual or threatened serious injury, or actual or threatened sexual violence, in the following way(s): Direct exposure Witnessing the trauma Learning that a relative or close friend was exposed to a trauma Indirect exposure to aversive details of the trauma, usually in the course of professional duties (e.g., first responders, medics) Criterion B (one required): The traumatic event is persistently re-experienced, in the following way(s): Unwanted upsetting memories Nightmares Flashbacks Emotional distress after exposure to traumatic reminders Physical reactivity after exposure to traumatic reminders Criterion C (one required): Avoidance of trauma-related stimuli after the trauma, in the following way(s): Trauma-related thoughts or feelings Trauma-related reminders Criterion D (two required): Negative thoughts or feelings that began or worsened after the trauma, in the following way(s): Inability to recall key features of the trauma Overly negative thoughts and assumptions about oneself or the world Exaggerated blame of self or others for causing the trauma Negative affect Decreased interest in activities Feeling isolated Difficulty experiencing positive affect Criterion E (two required): Trauma-related arousal and reactivity that began or worsened after the trauma, in the following way(s): Irritability or aggression Risky or destructive behavior Hypervigilance Heightened startle reaction Difficulty concentrating Difficulty sleeping Criterion F (required): Symptoms last for more than 1 month. Criterion G (required): Symptoms create distress or functional impairment (e.g., social, occupational). Criterion H (required): Symptoms are not due to medication, substance use, or other illness. Two specifications: Dissociative Specification. In addition to meeting criteria for diagnosis, an individual experiences high levels of either of the following in reaction to trauma-related stimuli: Depersonalization. Experience of being an outside observer of or detached from oneself (e.g., feeling as if "this is not happening to me" or one were in a dream). Derealization. Experience of unreality, distance, or distortion (e.g., "things are not real"). Delayed Specification. Full diagnostic criteria are not met until at least six months after the trauma(s), although onset of symptoms may occur immediately. Note: DSM-5 introduced a preschool subtype of PTSD for children ages six years and younger.
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I’ve a question for the hive mind. I get different diagnoses depending on who I talk to. I definitely have had serious early childhood adverse events, and have been retraumatized as a teen and adult. Symptoms: excessive worry and fear Overreactive, esp about marriage Poor sleep Inability to concentrate When my symptoms are acute, which happens every couple of years, and always in summer, which happens to be an anniversary date, I get: Feelings of rushing, or charged Irritable & agitated Emotionally labile (3 hour crying jags and I never cry) Dissociation/derealization/depersonaliation Paresthesias Self destructive behavior: sexual promiscuity, suicidal ideation Intensely strong sense of fear, heart pounding Intrusive alarming thoughts Time shifts between past memories and present experience Deep sadness I have a history of recurrent depression. I have never felt euphoria. I have persistent pain, and migraines. Those who say I’m bipolar seem to worry about my paresthesias and rushed electric feelings. Those who say it’s trauma seem convinced by intrusive thoughts & history. it’s important because SSRIs are verboten if you are bipolar but good for trauma, and antipsychotics or lithium do nothing for trauma long term but are good for bipolar disease. Has anyone had to navigate competing diagnoses? What did you do about meds? -
Are there any rape survivors here who are raising sons? How do you juggle: - raising them to be conscientious, respectful, compassionate men - not making them ashamed of their bodies, sexuality, or gender - not being triggered by them
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Has anyone here come to realize the moments when you are projecting in a relationship? By Projection, I mean the behavior where you do not accept your own thoughts, motivations, desires, and feelings as your own. These "unwanted" feelings or thoughts are dealt with by being projected / placed outside of yourself or attributed to someone else... I've noticed (as a chronically depressed, anxious, highly-sensitive person) that I have a habit of often projecting, and misinterpreting other's behavior as critical, unloving, uncaring, angry and disapproving...when in fact, these are the constant ruminations that I have about MYSELF. This is simply how my brain operates in the world. I'm VERY critical of myself (I often see myself as unlovable, unworthy, lazy, too emotional, disorganized, I never do anything right)... Ex: Someone communicates a neutral statement to me, but I over analyze and read into it emotionally, and start feeling and questioning that the person is angry with me or disapproves of me. Anyone experience this? How do you de-program your automatic projections?- 13 replies
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I tapered of ativan because I felt like it was making me like the energizer bunny. I would start reading a book, 15 min later do dishes, 20 min later go on a run, 10 minutes into the run get tired of it, go inside watch a tv show for 10 min, then do something else. I couldn't focus on one damn thing at a time. Well I refilled the prescription and I felt great yesterday and the day before but now I actually feel more anxious. Not exactly anxiety per se, but almost like an agitation that makes me on edge, makes me worry more. I function better. Showering, cleaning, not daydreaming all day or dissociating. But I just hate the rotten feeling of agitation and not being able to relax. Would a longer acting benzo help? Such as klonipin. This was the same thing I experienced on xanax except no agitation but more energizer bunny and 15 incremental sessions all day. But this time I keep worrying, I can't be patient, little things annoy me. I'm getting frustrated even thinking about thinking about it.
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hello I keep reposting the same stuff but i know two people who suffer from ptsd and i want help these poeple have had these things happen to them (not both have had them) sexual abuse physical abuse mental abuse private information handed out rumours been with the wrong people etc please help me out -
Bonjour y'all. I feel like I know y'all a bit - long time lurker. I just wanna say that I have used this site to help me research and kinda navigate my way through the blissful path of personal awareness in my journey through crazyland. I have been very thankful to find great resources and opinions here. So, into the breach of introductions... I am a 32 y/o lady hailing from the great and dirtiest South, Louisiana. I've been a healer for over half my life, and a massage therapist for over a decade. I'm a (veerrry) small business owner working from home So that I can also care for my two magnificent children, one of whom is a tri-lingual, fencing super-nerd and the youngest of whom is the closest thing to a literal angel that I will ever know. I know.. Im biased but I don't lie! My youngest (5) is also a soldier in the battle against unwonted, rare disease called Mitochondrial Complex III Deficiency. She is not expected to survive adolescence. I share this information to promote awareness of her affliction and to give some glimpse into the muti-faceted gem of shit luck that contributes greatly to my episodes of mental illness exacerbations. Diagnosed borderline, major depressive disorder, schizoaffectve with just a dash of PTSD and DID to keep it fun. I did not seek help until the peak of my schizoaffective emergence, during which I attempted twice within a year. I've been off and on the pharmacopia and onlythis year did I see a counselor. Now, because I'm swimming in medical bills for prescription meds, supplements (that insurance sure as shit won't cover), shitty cars, doctors appointments, genetic tests....yeah, I'm broke as fuck and I am on Medicaid. The great state of Louisiana is kind of a clusterfuck of bad doctors, limited mental health resources, and waiting lists that last over 6 months....so my mental health options are severly restricted. So I'm finally deciding to say hi to all of you in the hopes that we can aquaint ourselves and, hopefully, I can find some sense of community because no one in Jesus country is really open to talking about mental illness unless its to call MI the side-effect of demonic possession. So howdy y'all!
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Hey all, I have noticed that my memory has dwindled to zero these days. I had an evaluation done at the VA hospital memory clinic. They said they see no issue at all with my memory, but rather deduced that due to PTSD and daily pain I suffer, it is affecting my attention span, which in turn affects memory. I didn't have this issue like this last semester. It is awful. Anyone else with issues like this? Any tips? I need to pass. I am not doing a very good job because I cannot test well. I may spend 2 to 3 hours on homework and get very good grades, but my 1 hour allotted for tests is not a help. -
I went into the ER for trying to kill myself and they had a male doctor come in and take all the sticky wire things of me. I had to pull my shirt up. It triggered me because of past sexual trauma and because i am transgender. He was also making a creepy smile while doing it witch is espeically weird because i was literally in the ER for trying to kill myself. Geez, great pediatricin. -
I went into the ER for trying to kill myself and they had a male doctor come in and take all the sticky wire things of me. I had to pull my shirt up. It triggered me because of past sexual trauma and because i am transgender. He was also making a creepy smile while doing it witch is espeically weird because i was literally in the ER for trying to kill myself. Geez, great pediatricin.
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Perceiving value in your life is not a thought form of perception (awareness) at all. Rather, it is an emotional awareness. In other words, our emotions do not have some sort of mind control effect on us where they force us to perceive, through our thinking, our lives being good or bad to us. It is purely the emotions themselves that allow us to see values in our lives. Emotions are actually a sense like sight. They allow us to see the values that things and situations hold in our lives. It is only our positive emotions that allow us to see the positive qualities of life (i.e. the good values) while it is only our negative emotions that allow us to see the negative qualities of life (i.e. the bad values). Having neither positive nor negative emotions would be no different than a blind person. No value judgment can allow this blind person to see just as how no value judgment or mindset can allow us to see the values in our lives. -
I met with my new tdoc today and she wants to try EMDR therapy to help me with driving anxiety related to a crash I was in earlier this year. Has anyone tried this particular type of therapy?
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Hi, the stress in my neck and my shoulders have been absolutely crazy for the last couple weeks. I was able to get into see a friend of mine who does massages. She had been working on my neck and my shoulders and telling me how freaking tight they were and somehow we started talking about a place in my upper back that's a little bit messed up. She asked me what happened and I told her that I had been crushed by a forklift in 1987. I was 25 at the time. I was young, I was in good shape, and it really didn't affect me one way or the other. I didn't feel emotionally or physically hurt. She asked me if I had been to therapy before, and I said sure for my childhood. She said, no I mean about the accident. I told her that I didn't really feel like a trauma had occurred. She said that she thinks my head and neck stuff are all related to the trauma associated with the accident. I'm not sure how to phrase this question, but have you ever had any psych therapy done for something you didn't realize it was a trauma? Did it help? Thanks -
Ok, so I've had PTSD since 2007 when I was still in the Air Force. My meds just aren't working right to me, and I'm having side effects from one of them. I'm on 1000mg Depakote ER, Cymbalta (I forget how much), and 3mg Risperadone (Risperdal). I was taking 750mg of Depakote and 6mg of Risperadone until recently...we're trying to take me off the Risperadone, so the pdoc is upping the Depakote. I see *a* pdoc in the afternoon (my normal pdoc had to cancel and I wasn't waiting until June to talk to someone...I don't like my experiences with the VA for the most part). Anyway, so the plan is to take me off the Risperadone, but I have a major concern...I'm already getting really, really irritable! I haven't really been getting *more* angry, but I still get really angry more often than I'd like. But the irritability is driving me nuts and feels like it's getting out of control, and I'm afraid it's starting to interfere with my work, and I work in a call center and they record and listen to the calls... I also have issues regarding the Depakote. I kinda need to stay on the Depakote because it supposedly helps with my migraines too (which are getting to the point where I'm getting ready to go back on Botox again), so coming off of it and switching to something different may not be an option...I'd want my pdoc to confer with my neurologist before making that decision so they can both make arrangements and changes if necessary. Anyway, I also have narcolepsy. The last time I was on 1000mg of Depakote I almost drove through a bush in the middle of someone's yard. Granted, I wasn't on the stimulant I'm currently taking back then (Nuvigil). But I have concerns that it could make me drowsy again. But like I can take percocet and benedryl and be wide awake, so who knows...I don't normally take pain meds, just when I get kidney stones, but when I do I have to take benedryl because it makes me itch. I'll let you know what the pdoc says tomorrow, but I'd love some input on ideas I can discuss with the pdoc on my next visit. I need something for irritability, depression, and anger (preferably no more than 2 meds), and if one of them could help with migraines too (like Depakote) that would be great... -
I'm wondering if anyone here's had an nde... I've been realising I had alot of... Afteraffects. Would be very cool to talk to someone about it if u have, or know someone who has. I
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Anyone else experience this? It's like I have no automatic thoughts at all, nothing "driving" me - complete loss of automatic inner monologue. I feel totally flat and emotionless - except for negative emotions and fear because of this state. Has anyone recovered from this? -
Hey Guys , I grew up in an in emotionally intense chatoic household all my life was born to two alcoholic parents that met in AA . I never felt really safe or happy when I was growing up and in 2013 I experienced a severely traumatic event that quasi lasted for 3 years . My current psych APN diagnosed with with complex PTSD, GAD, and OCD (obessive intrusional thoughts) . I've been on Paxil 40 mg for 2 months , Lamictal 200mg for a week , and 4 mg Klonopin a day plus a 5mg prazosin . Her approach is less meds low doses and low side effects and wait and see approach . Im sleping about 2-4 hours on the cocktail. Nothing is activating however, I'm sleeping 2-4 hours at best . What gives ? Please help. Due to PTSD insomnia, -I've lost my part time job -Been dumoed by my partner -good chance of getting kicked out of nursing school for 2 years Please weigh in guys -
Hi there, although I'm a new member I've been lurking the forum for years . Long story short , I've had a psychotic break/near death experience that lasted for about a year , that occured in 2013 . Although I'm over 90-95% of it, I'm still suffering a backlash in terms of constant to variable anxiety throughout the week . I've also haven't slept naturally since the event occured in 2013 . So basically my body's used to feeling anxious for so long that its the new normal and ditto for the insomnia . I have a psychiatrist that I see 1x to 2x a month and am seeing a good experienced therapist twice a week (both work in the same office). I want to sleep naturally again . Anyways after trying multiple (sedating) anti psychotics , anti depressants, anti convulsants , 6 different benzodiazepines, z-drugs , antihistamines and belsomra , my psychiatrist decided to put me on Xyrem . I'm on the max dose of 4.5 grams twice nightly .The first two months were heaven, it truly was the holy grail . Absolutely zero side effects and completely unoffensive like a hypnotic benzodiazpine . The major payoff was that I was sleeping 8-10hrs a day and feeling so incredibly rested (like natural sleep since it only improves sleep architecture and induces natural sleep)I didn't need to take medicines like nuvigil and adderall to stay awake/function during the day and totally went off of the stimulants . My physical and mental abilities were 100% again . Workouts were great with all the new energy and school went from difficult to moderately easy now that my brain was finally recovering at night . Problem is that due to increasing situational anxiety due to school/(I guess how the near death experience makes me act to stressors ?) The 9g a night barely keeps me asleep for more than 3-4 hrs . The Xyrem pharmacist said insomnia people like me can use higher doses , as he's seen up to 13g a night . Problem is that the doctor said he will aboslutely not go past 9g a night . He will not Rx me any controlled CNS depressants with the xyrem (benzos, z-drugs , belsomra even friggin Lyrica is off the table) He's given me zyprexa since it has helped my anxiety and insomnia in the past however that antipsychotic leaves me with carry over sedation in to the day and dumbs me down (in an engineering science major) . The zyprexa does keep me alseep with the 9g of xyrem but I need a whopping 10mg to 7.5mg depending on my anxiety and stress level . Fast forward to today , as I lost my insurance with the xyrem prescribing psychiatrist and xyrem medication . I saw one sleep doctor at a sleep clinic and he said my insomnia was out of the scope of his practice, despite asking for xyrem and showing him my med records showing him I was Rx'ed it for months with little issue . I have an appt. with another specialist at a sleep clinic in NJ who Rx's Xyrem june 7th . And in case that lady is a spineless waste of money , I have two other sleep doctors lined up with appointments in late july who also prescribe xyrem in late July. Any tips on how to get this med back to helping me ?? I'm officially on 4mg Klonopin, 40mg paxil, 200mg Lamictal, 1mg Halcion (useless now) seeing different therapist and psychiatrist for insurance reasons
