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  1. Hi, I am kitties. I am a newbie here, but not to illness. I have chronic pain 24/7 in my back and neck. Mentally....here are my diagnoses (got a second and third opinion....all objective and a consensus of the exact same diagnoses.) Bipolar 1 with psychosis, extreme, treatment resistant, rapid cycling. Mixed features predominant. Never had a remission to date...just a couple of weeks with my bipolar disorder. “Normal” for a few weeks a couple of times per year. No anxiety remission. OCD, GAD, Panic Disorder, Social Anxiety disorder, PTSD...I think that is everything. Oh
  2. I am so very lost, angry, hurt, depressed, explosive, and drowning. I was put on latuda or my bipolar and depression acting up... I hate new meds for this reason. I started having my ptsd dreams again, ate everything in site and craved sugar omg terribly, have been depressed, cant color which i love to do, just wanna sleep, explosive anger, crying jags, hate life, nothing makes me happy, everything just sucks. Im so angry cause i feel like i did before i went on any meds, 20yr ago. Im so confused i just feel like im grasping at air.. I was in the er the other night and they basical
  3. I feel it is my ultimate goal to depersonalize once and for all my life was a living hell until 18 when I hade a life changing drug experience and realized I was fucked up next day I was setting up a visit to the psychiatrist I am very introspective and realized what I hade better than ay outside source could tell me I hade bpd mixed with a family history of bipolar ouch now imagine the most emotionally sensitive and vengeful woman on steroids and lock her in your head the mind can only take so many temper tantrums before it pulls the old 1930's era divorce from its self which it did I am t
  4. Last night was scary for me. I felt a mood suddenly ink in and I think I may have been hallucinating or dissociating due to the anxiety I was experiencing. I actually saw out of the corner of my right eye a face that was letting out all the angst I was feeling. It was a tortured hideous expression, and as soon as it appeared, it disappeared and I could feel all those churning emotions inking back into me. Soo weird !!! Was this dissociation, am I now BiPolar, what in the heck happened to me? Never had this, this intense before. I was afraid of........ me. I could tell something ser
  5. I didn't realize this until I was reading another post, but here it is again, the first day of Fall in the US in two days. Already leaves are turning colors, falling, and the light outside is changing. Usually every change in season, I have one or two manic episodes. Last night had what I believe was my first manic episode in a long time. But last evening was scarier, all the typical symptoms of mania along with visual disturbances and sensations I had never experienced before. Left a vmail message on my psych docs line this morning thinking this is the smart thing to do, it usually takes a
  6. I am going to copy this out and hand over to my new trauma therapist, will circle which applies to me. I met with her last week and she educated me with certain diagnoses I was given that now fall under the new PTSD criteria. I also am keeping a daily log of my symptoms and triggers. CAUTION: May trigger * * * * * * * * * * * * Full copyrighted criteria are available from the American Psychiatric Association (1). All of the criteria are required for the diagnosis of PTSD. The following text summarizes the d
  7. I’ve a question for the hive mind. I get different diagnoses depending on who I talk to. I definitely have had serious early childhood adverse events, and have been retraumatized as a teen and adult. Symptoms: excessive worry and fear Overreactive, esp about marriage Poor sleep Inability to concentrate When my symptoms are acute, which happens every couple of years, and always in summer, which happens to be an anniversary date, I get: Feelings of rushing, or charged Irritable & agitated Emotionally labile (3 hour crying jags and I n
  8. Are there any rape survivors here who are raising sons? How do you juggle: - raising them to be conscientious, respectful, compassionate men - not making them ashamed of their bodies, sexuality, or gender - not being triggered by them
  9. Has anyone here come to realize the moments when you are projecting in a relationship? By Projection, I mean the behavior where you do not accept your own thoughts, motivations, desires, and feelings as your own. These "unwanted" feelings or thoughts are dealt with by being projected / placed outside of yourself or attributed to someone else... I've noticed (as a chronically depressed, anxious, highly-sensitive person) that I have a habit of often projecting, and misinterpreting other's behavior as critical, unloving, uncaring, angry and disapproving...when in fact, these are the constant
  10. I tapered of ativan because I felt like it was making me like the energizer bunny. I would start reading a book, 15 min later do dishes, 20 min later go on a run, 10 minutes into the run get tired of it, go inside watch a tv show for 10 min, then do something else. I couldn't focus on one damn thing at a time. Well I refilled the prescription and I felt great yesterday and the day before but now I actually feel more anxious. Not exactly anxiety per se, but almost like an agitation that makes me on edge, makes me worry more. I function better. Showering, cleaning, not daydreaming all day or dis
  11. hello I keep reposting the same stuff but i know two people who suffer from ptsd and i want help these poeple have had these things happen to them (not both have had them) sexual abuse physical abuse mental abuse private information handed out rumours been with the wrong people etc please help me out
  12. Bonjour y'all. I feel like I know y'all a bit - long time lurker. I just wanna say that I have used this site to help me research and kinda navigate my way through the blissful path of personal awareness in my journey through crazyland. I have been very thankful to find great resources and opinions here. So, into the breach of introductions... I am a 32 y/o lady hailing from the great and dirtiest South, Louisiana. I've been a healer for over half my life, and a massage therapist for over a decade. I'm a (veerrry) small business owner working from home So that I can also care f
  13. Hey all, I have noticed that my memory has dwindled to zero these days. I had an evaluation done at the VA hospital memory clinic. They said they see no issue at all with my memory, but rather deduced that due to PTSD and daily pain I suffer, it is affecting my attention span, which in turn affects memory. I didn't have this issue like this last semester. It is awful. Anyone else with issues like this? Any tips? I need to pass. I am not doing a very good job because I cannot test well. I may spend 2 to 3 hours on homework and get very good grades, but my 1 hour allotted for tests is not
  14. I went into the ER for trying to kill myself and they had a male doctor come in and take all the sticky wire things of me. I had to pull my shirt up. It triggered me because of past sexual trauma and because i am transgender. He was also making a creepy smile while doing it witch is espeically weird because i was literally in the ER for trying to kill myself. Geez, great pediatricin.
  15. I went into the ER for trying to kill myself and they had a male doctor come in and take all the sticky wire things of me. I had to pull my shirt up. It triggered me because of past sexual trauma and because i am transgender. He was also making a creepy smile while doing it witch is espeically weird because i was literally in the ER for trying to kill myself. Geez, great pediatricin.
  16. Perceiving value in your life is not a thought form of perception (awareness) at all. Rather, it is an emotional awareness. In other words, our emotions do not have some sort of mind control effect on us where they force us to perceive, through our thinking, our lives being good or bad to us. It is purely the emotions themselves that allow us to see values in our lives. Emotions are actually a sense like sight. They allow us to see the values that things and situations hold in our lives. It is only our positive emotions that allow us to see the positive qualities of life (i.e. the good values)
  17. I met with my new tdoc today and she wants to try EMDR therapy to help me with driving anxiety related to a crash I was in earlier this year. Has anyone tried this particular type of therapy?
  18. Hi, the stress in my neck and my shoulders have been absolutely crazy for the last couple weeks. I was able to get into see a friend of mine who does massages. She had been working on my neck and my shoulders and telling me how freaking tight they were and somehow we started talking about a place in my upper back that's a little bit messed up. She asked me what happened and I told her that I had been crushed by a forklift in 1987. I was 25 at the time. I was young, I was in good shape, and it really didn't affect me one way or the other. I didn't feel emotionally or physically hurt. S
  19. Ok, so I've had PTSD since 2007 when I was still in the Air Force. My meds just aren't working right to me, and I'm having side effects from one of them. I'm on 1000mg Depakote ER, Cymbalta (I forget how much), and 3mg Risperadone (Risperdal). I was taking 750mg of Depakote and 6mg of Risperadone until recently...we're trying to take me off the Risperadone, so the pdoc is upping the Depakote. I see *a* pdoc in the afternoon (my normal pdoc had to cancel and I wasn't waiting until June to talk to someone...I don't like my experiences with the VA for the most part). Anyway, so the pl
  20. I'm wondering if anyone here's had an nde... I've been realising I had alot of... Afteraffects. Would be very cool to talk to someone about it if u have, or know someone who has. I
  21. Anyone else experience this? It's like I have no automatic thoughts at all, nothing "driving" me - complete loss of automatic inner monologue. I feel totally flat and emotionless - except for negative emotions and fear because of this state. Has anyone recovered from this?
  22. Hey Guys , I grew up in an in emotionally intense chatoic household all my life was born to two alcoholic parents that met in AA . I never felt really safe or happy when I was growing up and in 2013 I experienced a severely traumatic event that quasi lasted for 3 years . My current psych APN diagnosed with with complex PTSD, GAD, and OCD (obessive intrusional thoughts) . I've been on Paxil 40 mg for 2 months , Lamictal 200mg for a week , and 4 mg Klonopin a day plus a 5mg prazosin . Her approach is less meds low doses and low side effects and wait and see approach . Im sleping about 2-4
  23. Hi there, although I'm a new member I've been lurking the forum for years . Long story short , I've had a psychotic break/near death experience that lasted for about a year , that occured in 2013 . Although I'm over 90-95% of it, I'm still suffering a backlash in terms of constant to variable anxiety throughout the week . I've also haven't slept naturally since the event occured in 2013 . So basically my body's used to feeling anxious for so long that its the new normal and ditto for the insomnia . I have a psychiatrist that I see 1x to 2x a month and am seeing a good e
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