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Showing results for tags 'Perspective'.
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Look, I'm an atheist. All organized (and unorganized) religion seems absurd to me, for a multitude of reasons. It seems to me that if everyone was raised by scientifically-literate parents, and not told about religion until critical thinking skills were fully developed (twenty-one?), that religion would disappear from this world. However, I see it's value in comforting people. I would greatly appreciate that comfort. So do me a favor and convince me!
So I am emerging from a couple of years full of stressful, traumatic, and generally depressing episodes. Basically, college was that wonderful time when I switched teams from "I know in my heart that people are generally good" to "wow, there are a lot of people who sure are good at faking being decent human beings!" I got all irrationally moody, cut out anyone who I felt was negative in any way, and generally retreated into myself. Since then, I have worked really hard to try and find a positive outlook and accept that people are flawed but still contain good, blah blah... I have almost gotten myself back to the person I used to be, but I feel like the smallest set-backs take me right back to the hole of a feeling I was in a couple years back. Let me be clear, my life rules. I have a great apartment, job, boyfriend, and family. There is nothing wrong in my life, save my own inability to accept that things aren't always perfect. Just recently, my "best friend" came to visit, and basically purposefully blew me off for another friend in who lives her as well, and generally made me feel like shit, and now despite her being gone, and it really not making a lot of a difference in my life, I can't seem to shake the frustrated/sad/angry/disgusted feelings throught my entire day. I have seen this friendship coming to an end for a long time, because this manipulative search for attention and making herself feel better by bringing me down is nothing new with this person. Yet, I have spent the near week since she left, with the feeling that my head is coiled so tightly that I can't accept simple noises. I for real get suddenly violent when a noise on the TV is irritating. I am lashing out at my supportive, kind, and understanding boyfriend for the smallest things, and while I am aware and hate it and try not to, I can't seem to stop. I cry at random, and I am losing sleep. I don't know: A) why something I expected is affecting me so heavily B) why I am allowing it to affect my life C) how to start accepting life and it's imperfections, and not allowing others to decide how I am going to feel D) how much this is truly affecting my relationships with people who are actualy decent human beings, despite their denials that I am being a burden or taking them down with me. My biggest fear is that I will become the negative thing or influence in some one else's life, because I can't get a handle on myself. I don't want to push away the few people who are good to me, like I have all those who are not, just because I am angry all the time. Bleh' I dont know what I'm looking for. I was just feeling down enough tonight that I looked up forums and ended up joining this one, because I saw there was some brutal honesty going on and also because I wanted to improve my perspective even if I did so by showing myself what a whiner I truly am. I just want to accept life, and find healthy relationships, while not sabotaging the few I already have that matter. Tall order?