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  1. I kind of made this account on a whim at 3 in the morning on a thursday but i guess i just want to rant Ive been clean for about two years no sometimes i did little things to hurt myself but nothing i never considered that """self harm""" i guess because i couldnt get in trouble for it// I relapsed for real last weekend and while i was doing it i liked it and it "took me back" i guess// But now i regret it so much, the florida summer is not forgiving and ive been wearing thick crewnecks every day// i forgot how much the aftermath sucked but i still want to do it again// Ive been seeking
  2. Well today was a shit day to put it lightly. Now I hope I don't sound like a whinny overly emotional girl. I just want to vent. I really don't care who reads this or if no one reads this at all. I just need a way to get my emotions out in words. My mom has one of those steel safes with a combination. She keeps my medication for depression and anxiety, along with some razors in there. For the past couple of days I've been trying to crack the lock and figure out the combination with no luck. This kind of behavior drives my mom nuts. She'll go of into a rage and call me a fat narcissis
  3. Hello, Recently I had a bought of noise that I wasn't able to fight off well due to being distracted by a personal issue. Of course, the reason I lost footing in the first place was because of the mildly stressful issue. What I am wondering, is if there is a better way to distract the voices. I am usually able to mute them by using foundational logic to win. But, when something has me questioning my beliefs in my choices and actions (which is irritatingly easy to do), I am at their mercy. I used to have 'good' voices that would hold my body back from doing anything physically be
  4. I’ll get straight to it, I cut myself. This was my first time cutting. I don’t know why, the thought of cutting kept haunting my mind. I decided after school I would do it. Just once. I was alone in the house at the time and got everything I needed. I had a first aid kit, a small screwdriver and a sharpener. I took out the blade and I was nervous and did it high up on my thigh. I cut twice on my thigh then on my hips. I got carried away and cleaned up the cuts. There were more cuts then I intended and I cleaned everything up hiding the evidence. I’m a little shaky fr
  5. Basically what the title says. Also, how old we you at the time. Obviously looking for responses from teenager years more than anything.
  6. So when my parents first found out about me self-harming was in 6th grade I was bullied, my parents were getting a divorce, and my parents would always yell at me for everything. Well I started to cut myself a lot and one day for the gym I was dressing out and a girl had seen my arms and told the counselor that then told my parents. My mom and dad both told me I was selfish, attention seeker, and how they're disgusted with me. I told them I was bullied a lot but they said they didn't believe me. So from then I just would hide how I felt and I had stopped cutting for about 2 months until things
  7. I'm new to the forums and thought it would be useful to introduce myself. I'm not really comfortable talking about myself and it's pretty obvious because my heart is racing just writing this. But I've been having a lot of issues lately so I'm hoping I can find some help by talking more with you guys.
  8. I just cut myself again, after less than a week without doing it. The longest I've gone is about 2 1/2 months. When I've been keeping such big secrets for so long, it isn't hard to find my way around my parents safety measures. I'm sure you guys can agree. I started cutting when I was 13. My parents know. Now, at almost 15, I've been hospitalized 5 times. My family is reaching the limit of their tolerance. I can't blame them. My youngest sister, after witnessing one of my breakdowns, now sees a therapist herself. Today, my dad said I'll have to go live in a special home if I don't st
  9. Does anyone else here have an imaginary friend? Or at least a voice in your head that seems to have a mind of it's own? My "imaginary" friend, Anne, has been by my side since I was little. She is like a whole other side of me. She is never afraid to do the things I am so scared of, like insulting someone, doing something crazy, or making an inappropriate comment at exactly the wrong(right?) time. She has distinct attributes: red hair, gray eyes, pale skin, blue summer dress, brown sandals. She can be funny, clever, and a really great friend. But sometimes, she can be mean and demanding
  10. So the story is really complicated but I don't know how to move on with my life after it. To summarize, I got married 4.5 years ago and we moved here together. From the beginning he constantly threatened me with divorce which took its toll on my mood (I tried commiting suicide a few months after moving here). I never wanted to cheat but in addition to threats of divorce, he always called me oversexual and suggested I see a doctor (I wanted sex once a day... not unusual for a guy). Despite all of this I worked hard at a job I hated to support the both of us (he wouldn't work, he was a full
  11. This thread is a directory of several other threads with great suggestions on things you can do RIGHT NOW instead of self-harming, and great resources you can use in your recovery. http://www.crazyboards.org/forums/index.php/topic/200-alternatives-to-si-and-other-coping-skills/ This thread is a big jumble of posts from other members about alternatives they have found helpful. http://www.crazyboards.org/forums/index.php/topic/16001-what-to-do-right-now-instead-of-si/ Alternatives to self-harm sorted into groups based on different emotions that might be making you want to SI.
  12. So my niece came by unannounced to say hello. No big deal except for the monumental bruising I left on my arm just below the elbow to about half way down the forearm. I have finger nail scraped up and down my arm and the bruise is huge and deep. She looked overly concerned at me and asked what the heck happened. She said it looks like I was bleeding under the skin, which is kind of did. (its better now) So I thought of the best scenario I could and lied. She did not really buy it. I could see fear and worry in her face. Now I feel ashamed and stupid. It is no secret to my family that I
  13. May be Triggering for some - not not explicit. Hi All, I've been cutting since I was 12, was diagnosed with Bipolar II when I was 15; which seems to explain why - I've never really figured it out myself. I've had long periods of recovery, and I really thought I had it cracked this time. I was wrong. Last night I relapsed. I'm going to keep working on getting better, and not let this get me down or put me off finding healthier solutions, the usual spiel, but in the meantime I have to deal with the fallout, and I think I need some support with that. My family knows about m
  14. I am sorry this is so long. I know this is probably blog-land territory, but I also wanted some feedback on this issue. I know different fonts and sizes can be off-putting, but I wanted to differentiate between what I wrote yesterday and how I am currently feeling today (wrote a post but changed mind, saved as word document instead). I am also curious if anyone else has experienced PMDD to this extent, what has helped (beyond the traditional treatments-- SSRIs, BC pills, diet and exercise regulation, etc... which I've tried and which I do currently except the BC pills-- and even some l
  15. Is going to be tough. I can feel it. I don't know what to do... Nothing is working.
  16. Hi, my name is Amy Kaukiainen and I’m completing a fourth year honours project at the University of Queensland as part of the requirements for the Bachelor of Psychological Science program. The topic of my project focuses on the effects that using Internet message and discussion boards may have on self-injury. I have recruited several participants via a student participation scheme at the University of Queensland but in order for my questionnaire to reach as many people as possible I am now beginning to approach discussion boards and social media pages dedicated to self-injury. The s
  17. when you SI regularly, how do you keep from SI'ing while intoxicated or "messed up" (jebus, I hate that term)? we all know alcohol -- or other drugs, whatever they may be -- may cause a person to lose their sense of intelligence, reluctance, balance, and even general awareness. so how do you consume whatever and not self-injure? ...or do you just not? have you stopped "using" because your SI got too terrible while doing so?? (also, if this belongs in the Substance Abuse group, please move it there. it's just for me tonight, it's the that SI is the heavier topic
  18. I suck at compartmentalizing but I'll try to here--because I can write a book (and likely will once my son's legal issues are resolved). My son has Aspergers and ADHD/Impulsivity. A friend of his began cutting when my son was @11 or so . My son began then. I wasn't sure if it was imitation, trying to find acceptance because he's never had more than 1 friend at a time and social engagement is a major problem for him since he was @5. Partly because people don't understand his quirkiness and his autistic reactions to stuff and our culture trains kids to run to cops for every last thing that s
  19. I relapsed a couple days ago, had a not very satisfying session with my therapist yesterday, and also dealing with work-related stress. I'm trying not to go back to the land of "Just Two More So It's Five." I understand that this forum is for getting better, so I feel a little terrible that I don't exactly see SI as something I need to necessarily quit. I know it's not healthy, I know that, but regardless of all my scars it doesn't happen very often. Like it's just something that tends to happen on really bad days. Sometimes it doesn't even happen on really bad days. Anyway, whatever.
  20. My boyfriend and I have been discussing different fantasies lately to get a better grasp on what each other's sexual preferences are and to see if we had any in common. One of the big ones for both of us is cutting one another while having sex. Even though he is very willing to try it, I am hesitant since we are both cutters and I would like us to eventually stop using self-harm as a coping mechanism. I'm worried that if we indulge this fantasy, it might only encourage self-harm once we're out of the bedroom. I am also worried that he will become less receptive of my requests for him to find h
  21. God I want to cut so badly but I also don’t want to ruin this streak of not cutting. It’s been 22-days since I last cut, not my longest but far better than the usual three to four days I was managing before. I know cutting doesn’t solve anything, but it does. I’m feeling so lost, empty, lacking motivation at the moment and while cutting won’t fix that, it does to a point in that it proves to me that I’m still alive, still capable of feeling something, anything, and that I have some control in my life. Grr, the desire is almost unbearable at the moment. Life sucks majorly sometimes. Just r
  22. I have heard of some studies done in which Topamax has been investigated for the efficacy in treating alcohol dependence, cocaine dependence, etc. (I don't have any citations off the top of my head, but after college I worked in an addiction research center, and one of the psychiatrists was running a study on using Topamax for treatment of alcohol abuse. I have also separately heard that Topamax can help with "impulsive behaviors" in general (binge/purge, self-harm, etc). Has anyone ever used it for purposes of reducing substance cravings and/or specifically to target impulsive behaviors
  23. Back to school time is the hardest time for me of the year in regards to my self harming. The reason being is that I can go buy more of my "tools" that I use to self harm at a lot cheaper price. I have this whole routine that I go to the Dollar Tree and can get a 6-pack of my "tools" for a buck. Sometimes I find myself going to the store and clearing the shelf. Its like once I get there I get really, really panicky and have to buy every single one. I find myself thinking that one pack is not enough, two is not enough etc. I get paranoid too thinking that the cashier knows what I am doing.
  24. Alright, maybe this has already been asked (I wouldn't be surprised if it has), but where do you all self-injure/harm? Why there? Is it because of the amount of pain, or is it the ability to hide the marks? I don't know, I'm curious to hear everyone's stories. Please, tell away.
  25. Hi there! I could ramble on about my miserable self for hours, but I'll try to keep this short. I may elaborate on some of these things on my blog. For starters: I'm a young woman from Norway. Randomly stumbled upon this forum once, and I thought it was interesting. I finally decided to join you guys today. So, why am I here? I've been institutionalized three times voluntarily, all in the course of one year. The first time was at a place for teenagers and young adults. At the end of my stay, I was told by the doctors I had schizoaffective disorder, depressive type. I'm not too sure ab
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