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Alright, let's do this. Long story short, I had an amazing childhood, plenty of friends, loving family, I was outgoing, life was just awesome. Fast forward to middle school (8th grade), I suddenly become shy out of o where. Lost friends, became a loner, got teased/bullied daily. Same shit happened in high school, except it was worse. I thought things would be better once I got into college, and guess the fuck what? It has never been this bad. Frankly, I don't understand why I'm picked on. I think it's bc I'm so quiet/shy and people take advantage of that. Any fucking ways. I'm sick of it, and I'm ready to bounce. So, basically I've developed depression, aniexiy, horrible social skills, and blah blah blah. I don't wanna bore you. You get the picture though. I've done lots of research and I found a painless, peaceful way to die. I could do it anytime I want, BUT IM SO FUCKING SCARED. I'm terrfied of the after-life. I'm Christian, and I don't know if suicide is a forgivable sin. One day I was watching a horror movie, and a woman had acid poured on her face, and her flesh was burning and melting. And I thought...THAT COULD FUCKING BE ME IF I DID IT. I know, a fix to my worries is to endure a miserable life in order to avoid eternal torture, but I seriously can't. Some people might say, "omg shut up life is hard for everyone, suck it up". I couldn't care less about those people. You expect me to continue my misery because you're telling me that I should? Fuck outtaaaaaaa here. There are other factors/consequences for my actions, like hurting my family. I thought about it for nearly 4 years and I'm going to be selfish and do it anyways. All that crap people say about "it will get better" is not true. There's something else I'm not mentioning because I'm too embarased to say (the main reason for this suicide), but let's just say that I cannot have any social life or even a job because of it. I cannot be around people. I cannot make a living because a job requires an interview and co-workers. I'm barely getting through college, and my grades are struggling because I skip classes (since it's a huge room filled with 600+ people). I don't eat or go to the dinning halls bc again...people. I literally have nothing to live for. I don't mind the isolation, in fact, it's the only time I'm at peace. But I can't be isolated forever. I hope I'm making sense. Anyways. I need some thought about this. If you're reglious, do you think I will be forgiven? If you're not, do you think life after death is peaceful?

I used to cut myself a lot. I never did a lot of damage, but it got to the point where I felt like I couldn't stop. I've been doing better for a long time, but a recent wave of anxiety and depression has me tempted to relapse. I hate admitting that I still have this problem in my twenties. I guess I was hoping it was something I could grow out of. Thanks for listening. Any advice or encouragement would be more than welcome. Is there someone else that feels this way?

May be Triggering for some - not not explicit. Hi All, I've been cutting since I was 12, was diagnosed with Bipolar II when I was 15; which seems to explain why - I've never really figured it out myself. I've had long periods of recovery, and I really thought I had it cracked this time. I was wrong. Last night I relapsed. I'm going to keep working on getting better, and not let this get me down or put me off finding healthier solutions, the usual spiel, but in the meantime I have to deal with the fallout, and I think I need some support with that. My family knows about my history with SI, and how I've been good for a while - but we don't tend to talk about it much, it's an uncomfortable subject after all. Since I'm home from uni and staying with them right now, I'm struggling with whether or not to come clean. I didn't want to upset them, and am fairly sure this is not going to be indicative of a serious relapse, so I wasn't going to mention anything. Then my aunt invited us to go swimming with herself and my cousins - worst luck! Fairly sure I could lie my way out of it, which would be less stressful option for all; but also sets a precedence I've been trying to avoid. On the other hand, piling familial stress on top of my current abundance of crazy seems like a recipe for disaster. Any thoughts? Lillian.

I recently had a suicide attempt by self injury. I chickened out when I hit an artery and it scared me enough to call EMS to help me out. Ever since then, I've had a strong desire to SI and last night and tonight I've carried out on these compulsions. The last time I regularly harmed myself was several years ago... I thought I was done with this stuff. I also have to admit that i've been drinking alcohol and isolating from people: I know I'm going through a depressive episode. Last month I spent a few weeks inpatient... and I don't want to go back there. I'm about to start college later this month and I really need to have it together. I guess I'm just looking to very or some understanding about what I'm going though.

Hi, my name is Amy Kaukiainen and I’m completing a fourth year honours project at the University of Queensland as part of the requirements for the Bachelor of Psychological Science program. The topic of my project focuses on the effects that using Internet message and discussion boards may have on self-injury. I have recruited several participants via a student participation scheme at the University of Queensland but in order for my questionnaire to reach as many people as possible I am now beginning to approach discussion boards and social media pages dedicated to self-injury. The survey is very quick and is completely anonymous. It is also possible to exit the study at any time. At the end of the questionnaire we recommend online free published resources which may be helpful. If you are interested in being apart of this research please press the link below, which will take you to the beginning of the survey. Again the website is secure and totally anonymous. https://uqpsych.qualtrics.com/SE/?SID=SV_8xiKs8wWVtCOJxP Thank you in advance.

I relapsed a couple days ago, had a not very satisfying session with my therapist yesterday, and also dealing with work-related stress. I'm trying not to go back to the land of "Just Two More So It's Five." I understand that this forum is for getting better, so I feel a little terrible that I don't exactly see SI as something I need to necessarily quit. I know it's not healthy, I know that, but regardless of all my scars it doesn't happen very often. Like it's just something that tends to happen on really bad days. Sometimes it doesn't even happen on really bad days. Anyway, whatever. I just feel kind of sucky. I want to stop talking because I'm starting to feel like I'm just making everything up. That's usually how it starts, "Do it so it's real." So. Okay.

Hey guys I'm Sarah and New! I'm depressed. Crazy. Self-Harmer. Borderline. Trainee- Nurse If you want to chat or help me get started then you are AWESOME So fav coulour: Purple Into Rock! Talk to me!!!!!!! xxxx

This sounds terrible, but I don't want to stop cutting. When I have had time to think reasonably, i have reevaluated the situation I'm in ( self harm) and I honestly decided, why stop? Here are my reasons: • what's the worst that an happen? A few scars, my death? Ok. • why does it matter to anyone? I don't wear shorts anymore, so no one can be offended by the cuts, and I don't talk about it like it is a good thing. • this is not a thing I keep a secret. Its not so bad I can't tell anyone. People know. My best friends dad knows. We haven't talk about it, but he saw the cuts. • my friends have done it to, but most did it for attention. I am not doing it for attention. I am doing it for a lot of reasons. Mainly family problems/self hate. I know I'm not stopping anytime soon. I'll end up killing myself if I don't, but that doesn't mean a thing to me right now. I don't care. Honestly, i dont. I guess my whole thing was, is this normal, or is it just I'm so screwed up and messed up? ~k

Hi my name is jordan and I have been struggling with self harm. It sames that I can't stop.No matter how hard I try to stop it ends up doing it over again.After many hospital stays of overdose,suicide and self harm. I can't stop.I am 27 years old. I have black and white thoughts,bouts of anger,When I don't get it my way I throw a temper.I can't tolerate being bored,get bored easily,mood swings,binge eating. What could it be I really don't know why I do it.But my behavior can get me into trouble. By not listening to the rules.I am rebellious and go against rules. I don't know what personality is cuasing these symptoms. But I also have stormy agruements.Please respond if you surely care.Also attention seeking behavior I can overract. I don't mean to get all emotional but its totally out of control. Is there a condition for this? Cause I got many personality traits. I don't know what to do. I always play the victim saying its their fault that I am this way.I also have ups where I'm on top of the world to down in the gutters. I can't stand being bored.

potential trigger... maybe. i've slipped up 3 times in the past two days. i'd gone maybe two weeks clean until now. but the thing is, this time its much different. it is half revenge and half freedom. revenge: i have one friend who i tell absolutely everything. we have a scarily close relationship which can be rather unstable at times, like when we both crash at the same time. but in general its extremely supportive. the night before yesterday he decided he had to "take a break from everyone for a bit" so we haven't talked since. he was the one i would tell when i cut and he was encouraging me to stop. hence i was kinda pissed he was ditching when i was crashing and needed him most. so it was a "hah well i'll cut now to get back at you." freedom: because i'd tell him when i slipped up, i'd feel guilty when i'd do it because he'd be upset/disappointed. when we're not talking, i dont have to tell him, and therefore i don't feel guilty at all. and i feel like i can do whatever i want and nobody has to know. (stress: i've been trying to help a friend who has started cutting. (biggest hypocrite ever) it got me a little panic-y at one point and i ended up scratching a hole in my arm with my nails. "he" was in the room at the time so this could also be under revenge. the scratch wasn't to bleeding point but its been leaking clear/yellowy fluid for a full day now. weird?) are either of these reasons for anyone else? also, though i don't feel like i have to stop (no more guilt) i realize i should. i've looked at the alternatives board again but nothings really working cause these aren't the same reasons. not really sure how to tackle this.. ~M