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  2. Had to resort to taking a Valium (5mg) tonight for acute stress flare-up after a heated argument (happened right before bedtime, then I can't fall asleep) These intense emotions of overwhelm and sadness keep me awake for hours afterwards. How long until this kicks in? After 20-30 mins, It doesn't feel like it's doing much at all...would taking more be bad? I also have Xanax, but I end up waking up middle of night when it wears off.
  3. Hey, I always seem to look up these threads when I'm doing coke and I figured I would sign up so I can get some advise. My fiancé and I do coke regularly on Friday and Saturday nights. We drink and just chill. I recently was out on lamotrigine for my mood disorder and anxiety and thay wasn't working so my dr also prescribed me on Zoloft since I was feeling super angry most of the time with just the lamo. Anyways, I've been freaking out with the mix of coke and all my meds. I take 200 mg lamo 50g 1 bar/pill Zoloft and xanax when my anxiety is crazy. Because I only do coke on weekends, how will this effect my heart, my kindset and the effects for the meds on my mental health? I don't want to stop the coke as it helps me unwind from my week . Thoughts ?
  4. So I have been on xanax 1mg two to three times daily for about 1-1.5 years now; Paxil is great and I don't need xanax when on paxil but it makes me manic as hell so that isn't really an option. Been thinking whether Zoloft would be any different.... Anyway, still on xanax same dosage, but just doubled my valium from 10mg at night to 20mg at night because I was waking up from sleep with difficulty breathing and panic symptoms. I asked to try ativan, eliminate the antipsychotic i use for sleep mainly since ativan 2mg really helps with insomnia, and get rid of the valium. Well she said lets try increasing the valium first then we will go from there. Valium honestly does nothing for me. At 10mg I legit feel nothing. It takes at least 40-60mg for minimal anxiety relief. I respect its long half-life but if it's not benefiting much for sleep, or other anxiety problems in the morning I feel like why should I continue it. Switching to ativan 2mg at bedtime could get me off valium and saphris for sleep (would love to not be on an antipsychotic mainly for sleep anyway). Ativan very little to no next day drowsiness, cognitive impairment, lethargy, flat mood. Refreshing sleep is what ativan gives me. Any ideas why the dr might be pushing for valium instead even after I explained it doesn't help for sleep, for anxiety, only thing it is good for is if i dont take my xanax for 1-2 weeks and I wont have a seizure, but my neurologist said lamital should cover that since it's an anticonvulsant. I don't know whether to stay on 2 benzos as the same time, whether it's xanax and valium or xanax and ativan, or to ask for an increase in xanax to maybe 5-6mg/day in divided doses, maybe 2mg twice per day and 1mg once per day, or 2mg 3x a day. My neurologist said if you need to be on these types of medications than it is warranted and pretty much OK in my case. Klonopin sucks, not as much as valium, but it does barely anything for anxiety, esp. panic, or sleep. Makes me have a depressed mood actually, while xanax uplifts my mood and helps me enjoy life without having anxious mood and panic attack symptoms. Ativan just makes me drowsy so I prefer that for sleep. My main question is regarding how i could proceed. Adding ativan, stopping valium maybe saphris, or upping xanax dose and being on only one benzodiazepine. I do have a tolerance so higher doses than 1mg sometimes are needed to stop anticipatory anxiety, avoidance anxiety, and esp. panic attacks. Restoril doesn't help with sleep surprisingly. Never tried triazolam but would love to due to its short half-life and potency/efficacy for insomnia, but my dr thinks it wouldn't be a good idea. Dr says stims may be increasing my anxiety but don't think that is the case. Really want an effective benzo combo or pick to be on xanax only, just at a higher dose. My parents think its crazy to take 3 xanax a day but it's what helps and lets me live life. Somtimes i take more than prescribed because 1mg will not help my symptoms. I just want to be on a stable dose, whether its xanax 3mg xr 1x daily with 1mg 3x daily or 2mg 3x daily. Something has got to give, and the hardest part is even bringing up increasing my xanax dose with my dr because of its bad reputation since everyone seems to abuse it nowadays. I'm ready to take a trip to mexico and take a visit to their pharmacies...
  5. So I am currently following the Ashton manual taper schedule for getting off 4mg alprazolam a day and am between stage 5 and 6. I am on 1.5mg Xanax a day and 40mg Valium a day. Anyone else thing this is a high dosage of diazepam? Despite taking 40mg at once, I still don't feel much of any effects, no sedation or memory impairment, no memory loss or blackouts, no ataxia and no 'feeling high'. Is this abnormal for being on such a high dose of diazepam? The pharmacist literally was so hesitant to fill my monthly prescription for diazepam because it was for #120 tablets and said they've never seen someone prescribed such high dosage of diazepam. Pharmacist wanted to call my doctor first, but ended up filling it anyway after I showed her the Ashton taper schedule I was following. All the pharmacist asked was for me not to take it all at once, but my doctor said it was fine to take all 40mg at bedtime so that's what I do. Anyone else have experience using Valium to help taper off Xanax or other short acting benzodiazepines? It has been going surprisingly smooth so far, and I'm thankful I have a psychiatrist who is willing to allow me to take it at my own pace, giving me an extra week at the same dosage before decreasing the alprazolam. I am excited to get off Xanax but at the same time sad because of how much it helped. But I guess it's for the better because I wasn't using it as prescribed anyway. Would love to hear from anyone who has tapered off xanax, using a taper schedule or not.
  6. So I am currently on 300mg of Lamictal and I take 0.5mg of Xanax as needed up to 2x a day. My Dr. wanted to add in an Celexa because my anxiety is so severe but I'm sooooo scared to add anything I feel like starting meds in the first place messed me up even more than I was. I'm super worried that they won't be effective one day and I'm just gonna lose my shit and end up dead no matter what. Is there anyone that has tried this combo and liked it? I know that it's my anxiety fighting me but I am freaked out by the meds that haven't worked. I just want to feel "normal" just like I'm sure everyone does. Side note I've been on it and I think it was ok, however the sexual side effects made me just feel worse than my depression did so I was taken off of it. And I want to be better than ok. Ok isn't how I want to go through life. Ive been on Wellbutrin 2x (not sure of the dosage) and made me want to kill everyone-literally. Zoloft- anger issues Lexapro- sexual side effects I think Latuda- I was given this when I ended up in the mental hospital and they couldn't have picked a worse drug for me to be on. It made me zonk out and when it really started "working" I just wanted to kill myself. Paxil-can't even remember the effects so it didn't work out. I'm diagnosed bipolar 2, panic disorder and severe anxiety. Like I said I just want to feel better. Any ideas, thoughts, advice are all very welcome.
  7. Hello, all. I'm new to this site. I've been working with a pdoc for the past 3 to 4 years and, more recently, a therapist, due to what I personally classify as treatment resistant MDD. I'm in my mid-forties. Throughout this time, my pdoc has tried multiple "cocktail" combinations of medications. Some combinations work for a while, but it's difficult to become excited when I'm in a good period because I know the bottom can, and likely will, drop out from under my feet again. I'm curious whether anyone has had any success with a similar pharmaceutical lineup like mine. I'm also hoping someone might have tips on outrunning the black dog for longer than a few months at a time. I trust my pdoc, but I'm wondering if I should get a second opinion. Unfortunately, I live in an area where there are not many pdocs from which to choose. Some things to know: I have sleep apnea. For most of my adult life, I've fought drowsiness during the day no matter how much sleep I get. I've had multiple CPAP titrations, but they never seem to do much for the daytime sleepiness. About 3 years ago, I was diagnosed with ADD. Current medicinal lineup: Adderall (15 mg x 2 per day) Lamictal (75 mg x 2 per day) Xanax (0.5 mg x 3 per day) Buspar (15 mg x 4 per day) Trintellix (20 mg x 1 per day) Made me nauseated when I took it during the day, so my pdoc had me start taking it at bedtime, which made all the difference. Starting today, replacing Latuda with Vraylar (1.5 mg x 1 per day) Previously tried the following: Paxil (40 mg x 1 per day) I started this for social anxiety nearly 20 years ago and was taken off of it around 6 months ago. Going off of this after so long was a terrible experience, but those effects have subsided. Prozac Wellbutrin (150 mg x 1 per day) Latuda (20 mg x 1 per day) Seroquel (25 mg x 1 per day) Slept like a baby on this, but it made the daytime drowsiness worse. Rexulti Experienced akathisia with this one. Abilify Also experienced akathisia on this. Viibryd Had stomach cramps I'm also using the following supplements: Omega-3 Vitamin D Vitamin B6, Magnesium, Zinc capsule Ashwaganda/Rhodiola
  8. So I was getting #90 1mg xanax a month since October 2017, but then my doctor found out I wasn't taking them as prescribed. I would get my script filled and take 2-6mg at a time instead of 1mg only 3x a day. Some nights when I might take upwards of 10-12mg and combine with alcohol (I know very dangerous). I would black out of course, broke my macbook just a month ago and don't remember how the damage happened at all. One month I got duplicate scripts by accident and filled 1 through my medicaid and the other script through my private insurance so I got #60 and then #90 from another pharmacy. I went through the whole #150 in 2-3 weeks. I have had 2 seizures before due to running out of xanax early and have since been put on valium to stop a withdrawal seizure from occuring if I "decide to stop taking my xanax for a week or 2", aka run out before I am allowed to legally refill. Well my doctor now is set on getting me off xanax because I made a fool of myself in mid-late October 2017 at my health center, where my psychiatrist is, by taking like 18mg or more of xanax all because I admitted myself cause I felt very uncoordinated and ataxic and was going to have an IV put in my arm. I have such a hard time with needles, but why I thought taking 18mg xanax would be ok is beyond me. I ended up not being able to walk or serve myself food and made the staff stay 2 hours past closing and was wheelchaired to my car because of how incapacitated I was. I don't remember anything 5 minutes past taking a large handful of xanax. So after this is when my dr got concerned about my xanax usage and suggested we start trying to taper off it completely. You can guess that I am not too thrilled about that... Anyway, I ran out of xanax a little before christmas and didnt refill my valium until yesterday. This short break did something for my benzo tolerance because after I took 10mg valium yesterday I definitely felt an uplift in my mood, I was happier, more talkative, energetic, interest, and socially engaging, less annoyed and irritable, a decrease in apathy. 10mg would usually do nothing to me, my mood, etc. Could these effects be alleviation of benzo withdrawal symptoms since 2/23, when I took my last benzo dose, or did my tolerance really go down this much just after 1-2 weeks of not taking xanax? I always thought benzo tolerance took a good while to go down. Anyone experience tolerance reduction after only 2 weeks abstinence? I don't know what is going on, would love anybody's personal experience or knowledge about benzo misuse, tolerance, and the withdrawal symptoms; besides seizures I honestly don't know any of the other symptoms of benzo withdrawal
  9. What do you think is the best Emergency PRN med for short/intermittent episodes of anxiety? I initially tried a couple of non-benzos Hydroxyzine (antihistamine) which did nothing...and Oxazapam (did very little and took over an hour to notice any effect). Valium worked pretty well in the past, but the effects are too long lasting (would wake up groggy). I would only take it 1-2x per Month (for emergency/anxious distress) in order to avoid tolerance. I'm wondering what your favorite med is for this purpose? Something that works quickly, and doesn't last like 12 hours. Also, how many times per week can you take a low dose without developing any tolerance?
  10. Hi all, So I have had 2 seizures throughout my entire year and a half treatment with xanax 1-2mg per day and now my pdoc wants to move over to valium and eventually only use valium with no xanax. This definitly makes me uneasy because xanax is one of the only benzos that gives me a great benefit/side fx ratio and I get scared changing things in my med regimen that already work. Has anyone else taken both of these medications for anxiety? If so, did you find that valium was more effective than the xanax? besides the two benzos above, does anyone know which other benzos provider longer duration and stronger anti-seizure properties, or if valium would be the best
  11. Hi everyone, I have had a mood disorder dx since I was 14. Currently 24 and dx changed to BP 2. Haven't taken meds seriously until I was 22 or so. Was doing relatively well on Latuda 40 and lamictal 200 until I decided I didn't need medication about a year ago. For the past 8 months I have been back on lamictal and latuda ranging from 100-300 and 80-20 respectively. I feel it has made no difference in my agitated and depressed mood so my pdoc added 900 lithium 3 weeks ago. Haven't noticed a difference except slightly less agitation. So I just started 1350 on the lithium. In conclusion, latuda 20, lamictal 300, and lithium 1350 don't seem to be helping. Why is my bipolar so resistant?! Anyone else have similar experience with these meds not working? What worked for you ?My pdoc said he will add the Emsam patch once I'm stable for depression..
  12. How did it go? "The only thing we have to fear. Is fear itself!" So a small piece of my history. I was DXed with Anxiety and my doc suggested Xanax. As I've had experience with a person who takes Xanax and his apparent vegging out on it I begged off. I was afriad that whatever happened to him would happen to me. So we went over a list of other Benzos and the only one I knew about was Valium/Diazapam. I knew one person that took it and seemed to be perfectly functional on it. In fact if she had not suddenly stopped taking it I would have had no idea she took it. *Aburpt stopping a drug your taking daily like Valium can have serious baggage. Better to taper off or better yet not take it daily - I think So I tried a half tab and it did nothing. I tried 2mg and again nothing. I asked GDoc if we could up the dose to 5 to 10 and after getting an OK I found that 5 or 6mg was where I could tell it was doing something and that was enough for occasional bouts of Anxiety. I think the buspar helped put up a wall so that anxiety wasn't getting to the curled up on the floor or unable to drive level stuff but the occasional super tense up holding my breath and mouth drying up kind of anxiety that wasn't daily? It worked pretty good. Maybe a handfull of times (Finger counting amounts) I took 10 mg. That was a tad sedating maybe too much unless its the Sky is falling levels of anxiety. So - the Benzos = dementia stuff started going around and I was called to turn in the unused valium and was put on Xanax (As needed) Xanax at the 0.5 mg amount ought to have been like 10 mg of Valium from what I've read but it was (at times) underwhelming. Or perhapes the short lived effect made the interrupted anxiety more noticeable? Anyway I refilled it on a fairly infrequent basis because I was never in danger of using all the tabs in a month. Then I signed up for an automated reminder system for my meds and Vitamins. The Xanax came in monthly and for the last 4 or 5 months I just texted back "1" to refill. The only other option was press 9 to make the system forget about reminding me about that drug. So.... I made a complaint about Xanax maybe 0.5 was not effective or maybe I needed Xanax ER or as I put it Diazapam worked pretty well why not just go back? I think the monthly refilling set off an alarm and I got a major talking to about addiction. After explaining I wasn't using them all that frequent and how extra crappy things were going I got a new DX of severe Anxiety and was put back on Diazapam. At the useless 2 mg dose and reminded not to take it everyday. SIGH... So I see tdoc this week and PDoc in a week or two to figure this out. I'm thinking of bringing in the unused tabs of Xanax to show I'm not shoveling it in. Explain that I think I'm having a short acting or dose problem with Xanax and see if I can't get back to the dose that worked with the Diazapam. Are Benzos the new Heroin of meds? Should they be? The stuff I read from the UK seem to imply this. I'm seeing UK law suits against Doctors for "creating" drug addicts etc. I don't have a dx of paranoia but it seems like the National health care types are finding ways to unprescribe a lot of drugs and therapies. Or is this just me? Whats going on with you guys? If your taking a benzo is there a sudden signal from your doc that they want you off them? My impression is that Xanax is far more addictive then Valium. Or are they just two sides of the same coin? Do you sign pledges not to misuse them? Are you doing meds checks where you are doing an inventory of unused pills? Real problem or?
  13. I am really sick right now and need some guidance. A bit of a saga... I mainly took Xanax in very low doses .125-.25 as needed for several years. I would go through periods of a constant panic feeling, take Xanax and beta blockers, feel better then wean myself off. Then just kept taking the Xanax as needed. Usually for hangovers which I know now is not the best. In Oct. 2013, I took diphenhydramine and dextromethorphan for a cold and had to go to the ER. I was messed up with a crazy reaction! After that, the constant panic feeling was back. I did the Xanax/beta-blocker thing again and by early Dec. I was feeling fine. Then I took a Xanax before Christmas and my world turned upside down. After that one, I felt worse than ever. The worst constant panic/adrenaline. I took up to 1mg once and it did nothing. I was told by a natural health Facebook group I was in "tolerance" and that I had to taper. My dr told me to keep taking more even though it wasn't really working. My usual dose at that time was .5-.6mg quite a bit more than I was used to taking. And nothing was killing the adrenaline feeling. I started the taper at .8mg and it was a nightmare for the first few months. I was so sick, like a heroin addict getting clean. Tons of adrenaline. The taper lasted 1 year and got much better 6-7 months in. After the taper, I continued to have nights with the adrenaline. Every month or 2 with no apparent trigger. I'd go to sleep, then wake up with adrenaline surges, vomiting, diarrhea, shaking, fear, panic, lasting until morning. Then I'd be tired but fine. In April, the bad nights wouldn't stop. I was diagnosed with "adrenal disfunction" from an integrative dr. It was very hard, but I finally got better (using only natural things) in July, and now I'm sick again like I was but even worse! My therapist is threatening to put me in the mental hospital because I can't eat or sleep. I'm suicidal. None of this is mental when it starts! It's just pure fight or flight adrenaline. For hours and hours. Every morning until the afternoon. Then every other night starting around 12am. It's cyclical. My therapist wants me to try a benzo again. I have Xanax still, and my mom has Valium. Probably expired but still. Just not sure what to do, what it is, what's going on. I feel fucked. If you made it this far, thank you!
  14. Hello, Could someone please honestly tell me because I can't trust myself because I'm a recovering drug addict. (Id like to put a disclaimer right here that I don't follow 12-step dogma so please don't start preaching that even though it does work for many) anyways, new diagnosis I'm a 33-year-old male finally told that I have a little bit of aspbergers disorder which is now technically on the autism spectrum and ADHD to go together with my OCD, and GAD oh I can't forget about the clinical depression either. I was a severe opioid and benzo addict taking crazy amounts I am now medicated but I'm worried about the amount of stimulants. I have never abused stimulants other than MDMA really and I don't know much about them. I was just put on Adderall XR seven months ago now I'm a 6 foot tall 240 pound male. It was amazing to see the effects that it had. I can finally look people in the eyes and my brain was finally slow. It was like for years they tried to numb with the stupid benzo's but my brain would still race. However, the dosing scares me because I don't know anyone else that takes this. I take 60 mg in the morning and another 30 mg capsule at 1400. They don't last 12 hours and I work about 10 hours a day so I find the 90 mg keeps me good for the majority actually really good for thee whole day and I still sleep for 6 to 8 hours But I didn't quit shooting up heroin to die from a heart attack..so can any of you give me some input please. Ps. By the way I also take 60 mg of Paxil and 4 mg of Xanax which sounds high but is pretty good considering before the Adderall I was taking eight and this was prescribed by my addiction Doctor. I honestly was not abusing that. I needed that to function soon as I went on the Adderall I stopped having the stupid panic attacks and have managed to cut my dose in half. I also take an opioid called Suboxone which is used to treat addiction. So yes technically I'm on amphetamine, benzodiazepine and opioid and an SSRI but, I'm the happiest I've ever been and I'm actually functioning and holding down a job and stuff for the first time in my life. I could really use some helpful opinions
  15. In my continued problems with insurance I've gotten into the position where I think I have insurance but I don't know what it is or the formulary or what I'm supposed to pay for it. Which is seriously screwing me up I ran down to the last tablets (Ambien CR) and went to the Pharmacy I use and sked them to do a refill (Its one of those drugs that needs a new script every month) I waited and waited an they called to tell me "Your refill was rejected we are asking your doctor to do a prior authorization" that went no where until I called them and they asked me if I had tried Meletonin, trazadone and all the other junk that never worked for me. So... more waiting. I called to explain I was really out now and if Ambien was just not allowed "maybe" asm gdoc about Hydrozyzone Pamoate as I had taken that once with some kind of pain pill and one or the other was good for 4 hours. They get that oked right away and it worked sort of. It put me out like a light and for the next 24 hours I was walking around like I was vegged out. If your in pain from surgery and on some kind of narcotics I guess adding this helps with pain relief and it certainly in my case makes sleeping all day possible. So while taking this I start having dreams (I rarely have dreams that I can remember) I can remember (And waking up a couple times every night) I wake on once to see photographic detailed pictures of things from my life. Like my friends old guitar *Or at least a cracked "photo" where I could see a corner of it. The old old time sink from a place I lived (Like the old kind from 1930s or 40s) and I had this feeling that I had my eyes open a crack. So I wove my hand in front of my face. Nothing. I opened my eyes a little and their is my hand waving around and all the pictures just blink off. Closing my eyes didn't bring them back. How werid is this? Has anyone heard of this happening? The end of the story is my Dr got them to send the Ambien and I'm back to just taking one and being dead to the world for 7 hours. I got this weird notice filled with double talk and explaining that I may or may not be covered and that the date I was covered was this to then and no idea who or what the "insurance is" Can someone PLEASE give the healthcare system an enema?
  16. Please help me figure out the right Med combo.. Since starting some of these meds I feel fear not my usual anxiety just flat out fear over nothing. I also have a nauseas stomach EVERY day. I feel stuck and lost since I'm no doc but maybe somebody will know what to do! I am desperately trying to find a medication that completely cures my anxiety like Xanax but still gives me focus and energy like Adderall I take both, but adderall heightens my anxiety at times, makes me cry sometimes for no apparent reason and occasionally I'm told makes me testy. It gives me focus and energy.. The Xanax alone makes me very calm, collected, and FINALLY quiets my fast moving thoughts and anxiety however it gives me absolutely zero energy or motivation. I am perscribed daily: 40mg of Paxil aka Peroxotine (I take at night) 70mg Adderall daily (30mg extened release /40mg amphetone salt tabs) 50mg Trazadone (nightly) UNPERSCRIBED MEDICATION Hydrocodone either 7.5mg or 10mg roughly 6 a day for knee and back pain I suffer with debilitating anxiety over seemingly tedious tasks.. Highly unmotivated feel almost frozen sometimes. so I take roughly 4/5 .25mg Xanax a day when possible or 4/5 1 mg Ada van throughout the day as well as night. Xanax and adderall work well I guess but I really feel like its Mesing up my stomach somehow. Lastly I've heard a lot of things about Paxil is it dangerous? I have no sex drive upset stomachs etc please help!!
  17. I was recently prescribed Wellbutrin to go along with Lamotrigine (300 mg). I take Xanax, as needed. I was desperate. The depression, well, many of you know what that's like and how much can begin to fall apart/pile up around you. Just wondering - Anyone with BP have stories of experience on these two medications alone? Mainly curious. I'm trying it out either way. Years ago, I was on quite a cocktail of meds, but I try my hardest to limit them now...until I can't. It has been taking me a good three hours to be able to lift my body out of bed each morning, among other depression issues. Something had to change.
  18. Hi, I have suffered from GAD for a decade and had previous operation whilst on SSRI and an SNRI medication. Neither time did I require a benzo before it. I have been off medication for a year although occassionaly use Xanax during stressful periods. I currently have a procedure being performed under a general anesthetic and am extremely anxious. I am wondering if people have experience with being allowed to have Xanax or any other benzo for that matter on the previous night and morning of the procedure. I will 100% need it to make it to hospital. Thanks
  19. Though I came up surrounded by close family members who struggled with various mental illnesses, I wouldn't say I had an especially traumatic or even a really remarkable childhood, apart from the sporadic, sometimes episodic fireworks Crazy can bring. On the whole I had a pretty typical middle class upbringing, for which I am grateful. My older sister served as my introduction to the mysteries and miseries of mental illness. She suffered from Bipolar Disorder, and it was clear my parents despaired at her condition. There was much acting out, at least one suicide attempt that I am aware of, multiple stays at inpatient facilities, and an ever-changing cocktail of medications throughout her teens. She tapered off meds when she planned to start a family, and has done amazingly well without them. My younger sister struggles with panic disorder and more physical ailments than anyone her young age ought to be saddled with. My mother was a survivor of child abuse, and subsequent to the passing of her father when I was about 12, she suffered a series of psychotic breaks that led to the first of several inpatient hospitalizations, and a lifetime of profound treatment resistant MDD that continues to this day. Not only did she not perpetuate the cycle of abuse she suffered but I never even knew what she'd been through until I was much older. My father never (to my knowledge) sought treatment for any mental illness, and tended towards stoicism and emotional opaqueness. I suspect however that he suffered (or even suffers still) from depression -- at the very least. HIs siblings suffered from myriad mental maladies. His upbringing was somewhat of a mystery to me, as what remained of his immediate family were separated by geography. I believe he too was a survivor of child abuse, based on what I've gleaned from anecdotes. My older brother was a bit of a black sheep, and when youthful indiscretions of the self-medicating type became too much for my well-meaning folks to handle he was given an ultimatum and joined the armed services. He was stationed in South Korea, and I gather his self-medicating ways came along for the ride. Upon returning stateside he had a hard time reintegrating, finding stable work, and had to rely on the support of his family more than I think he would have liked. He was a very emotional person, and felt things very deeply. I imagine if I would have asked him for one word to describe himself he might have chosen "failure". That's certainly not how I would have described him, but he was the type of person for whom every setback might have seemed like the universe pointing a spindly celestial finger at the tip of his nose and proclaiming FUCK. YOU. By the time my brother killed himself with the sputtering exhaust of the sparkly brown hatchback my mother had given him, I was living my own kind of Crazy. Today, I find myself at a strange cross roads. I am happily married. Successful, especially considering I never finished college. I have more than my fair share of material possessions. I have family and friends whom I love, and who love me. As much as I curse those who use the phrase, I'm Blessed. And yet, I can't recall a time I felt more lost. You see, growing up as an insatiably curious child in a household surrounded by Crazy, and where both parents worked in the medical field. So I didn't just *live* with Crazy, I, in a sense, *studied* it. Psychology. Anatomy. Psychiatry. Biology. Pharmacology. And most especially *Psychopharmacology*. I was never under the illusion that reading medical texts would make me a doctor any more than reading cookbooks would make me a chef. But I found, and still find the subject phenomenally interesting. In the late 80's and early 90's before webforums, TV drug adverts, wikipedia, etc., it seemed physicians expected laypeople to know almost nothing about medicine, so much so, that if you knew even a little, and went in with talking points memorized, you were going to leave with whatever it was you came for (within reason). Maybe it's always been that way. But I certainly felt clever, and in retrospect maybe a part of the burgeoning vanguard that changed how pharmaceuticals are consumed. Modern medicine is so unabashedly, brazenly consumer driven, I doubt any clinician bats an eye when patients come in and know exactly what their diagnosis is, the name brand and dosage of the drug they want, and oh by the way I've already printed off my own coupon that makes my copay 3 dollars until the drug goes off patent in 2030. But back to my personal tale of medico-consumerism. 22 years ago, at about 14 years of age, I self-diagnosed myself with depression. PART II To Follow Later
  20. I need info quickly/urgently about Xanax (and to a lesser extent Klonopin) and how much I should take to be effective at combating severe anxiety without putting me into a coma or anything...I have SERIOUS obligations both tonight, tomorrow and the next day and my extreme anxiety is currently preventing me from meeting those obligations. I was just prescribed Xanax today and I'm trying to figure out how much to take, but before I go on I think it's very important to know my history with benzodiazepines...I know it's long (sorry), but I believe it definitely plays a role here: SITUATION/SUMMARY: Was prescribed Klonopin (1MG) about 4 years ago in 2010 to take *as needed* for anxiety - took it sparingly for the first 3.5 years, only when I really needed it (once or twice a month) and 1MG was enough to eliminate the anxiety every time. I once tried 3MG back then and it made me black out. Latter half of 2013 I began to take it more frequently as my anxiety was becoming slightly more severe but still only maybe once or twice a week - I actually made a Word document with a log every time I took it, how much, and how it impacted my anxiety so I know exactly how much I took. I was still taking the same dosage (1mg or 1.5mg), but maybe 3-5 times a month - this continued up until February of this year. Then comes 2014, particularly February onward, and my anxiety spikes WAY higher than ever before; my depression gets much worse as well but that's not what I'm posting about. There were no med changes, no events, nothing I know of that precipitated this...just all of a sudden, my mental/emotional health became much worse. So, with increased stress and anxiety I began taking the Klonopin more frequently. I would always purposely not eat so that I'd take it on an empty stomach so it would be more effective...and many times I wouldn't eat anything for the rest of the day in fear of food diminishing the anxiolytic effects of the Klonopin. I increased the frequency to maybe 3 times a week at first. I noticed that the 1 or 1.5mg doses weren't working against my MUCH elevated anxiety so I upped the dose to 2mg or 2.5mg. Then when even that didn't work, out of desperation I tried mixing it with alcohol...mostly hard liquor, shots of vodka etc. I am still a lightweight when it comes to alcohol and when alcohol was involved it usually did not end well and only occasionally improved things/alleviated my anxiety...maybe 15% success rate. I didn't drink with it EVERY time, but from this point on maybe like 1/3rd of the time I took Klonopin for anxiety alcohol would be involved by the end of the night. LATE FEB-MID MARCH 2014: So then at the end of February/the beginning of last month, March, my mental/emotional state deteriorated further...I stopped bothering with logs for the most part. From late February to mid March I took the Klonopin with about the same frequency, maybe 3 or 4 days a week, and took 3MG every time which was sometimes effective, sometimes not. In mid March I took 4MG, my max ever dose, and after hours with not nearly enough anxiety relief I added in alcohol to the mix and of course blacked out. It's probably worth mentioning that I live totally alone and any time I've drank anything with the Klonopin in my system (and as mentioned above, nothing else, almost always on an empty stomach) I have been alone at home. I should also mention at this point that I am a 26 year old male, 5 foot 7 and weigh 123 pounds. PAST MONTH (mid/late March to now, April 16th) After the 4mg dose with the booze and no relief I knew it was time to see a doctor about the meds (and had actually been trying for months) but my doctor had no availability until the beginning of May and every other pdoc wasn't accepting new patients or didn't take my insurance. Started taking some higher doses like 5.5MG or 6MG, although not all at once...spaced out throughout the day when I kept having anxiety so I added more. I kept brief logs of this. 4MG was what I usually took at this point, although I think I cut back on the frequency a bit (twice a week or so). Sometimes it would help, sometimes it wouldn't. When it wouldn't I would add booze to the mix, rarely with positive results. Last day of March I started out with 5MG all at once since I knew I had a majorly anxiety-provoking and stressful day ahead of me...5MG wasn't enough so I took another 1MG a few hours later, then that still wasn't enough so 2 hours later I took another 1MG, then 3 hours later the anxiety still hadn't subsided so I took another 1MG, bringing me to my grand total of 8MG Klonopin for the day...and then added booze into the mix. According to what I wrote in my diary, it was only at this point that my anxiety finally reached a manageable level. My diary is missing entries from a lot of days since March 30th, 2014 but I know I upped the frequency of the Klonopin again and 5MG was my new minimum and usually did not work. I have an entry dated 4/13/2014 (3 days ago) saying "UGH it has been 3 hours since I took 7mg kpin all at once and everything is practically the same, anxiety just as bad. 7mg kpin on no food and NOTHING in terms of anxiety relief." (END OF SITUATION/SUMMARY) So basically that's where I'm at now. First of all, I learned my lesson and have cut alcohol out of my life entirely. But 7MG of Klonopin taken all at once doesn't do anything for me and I still need immediate anxiety relief for extreme situations, and badly. I have real-world obligations, serious ones, and my anxiety is severe enough to prevent me from doing them no matter how important I know they are. I finally saw a doctor today, told her the Klonopin had stopped working for my anxiety even at high doses, and she prescribed me 0.5mg Xanax instead. I have never taken Xanax before today. I took the first 0.5mg Xanax 2 hrs and 40 minutes ago, felt no different after an hour and a half, and took another 0.5mg Xanax 1 hour and 10 minutes ago...and still feel zero anxiety relief. Questions: Xanax is not Klonopin, but they're similar. Does the fact that 7MG of Klonopin has zero effect on my anxiety mean that the Xanax will be equally ineffective? Is the same dose of Xanax equivalent in potency/efficacy to the same dose of Klonopin, keeping in mind I've never taken Xanax before? Can I mix the two together? I feel like 0.5mg is *way* too low of a dose and am more convinced of that now that 1mg has proven to do nothing but then again I don't know that much about Xanax. Can I safely take, for instance, 4mg of Xanax without major repercussions (keeping in mind my tolerance to Klonopin and the severity of my anxiety)? Or 2mg Klonopin and 3mg Xanax or something like that? How likely is it, given this info, that I am essentially screwed in terms of any benzos ever working for me again? Like I said, I have HUGELY important obligations to meet both tonight, tomorrow and the next day and my anxiety is currently ruining tonight's and I can't afford to let my anxiety ruin the others as well...so any advice would be GREATLY appreciated. Sorry for the length, but I felt including all the details was important and hopefully some kind soul will see this and be able to offer some help or information. Thank you for your time. P.S. I have been prescribed and tried almost every other medication under the sun over the last 14 years, seen 20+ different doctors for my anxiety in that time span, and absolutely none of the meds have gotten rid of my anxiety except for the Klonopin...which is now ineffective. SSRIs, SNRIs, Tricyclics, Stimulants, Anti-Psychotics and several other classes of medication I'm forgetting. Non-med routes as well...15+ different therapists, CBT, exposure therapy, aromatherapy, meditation, almost everything. Nothing else works, which is why I'm so desperate.
  21. Since tapering down to .75mg/day (properly with no withdrawal) I have noticed my dissosiation symptoms gradually become obstructive the past month. Resuming 1.5mg/day has made me realize how much the med helps; it is worth going to see the p-doctor every 3 months. I don't consider myself to be overly anxious or prone to panic, so tapering down is easy for me to do. I am glad that I went down from 3mg to 1.5, but lower than 1.5 is not enough to have a benefit for me at this time. Doctor told me sometimes the demand changes, and a lower dosage can be just as well.
  22. I'm new here. I'm 18 and I am diagnosed with bipolar disorder, GAD, and panic disorder. I also have a drug problem with opiates. The psychiatrist I'm seeing now told me she will not under any circumstances whatsoever prescribe any controlled substances. My anxiety has gotten very severe lately. My daily medications right now are Lexapro 20mg once a day in the morning, lithium 600mg at night, and 300mg trazodone at bedtime for sleep. But during the day, these medications do not help my anxiety at all, and I told my psychiatrist that and she seems to think since gabapentin works on GABA that it would work for my anxiety. Well I titrated all the way to a total of 2400mg daily and it didn't help at all. All it did is increase my appetite way too much. I have been prescribed Ativan 1mg 3 times a day prn by another psychiatrist and it helped and worked wonders. I did make the decision to switch psychiatrists because the one prescribing the Ativan not only just gave me advice on how to lose weight, he harassed and bullied me about it, so that's why I see the one I see now. I have gotten Xanax from my grandmother time to time and they always helped me in times of panic and extreme anxiety. Lately I have been getting the brand name 1mg Klonopins from an undisclosed location for $2/pill. I just had an extremely bad panic attack an hour ago and took 3 of the Klonopins. Right now I am extremely mellow and don't have a care in the world, but yes I do know that 3 mg is too much. Overall, I do not at all take the benzos each day, once every 3 days maybe, that's it. I know I have the drug problem with the opiates, but I don't even take the opiates at all when I have the benzos, and I don't abuse the benzos either. Which maybe I did this time but it was not to get high, I just had to calm down. So first I know I need to see a new doctor, but now can I get a doctor to prescribe them to me?
  23. I have been using Xanax ( one quarter of a 0.5 mg tablet every night for about six months. I had been having some autonomic dysfunction issues and the Xanax helped immensely with the heart palpitations. I went to see a sleep specialist and he wanted to try me on Klonopin since I had taken it years ago and seemed to remember having no problems with it. But what an unpleasant surprise to find that I was having trouble breathing while falling asleep, and to wake with extreme irritability which quickly turned into a non stop crying jag. Has anyone else ever experienced symptoms of excessive crying, irritability and being short of breath while on Klonopin?
  24. I found this board via a Google search and it seemed like a good place to get some personal feedback for the information I'm looking for. I'm Borderline, and in a tumultuous relationship that causes me a LOT of stress and results in many violent freak-outs. Whenever something happens that upsets me, I go off the wall and am screaming/sobbing, hitting myself & everything around me, feeling like I'll never come down from this bad mood spike. Right now my doctor has me on 200mg Lamictal, which seems to do a decent job of keeping my day-to-day mood relatively stable. But it hasn't done anything to calm the violent episodes when I run into a bad event. Previously the doc tried giving me a low dose of Risperdal to take on an as-needed basis, that I could take in the midst of an episode and hopefully it would calm me down quickly and stabilize me enough that I could go to DBT skills to work out the rest. Well, it didn't. I tried .5mg, 1mg, and then 2mg, and none of these dosages were helpful. It also inflamed my nasal passages so that I couldn't breathe through my nose anymore (keeping me from being able to fall asleep at night, which is keeping me from the only other resource I have for escaping my mood). At my last visit, we discussed multiple alternate options: Seroquel, Abilify, and Xanax. I took the Xanax scrip for now, but after the way he talked about it as "alcohol in a pill," I'm afraid to try it. I completely abstain from alcohol and drugs because I don't want to feel out of my head. Plus, I'm very concerned that I'd quickly become dependent. (My sister is also borderline and has a problem with alcohol, so I have a very close example of what it could do to me.) I'm concerned that Xanax will either make me feel too out of myself that I won't like it, or that I will overly like that I can take a quick pill to calm me down whenever I'm upset and I'll develop an addiction to popping them at the slightest upset. However, I felt like if the Risperdal didn't do anything for me, the Seroquel probably wasn't going to either, since they're in the same drug class. Does anyone have any advice or experience about taking any of these drugs as a single dose, as-needed basis for immediate calming of violent depressive episodes? Did anyone find that Seroquel (or Abilify) worked for them over Risperdal? Anyone with a similar mindset as mine (towards wanting to remain fully aware and avoid mood-altering substances) have any experience with Xanax?
  25. I am new here. I found this site when googling alternatives to xanax. Anywho.. I have depression. I am currently untreated and it has taken over my life the past year or so. I have within the past 3 months started to get panic attacks sometimes daily. I feel like someone is sitting on my chest or something in stuck in my throat and I want to explode like the hulk or cry until my eyes dry out. My doctor is not the best and the referral she gave for a shrink told me I am bi-polar, have poor impulse control, anxiety, and a whole laundry list of things..then tried to prescribe me enough medicine to knock out a bear for 6 months..I left and never went back 3 months later I got a letter from my insurance stating that place had been shut down. Now here we are over a year later and I need something done because I'm a hot mess. I want an anti-depressant which I'm going to ask for either zoloft (which I've taken and did good on) or prozac (which my doctor prefers to prescribe). My point of this long post is what do I ask for in regards to the panic attacks???? I'm pretty sure her go-to is xanax but I don't want it because I know a lot of people who got addicted to it. So pretty much what do you take for panic attacks??? What is good/bad/ugly???
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