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Found 35 results

  1. I've posted on this topic before, because I'm really wondering why this is happening to me, but not on other people that have been on higher-dose stimulants (without breaks) for MUCH longer.... I re-instated Ritalin (after a 4 month break) due to increase in work cognitive tasks. Pdoc increased the dosage because previous dose was starting to not cut it, wearing off early. I Was told I could experiment, but to take weekends/breaks off in order to "rest" . In the last 3 weeks, I've noticed drastic improvements in my mood, motivation, ability to focus on intellectual tasks/reading, and a positivity, calmness in general. Problem is, I am psychologically addicted. When I try to break on the weekends, I can't get out of bed, barely prepare food for myself (despite hunger), and shower, basically, these symptoms are MUCH worse than before I was taking it! I'm concerned that I'll need to keep increasing the dose, take it everyday, and eventually, it will make my condition/functioning worse in the long run (exacerbating the problem). I had old pdocs that would not prescribe me stimulants for exactly this reason.....(I am not ADD.....it is for TRD.) Any ideas guys? I'm very compliant, and have no inclination to abuse the dosage. This is the only thing that's made a dent in my mood and functioning and does not seem like a long-term solution!
  2. National Public Radio recently ran a story covering a Standford University study that found that Ketamine may act as an opioid, and therefore may have the potential to cause addiction. See? It's like I always say: Glass half empty. But this is a preliminary study, and the findings will have to be duplicated by others. Listen to the story.
  3. So, I guess this post is about how I can deal with this issue...My SO is on his iPhone 24/7, even while walking down the street, eating meals with me, and when we are watching TV or a film at home. I cannot get him to get off it! I look over his shoulder and its crap (not important stuff), like stupid memes, Twitter feed, sports scores. I've told him constantly that it really irritates me and makes me feel like I do not matter. I feel ignored. Yet he keeps going back on it. What else can I do??? Then I start going on my iPhone too, and this gets me depressed. I try to go out, and keep myself occupied away from him, but then when we're together he's non-stop digitally connected.
  4. So basically im dead inside. I currently being emotionaly dull, i cant feel any motivation or desire to live, despite that im still doing my everyday things, going to college, working out, doing my usual duties and chores. The thing is that i have an schizoid disorder, and im very paranoid. I posted in addiction because one of the most destructive things is my addction to many things. I smoke, not weed, regular cigarettes, the thing is that my parents think that i quited smoking but i dont, i wanna quit to, i hate it, and i hate it because my parents are well known religious leaders in my town and a lot of people know them and know me, when i smoke outside im always paranoid, i dont wanna live this way, my paranoia is getting worse but i always end up smoking again because my friends smoke and i always fall but i wanna quit. If my parents get to know that i still smoke they probably stop paying my colleges fees, a lot of people know them and can snitch on me. I have this fight, i cant keep going anymore, at the same time smoking helps me cope whit my side effectos made by my antipsychotics, but they dont understand, they always judge merciless even do im an adult in my twenties. Can anyone give advice, all advice is very helpful.
  5. I'm so fucking tired of this damn war on drugs. The persecution of doctors and even pharmacists (YES - PHARMACISTS are losing their licences in FL for filling "too many" 100% legit scripts - not forgeries, but by doctors with active DEA credentials appropriately medicating -- not some crazy ass amount of oxycodone or worse). It leaves people like me, in chronic hard-core pain (that's only gotten worse) crying in bed from the pain. Doctors are too afraid to treat their patients. Meanwhile.. it's all about the poor, innocent, helpless victims of a world where pain meds exist and they've gone out of their way to get shit illegally - over -and over - and over again in order to feed a habit rather than face up to their internal demons. And it's a DISEASE. REALLY? REALLY? FUCK THAT SHIT! It's a CHOICE. Mental issues and a physical predisposition exists, but taking one damn 5mg hydrocodone does not make someone an addict for life and take free will out of one's control. People are dying from Fentanyl made to look like other shit. Well, it is an illegal drug market about money and regular deaths when dealers get pissed off. What the hell do you really expect. Yet they're the "Victims". No. Victims don't make consistent choices over the course of months or even years to do something they're fully aware of the consequences of and decide they don't care and would rather be high and risk it. And still continue to risk it, knowing it's on the market. What do they do - buy test strips. It's like personal responsibility no longer exists. Probably because politicians sons and daughters are getting addicted. It couldn't possibly be the environment they were raised in, or that they have personal issues -- nope, it's gotta be caused by some evil in the shadows that came after their poor, innocent children and hurt them. You don't become an addict overnight and you don't get over it overnight. It's a long slow process made up of many choices. People aren't so idiotic that they don't know what that choice they're making is. Noo.. addiction is all about the drugs being there; whereas, mental illness is a conscious personal failing you should just be able to magically get over & not doing so is a choice. I just saw a neurologist. He said I'd just have to live with the pain cause I've been on all the psych meds.. and throwing opiates at it isn't a reasonable thing. ...... Yet, after all the psych meds that were never developed to handle fibromyalgia.. the OFFICIAL medication treatment guideline says : OPIATES. And the really sad thing is - it works for mine. Honestly, .. I've thought about going and buying the fake shit that's actually fentanyl, dissolving it in two quarts (or even gallons) of liquid, and dosing it in tsp. Actually seems pretty damn cost effective considering the price of medications. I'm not going to do it. There's probably other shit in there that'll mess with my MI chemistry/meds too. But I considered it. This system is fucked.
  6. Hi, The subject has probably been brought up before, but I'm new here so please indulge me. I have a couple nasty pain issues that crop up. Unfortunately, I have a pain pill addiction that crops up as well. I have a good friend of mine hold my pills for me, because if they're in the house I have a tendency to take them for the addiction portion of the show instead of the pain portion . I'm tired of juggling, but I have no idea what else to do. I'm also trying to get depression and other mental health issues balanced as well. I just started taking Abilify on Friday and not feeling the results As of yet. any suggestions would be happily received, OK maybe not happily, but they would be appreciated. thanks
  7. Ok, not sure where to post this, yet this is all tied to my mood disorder. As mentioned in my other post, I stopped going on Facebook 2 weeks ago (it was making me severely depressed. I was passively scrolling it for HOURS everyday, yet I was never posting anything). My husband told me that I have simply exchanged one addiction (FB) for another, with going on this CB Forum. I told him that I post here because it is the only support I have from people that understand what I go through. This is only place (other than Therapy) where I can express myself/be accepted as who I am. People here can relate! I have no friends or support now, there are no support groups where I live. No one understands and it is causing me extreme distress. He says I should completely STOP going online here and on Forums, because I am avoiding interactions/going out in the "Real World" and I'm INTENTIONALLY AVOIDING making real friends or new contacts. I told him I am struggling with severe depression and have crying spells daily (he says this is an excuse)....I can barely leave the house let alone start networking, smiling with a bunch of strangers, many of these "Meetups" are in bars and drinking alcohol really effects my mood. Large groups of foreigners give me social anxiety. He suggests I get into a better routine (go out early every morning, go to the gym every single day, do class & work on my language studies all afternoon) He has this idea that a rigid/militant schedule (basically forcing myself to do things with brute force) will make the depression go away. I feel totally invalidated by him and don't know what to do. He doesn't want to hear about my daily struggles - he cannot relate or offer emotional support. Is going on this Forum daily a BAD THING??? Like, longterm, will it make me worse & housebound?
  8. How did it go? "The only thing we have to fear. Is fear itself!" So a small piece of my history. I was DXed with Anxiety and my doc suggested Xanax. As I've had experience with a person who takes Xanax and his apparent vegging out on it I begged off. I was afriad that whatever happened to him would happen to me. So we went over a list of other Benzos and the only one I knew about was Valium/Diazapam. I knew one person that took it and seemed to be perfectly functional on it. In fact if she had not suddenly stopped taking it I would have had no idea she took it. *Aburpt stopping a drug your taking daily like Valium can have serious baggage. Better to taper off or better yet not take it daily - I think So I tried a half tab and it did nothing. I tried 2mg and again nothing. I asked GDoc if we could up the dose to 5 to 10 and after getting an OK I found that 5 or 6mg was where I could tell it was doing something and that was enough for occasional bouts of Anxiety. I think the buspar helped put up a wall so that anxiety wasn't getting to the curled up on the floor or unable to drive level stuff but the occasional super tense up holding my breath and mouth drying up kind of anxiety that wasn't daily? It worked pretty good. Maybe a handfull of times (Finger counting amounts) I took 10 mg. That was a tad sedating maybe too much unless its the Sky is falling levels of anxiety. So - the Benzos = dementia stuff started going around and I was called to turn in the unused valium and was put on Xanax (As needed) Xanax at the 0.5 mg amount ought to have been like 10 mg of Valium from what I've read but it was (at times) underwhelming. Or perhapes the short lived effect made the interrupted anxiety more noticeable? Anyway I refilled it on a fairly infrequent basis because I was never in danger of using all the tabs in a month. Then I signed up for an automated reminder system for my meds and Vitamins. The Xanax came in monthly and for the last 4 or 5 months I just texted back "1" to refill. The only other option was press 9 to make the system forget about reminding me about that drug. So.... I made a complaint about Xanax maybe 0.5 was not effective or maybe I needed Xanax ER or as I put it Diazapam worked pretty well why not just go back? I think the monthly refilling set off an alarm and I got a major talking to about addiction. After explaining I wasn't using them all that frequent and how extra crappy things were going I got a new DX of severe Anxiety and was put back on Diazapam. At the useless 2 mg dose and reminded not to take it everyday. SIGH... So I see tdoc this week and PDoc in a week or two to figure this out. I'm thinking of bringing in the unused tabs of Xanax to show I'm not shoveling it in. Explain that I think I'm having a short acting or dose problem with Xanax and see if I can't get back to the dose that worked with the Diazapam. Are Benzos the new Heroin of meds? Should they be? The stuff I read from the UK seem to imply this. I'm seeing UK law suits against Doctors for "creating" drug addicts etc. I don't have a dx of paranoia but it seems like the National health care types are finding ways to unprescribe a lot of drugs and therapies. Or is this just me? Whats going on with you guys? If your taking a benzo is there a sudden signal from your doc that they want you off them? My impression is that Xanax is far more addictive then Valium. Or are they just two sides of the same coin? Do you sign pledges not to misuse them? Are you doing meds checks where you are doing an inventory of unused pills? Real problem or?
  9. Can anyone one in crazymeds land relate to my cocktail. This cocktail allows me to live a productive, gainful life. I'm even pretty damn happy and funny most days. But when my mood cycles, watch out!! I've never hurt anyone, but I've scared people. Thanks to my medication and therapy, those episodes are infrequent now. I also have long term sobriety thanks to the 12 step process and medication.
  10. Hello, Could someone please honestly tell me because I can't trust myself because I'm a recovering drug addict. (Id like to put a disclaimer right here that I don't follow 12-step dogma so please don't start preaching that even though it does work for many) anyways, new diagnosis I'm a 33-year-old male finally told that I have a little bit of aspbergers disorder which is now technically on the autism spectrum and ADHD to go together with my OCD, and GAD oh I can't forget about the clinical depression either. I was a severe opioid and benzo addict taking crazy amounts I am now medicated but I'm worried about the amount of stimulants. I have never abused stimulants other than MDMA really and I don't know much about them. I was just put on Adderall XR seven months ago now I'm a 6 foot tall 240 pound male. It was amazing to see the effects that it had. I can finally look people in the eyes and my brain was finally slow. It was like for years they tried to numb with the stupid benzo's but my brain would still race. However, the dosing scares me because I don't know anyone else that takes this. I take 60 mg in the morning and another 30 mg capsule at 1400. They don't last 12 hours and I work about 10 hours a day so I find the 90 mg keeps me good for the majority actually really good for thee whole day and I still sleep for 6 to 8 hours But I didn't quit shooting up heroin to die from a heart attack..so can any of you give me some input please. Ps. By the way I also take 60 mg of Paxil and 4 mg of Xanax which sounds high but is pretty good considering before the Adderall I was taking eight and this was prescribed by my addiction Doctor. I honestly was not abusing that. I needed that to function soon as I went on the Adderall I stopped having the stupid panic attacks and have managed to cut my dose in half. I also take an opioid called Suboxone which is used to treat addiction. So yes technically I'm on amphetamine, benzodiazepine and opioid and an SSRI but, I'm the happiest I've ever been and I'm actually functioning and holding down a job and stuff for the first time in my life. I could really use some helpful opinions
  11. I was just prescribed Welbutrin for depression and ADHD. I am only 17 years old and am already showing signs of having an addictive personality. I had illegally been buying adderal pills off friends at school to help motivate me to do homework and get good grades. It worked. I had been making AMAZING grades, and not only that, but I felt like a happy person due to its euphoric side effect of amphetimine as well. At first, I would only take 10 mg every once in awhile like if I had a test or just a lot homework I needed to get done. Then it turned into taking 10mg everyday, slowly turning into taking 20mg, and sometimes I would take 20mg twice or three times in one day. I couldn't handle coming down off it, so I would just take more. Once I realized how out of control I had became, I told my parents. They weren't nearly as mad as j thought they would be. They just wanted to get me help. We went to the nurse practitioner I had been seeing for anxiety for the past few years. I was taking 100mg of Zoloft. I never have any energy of motivation to do anything and that's why I feel in love with the adderal. It gave me the confidence I needed socially and the extra boost of energy. My nurse practitioner prescribed me welbutrin. I've only taken it for 2 days now, but both today and yesterday it made me feel stoned and drunk. I don't even feel human and I just miss having the adderal high, this med is only making me tired and hungry, it's not motivating me to do anything. It's a Friday night and all I've been doing is laying in bed reading about Welbutrin and what it does to people. My throat feels swollen, I'm more emotional than I've ever been (I cry about everything), I'm tired, I feel disconnected from my body (almost like I just smoked a bowl of weed to myself), I wanna eat everything, my mouth is dry, and my anxiety has never been this bad. My doctor went ahead and took me off Zoloft, too. I really want this med to work for me. I don't want to take adderal illegally anymore, I don't wanna be addicted to it, but my depression is the worst it's ever been. My ears won't stop ringing either? Has anyone else felt this way? I hope these side effects will subside and I'll start to feel like a happy, normal person again. Thanks maddie
  12. I am really happy to have found this site. It seems like there are a lot of pretty cool people here, people that I can relate to. I am a 41 year old female, and the tags list a few of my diagnoses. It has been a struggle to find the right combination of medications to balance my mind. It has taken a lot of time and work to get where I am today, and I am looking for a few friends that I can chat with and get to know. I really love reading, music, and the beach. Hope to hear from you soon!
  13. Hello. I'm forcing myself to reach out and try to talk to people because I can feel myself spinning out of control again. I'm not sure that I have anything worth saying, but I'll try. I'm a twenty four year old college drop out with no job and disabled two year old twins. That about covers it.
  14. I recently started seeing a new P doc-- guy immediately takes me off 50 mg of Seroquel after my complains about weight gain and lethargy and puts me on up to 3 mg of Ativan to take at night. Not a little bit of Ativan here and there for anxiety-- like what I assume most people take, but one big dose to take at night only for sleep. I have terrible insomnia. Is that safe to take 2 mg at once at night? So far I have been taking 2 mg nightly ( every night) for sleep. Been sleeping okay. He also started me on 5 mg Abilify because to be safe, my treatment team agrees I need to be on anti-psychotic. The 5 mg is making my daytime anxiety worse ( I take it in the morning) so far it is helping my depression though as an add on to the 40 mg of Prozac I am taking. Is it common practice to give Ativan ( or any other benzo) for sleep only? Is it safe to be taking 2 mg at one time? Will I get addicted to it if I take it every night? thanks in advance
  15. I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was 12, put on concerta. I wasn't really fidgedy, I just started puberty very early and around that time I started being bored with everything and not being focused. I've been on and off concerta, focalin, and focalin xr for years, but after a year of not being able to be prescribed scheduled substances, I got put back on focalin in June. I just have an addictive tendency and always go overboard with it, considering I've been dealing with a meth addiction. Does anyone have any tips on how I can control myself, or tell myself when to call it quits?
  16. What frustrates me is that binge eating is never taken seriously by the Mental Health System. As a child I was morbidly obese and it was never taken seriously by doctors. I was always eating, mostly as a coping mechanism. I remember I was constantly checking the fridge for food, even after dinner. I just never stopped eating. I gained so much weight that it took me 6 years to lose it. The only thing doctors did, was tell my mom that I needed to eat vegetables.... and they also gave me a voucher for the gym which didn't help economically much either. It took my Mom installing a lock in the fridge for me to lose weight. It's only recently that I can manage without the lock. I still open the fridge door to check what there is but I don't eat anything. The new way I manage is by doing my own shopping and cooking. So the way I manage to stay healthy and thin, is by buying only essential food and eating a lot of food that is low on calories so I can subconsciously tell my self I've eaten enough. I am just fed up that food effects my life so much, it is so hard to resist eating crap and my metabolism don't help either. I can cope with it, although the problem is still there and now that I am thiner it is even harder to get help for it . I am disappointed with the mental health system, I feel as they don't support everyone. They are excellent at helping me with my other problems that effect my life but not when it comes to food addiction. Does anybody feel like that anyway?
  17. I have heard of some studies done in which Topamax has been investigated for the efficacy in treating alcohol dependence, cocaine dependence, etc. (I don't have any citations off the top of my head, but after college I worked in an addiction research center, and one of the psychiatrists was running a study on using Topamax for treatment of alcohol abuse. I have also separately heard that Topamax can help with "impulsive behaviors" in general (binge/purge, self-harm, etc). Has anyone ever used it for purposes of reducing substance cravings and/or specifically to target impulsive behaviors? I have been struggling with substance abuse (DXM/"robotripping") with increasing lengths of abstinent time, but still using impulsively and having cravings. I also struggle with self-harm and binging behaviors with very rare purging (hx of full blown bulimia-- I'm afraid with increasing sobriety (12 days clean) that my ED and self-harm behaviors will exacerbate. I was on Topamax before for about 10 months, and it seemed to have a positive impact on my binge eating, at the very least. I was not having substance use problems then, so I can't comment with that. It probably helped with mood stability to an extent. (I'm not bipolar, more like borderline personality traits or full blown BPD, depending on which provider you ask, so a mood stabilizer is not imperative nor are medications the cure-all). And to top it off, I had less frequent headaches (working with gdoc to figure out if the chronic headaches are migraine, tension, or combined). And the Lamictal headache had not seemed to truly go away-- I always have at least a dull headache to an extent. My current pdoc doesn't have much experience with Topamax, so that was part of the reason for the switch from Topamax to Lamictal. (The other reason was I wanted to go on the BC pill, but boy was that a disaster!) I was thinking about talking to her about Topamax again and seeing if we can trade out the Lamictal for the Topamax. But I wanted to get some feedback about whether anyone here has used it for addiction, self-harm, binge eating/EDNOS, PTSD and BPD symptoms, etc. Thanks!
  18. It's been 7 months since I last used meth. 7 months since my last meth induced psychotic episode. I was doing so well. About 2 weeks ago the cravings began again. I just couldn't get it out of my head. I gave in last Monday and shot up a couple of points. Had another psychotic episode. MAJOR. I was receiving hypnotic commands again, being absolutely humiliated by the voices. They were inflicting physical pain. I could feel it. I still feel that there was some reality to it all. I can't shake the feeling that I WAS hypnotized, that the voices were real. Like it was some weird demented intervention? I dunno. My parents took me to the hospital where I was involuntarily sectioned under the mental health act. I was in the ward for 4 days. Just got out today. I am still under their control to ensure I am taking all my medication and that I don't relapse. They changed my anti-psychotic to Abilify. They warn me that if I experience another psychotic episode that I might not recover. That might just be scare tactics. They asked me if I will ever do meth again. I honestly don't know the answer to that. For so long I was sure that I would never touch the stuff again. But in a matter of weeks my resolve faded. I know I don't want to do meth again, I know it makes crazy. But now I don't trust myself enough to say that I'll never do it again. I know me. I'm weak. Just a lost cause. I feel like such a douche posting on crazyboards. My mental illness is all self inflicted. And I continue to self inflict. And probably will again and again and again.
  19. Okay, back in Winter 2011 I got into prescription painkillers. I had just had a major surgery and was prescribed hydrocodone to deal with pain. I started out okay but I noticed that taking this med not only lessened the pain, it also took away my anxiety which I had struggled with all my life. So long story short I went from hydrocodone 5mg to oxycodone 15mg abuse by early summer 2012. I ended up in trouble in August 2012 and my use of these meds was cut drastically. I did, however, continue to take them when I got my hands on them all the way up to September of 2013. Heck, for most of 2013 I also was abusing my neurontin prescription but something clicked in September of last year and I just let it all go. I quit Neurontin and I have taken an oxycodone once since then. Fast forward to now and I have just started college and have been put on ritalin and these past few days I have taken one or two more than i am supposed to because it literally wears off after two hours. It does not give me that feeling that painkillers did but I am afraid that I am going to get addicted and I do not want that. This med (ritalin) helps me greatly and makes me feel like a person but it just isn't lasting like I had hoped. I guess my question is this; In your opinion, should I just stop while I am ahead and not take this medicine even if it is helping me? The last thing I want is another addiction but I also do not want to fail another semester at school (already failed 4).
  20. Addictions are not only dangerous during the abuse of the drug or alcohol, but afterwards as well. Suffering the after math of it is certainly no easy feat, but I suppose this is the price you pay for it. There is no use now wishing that it never happened. It is over now, and all that is left is suffering the damage it left and moving forward. I never smoked a cigarette or did hard street drugs. I smoked weed for awhile, and when I was denied any other type of street drugs since all the dealers were actually looking out for me, I turned to pharmaceutical drugs. I would say I was a pill-popper, but that was not all I took. I popped pills during the day and could easily down multiple bottles. At night I took different cold medicines that made me drowsy so I could fall asleep at night. Even if that meant taking a bottle a night. It went on for three years, on and off. This was during my senior year of high school and my first couple years of college. It was one of the many ways I self-harmed and dealt with emotions that I could not handle. However, I managed to stop. I lost all my friends who refused to talk to me. I had the police called on me on multiple occasions, and even my mom found out. I stopped cold turkey when my lonliness out-weighed my desperation for these drugs. That was over two years ago. Today, I suffer with liver damage. It was discovered during an ER visit while I was still coping with my addiction. It showed up on my blood work, and I instantly knew why, but the doctor dismissed it since I was there for other reasons and thankfully it was overlooked. My main problem that presists today, is that I can no longer take any sort of medication without vomiting. All it takes to make me sick is smelling it. My brain instantly associates the smell of medicine to the sickness I would feel every time I took it. This is literally every single type of medication out there. Pills, liquid form, and chewables. If I'm lucky enough to swallow it after ten minutes I am vomiting. Thankfully, I have not needed an antibiotic for any reason since this problem began, but I know the day is coming when I will need to take something and I cannot. For this reason I no longer take any medication for mental illness when I am strongly advised to do so. I have been fighting this unmedicated which makes it hard for me to maintain going to therapy. Thus, I get no where. All of this coming back to that addiction. The aftermath is challenging, and at times I feel like I want to relapse or resort to other measures (I had a cross addiction with pills and cutting). Yet, despite all of this I am in a much better spot now that I have stopped for two years, and my friends are back by my side every step of the way. Have any of you had similar experiences? How did you deal with them?
  21. So I've officially quit taking benzos (specifically Valium). I actually didn't mean to, I just ran out and didn't get around to refilling for a few days. I didn't feel addicted to them at all - took only to sleep at night and just the (relatively small) amount prescribed - but I guess my body got completely used to/ dependent on them, because day 2 and 3 felt awful. Crazy, intense headache, chest pain/heart burn, general aches, and the sort of irritability/ Mean Reds that aren't solved by Tiffany's and makes you want to set things on fire. According to Wikipedia, the withdrawal symptoms "even from low-dose use" lasts six to twelve months!!!! And I know it's just Wikipedia, but they have research to back that up, as well as research showing cognitive effects occurring in people who've only taken benzos for three months and those effects lasting more than a year! Anyway, this made me realize that I never want to take them again. I have enough problems with my brain, thank you, and being back in school I need every cognitive ability I can muster. I don't mean to put down benzo use, I wish they had helped more with social anxiety/paranoia/etc and think it might be worth it if they had, but the only thing I noticed (if I took during the day/eve) is that they lowered my alcohol tolerance quite a bit. Which brings me to my next reason to stay off them: lately my addictive side has been rearing its ugly head. I never abused benzos because I don't think they're fun. But I don't think they have helped with my drinking, which has become more of a problem recently, and I know there's a cross-tolerance between alcohol and benzos. So hopefully being off them will eventually help me to need drinking less. It's just crazy. The irritability, the headaches, the gut issues, the increased panic response to loud noises, the skin-crawling - it seems almost as bad as when I got off opiates years ago. It's so strange to go through all this for something I barely registered as a medication. Obviously I know it would have been better to taper down slowly, but as I said I didn't mean to quit taking them. Now that I have it seems silly to start again just to taper down, so I'm going (staying) cold turkey. I was just wondering if anyone else has quit benzos and has any advice? Or has more information on withdrawal and how long it might last?
  22. I feel it from the pit of my stomach. I'm in prison.barely sleep,eating a little. the anxiety is just extreme. sorry,I cant explain .its hard to think straight. the problem is I used to be addicted to valium. I told my pdoc this and told him to never give it to me even if I begged. however,I feel that right now I want one. I can't ask. I will never go to the streets again. just voicing my frustration. if you are in position to take a benzo for anxiety ,be grateful. being an addict was horrible. need to remember that. still,a walk in the park compared to MI.
  23. Does any here take naltrexone and adderall? I've never had a problem with opiates but I am in recovery. I take naltrexone to help with cravings for alcohol and to help with my eating disorder. I take adderall for my ADD, and I take it as prescribed. I'm having a tooth extracted in preparation for a dental implant and the doctor is going to give me pain killers. I've gone off my naltrexone in advance so I can take the opiate based pain killers. I've been off it about 5 days now and have another 2 days to go before my surgery. I decided to go with the opiate based pain killers because I had an energency appendectomy a few years ago and they gave me Toradol for the first day, which did little to ease the pain, so I went off my naltrexone for 3 days so I could take opiate based pain killers. The opiate based pain killers really helped the pain. I had someone control the medication for me, and they flushed it down the toilet after my last dose. I never got a high from it or felt the urge to abuse it. So I decided it would be safe to use the opiate based pain killers again for my tooth extraction since I'll only need them for a couple of days, and since I have someone to dole them out to me. Here's my main question, since I've been off my naltrexone, I've noticed that I'm more tired. And I don't usually feel tired in the day because of the adderall. It's like the adderall isn't working as well without the naltrexone. I understand that naltrexone works on opiate receptors, but does it somehow affect the dopamine and norepinephrine that the adderall work on? Afterall, naltrexone is supposed to help with cravings for cocaine (dopamine,norepinephrine, and serotonin) and cravings for alcohol ( serotonin), so surely it must do more than simply block opiates, or in blocking the opiates it somehow impacts these other neurotransmitters. I can't find any research on this. Does anyone know of any? Has anyone ever experienced tiredness when going off their naltrexone while on adderall? Thanks
  24. I live with my ex boyfriend since I'm trying to save money to move out. I sometimes (twice a month) go on a day long binge of soda, he sometimes participates. When I use all by myself I'm quiet, watching T.V. or on my computer. He will then go into a long rant calling me every bad name I can think of. It brings me to tears and worries me. Do I deserve this kind of treatment?
  25. So....I relapsed about a week ago after approximately two months of sobriety. I have been seeing a Substance Abuse Counselor for almost three months now, with whom I decided to be sober for a period of time before attempting moderation management, which seemed like the best idea. Anyways, about 3 weeks ago I began moderation management, but not with a very black & white set of rules for myself to follow. I drank twice without blacking out, feeling the need to drink significantly more, and handled myself appropriately though I was somewhat visibly intoxicated. I didn't feel that these were set-backs but rather positive examples that I could probably start trying to moderate in social settings without being as afraid of what might happen as I had been beforehand. Well, Monday afternoon I flew with some colleagues of mine across the country for a work-sponsored conference set-up by the agency I work at, and had three drinks while waiting to board with my co-workers. They were all drinking before I arrived, so it felt natural to join them, especially since I didn't want to be on a 6-hour flight at all whatsoever. I was fine on the plane and didn't do anything that'd make me seem foolish or ignorantly intoxicated, and in fact felt much more comfortable than usual. I had a great conversation with a very kind flight attendant while we were delayed after boarding to take off, and also enjoyed a long discussion with a young woman sitting next to me. As a result of these instances, I felt like alcohol was no longer something I had to be as "careful" about than I thought before. When I arrived at the hotel, it was very early in the morning, so I simply slept for a bit and worked through the day. At the end of the night's work, I went to dinner with a couple of people I met there for the conference who were ordering many drinks over the course of our meal, so I felt like I had to keep up at the same pace. I ended up being very intoxicated by the end of the night, and proceded to go up to my room to go to sleep. I took a 10mg Ambien tablet as I usually do to help me fall asleep, which in retrospect was very very stupid. When I next woke up in the morning, my coworkers were at the door and I let them in. Apparently, after taking the Ambien, I went downstairs for a cigarette and ended up freaking out the concierge because I was asking about the food order for the following day's breakfast for the conference. They were uncomfortable with me because I was intoxicated, and called my superior to take me to my room. I had no recollection of any of what occurred after taking the ambien, so I wasn't hit as hard with the reality of the situation as I should've been. I apologized to the relevant parties, and continued to work through the day. Similarly to the previous night, I went to dinner with a few others who purchased 3 bottles of wine which was shared between 4 people. Obviously, we were all very drunk, but of course I was the one who tripped on the carpet as the hotel manager came over to see if I was alright. He was upset regarding my level of intoxication, which he didn't make very clear to me at the time, but apparently he did to my boss because the next morning I was told I'd be going home early to avoid any problems for the remainder. I understood the decision due to my behavior and the fact that I was representing the conference hosts, so therefore, even a small slip up is a large liability. I've apologized to just about every single person at my place of work, and have also had an in-depth conversation with our medical director in regards to my medication and treatment / diagnoses that played a part in the situation. She was very sympathetic because she knows how these situations can occur better than anybody else, so there was definitely a good amount of support there, and I didn't feel quite as ashamed as I did beforehand. Of course, though, I had two drinks while waiting for my flight back, but knew I couldn't go over that due to risk factors that had been demonstrated. In some ways, I wanted to do this just to show myself that I could in reality get two drinks, be fine, stop from getting more, and continue on with my day. It was in some ways reassuring but also made me more upset for not doing this in the days preceding, so I'm in an awkward position now. I will have to work out a better set of "rules" for my moderation management if I continue to go that way, which I likely will. Currently, I'm just trying to stay positive, and haven't had the urge to drink much. Sorry for such a long story, but I felt like I had to share.
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